SEVEN ONA FUNDAMENTALS

Seven ONA Fundamentals

THESIS

Q: What is the ONA?

A: Anton Long once called it an “Intimation.” I call it an approximation.

Q: An Intimation or Approximation of what?

A: Of something wordless. A kind of phenomenon or aspect of the Cosmic Body of Phenomena [dharmakaya]. When we speak of the actual “is-ness” of Natural occurring phenomena, or phenomena of Nature, we are dealing with something that has been around long before we humans ever evolved. That’s what I mean when I say “wordless,” having existed before our species put things into words and writing. We often forget that the world and Cosmos was here before us. Most oft we almost unconsciously assume or assume-project our human words and thoughts out into the world and believe that such phenomenal world is made of the fabric of our own words, urban apprehension, and weltanschauung. When we experience or observe such ancient and primeval phenomena, we apprehend such phenomena first in our human thought which is flawed or weak [being the product of a three pound brain], then we degenerate such thought further into words of our various human languages. Hence the descriptors “Intimation,” or “approximation.” For our words and thought are only in reality feeble intimations, feeble human verbal approximation of that which is ancient, pre-human, and primal. The words and the thoughts or ideation such words carry are not the primal essence. Thus, when I say that the ONA is an “intimation” or “approximation” of a “Primal Essence,” or a “Sinister Essence,” those wording and the thoughts they evoke are only feeble apprehensions of a “Something” that has Been, that has Pulsated, that has Undulated in and of the Cosmic Body of Phenomena long before our species set foot on this earth, and this “Something” will continue to Be, Crawl, Haunt, long after we are gone.

Q: What do you mean by “Primal Essence” or “Sinister Essence?”

A: I mean the Crawling Darkness, the hair that stands on the back of your neck, the leaping of hearts, the flush of adrenaline, the beating of tribal drums, the frenzy dance of feral humans around a fire, the spear piercing a chest, the war cry, the scream of terror, the eating of human flesh, head hunters beheading foes, the smell of fear in the darkness of jungles. I mean that Unknown Dark we fear and despise, which we make our religions and gods to give us a sense of safety and protection from. Like children clutching onto a  teddy bear to the feel of crawling nothingness in the dark. I mean that Unknown Dark that haunts the depths of our collective psyche, that haunts even our unconscious dreams.

I mean that Dark Something that overtakes a mass of warriors screaming for blood, lost, enraptured in Primeval Darkness. Oblivious to life and loved ones, running to slaughter and to be slaughter. How does one put that Essence, that Phenomenon, that Primal Nature into words? That Primal Nature has been here before us. It has possessed our species since the dawn of our race. Its signature is clawed into the whole history of our species. Our Human history is a literal succession of blood, war, sacrifice, slaughter, murder, plunder, rape, exploitation, domination. We all Flow with the Primal Force of Darkness; or we all “know” – intuit – that this Dark Essence is “there.” We feel it. We fear it. It is nameless, wordless. It is experienced. As all phenomena of the greater Body of Phenomena is experienced, intuited, empathetically felt. Whatever words or forms we try to express this crawling dark in is merely an intimation, an imitation, a rough sketch drawn by the hands of one person. Expressed through the mind of one person.

Q: In what other way is this Sinister Essence intimated in the ONA?

A: At times the ONA refers to this Dark as “The Sinister.” It is the “Dark” which we try to Presence. At times we refer to the various “currents” and archetypes that composes The Sinister via our Mythos as “The Dark Ones,” or “The Dark Gods.” We feebly try to explain the act of our expressing The Sinister, manifesting The Sinister, Precensing The Dark, living in tune to that Dark Essence, allowing that crawling Dark to possess us, as “The Dark Tradition,” or as “The Sinister Tradition.” And sometimes we feebly – exoterically – intimate this, approximate this Essence, as “Satanism.”

Q: What is Satanism in the ONA?

A: Satanism in the ONA is a manufactured outer shell, a construction of wordful attempts at humanizing what is not human. An intellectualization of what is not of human intelligence. Satanism as the ONA understands it is a Causal Form of that wordless Dark Phenomena, or that aspect of the greater Body of Phenomena. It is an amalgamation of human words and thoughts born from feeling, intuiting, and knowing The Sinister via our Dark-Empathy and Acausal Knowing. For those of the ONA, Satanism in and of itself, is not the Essence, not the true actuality, not the phenomenal reality itself. It is a means, a vehicle, a Way of expressing, conveying, the Essence. It doesn’t matter what it is exoterically called if we understand and intuit The Sinister. And so how we of the ONA understand Satanism becomes a test and marker to differentiate between those who can see and understand the Essence beneath the Form. As Anton Long puts it simply:

“The second test concerns the nature of what is termed “Satanism” and what we, of the ONA, call “the sinister”. If they accept or understand “Satanism” as something which can be divided up into categories, such as “theistic” or “atheistic” – and especially if they accept that someone called LaVey “founded modern Satanism” – then they have failed. Furthermore, if they do not understand or do not accept or do not feel that being “sinister” means being sinister on a practical, amoral, level – in the real world by deeds done – then they have also failed our test. [1]”

Q: What is Sinister Nature?

A: When “The Sinister” lives or flows in a person, such that this person exists in a state of Harmony with The Dark Primal Essence, this person can be said to possess a “Sinister Nature.” This Sinister Nature presences or expresses itself through such person’s Being in thought, emotion, word, action, and Ethos. Sinister Nature is thus something that you have. It is a quality or “type” of person that you are. You cannot teach a person how to have Sinister Nature. In the same sense that you cannot teach or give a Warrior ethos to a random person and make him a soldier. In the same sense that you cannot teach somebody how to be suave and romantic. All you can do is give a person the intimation, the imitation, the worded approximation of the Formless so that the person gains a feel for the Essence. All one can do is Guide and show such person a Way or Methodology for such person to directly experience The Sinister himself/herself. For all phenomena in Nature must be apprehended by direct association, direct experience, direct and personal observation. And so the ONA’s Satanism is the  Way and Methodology by which the Initiate of the Sinister Tradition is guided slowly into the Dark, to experience the Sinister Essence directly and personally.

Q: The manner in which you explained guiding an Initiate into the Dark side of Life, does this have parallels outside of the West?

A: Most of the time in the East it is called things like Vama Marga, Vamachara, or, Kulachara; or in other words, what I tried to explain above is the very essence of the ancient and traditional Left Hand Path of the Orient. Vama means “Left,” but in some dialects of Sanskrit it also means “Female.” This alluded to Uma Shakti in ancient times who was the Female Left-Side half of Ardhanari. Shiva being the male right side. It was believed originally by the Mon-Khmer Shaktas in ancient times that Primal Nature was symbolically gynandromorphic; having both “male” and “female” aspects in one single body. This was so because it symbolized that Primal Nature  – being both genders – is thus Self-Creating and Self-Perpetuating. That Primal Nature literally copulates itself to regenerate itself continuously. Thus sex was seen as the living aperture or vortex through which Primal Nature renews itself.

In ancient times it was believed that the Right “male” half Shiva – known in those times by the Dravidians and Mon-Khmer as “An” and “Kumara” – was the Unmanifested Life Force. The Left female half Shakti – known as Uma and Kumari – was the condensation of this Life Force manifested as the world of phenomena. From this two school of living Life emerged. The Right Handed Path school believed that the world of phenomena was intrinsically evil and an illusory prison of the spirit. The methodology of the Right Handed Path was to reject mortal existence, and strive to transcend the world so that the spirit can merge with the Unmanifested.

The Left Handed Path school of thought believed that it is natural that spirit or Life Force condensates as matter and flesh, thus there was nothing wrong with mortal existence. Mortal existence was believed to be a theater of learning where the newly individualized spirit becomes flesh to learn what Life is. Just because you are alive, does not mean you know what Life is or where it came from or why it is here. Except as a finite causal being, Life and Nature and Natural Phenomena was like a vast primeval ocean. The only way to know Life is to directly submerge into this primeval ocean and struggle to experience every aspect, state, condition, and phenomena of Life. To ride every wave and current in other words.

Thus instead of rejecting Life, the Initiate of the ancient Left Path lived a Life in which the Initiate went on a Quest to “shock” his consciousness awake from the moment and illusion of the Now by struggling to personally experience both the enjoyable Light side of Life, as well as the dangerous and fearful dark side of life. By “shock” I mean that the Initiate will force itself to physically experience and break all taboos and social norms to “shock” or shake itself free from its illusion of the mundane limits consciousness and thus gain Illumination from directly experiencing such phenomena and acts. And so we have many sects and methodologies of the Left Path such as the Kapalas and the Aghoris who may be the two most familiar in the West. For example the Aghori Initiate lives a long life on a Quest to experience every phenomena of the Dark side of Life. He will live in cemeteries, eat dead human flesh, perform human sacrifice, etc. These acts of shocking oneself free from the grip of the illusions of consciousness is not a permanent way of life. These acts are just a means to an end. The End being that at the End of the Initiate’s Left Path Quest, his unconscious true self is shocked and shaken free from the illusion of consciousness and thus come to Realize inside the Nature and Essence of Reality beyond the veils of consciousness. For the conscious mind is the very veil and factor of illusion that restricts the power of the unconscious self from knowing the totality of what is the Greater Reality. For this world we exist in is only a small part and aspect of a Reality or Body of Phenomena which is much larger. By “larger” I mean a Reality beyond the limitations of causal space and causal time, of which this “reality” we are consciously aware of is only a minor phenomenon of. Reality – or rather the Cosmic Body of Phenomena – is not an illusion; consciousness – the conscious mind/self/ego – is the factor of illusion.

So now, if you understand the essence of the Left Path Quest, that it is a means of a human being to shake itself free of the grip of consciousness to Realize the greater reality beyond, we will thus come to understand the basic reasoning or logic behind Right Path methodology. The methodology of the Right Path – because it reject Life – seeks to constrict or restrict consciousness within a fixed “Nowness” or in other words, it seeks to fixate consciousness on “things” in the same way that a dog is tied to a tree so that it cannot wonder to experience the rest of the forest. This act of fixation of consciousness which is the methodology of all Right Paths can be seen in such things as idol worship for example where the conscious mind is fixated on a finite statue. This Right Path methodology can be seen expressed in its methods of adoration of written books, of constructed temples, of veneration of gurus, in the glorification and deification of myths over natural phenomena, of conscious fixation to strict rules of living, of the fixation of the conscious mind on external mythic gods and deities. For all these things perpetuates consciousness and fixates consciousness to things in front of it which it can lose itself in. Consciousness is the veil which separates us from what is Reality.

In the same sense that the amniotic sack a fetus comes into mortal existence inside of is a literal Veil that covers the fetus and separates it from what is beyond this veil. We thus see that when this fetus is “born” into the world outside its womb it breaks free from this Veil which once covered it for nine month. And so, in mystic circles the world over, Divine Illumination is sometimes expressed as a “Second Birth.” This second birth is the breaking of the Veil of mortal and mundane consciousness out of which the unconscious self – the psyche, the citta – enters the greater world Beyond. It may be hard for a Westerner to grasp the idea that consciousness is a veil or what causes the illusion of mortal unknowingness. To illustrate we can imagine that you were born with a magnifying glass glued to your eyes, such that you spend your whole life viewing and apprehending life as images seen through this magnifying glass. Being conditioned to apprehend life and existence via that magnifying glass you Believe that the image you see with it is reality, unconscious of the blurry stuff around you. And so you may even believe that consciousness and reality are the same phenomena, or two sides of the same things. It is not until you shake yourself free from this magnifying glass, that you slowly realize that the world is much bigger then the images seen on the lens of the magnifying glass. That magnifying glass is consciousness, as it is the function of consciousness to focus and fixate. Consciousness or mundane awareness with abstractions are the fetters one must shake oneself free of. This consciousness is like the outer shell of an egg or seed. We come into this causal existence with this shell. As the rootling or chick must struggle to break free from its shell, the individuated entity – a distinct manifestation of the Living Cosmos which we are – must grow out of its conscious shell by shaking free from its confines.

Q: Is there a leader or a single authoritative source in the ONA?

A: There simply cannot be if we genuinely understand what The Sinister is. It is a wordless essence and phenomena of Life and Nature. No one single person has the true and correct apprehension of this Sinister Essence. It is like the essence and phenomenon of human love, to which relationships is the exoteric Form of. Who is the “leader” of the human phenomenon of Love? What single person knows so much about Love that they are some authority of the phenomenon of Love? We each experience Love directly. And we each have our own intimations, apprehensions, and understandings of this phenomenon. We each put our own personal experiences of Love into our own words as a way of sharing or trying to share what we experience of it. There is no leader or authoritative source. There are just other people who may have experienced more of it than you. Who may have had their hearts broken more than you. Who may have lasted longer in a marriage than you. It’s like Life. Who is the leader or spokes person of Life? Nobody. That’s a ridiculous notion. Who is the leader and authoritative source of dogma of the phenomenon of gravity? Nobody is. It’s a phenomenon that naturally occurs in Nature for god’s sake. There may be scientists who have dedicated a lot of time to understanding the phenomenon of gravity, whose insights may be worth listening to.

It’s like Einstein. There exists a phenomena in nature which was wordless. Einstein dedicated some of his time to apprehending this phenomenon. He gave it a name: Relativity. He came up with theories to better understand it. He tried to describe it using mathematics for other to understand. So we can say that Einstein “presenced relativity” into the world. He didn’t create relativity, he just presented it to others. Gradually others came and learned to understand it like he did. Those others who understood the theory and mathematics eventually become on equal terms with Einstein, equally understanding relativity as he did. Einstein is not the leader of relativity and every physicist who understands relativity is equally a knowledgeable “authority” on the theory. And then from the theory of relativity other theories developed, other fields or forms of scientific disciplines developed. This is how the ONA is. There can be no leaders or single source of authoritative information. The ONA is just a “university” which puts the Initiate into the laboratory of human experience and the phenomenal world so that they can directly experience and observe The Sinister to experiment with and duplicate experiences, thus gaining their own understandings of The Sinister.

ANTITHESIS

Q: Who are the Mundanes?

A: Those who are not of us are mundane, plain and simple. By “Of Us,” I don’t here necessarily mean a person who is bona fide ONA. I mean our “kind,” those who understand existence similar to how we do. Those who live their life similar to us. Those who resonates with the Sinister Essence.  Those who live in Harmony with, in tune to, in empathy with Nature and Others around them. Those with a natural ethos of Honour. Such people are “our kind” whether they are “ONA” or not. The ONA is just an amalgamation of such “kind” bound together by a common mythos and Way of Life.

Mundanes, are mundane. In Buddhism they are called the “Anariya,” meaning the “worldly,’ the “ignoble.” Mundane coming from the Latin “Mundus” meaning “World.” The Mundanes are those that are enthralled by the mundane world. Or more specifically, Mundanes are those people who are spellbound, enthralled, transfixed, mesmerized, in/by the mundane world via their mundane consciousness who do not have the power to break free to apprehend and understand – via intuition and empathy – the greater world beyond mundane reality.

And so, being Mundane, like their Right Path ancestors of olden times, these Mundanes preoccupy their time or are only aware of such causal mundane things as gods, religions, holy books, doctrines, dogma, leaders, gurus, statues, ego, churches, words, etc. Their consciousness are fixated onto these causal forms and with such they construct abstract worlds, paradigms, and worldviews, which further imprisons their consciousness in a coffin of their own words, beliefs, and assumption.

These Mundanes are ignoble. They have no Honour. They have no manners. No respect for their elders. No bond with their family and kin. No sense of loyalty for anything but the abstractions which captivates their mundane minds. Duty is an alien concept. Blood comradeship is alien to them. By blood comradeship I mean to describe the bond, the relationship, the companionship that exists between to brothers, two best friends, two soldiers on the battle field who live for one another in times of piece, and who would without second thought die with each other or for one another in times of war. These Mundanes can barely maintain a healthy functional marriage with their spouse. Mundanes lack Empathy. They are Heart-Blind to the world and to people. They cannot feel or intuit a connection with others. And so from this Heart-Blindness they are prone to mistreating and abusing others and Nature. The Mundanes are basal, mechanical organic machines. They have no numinous or organic awareness of who or what their Self is. Instead they grasp for abstract ideologies, superficial labels, and trinkets of belief to make into a substitute Self-Identity for their egos.

As Anton Long puts it: “The reality of these our causal-times is that we are at war with the mundanes, and this war is both a practical one, and an esoteric one involving our Dark, esoteric, Arts.

“One of the reasons for this war is that we are in direct conflict because the aims of the mundanes are mundane, while our aims are a manifestation of the sinister-numen. Another reason is that the mundanes have constructed tyrannical systems – governments, government agencies (such as the Police), and societies – which now exist to enforce and ensure, by the threat or the use of physical force, mundane-ness, and which tyrannical systems demand and enforce the collection of taxes in order to perpetuate their own mundane tyrannical existence. Another reason is that the mundanes have manufactured lifeless, un-numinous, abstractions – ideas, theories, -isms and -ologies – which enshrine mundane-ness and which abstractions keep the majority in thrall. [2]”

Q: What is a Nation-State?

A: A Mundane Farm in which Mundanes are bred and raised like cattle to the benefit of their overlords. The Nation-State is an abstract imposition. It is regime which maintains and monopolized power. The Nation-State is held together with abstract secular ideologies. The Law and Order of a Nation-State is established to maintain the structure of the system. Usually Mundanes legislate the laws and Mundanes vote such laws into effect. We sometimes refer to the “entity” or incorporation of overlords of a Nation-State as the Magian Occupied Regime & Government or “the M.O.R.G.” The MORG is both the enemy and prison.

What we call a “Nation-State” is just an abstract concept no different than what “The Church” was to medieval Christendom. Both had power-regimes. Both used abstract ideologies to mesmerize the populous. Both used force and punishment to subjugate the populous. But today Religion or The Church is powerless, and so because of current condition, we can objectively understand the difference between religions old world temporal rule, and its powerless state of existence today. No police force enforces Religious laws. No military follows the command of the Vatican any longer. This is only because it took a thousand years to educate the mass about their personal freedom and liberty. Thus only when the populous realized an alternative to Christendom – Democracy – did they gradually struggle to leave the old world order for that alternative.

David Myatt presents an alternative to the modern Nation-State: “I suggest small, rural, communities, which co-operate with, and which trade with, other local communities for their own mutual benefit. That is, a return to what is human; to the human-scale-of-things, and a moving-forward to a simple, ethical, letting-be based upon personal honour. This letting-be means that we concern ourselves with ourselves, and our immediate family and community – that we do not embark upon some abstract “crusade” in some foreign land where we desire to impose ourselves, our ways, upon others, and upon other cultures, and that we do not seek to expand at the expense of others, causing thus suffering to others. It means that we are reasonably content, and view our lives as a nexion, a connexion to Nature, to the Cosmos, and to that acausal existence which we may possibly achieve if we live, in this causal existence, in the right, in an ethical, way.

“The abolition of the State and the nation – of impersonal, remote, governments, of tyrants, of impersonal laws and of the taxes imposed by these – would be a liberation, a return to genuine freedom and honour. It would be an evolutionary step – not a retrograde one. Of course, there would be problems, in such a change, but the most important thing is for us, as individuals, to begin the process, the personal change, that is necessary. From this, the social change will follow in its own way, in its own “Time”: gently, without causing any more suffering, and without individuals acting in a dishonourable way. [3]”

Q: What is Magian or who are the Magian?

A: When we say “Magian” we mean the way of life, the paradigm, the worldview, the causal abstractions founded upon and/or born from the un-numinous Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, which are the bastard children of the ancient Right Hand Path. The essence of these Right Hand Path religions is collectively called the “Magian Ethos.” Any human who has this Magian Ethos – whatever their ethnicity – is Magian. Although most of the Magian are Homo Hubris. Magian Ethos is thus understood as the opposite of The Sinister. For this same Sinister Essence of Nature is the mother and source of the ancient Left Hand Path Traditions, as well as the Mother and source of the ONA.

The most destructive memetic-program within the Magian Ethos & Weltanschauung is the way of life called the “Nuclear Family.” The Nuclear Family is an un-numinous or deformed expression of human nature. It is the end product of natural human tribes and clans beings systematically broken down into segregated family units. Thus, without a tribe or clan to depend and rely on, the mundane family becomes dependent on the State, the Corporations, the Banks, and the MORG. Today we currently see a further degradation of this family unit being further broken down into dysfunctional families, single parent households, and fully individualized units. This distortion of human nature – the natural way humans live and have lived – only exists in the Magian West. Outside the West almost all humans live in large clans of kin and close friends, as well as in communitarian tribes. The most disgusting and despicable end result of this Western Hubris way of life is the throwing away of old people and elders to die forgotten in convalescent homes. This is the just reward of the individualized Westerner after all his years of toiling for his beloved State: to die alone in a nursing home. No culture or people outside the dishonourable West does this. The clan takes care of its elders who die naturally around their loved ones in our homes.

SYNTHESIS

Q: What is the Sinister Dialectic?

A: “The sinister dialectic (often called the sinister dialectic of history) is the name given to Satanic strategy – that is, (a) the use of Black Magick to change individuals/events on a significant scale; (b) to gain control and influence; and (c) the use of Satanic forms (individuals/influence etc.) to produce/provoke changes.

“This strategy, and the tactics involved to achieve it, is esoteric – and its learning forms an important part of noviciate training. Satanic strategy has its ground or foundation in Aeonics – Aeonics providing a means of rationally studying the patterns, processes and energies, both causal and acausal, which do and have shaped individuals and their groupings from societies to civilizations. Further, Aeonics provides a means of interpreting recent events/trends and can predict (within certain limits) future patterns. [4]”

A practical method of Sinister Strategy is to first establish a known aim, objective, goal, or end result congruent to the essence of Sinister Dialectic. Once the end goal has been established the Initiate works backwards to determine what steps, tactics, memes, and forms will be needed to actualize that end goal. Then the Initiate works – in deed and action – forward to execute each step. Thus Sinister Strategy involves the synthesis of new forms or “Causal Forms.”

Q: What is a Causal Form?

A: A Causal Form is a vehicle, means, method which carries or conveys the Essence. For example Natural Phenomena is the wordless Essence, and Scientific Fields such as chemistry, astronomy, quantum physics, etc are the Causal Forms. Dharmakaya is the wordless Essence of the Cosmic Body of Phenomena; and Theravada, Mahayana, and Vajrayana are the Causal Forms which carries that Essence in human language and thought. The Form is an intimation, imitation, or approximation of the wordless Essence and Phenomena. Forms attempting to intellectualize, conceptualize, present the Essence will and do vary. The Satanism of the ONA itself is a Causal Form of The Sinister. The Dark Mythos of the ONA is a Causal Form of the same Sinister Essence. The Form is not the Essence. The Form should lead one to directly experience the Essence.

Forms are also useful and needed tools to help materialize the objectives and end goals of the ONA. If the objective is a future disruption of Nation-States, the Initiate must learn to manufacture and engineer subversive forms now to spread subversive memes that will eventually actualize such end goals. If the enemy of the ONA is the Magian, then the Initiate of the ONA should understand that manufacturing new forms that counter-acts Magian Ethos will subvert in time that Magian Ethos. Thus Satanism is one useful and needed form to subvert Magian Ethos, but it is not and should not be the only form. The Western populous today is very open to foreign memeplexes such as Buddhism and Vedanta. Thus it should be understood that engineering new forms of Buddhism and Vedanta impregnated with subversive memes, will gradually infect such social groups in the enemy and so disrupt Magian Ethos. It must be also understood that creating forms using Magian memes does not subvert or disrupt the coherency of Magian Ethos but only perpetuates and strengthens that coherency and ethos. How so?

To illustrate let us say a young Initiate of the ONA desiring to create a causal form manufactures an anti-Semitic form. This causal form the young inexperienced Initiate actually utilizes Magian memes which are native to Magian Weltanschauung. In other words all the inexperienced Initiate did was take the meme “Jew” and add the emotive meme “hate” to it. Our inexperienced Initiate may be successful at causing some people who associate with his form to dislike Jews, but that very same sentiment will eventually cause the Jews to come together in a more coherent manner to resist such anti-Semitism. The concept is akin to a Jew and an anti-Jew chasing each other in a circle. In that circular chase, both are chasing each other and both are reacting to each other, and both are still inside the Magian Weltanschauung. Nothing is thus really disrupted or subverted.

The idea is to engineer causal forms which introduces non-native memes into Magian Weltanschauung, to disrupt its coherency. Non-native meaning memes that originate outside Magian Wetlanschauung and Paradigm. Don’t disrupt Jewish Coherency with anti-Jew memes; disrupt it with manufactured memes that are hybrid Jew-Buddhist memes for example. Bring them gradually away from Magian Ethos altogether. Don’t disrupt Christian coherency with theistic Devil Worship, because this does not subvert its coherency, it strengthens Christian coherency and memetic solidarity. You want to fracture that solidarity and coherency. How do you disrupt that coherency? First you study Christianity as a whole. You will notice that it is already fractured into many competing sects. Help them compete with each other. Make more causal forms of Christian sects to cause further rivalry and competition. Radicalize Christianity by engineering memes or forms that causes fanaticism and fundamentalism.

If you see disenfranchised young ex-Christians, help them move away from Christianity by infecting their minds with new forms not native to Magian Weltanschauung such as Vedanta or liberal secularism, etc. Don’t just rely on Satanism. We don’t want them to be Satanists. We want to save Satanism for ourselves. Give them instead cheap imitations of non-Magian memeplexes. It’s like arms dealing. You don’t want to sell to your potential enemy the best top grade weapons you can make. They will use it against you more likely in the future. Give them cheap weapons, watered down forms with no substance. Use those cheap forms to lead them like cattle into a direction that will ease our end goals. Use those cheap forms to get them out of our way so we can manifest our objectives unimpeded. Even better make causal forms that will subvert their paradigm and worldviews so that in future their children will end up seeing things our way and support our objectives.

When times and generations changes, learn to evaluate the climate of the new era and the collective sentiments of the populous, and adjust your tactics accordingly. If a majority of White people are no longer receptive to racism, don’t push racialist forms onto them; give them something new. If Muslims are a growing concern of Europe, then manufacture Nationalist and Traditionalist causal forms to radicalize the Europeans. If religion as a concept is dying out in the West, don’t continue to make religions, because such religion forms will not be effective in such target groups; instead give them secularized Buddhism as an example.

This is the meaning of Synthesis. To synthesize new forms to manipulate the public according to ONA interests. Proper synthesis of causal forms is based on knowing the enemy and know who and what we are as ONA, and understanding the Sinister Dialectic. It is based on knowing how and in what way we desire to gradually alter and change the enemy, and how and in what way our aims and objectives are to be actualized. The intrinsic idea behind the creation of causal forms is the gradual change of society over long spans of time in our favour; as well as manifesting for ourselves [ONA] a more coherent and inspiring mythos, Tradition, and Kulture.

Remember: “His [Anton Long’s] diverse experiences then and later (some dangerous, some at variance with prevailing social dogma, many dark, some heretical) provided useful background for an Occult and personal synthesis and led to him taking responsibility for a small LHP group. The teaching of this group were rather garbled, full of mystifications and occasional insights, but they did provide some basis for creative extension. Thus, the new synthesis that was the seven-fold way was created. [5]”

METAMORPHOSIS

Q: What is the core understanding behind “metamorphosis?”

A: It is the understanding that the ONA itself is an exoteric expression or causal form of The Sinister, and that it is not perfect. It is the understanding that the ONA is not and must not be a static entity. The ONA must be living, it must shapeshift, it must refine itself, it must metabolize new potent memes, and discard ineffective memes. It must struggle to keep up with the Flow of Time and learn to Master Time, rather be mastered by time. The ONA of the 70’s is not the ONA of the 80’s. The ONA of the 90’s was not the ONA of the new millennium. The ONA of 2050 cannot be what the ONA is currently. What remains stagnant eventually dies. Even a culture over time progresses and changes.

Q: How does the ONA gradually evolve?

A: Via its individual Initiates. Those who live the Sinister Sevenfold Way, from their practical experiences and Pathei-Mathos, endues the ONA with fresh new ideas and more effective methods. The idea is to evolve the ONA, but not to destroy the mythos, Tradition, Kulture, and Numinous Ethos of the ONA but to build these things up, to breathe more life into them, and to strengthen their coherency. From the mythos and Tradition the culture of the ONA is born. The key is “effective evolution” or refinement, rather than evolution for the sake of evolution. Don’t change what is not broke, but polish and shine it, in other words.

Q: With metamorphosis are old forms thrown away?

A: No they are refined and reformatted into more effective forms to use. For example Reichsfolk is not German National-Socialism. Reichsfolk is an evolution of the latter, a morphed version of the latter which is imbued with memes and ideas that will help materialize a tribal way of life where a folk is intimately connected to their kin and comrade as well as to the land and nature. The end result of such a form as Reichsfolk is an important objective for the ONA and its culture, which seeks to nurture the ethos of tribalism in its Initiates, which is the more natural and numinous way of life of our human species.

Likewise the ONA’s Satanism is also still a useful form. But if it has flaws or ineffective aspects/memes, then these ineffective aspects must be recognized and such form must morph into a more refined and effective form. In other words, the Satanism of the ONA should not be thrown away because it is assumed to have no effective or productive place in some future. Instead it must be allowed to evolve itself, or be evolved by ONA Initiates into a potent and inspiring causal form, possessed of the Sinister Essence and more in tune or in harmony to the ancient Left Hand Path traditions of the ancient East. The ONA Initiate must understand that the Left Hand Path is not an invention of Madam Blavatsky, or anyone that came after her who were inspired by her misapprehension of the genuine Left Hand Path. It has existed for thousands of years in Asia. Some genuine sects of the more ancient traditions of the Left Hand Path of Asian are so in tune to The Sinister that they make the imitation LHP of the West and its mundane Satanism look like girl scouts role playing. We must learn to understand and differentiate our Satanism with the products of the Magian/Mundane imitation LHP. This is not to say that the ancient pagan West did not have its own Left Path traditions based on the same Sinister Essence. The rites and Mysteries of Odin as well as the Dionysian Mysteries comes to mind. The ONA and it’s Satanism in essence is more similar to its ancient and traditional Vama Marga cousins in the East and to those Dark Mysteries of the ancient West. But the Initiate must also learn to not be so fixated and attached to outer names of such forms. Is Satanism it’s name? If we give Satanism a new or “better” name, does this change what is beneath the name?

Q: Where else does metamorphosis express itself in the ONA?

A: In our very core objectives: our own alchemical metamorphosis, and the alchemical metamorphosis of society; from a state of basal lead to a condition of Gold. As it has been stated elsewhere:

“Three of the primary aims of the ONA are:

“(1) to use our Dark Tradition to create sinister Adepts and, over a long period of causal Time, aid and enhance and create that new, more evolved, human species of which genuine Sinister Adepts may be considered to be the phenotype;

“(2) to use the sinister dialectic (and thus Aeonic Magick and genuine Sinister Arts) to aid and enhance and make possible entirely new types of societies for human beings, with these new societies being based on new tribes and a tribal way of living where the only law is that of our Dark Warriors;

“(3) to aid, encourage, and bring about – by practical and esoteric means (such as Dark Sorcery) – the breakdown and the downfall of existing societies, and thus to replace the tyranny of nations and States – and their impersonal governments – by our new tribal societies. [6]”

AXIS

Q: What is the meaning of Axis?

A: Your alignment. During world war two the world aligned itself into two major camps the Allies or the Axis. Each side was composed of a number of different peoples, cultures, ethnicities, political ideologies, worldviews, and religions. Each side was bound together in war by the bonds Honour, Loyalty, and Duty. Although the causal war is over, the essence of the two camps is still alive. Chose your camp: the Magian Allied camp of Homo Hubris consumerists, or the Axis of Honour and the Numinous. Which side do you align yourself with: the side of Mundanes conditioned to be consumers and mental slaves of abstract ideologies, and labourers in a System designed to empower and enrich oligarchies. Or to the side who seeks to reconnect with the folk and the land, with each other and with Nature.

Those Mundanes don’t know what Honour, Loyalty, and Duty is. They are anariya: not noble. Only those of Noble spirit understands Honour, Loyalty, and Duty. A peasant has no need for such things. A peasant just tills the land, works for wages, and spends the remainder of their leisure time aimlessly indulging in mundane things. Then the same peasant way of life is done again the next day, over and over and over. This is the nature and way of a peasant the world over. Are you a peasant with peasantile ethos? Is this the type of people you want to align yourself with?

I give my Honour to my family and close friends in exchange for reciprocation of the same. I offer my loyalty to my family, relatives, and friends, only in hopes that the same Loyalty will be given to me. I choose to make it my Duty to live for and care for my family, my relations, and my friends, for no other rewards other than a simple reciprocation of the same. Everything and every phenomena in Nature exists in a “relationship” with something else. The relationship between the sun and earthly life; the relationship between rain and plants; the relationship between plants and animals; the relationship between animals and humans; the relationship between human and land; the relationship between people. The very essence of Life, Nature, and Reality itself is “relationship,” of causal interconnection, of causal relation, of causal dependence.

Those mundanes are ignorant of Life, Nature, and Reality. They live their peasantile lives in a perpetual state of disharmony, dysfunction with Life, Nature, and others around them. Because they do not have it in their mundane nature to understand that the simple ethos of Honour, Loyalty, and Duty builds and manifests healthy and vital relationships. They are a dishonourable and despicable breed. They have no loyalty to anything but their own egos and individual needs. They have no sense of duty, to anyone or anything concrete and real. By concrete and real I mean people, land, nature, earth. Instead they most often offer their duty to reifications and abstractions. To some distant and nebulous State, God, Religion, Ideology. To what end? Will that State care for you in your elderly years? Will that God provide for your real needs? Will that political ideology love you?

It’s simple really. The only things that are real and worth developing a relationship/connexion with are your family, relations, companions in life, and with the land and Nature. This ONA is just an simple collection of such Noble and aware people who have come to realize that the only thing that matters in life are the simple and numinous things most often manifested as our own blood and soil, our own kith and kin, our own comrades and progeny. The ONA is just a presencing of the more natural and human Way of being Human. The simple idea behind the ONA is to gradually collect those Noble few who resonates with this Natural and Numinous Human Way of Life, so that in time, through our collective effort and collective will, a new Way of Life is presenced. One based on the bond of Honour, Loyalty, and Duty. A definition of Axis is an alliance of powers to promote mutual interest and policies. This is what the ONA is essentially. There is no such thing as “membership” in the ONA. It is an aligning and alliance. You either align yourself to this Axis or not.

PRAXIS

Q: What is the Seven Fold Way?

A: The Seven Fold Way is a system of Seven Grades in the ONA. Each Grade has a set of tests, trials, ordeals, and tasks for the Initiate to execute and perform. Each grade is set to a certain span of time. Usually it may take over 25 years to reach the 6^th Grade of the Seven Fold Way. Because of the amount of time it takes to move from Grade to Grade, there is no such thing as a 23 year old “adept” of the ONA. Nor is there such a thing as an “adept” of the ONA who just became ONA a few years before. And anyone who says they have made it to the 7^th Grade of the ONA who is still alive is lying. Old age and the experiences, tests, trials, ordeals, and Pathei-Mathos that blossoms in old age are the lessons of the 7^th Grade, and your death – after living a long and fruitful Human life – is your Final Initiation.

In one sense the Seven Fold Way is the ONA’s causal form of rites of passage known and practiced by every tribe the world over in various similar methods and traditions. In such indigenous tribes there is usually an organization of “initiated men” called the “Men’s House.” When a young boy has come of age he must pass through a number of Initiation Rites which involved a number of tests and ordeals or tasks. When he has passed his Initiation Rites, he is recognized as a man, and the elders then imparts to him the mythos, traditions, and culture of the tribe. The young girls of such indigenous tribes also have their own form of Rites of Passage.

But the tests, tasks, and ordeals of the Seven Fold Way themselves coupled with the Dark Tradition of the Sinister Way is a reflection of the methodology of the more ancient and traditional Left Hand Path school in Asia. For example some Kulas of Shaktas once had their initiates spend 9 months alone in the jungle. The Aghori must live alone for a set number of years in the cremation ground along the Ganges. Some Shaivite kulas had the Initiate kill a human. The breaking of social taboos is almost a universal methodology in the ancient and traditional Left Path. By “social taboo” is also meant concepts such as incest and copulation of animals, cannibalism, etc. The basic idea behind the breaking of taboos and the experience of such extreme acts is that the worldlings of a society are enthralled by their own egos and consciousness, and imprisoned by walls of inane and arbitrary morals and beliefs, that breaking such taboos and going beyond the established limits of this prison Liberated you. From being liberated from such a small “world” the Initiate of the Left Path gains divine illumination and comes to realize the Reality beyond such a small field of conscious perception/existence.

Q: What is the Sinister Ethos?

A: The Law of Honour. Sometimes called the Law of the Sinister-Numen. Sometimes called the Dreccian Code [of Honour].

“Honour, according to and as defined by the sinister-numen, is a specific code of personal behaviour and conduct, and the practical means whereby we can live in an evolved way, consistent with the sinister perspective, and aims, of our Sinister Way. Thus, personal honour is how we can change, and control, ourselves.

“Honour not only defines our personal behaviour, and imposes upon us certain duties and obligations, but it also defines us, as individuals – that is, it is an essential part of our identity, as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen, and it distinguishes us from the mundanes, from all those who are not-of-us, who do not belong to our kind. Honour is what binds our tribes; what makes our tribes, what makes and what marks our new way of living.

“For us, our honour is more important than our own lives, and it is this willingness to live and if necessary die for and because of our honour that makes us strong, fearsome, and enables us to live life on a higher level than any mundane. For it is through honour – through our fearlessness, our scorn of our mortal death – that we come to exult in Life itself.

“Our honour means we are fiercely loyal to our own kind – to those who, like us, live by honour and our prepared to die for their honour. Our honour means we are wary of, and do not trust – and often despise – all those who are not like us, who are not of our own fearsome dark warrior kind.

“Our honourable duty – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to be ready, willing, and able to defend ourselves, in any situation, and to be prepared to use lethal force to so defend ourselves.

“Our honourable duty – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to be loyal to, and to defend, our own kind: to do our duty, even unto death, to those to whom we have sworn a personal oath of loyalty.

“Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to seek revenge, if necessary unto death, against anyone who acts dishonourably toward us, or who acts dishonourably toward those to whom we have sworn a personal oath of loyalty.

“Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to never willingly submit to any mundane; to die fighting rather than surrender to them; to die rather than allow ourselves to be dishonourably humiliated by them.

“Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to never trust any oath or any pledge of loyalty given, or any promise made, by any mundane, and to be wary of them at all times.

“Our honourable duty – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to settle our serious disputes, among ourselves, by either trial by combat, or by a duel involving deadly weapons; and to challenge to a duel anyone – mundane, or one of our own kind – who impugns our honour or who makes dishonourable accusations against us.

“Our honourable duty – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to settle our non-serious disputes, among ourselves, by having a man or woman of honour from among us, who is highly esteemed because of their honour and known for their honourable deeds, arbitrate and decide the matter for us, and to honourably accept without question, and to abide by, their decision.

“Our honourable duty – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to always keep our word, once we have given our word on our honour, for to break one’s word is a dishonourable, cowardly, and mundane, act.

“Our honourable duty – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to act honourably in all our dealings with our own honourable kind; to strive to be fair, and courteous, with those of our own kind.

“Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – is to marry only those from our own kind, who thus, like us, live by honour and are prepared to die to save their honour.

“Our honourable, our Dreccian, duty – as Dreccian individuals who live by the Law of the Sinister-Numen – means that an oath of loyalty or allegiance, once sworn by a man or woman of honour (“I swear by my honour that I shall…”) can only be ended either: (1) by the man or woman of honour formally asking the person to whom the oath was sworn to release them from that oath, and that person agreeing so to release them; or (2) by the death of the person to whom the oath was sworn. Anything else is dishonourable, and the act of a mundane. [7]”

Q: What is the Septenary System?

A: Sometimes also called the Hebdomadry. It is the Traditional system of Magick and practice as expounded in the ONA book Naos. The major parts of it would include Physis; The Star Game; Magick; and Pathworking the Tree of Wyrd. Such esoteric practices are not a unique concept to the ONA. Even in Buddhism there exists similar esoteric practices, especially in Vajrayana; but also in the Tipitaka of Theravada, where the Buddha expounds various methods, meditative practices, and such to develop magical or supra-mundane occult abilities. The various kinds of Magick and Pathworking also has parallels in old and indigenous animistic cultures and tribes; shamanism and interaction or communication with spirits are two examples. I personally believe that the ONA’s Septenary System or its Traditional practice must remain an important fixture and vital aspect of the overall mythos and praxis of the Sinister Way of the ONA. For the outer praxis of deed and action must be balanced by an inner praxis where the mind and its undeveloped abilities are developed.

Q: Are there other ways of putting the ONA into practice?

A: There are many others, such as the Pathei-Mathos, Dark Sorcery, the Dark Arts, Exeatics, Acausal Knowing, Aeonic Perception, Insight Role, etc. The list goes on and on, and no doubt as time passes the list will grow. This manuscript is just a summary of the general backbone and framework of the ONA.

SYMBIOSIS

Q: What is the most important Work of the ONA?

A: Us and our Progeny is the simple answer. Or as Anton Long puts it:

“For it is the development of our new sinister family, our new sinister kindred, which is both an exoteric and an esoteric priority, manifest as our new family is in our new tribes, and bound as our clannish family is and should be by our law of the sinister-numen.

“In essence, therefore, we are – we, our kind, represent – a new culture, here on this planet we have called Earth; and it is the spread, the growth, of this new culture, of our new families, our tribes, which will begin to undermine, in a most important and a very practical way, the way of life, the societies, and the nation-States of the mundanes. This is and will continue to be a subversive revolution against the current Magian status quo and will lead, in the not too distant future in some area on this planet, to a practical armed insurrection, led by Vindex. [8]”

Tribalism and clans is the golden thread of all of David Myatt’s forms: Reichsfolk, The Numinous Way, and the Order of Nine Angles. This is the most important Work of the ONA: to make real what is really Human. To re-presence in our world – or in the West – the more Human Way of Life, which Magian Ethos has destroyed.

A natural Human tribe and clan is neither capitalist where a few exploit the many for personal profit or communist where everyone is forced to be unnaturally equal or where peasants are glorified. A Tribe or clan in any part of the world outside the Magian West is a collectivist system of symbiosis, mutual aid, and mutual dependence. In a tribe or clan you share your strengths and abilities with others in exchange for the service of others’ strengths and abilities. Your weaknesses and underdeveloped aspects are complimented and supplemented by the strengths and development of others. The elders pass their wisdom down to the young. The young care for the old. Natural resources are shared, everyone looks after everyone. This concept of tribalism or living in clans is an alien concept to Mundanes because for so many centuries Magian ethos has broken their own ancient and numinous clans and tribes down into dysfunctional family units.

Tribal culture is a choice and willed into being. It manifests via real praxis and by a real change in understanding of Life and a real change in ones Way of Life. A tribe or clan takes time to grow. No girl can birth a whole tribe out of her womb in one lifetime, no matter how many times she gets pregnant. The mythos, ethos, traditions, and culture must be passed down to our children and grand children, if a clan and tribe is to blossom.

Thus Culture to us of the ONA is the most important factor of everything that we are about. Without Culture our long term aims will be fruitless and remain just ideas. Without Culture that Myattian Dream of colonizing the stars will remain a dream. Without Culture the State’s political ideologies and decadent secular way of life will be a substitute cheap culture that enslaves rather than frees. To be free means to be free of influence. Tribes is the numinous way to disrupt and gradually break the power monopoly of the MORG. The more tribes there are in, the less reliant the people are of the State and all that comes with the State.

A Culture is leaderless. No single person dictated in a Culture what other will do. A Culture is beyond skin color, religion, ideology, and worldviews. Without Culture there can be no clan or tribe. Without the symbiosis of a clan or tribe we will forever be segregated slaves to a dead and distant machine that neither cares for us or for Nature.

A return to a more natural and human Way of Life is the most important Work of the ONA. But this is not to suggest that we devolve and reject science and technology. The key is balance. To balance our inner Human social instincts of living in clans and tribes with our outer Human genius of science and technology. Symbiosis, or the condition where we live for one another and care for each other is the bedrock and Numinous foundation of everything that is the ONA. As Anton Long explained:

“Acausal knowing brings the uncovering of this esoteric truth of the individual as a living nexion – and thus of how they are not, and will not be, an isolated being. This knowing of being such a living nexion is the knowing of our true human nature, and of our cosmic, supra-terran, and acausal, potential.

“Part of this discovered truth is that of how such small tribal communities are – or rather can be – living beings; a new type of living consciously presenced by us in the causal, and a type of living which aids the evolution of the individual in the aforementioned manner. That is, such communities – such tribes (and there are various types of tribes) – are a type of cosmic sorcery, an esoteric symbiosis, by means of which the individual can interact with Nature and the Cosmos (and other human beings) in ways necessary for Aeonic Change, with such interaction being beneficial to individuals in terms of their psyche, their knowing, the development of their faculties, and so on. Or, expressed another way, such tribal communities provide opportunities which enhance living and life in ways which change, evolve, Life itself and individuals themselves. [9]“

To conclude; this summary of the framework and core concepts of the ONA presents the Order of Nine Angles in Seven parts: Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis, Metamorphosis, Axis, Praxis, & Symbiosis [10]. Our thanks goes out to the Temple of THEM for actually providing those Seven parts, as well as the inspiration that fueled the insights. This summary is only a brief description of what the ONA is, so many pieces of the ONA that fits into those Seven parts have not been named. Each Initiate of the ONA will build on this idea and understand each part on their own. These “Seven ONA Fundamentals” only serves as a rough guide so that anybody who is interested in becoming ONA will be able to gain an understanding of what the ONA is from beginning, middle, to end.

[Further Reading: Joining The Order]

Chloe 352

Order of Nine Angles

122 yf

Footnotes:

[1] Anton Long; Some ONA Tests.

[2] Anton Long; The War Against The Mundane.

[3] David Myatt; A Numinous Future.

[4] ONA; The Sinister Dialectic.

[5] ONA; Reductio Ad Absurdum, 1989.

[6] ONA; Frequently Asked Questions About The ONA.

[7] Anton Long; Our Law Of The Sinister-Numen.

[8] Anton Long; ONA: Prophet of Vindex?

[9] Anton Long; Sinister Tribes, Sinister Individuality, And The Sinister Way.

[10] Temple of THEM actually gave me the seven parts. I had been contemplating about somehow summarizing the fundamentals of the ONA for some time, but did not know how to articulate the idea. It wasn’t until working with THEM that one of THEM gave me an ingenious format and layout for me to work with. Kudos to THEM for their help and contribution. I hope that this will be the beginning of more joint works between our two Nexions.

ASSUMPTIONS & ONA HISTORY

Assumptions & ONA History

The worst thing you can do for yourself is make facts out of your own assumptions and speculations.  It’s a sign of an unintelligent person. Or a sign of a mentally lazy person. Believe it or not, this is one reason why I really like Christianity and also the 5% subculture. Both train you to verify what you hear. If some pastor preaches and gives his interpretation of a passage from the Bible, most likely he’ll give you the exact passage. So you then can read that specific passage for yourself to get a feel if the pastor’s interpretation generally fits how you personally understand such passage. In the 5% culture they have a set of 120 Questions and Answers called simply the “120.” The 120 is the foundation of the whole 5% memeplex. This 120 is given to you orally in increments by a “mentor.” You can’t find it on the internet. Your mentor gives you a few sets of Q&A from the 120, esoterically breaks it down for you and you have to memorize the Q&A word for word and remember their esoteric meanings before you can move on further in your lessons.

In the 5% culture, you are free to interpret and break down the 120 in your own way. BUT you have to “Show & Prove” that you’re not just pulling things out of your ass that sound good. You have to show that what you’re saying is actual and factual. You are taught to take nothing at face value, especially the words and opinions of others. Capitalizing the word “BUT” by the way is a 5% meme. Most often they’ll write it like this: b.u.t. though. This is because in the 5% culture they dislike the word “but” and discourage the use of it. It’s a “bad word,” because it makes you sound deceptive, “not on the square” as they say, with your people, your kinfolk. When the word “but” is all capitalized or separated by periods, it means the word “but” is actually an esoteric backronym standing for: Born [manifest] Universal Truth. This means that as a 5%er, you mean what you say when you speak on the square. Ain’t no shady fine print to what you say or present. No equivocation: no “ifs ands or buts.” Be honest with what you say. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And you show and prove that what you say is true and real, actual and factual.

There’s one part of the 120 called the “Solar Facts.” One solar fact is that the earth is about 93 million miles from the sun. That’s something you have to memorize, and there is an esoteric value to it, which you must be able to show and prove is real. The esoteric value is that the numbers 9 and 3 have “secret” key words associated with them to a 5%er. 9 means “Born” or manifest, and 3 means Understand or See. So that solar fact is esoterically broken down to mean that the Earth relates to the Sun as Understanding relates with Manifestation. That Knowledge – the Sun’s Light – needs the Earth to manifest its power.

Without the Earth, the Sun’s Light – Son’s Light – is useless: having no need or purpose. There would be no need or purpose for a Jesus and his teachings [his Light] – the Son of Man – if humanity on Earth did not exist. What is Allah worth, if the Earth and Humanity did not exist? God – the Sun/Man – needs the Earth to manifest/actualize [show & prove] his Power. The plants and animals on the earth take that Light and manifests it as Life. And so esoterically the earth exists as a place where the human family can take what they know to apply it in their lives to Born [9] Understanding [3]. 9 + 3 = 12. 1 = Knowledge and 2 = Wisdom. So 93 together equals the Knowledge of Wisdom, and wisdom here means the Application of what you Know, to eventually Manifest Understanding.

All that street grade philosophy sounds great as an idea. But as a 5%er you have to show and prove that the philosophy you flow is real, actual, and factual. You can prove this flow by pointing out that just because you read a driver’s manual in driver’s ed class does not mean you actually know how to drive. You know the theories behind driving. But you need to get your ass in a car and practice actual driving to gain the hands on wisdom and skill [know-how] of driving, which reading books cannot impart. Just because you know your parents are married, does not mean you have an understanding of what it is like to be married to a person.

The word “Apprehend” [as in to understand], “Apprehension,” and “Apprentice” come from the same Latin root word, meaning to “Grasp or Take Hold [with the hand].” In the old days, when you wanted to learn a tradecraft, there were no books to study. You had to learn your skills from a Master as his Apprentice for 7 years. During which time you were given a Hands-On experience of the trade you were learning. Only when you have completed your 7 years of Apprenticeship were you able to be a Journeyman. Only after you have fully Understood, or Apprehend – grasp by the hand – your craft, were you able to be promoted to the next level. And so before a person Understands something, you must have the hands-on experience of it.

Knowing something in theory is not understanding how something works. In the 5% culture they sometimes say that to Understand something, you have to Stand-Under it. Meaning, you have to get dirty and immerse yourself right into whatever it is you want to understand. Having theoretical knowledge of it don’t mean shit. Just like how in the old days, when you wanted to learn a style of kung fu, you had to be an apprentice to a Master. And as you get the theory of the style, your Master teaches you the hands-on experience of it by kicking your ass, over and over again. Only when you have the full experience of it, have fully apprehended the theory and the physical style, where you can defend yourself from your master, were you “promoted” to the next level of your training, where you can represent the style and perhaps teach it. You have to prove to your Master that you have gained the skill in a real and practical manner. To manifest your power, or to show and prove you have a practical know-how of it.

But those old practical days are gone. These days, some random person can just read shit on the internet, make assumptions, and all of a sudden not only are they experts and master know-it-alls of ONA history and lore, but they are also experts and master know-it-alls of the life and doings of David Myatt. The power of Google. Such sheer power you Mundanes have in your hands these days. /sarcasm.

For me, because of my background, I have a habit of never taking what I hear or read or see at face value, this includes things like the ONA. I test things out and dig around for clues and try to show and prove things to myself. That’s just me though. The battle against assumptions is a battle which never ends.

You can spent time trying to talk to some person who has wrong assumptions about something like Buddhism, and even though you may be successful at dispelling this person’s assumptions and ignorance, there are thousands like him waiting behind him in line to take a shot at you with the same speculations and assumptions. I’ve done this for a large part of my life actually. At some point you just get tired of the sea of ignorance. People just lack the simple ability to verify or test their own assumptions, or the assumptions of others. And that’s Mundane.

When I was very small going to grade school, my aunt-mom gave me a jade pendent of the “fat Buddha” to wear, which in Chinese culture is typical. The jade is a good fortune stone, and the so called fat Buddha is the “patron saint” of prosperity and good luck. The darker the green of the jade, the more lucky the jade [and more expensive]. But in school all the White kids used to make fun of me for worshiping a fat Buddha. I tried to tell them all that I don’t worship him, and that he’s not even the Buddha. But they don’t listen. This used to make me angry and sad, since I didn’t like to get picked on and teased. And when these kids grow up, they still have that same childish mentality, where they will make facts out of their assumptions and conclusions and attack and judge you based on their own strawman and caricatures.

Strawman fallacy as it’s called sometimes. We prop up our scarecrows – our projections and facsimiles – and make them our golden calves. People who have a hard time separating themselves from their ideas get butthurt the most when their assumptions and strawmen and scarecrows are pointed out to be unrealistic phantoms. Because it makes them feel as if they are dumb. You are not actually dumb. You’re a very intelligent human being. Your assumptions or conclusions were dumb.

So, here, we’ll deal with a few assumptions people have with ONA. These topics have been talked about countless times over and over again. BUT, when dealing with stupid people, one must sound like a broken record. It’s the only way to get across to people. You keep things very simple, and repeat the shit over and over and over for many years and they gradually will get it. I truly believe you Mundanes have the potential to at least be smarter than garden slugs. I want to help you find this potential, so that one day you too will be smart and take your place among the rest of us primates: the baboons and the gorillas, the orangutans, the chimpanzees and the bonobos, the tamarins and the capuchins, humans, lemurs, the monkey and the titi, marmosets, and bush babies too.

Scarecrow One: ONA has a Leader Or Had One

This was a battle of assumption fun to work with. And to see how things are today is rewarding and spectacular! I came into the ONA scene like a person who stepped into the midst of an on-going conversation. During the 2008 period when I came into the ONA scene there was some on-going drama about how somebody named “Blackwood” was saying he was the leader or “Master” of ONA. And I saw many people in ONA not taking this very well.

I’ll admit that at this time I had a handful of my own assumptions. One assumption is that I did assume or presume that ONA had a leader. And so if this Blackwood is not the leader, then someone else must be the leader. So I assumed. But I have a personal habit of trying to prove my own assumptions either right or wrong. So I spent some time digging around to find the “real” leader of the ONA. Obviously, I thought, it must be Anton Long, since he’s referred to as the “Grandmaster.” Except after some time digging around I didn’t see much current activity from this Grandmaster, and so I had me another assumption: I assumed and believed that this Anton Long must have abandoned the ONA for Islam, and with that power vacuum, Blackwood stepped in to try to claim the position of leader. That’s what I was working with in that very early period.

One thing which I really like to do, which I learned from a very smart friend of mine, is to try and prove ideas and theories I don’t like to be right. Because when you do this, you give rise to two potentials. One is the potential to prove the theory right and thus your own personal convictions wrong. Or two is the potential to prove your own convictions right by not being able to prove the opposing theories. Either way what happens is that you force yourself to not be emotionally encamped in your own personal convictions. Which makes it so that you are prone to be close minded and stupid. When you step out of your own mind and views to try and prove ideas and theories you dislike, it gives you a whole different inner feeling and perspective of seeing things. You end up realizing inside, that your own beliefs and convictions may not be accurate. Or in some instances, you come to realize that with enough work and effort, any position can be made to sound real. It’s sobering. Anyways.

And so I did my own detective work by reading the key writings of ONA. After reading around I began to get a very different picture of the structure of ONA. One clue I uncovered for myself was that the person behind the nym Anton Long in the past has been associated with “leaderless” subcultures and movements. One would be Combat 18. Another would be his Reichsfolk NS. These are things I call “patterns.” You have the same person exhibiting the same behavioral and/or mental and/or social patterns over observable spans of time. So if you can see the layout of the pattern, you can then make a hypothesis to try and predict this person’s moves and movement of mind, or line of thinking. For example, if DM shows the pattern of being involved with and creating leaderless resistance movements and ideological memeplexes; and if he is a natural ideologue, and if he did make the ONA: can we find in ONA the same patterns of: 1) Leaderless resistance, and 2) Ideology which is created to affect/effect [disrupt] status quo?  There is a fitting saying in my culture that goes: “The fruit never falls far from the tree.” If ONA is the Fruit, then this Fruit must have fallen from the nearest “tree,” and this “tree” has a recognizable character and pattern found/inherent in its fruit.

This is like any crime scene detective work, such as Jack the Ripper. You have all of these different murders take place in the same general area. Each of these murders share similar characteristics. So you make the hypothesis that perhaps all of these murders was done by the same person. Otherwise it suggests that these murders were done by many random people who just so happens to kill people in similar ways and leave similar signs, which is unlikely, but not impossible. Then you would go out and try to prove your hypothesis right or wrong by gathering your data and facts like a good detective.

One objective data I found in ONA which suggested to me that ONA was indeed leaderless or intended to be leaderless was in how the so called “ONA” is actually constructed. Looking at some of its earliest writings – NAOS – you can see that the ONA is presented even in those early days, for the individual person to bring to life. Which is why you have this entire SELF INITIATION system called the Sevenfold Way right in Naos. This pattern of self-initiation is repeated again in another early ONA text called “The Black Book of Satan.” The Black Book of Satan goes further to explain even more so that not only is the individual person to make itself ONA by a process of self-initiations, but the self-initiated person is actually instructed on how to form their own “temples” – early ONA speak for “nexions” – how to find and collect new members, etc. This same early ONA text also goes so far as to instruct that an objective of the self-initiated ONA person is to invent or create their own Satanic “Orders” based on the simple outlines presented in such early ONA texts.

When finding this, I went around to look for the manifestation of this pattern/meme. It’s subtle, very subtle, but if you know what you’re looking at you can tell the difference between pre-2008 ONA groups and post-2008 ONA groups. The subtle difference is that the word or “meme” “Nexion,” was not used by pre-2008 ONA styled groups. They used the much older “traditional” descriptor of “Temple.” Hence, you’ll find ONA styled Satanic Orders named things like Temple 88, the Temple of THEM, the Temple of Blood, Temple of the Black Light, and so on.

The meme of a “nexion” can be seen to be a recent development on the part of Anton Long and David Myatt. If you do some detective work and read around David Myatt’s old writings such as his Folk Culture stuff, and early Numinous Way stuff, you’ll see that such writings are devoid of the word/term “Nexion.” What you will find – such as the case of an essay by DM named “Nexus of Life” – is that the word/term “Nexus” is used. Interestingly the term “nexus” and the latter to come “nexion” share the same meaning, definition, and usage. At some point the suffix –us was dropped from the term “nexus” and an –ion suffix was added to make the term “nexion.” We see this same pattern of thought in a pre-2008 ONA group called the Temple of THEM where its main person Ryan uses a term called the “Sinisterion” to refer to the collective body of Sinister Initiates, in the same way the Pali word “Ariyasanga” is used in Buddhism to refer to the whole collective body of Buddhists.

And so after 2008 you begin to see that as more ONA groups or Initiates crop up, they name their groups “Nexions” and not “Temples.” This in itself is very telling. It shows where or what the eyes and minds of these – us – post 2008 ONA people are fixated on primarily. The post 2008 usage of the term “nexion” by ONA people to name their groups implies that such people are more focused or more familiar with Anton Long’s auxiliary ONA essays and not ONA’s “core” or “root” texts such as Naos, Codex Saerus, the Deofel Quartet, and so on. It implies the post 2008 ONA people give primacy to Anton Long’s auxiliary essays. This has its other revealing things. It tells us that if there are any known “nexions” today which claims to be over 10 years old, that such claims may not entirely be factual. Because their claim does not fit the pattern of ONA history. The pattern is that most – if not all known ONA inspired Satanic Orders – use the term “Temple” in their name before 2008. There is a benefit or use of giving “primacy” to AL’s auxiliary essays, it allows the ability to graft David Myatt’s other writings into the mix as also auxiliary writings to ONA.

I use the descriptor “auxiliary” in a very specific way here. In the 5% memeplex we have something called the 120, which again is just one hundred and twenty pairs/catechisms of questions and answers. The 120 is the core or root of the 5% memeplex. These are also referred to as the 120 Degrees. B.U.T., there exist other sets of questions and answers called the “Side Degrees.” The side degrees are just essays and stuff other 5%ers write and circulate which many other 5%ers like. So those side degrees, would be “auxiliary” essays or side lessons based on the core 120, and used to support or enhance your understandings of the 120. Also in convivialist fraternal orders such as the Elks Lodge, Odd Fellow, and Masons, they have what are called “auxiliary” orders. These would be the orders or organizations for their wives, sons, and daughters. The “auxiliary” order are not an official part of said fraternities, but they are a part of the “family.”

I make a distinction between “core” text and “auxiliary” text for the sake of gaining an objective grasp of what ONA actually is. It would be entirely inaccurate and ignorant to state that “Freemasonry” is defined as the Blue Lodge, The Scottish Rite, The Order of DeMolay [for sons of masons], The Order of The Eastern Star [for wives and female relatives of Masons], The Order of the Amaranth [for wives and female relatives of Masons], The Order of Job’s Daughters [for daughters of Masons], and the Order of Rainbow Girls [for daughters of Masons]. Interestingly some old Papal Bulls do just this, and in the mix they throw in everything from the Rotary Club, to the Lions Club, and the Boy Scouts. The point is if you do this, your perception of “Freemasonry” is totally convoluted and distorted. As the United Grand Lodge of England defines “Freemasonry” hundreds of years ago in Anderson’s Constitution: Freemasonry is only the degrees of Entered Apprentice, Fellowcraft, and Master Mason; including the Holy Royal Arch degree. Everything else is gravy [auxiliary]. But this simple definition is something not even David Icke can come to understand.

So before we can figure out if the ONA has a leader of not, we must ask ourselves this important and simple question: “What exactly is the ONA?” What are we pointing at when we say “Order of Nine Angles?” The easy answer – Occam’s Razor – is to trace ONA’s footsteps back to find its most earliest texts which gives it its suchness and being; which gave birth to the idea of the ONA itself. So what is ONA’s most earliest writings or texts? The earliest text we find are some of the stories which became known as the Deofel Quartet. The one titled “The Temple of Satan” is a very, very interesting one for several reasons.

One reason why the story named the “The Temple of Satan” is a significant clue is that it was written way back in ~1974, if my memory serves me. The second very interesting thing is that this same text originally was written by David Myatt, but over the years it was credited to “Anton Long.” Ryan of the Temple of THEM and many others have original typewriter copy of this Deofel as do several others, and on these copies the author is David Myatt, signed by him even.

The Deofel called the Temple of Satan is also interesting historically for other reasons. One reason is that in this most earliest ONA text, nothing is ever mentioned about a “Satanism.” There is mention of old dark traditions, mention of a Satan at times, and so on, but nothing of a Satanism as in a belief system or religion or how we know of Satanism today. Another clue is that in this early ONA text, nothing is mentioned of Nazism. It’s strange that a supposed organization thought to be intimately entwined with Satanism and Nazism, make no single mention of either in its “Mother” texts which gave birth to it. Also, there is no mention of a leader of an organization called the “Order of Nine Angles.” There is mention of a “temple” [re: group] and Masters and Mistress of such group or groups, but no leader. There is mention of a “grandmaster.” Which in context only hints at a rudimentary idea of an initiation system forming in DM’s mind at the time.

One auxiliary essay by Anton Long dated from this same early period also gives a clue as to what ONA looked like back in this day. In this early essay – which can be found in ONA MSS compilations – the Initiate is given a sort of reading list to study. Oddly, the essay in question lists the Qabbalah as something the initiate of ONA should familiarize themselves with. This isn’t out of context to time and place, because we find in the early Deofel just mentioned, stories of people joining mystical societies like the Golden Dawn.

Reading around an old Fenrir zine, I find another clue. The clue is a Xerox copy of an announcement which says that “soon” the Black Book of Satan will be published. The interesting thing I noted was that the book Naos at this time was just newly published publicly. This tells me that the ideas found in Naos were also early core texts which gave birth to what the ONA is. In Naos you find something interesting. In the fictional writings we see in the Deofels we see a mind presenting “ONA” as a story. As if to suggest that David Myatt way back then had a good idea in mind for a dark cult and he write a few stories around this idea. Naos seems to suggest that at some point David Myatt sat down and gave this idea of his some real thought and said: “Hmm… this might be a good ideas. What can I put together to flesh out this idea?”

And so in Naos we find the fully developed Sevenfold Way, which is a system of 7 initiation “grades” any individual with a copy of Naos can do to initiate them into the so called “Order of Nine Angles.” This is a clue, and it implies that you don’t have to apply for membership in ONA. The 7 initiation grades of are interesting to look at.

Each of the 7 grades has a name or title. One being “Grandmaster” or “Grandmistress,” or “Grand Lady Master.” So we use our brains and put two and two together and reason this out like this: “1) We have a SELF INITIATION system of 7 Grades, 2) One of the titles of these grades is Grandmaster, 3) ANYBODY with a copy of Naos can initiate themselves into ONA with this SELF INITIATION system.” Therefore, if 1, 2, & 3 are correct, in time how many “Grandmasters” could there be? One or many? The answer is that theoretically in time anybody who initiates themselves into the Sevenfold Way who sticks with it will eventually progress to the grade of Grandmaster or Grandmistress. So the next question is then this: if our conclusion is the case, then is a Grandmaster, such as the Grandmaster Anton Long a leader because he is Grandmaster, or is that name of the grade he is at? The latter is the answer, which was echoed by former Outer Rep CB who said regarding AL, that “Grandmaster” is not AL’s leadership title, it’s what he IS in context to the sevenfold way.

The fact is that the sevenfold way is a SELF INITIATION system which you the INDIVIDUAL, put yourself through for your own self-development. It is not a priesthood or system where you climb degrees and if you have a high degree or grade it means you have authority over people in low degrees. This idea goes against even the spirit and core principles of ONA. ONA isn’t an organized organization with a hierarchy or authoritarian structure. The Sevenfold Way is not in any way a system of developing authority over other INDIVIDUAL and INDEPENDENT ONA initiates. It’s a SELF INITIATION system for a reason. Which is why Anton Long’s auxiliary essays states over and over again across the years that ONA is an individual thing and that your own experiences is your own supreme authority in ONA. But strangely, even though such words AL wrote are in simple English, it looks like many in and out of ONA don’t fucking understand basic English.

Even ONA Initiates who don’t speak English as their first language seem to have no trouble understanding those words. But you have these fools – I’ve met some during my travels in ONA – who behave as if they have some authority in ONA or over me or others in ONA because they are such and such grade and fought in the Vietnam war and knows Bushido because they supposedly went all the way to the 6^th degree of the sevenfold way. Ooh boy, that’s impressive. Why get yourself into the sevenfold way? To initiate yourself and slowly work on that internal alchemy of self-development, or to swing your nuts in people’s faces like your some authority? Like your experience of camping in the jungle like Rambo for 3 months has anything to do with me.

As if to suggest that because you lived like Rambo for 3 months that me and others in ONA are lesser people. Fuck your 3 months if that’s the case. I’ve met soldiers from Southeast Asia who made a career out of living in the wilderness who make Rambo look like a boy scout. And I know gangbangers on the street who live a far more dangerous life then camping for 3 months. I know cops who live more dangerous lives. If you don’t do the sevenfold way for you own personal development and experience, then don’t do it at all. Tools have a function and work good if used right. But put a stupid or petty person behind that tool, and his stupidity, pettiness, arrogance, will shine though, and he won’t use the tool the way it’s intended to be used. That goes for any tool like guns or sticks or the sevenfold way. You give a stick to an old lady and she’ll use it as a cane to help herself walk. Give that same stick to a father who can’t control his emotions and he’ll use it to beat his children with.

What’s that saying? “Tools don’t make the man. The Man makes the tools.” Something like that. When I was younger and much dumber I asked one of my uncles which Kung Fu style was the “bestest” and most strongest in the world, cuz that would be the one I’d like to learn. I already had arguments with my cousins about the best and most dangerous. All my cousins and I had our own pick of what we thought was the most deadliest style. We argued, and the only thing we agreed on was that for sure, tae qwan do, sucked. I don’t even know how to spell it, I’m not gunna even bother.  My uncle told me  – and my cousins – that it’s not the style that is deadly. It’s the person with the style. He told us that you can put Bruce Lee behind any style and he’ll still win a fight. Just like an old man who has practiced his style all his life can win a fight and kill. But if you learn those same styles, and you aren’t good at it, then you can’t do the things Bruce Lee and Kung Fu masters can do.

Give somebody petty or arrogant the sevenfold way, and they will do petty and arrogant things with it. The way such types use such tools reveals their nature and reveals their lack of honour and lack of self-mastery. Cuz if your waving your sevenfold way grade around and swinging your dick around in other ONA people’s faces, it suggests your out looking to try to be master of others, as opposed to working to mastering your self. You will always fail in that endeavor, because you will not be able to master others, without first having the discipline and nature to master yourself first. And because it goes against the essence of the ONA Way, of our Sinister Ethos, of our Sinister Nature to allow others to be our Master. You’re a pretentious fool and you lack any real grasp of the ONA Way if you think you can wave around something in people’s faces to be a master or authority of others in ONA.

Another way to test a person’s inner character is to pay attention to their “flow of attention.” So what I do is when I meet a person, I Give to this person my attention. Then I watch closely at what this person does with the attention I Gave to them. Does he reciprocate and give that attention back to me or to other people? Or does he keep and horde it to somehow make himself look and feel important and better than others. I’ll test them by Giving them some status in some way. Then I watch to see what they do with that little status. Do they flow that status back to me or give it to others? Or do they keep it all to themselves and make themselves look better than others?

In business and politics this concept makes more visible sense. Say you have $10,000 to invest in a firm. So you give all that money way to Random Inc. So now the question is, what does Random Inc do with the money you gave to it? Give it back to you in returns and dividends? Reinvest in into a community? Or Keep it to themselves to make themselves rich? When you Give your public – democratic – consent of power to a leader such as a President, what do they do with that power? Give it back to you? Use it to help make your life and other citizens lives better? Or horde it and make themselves into a dictator? Dishonourable scoundrels are scoundrels no matter what social rank and level they occupy. It’s who they are. Give an egotistic and self-centered person attention, money, or power, and you can bet that you won’t be getting anything back, and the pig will use what you gave him to turn on you. Give an arrogant and self-centered pig ONA and what do they do with it?

You’re greatest enemy in ONA isn’t outsiders and the Mundanes. It’s other ONA people. Cuz what happens is that many will join ONA, pick up the talk and play the part, then start swing their scrotums around trying to tell other in ONA what ONA should or shouldn’t be, what words and terms should mean what specifically. How ONA is or isn’t done right. This mentality defies the very basic fundamental essence of ONA. ONA is an individual path of self-development. All that “stuff” we each refer to as “ONA” are tools we inherit which we use on our individual path. That’s all ONA was, and that’s all it is today, and that is all it will be tomorrow. Let ONA people do ONA in their own way, as they see fit to help them with their self-becoming. This is what makes ONA unique and viral.

Dharma is a word which may mean one natural forte. So in a tree we have many tree cells. Each cell and/or group of cells has their own dharma, or thing they do good and well. The beauty is that when each cell and cluster of cells keeps an individuated focus on their own self and dharma, the Tree itself works properly as a “collective” entity. It’s when we force each cell to forfeit its individuated dharma and self-focus to act and live as a mere unit of a collective that we fuck things up. What’s I’m trying to say is that since ancient times, ancient Greece, Rome, ancient India, China, when left to themselves, people in each of these social orders will manifest a system of “economy” very similar to each other. This system may be referred to as “primitive capitalism.” It’s nothing organized or planned. It just so arise from the input of each individual person’s deed and dharma. But what history has shown us is that when we force these same humans to adopt a collective mentality where they forfeit their individual nature to work for some collective entity, the system falls apart. Think Communism and planned economies.

If you understand this, you’ll understand that In the long run, we kill the ONA when we try to make it into an organization, when we try to give it leaders and bosses, when we make it into an authoritarian institution, when we force the Sinister Initiate to forfeit its individuated focus of wyrd and self-becoming to work and labour for some collective entity/idealism. Where we sit around and plan things out logically and say things like: “Okay, I’ll be the leader, you guys be the workers, ONA’s this way and that way, and here’s how we do ONA right. And if we stick with this plan, ONA should be great.” Follow the example of nature and not of man.

When we – Mankind – get together and use our logic and reason to plan and create nation-states and plan economies, our system fucks up, we get fucked over, and so our logic and theories fails us. In nature nothing is planned. In nature each thing has its own wyrd, its own “dharma.” Each thing is just living for itself and maybe its nearby fellows. The key to nature’s success is progressive adaptation. This means that some species of creature might do things in a way where they have trouble surviving in nature. And so those that change and adapt end up living to bear progeny and those that can’t change die out. So when you have billions of years of everything co-developing with everything else, where everything is adapting, Nature as a system ends up growing into something over time which works.

We can see this beautifully in human culture. Nothing in any living human culture the world over is planned. Nothing is “put together.” There is no think tank. Nobody is leader. Nobody dictates what the culture should be and look like. Over time parts and pieces of these cultures die out and atrophy, and new aspects arise. The culture adapts to time and clime. And so we see that in the real world human Culture and human Tradition outlives nation-states and empires. You can take any spot on earth, like India. Although in this spot there has been only one great Brahmanical Culture 5000 years old, we have seen the coming and going of countless nation-states, empires, kingdoms, societies, colonial territories, and so on.

If you wonder what the big deal about culture and tradition is, the answer is that you and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that “memeplex” we call human culture. Because such culture and tradition which slowly and naturally develops and adapts over time are repositories of ancestral wisdom. How did our cavemen ancestors develop into the people we are today, to have the knowledge and wisdom we today have? It’s because of things we painstakingly learned in life, which we pass down to our progeny at ancient camp fires and hearths. Each generation inherits the wisdom and know-how of survival and thriving from the experiences of a past generation. In time this becomes what we call “culture” and “tradition.”

Without that culture, without that tradition, and without the myths, story tellings, and mythos, we humans would not have had the foundations of developing social cohesion and social coherency to thrive as we do today. “Cohesion” here is like when we say that coal is carbon molecules are in a state of cohesion. Meaning they are lumped or just stuck together. Coherency is when like we say that a diamond is when carbon stuff are in a state of atomic coherency. Meaning that the carbon atoms have developed/evolved itself to form a sophisticated crystalline structure. We are what we are today, and we have the intelligence we have today because of the long-time progressive development of our respective human cultures.

Without that “thing” we call “culture,” and the wisdom it carries across time and generation, we’d revert back to the stone age. If you study the genesis, development, and growth of even Science and technology, you’ll see that even these things – science and technology – are born and borne from/by the matrix/vehicle of human culture, and the needs and wisdom of such human culture. Without that Matrix, there would have been no science, and no need for technology. And without that Matrix, there is no coherent medium thru which our wisdom, knowledge, science, and technological stuff, can move and flow across the tide and time of human generations. It’s silly – papancha in Buddhism – to view our Human World in such a compartmentalized way where we see the earth, nature, culture, countries, wisdom, science, medical science, human society, as being separate and different “things.” Where we believe that if such is the case – that all these things are independent and divisible “things” – that some things are “better” than others, and some things are not needed.

Where we foolishly believe that we can do away with something. For example it can be “reasoned” fallaciously that because technology has taken us to the moon and has given is iPads, that therefore and ergo, we don’t need religion, and spirituality anymore. “God is dead” as what’s his name said. But yet – but yet! – we still yearn to be close to the Numinous today, just as our ancestors did in ancient times. The only thing which has really changed is the outer names and outer trappings. But it’s that same yearning and longing, which draws our eyes up to the sky to see the unspeakable mysteries of the cosmos. And it’s that same yearning and longing which has driven our species slowly to Reach Out and Strive to touch and be touched by that Mystery. To reach out and strive to put probes on Titan. To strive to be more than we were. It’s the Whole essence of Science: to one day Understand; Dis-Cover; the Mystery.

So after doing my own research, I figured that the ONA wasn’t a thing with a “leader,” and that Anton Long wasn’t a leader as he states actually in even old pre-internet ONA MSS. And from talking with old school ONA associates like Ryan who have been in ONA for 10 years or so, with the Old Guards, and with people like Audun [CB], my friends and I learned that Anton Long never actually abandoned the ONA. And so with that knowledge my WSA friends and I began a 3 year troll campaign against Blackwood because he claimed to be the leader of ONA. And also because at the time nobody in ONA knew us or cared to know us. So fighting with Blackwood might get the right eyes on us.

The many years of trolling is what me and my WSA friends call “Stage Working.” The intended audience was just the generic Satanic public. The idea is to gradually use this to help craft a public image. The hypothetical idea was that after three entire years of the general Satanic subcultural public sees ONA attacking Blackwood for claiming to be its leader that in their public minds they will at least consider that ONA must not have a leader. To support this end goal, people like me and the Old Guards, and AL would produce essays restating in different ways that the Order of Nine Angles is leaderless. This was the period when you start seeing terms and phrases such as “Open Source,” and “Peer Based,” crop up in ONA. Self-replicating thoughtware [a la Diavolo] and self-replicating memeplex also cropped up around this period. All these terms and phrases tried to present to the general occult public that the ONA has no leader, which are just restatement of things stated by Anton Long and ONA since the very beginning.

After 5 years of PR work, it’s very rewarding to sit back and observe the general chatterings in these several Satanic forums and networks. From time to time ONA will be a topic of discussion and what I now see is that even people who barely know things about ONA will at least mention that ONA is leaderless, and that is has no leader. It’s also rewarding to see the general reaction people get when they claim to be a leader of ONA. The general reaction we see is mockery and contempt for the fool claiming such. Before – if you were in the ONA scene 5 years ago and earlier – things were different.

Traces of the difference can still be seen when the public – such as I once did – states such things like how David Myatt left ONA, or how there are many people pretending to be Anton Long. All this hints at a Leader-centric paradigm being worked with. Because it implies that a central importance is placed on some single person. And that if such single pivotal person were gone, then ONA is leaderless and dead. Or that the name of such central person is so important above all others that to revise and change ONA would require such parties to usurp the Anton Long penname. This simply is not and cannot be the case when even the ONA writings of 1990 states by Anton Long himself that the supreme authority of any genuine ONA Initiate is his or her own experiences. There can be no outside moral standard or outside leader dictating to you authoritatively if and when your own experiences is your own high authority in ONA. It simply makes no sense and this perspective and the opinions or conclusions born and borne of such perspective does not hold up when compared to the earliest written “manuscripts” which gave birth to the ONA.

When I think about this subject – of ONA having or not having a leader, and claims made by people – I actually think about a Witchcraft Tradition I really, really like and admire. It’s called the 1734 Tradition. It’s been around since the 60’s and 70’s. The 1734 Tradition basically began with the correspondence between a British Traditional Witch nymmed Robert Cochrane and his American pupil named Joseph Wilson. Gradually Mr. Wilson develops a “Tradition” [yana/school] of Witchcraft based on the letters he got from Mr. Cochrane. Since then it has expanded slowly into many covens practicing this Tradition.

And so from the many covens arising the side effect problems arise of who is the head of the 1734 Tradition, which coven is a valid 1734 coven and which are fakes. This seems to trouble the founder Mr. Wilson, so he spends a few lines explaining a few things to his readers at his website. The things he says are short, simple, but yet beautiful in their simplicity. He states the following regarding this topic:

[Begin Quote]

General Introduction.

1734 is a mystical system. It is a tradition in the standard sense of passing on of customs and thoughts from one generation to another, not as a synonym for a denomination of a religion. 

I never intended 1734 to be secret. I never intended the letters to be secret, or to be used as some sort of bible. Roy’s letters to me are examples of teaching the mysteries by poetic inference, nothing more. Those who try to claim them as secret totally ignore Roy’s own teachings regarding secrecy, and therefore invalidate themselves. 

I never intended 1734 to have a hierarchal structure. There is no such thing as First, Second, or Third Degree 1734. Those who claim to be “Third Degree 1734″ are invalidating themselves. 

I repeat. The idea of three initiations in 1734 is an add-on by those who also feel that they need a “Book of Shadows” to make themselves feel really important, justified, and righteous. Initiation into 1734 consisted of a “kit bag” (copies of Roy’s letters, sometimes in condensed form), an introduction to the spirits, and a boot in the rear. To quote Joanna, “Other initiations are given by the spirits-hopefully helped along by the guidance of a teacher. If the student is really working, there will (eventually) be more than three initiations marked in a person’s soul.” Some people realized that they needed to stick around and get some guidance from a teacher. Others ran off and figured they could do everything themselves. 

Those that claim to be the valid “heads” of 1734, and that other lineages are illegitimate on that basis, invalidate themselves. They may be heads of their own covens, and they may be inspired by 1734 philosophy, but that does not make them heads of 1734 any more than a Baptist minister being the head of his church is the head of Protestantism. 

I never intended 1734 to have an apostolic succession style lineage. Those who claim this or that group is less 1734 because they don’t have such a lineage have also invalidated themselves. They may have such a lineage for their own coven. 

It is the methods of teaching, the philosophy, and the Spirits that is important, not who initiated who else. 

The “legitimate tradition” of 1734 is in the heart, not a lineage. It is the process of turning dross into gold, and acquiring wisdom that matters. 

Who Is Or Isn’t Valid 1734?

… [T]here are some initiation rituals and whatnot that I made up, and others made up. Those are actually induction into a group, rather than spiritual initiation, and the two things are quite different. They really shouldn’t be confused with each other. There could have been an organized traceable lineage through the initiation rituals, but I didn’t think it was so important. After all, that wasn’t a part of what Sean, or Roy, or Ruth taught me. The spirit was what mattered. Those folks who experienced those initiation rituals can, of course, teach anything they like — just like anyone else can. But that doesn’t make everything they teach part of “1734″ any more than everything that I teach is a part of Christianity, no matter how they rationalize it. […]

Who is valid 1734? I don’t know. I can’t say. I can say that this or that philosophy, teaching, and organization is working counter to that which I taught as 1734 – is contrary to the spirits I know — and is contrary to the philosophies and ideals I was taught as the Old Religion by my own mentors, including Roy (who so many of these folks seem to nearly worship). 

I can tell you whom I did and did not work with/teach — whom I did and did not share information with, who was and was not a member of my group, and who did and did not receive direct initiations from me in any system. 

I can tell you some folks out there who have lied about their connections to me, and initiations, and what they were teaching. 

I can tell you that what some of the people I initiated (and some of them who have lied about those initiations) do and teach and say things that make me ill — things that make me ashamed, and hurt, and mortified that I shared things sacred to me — distortions and mutations of things that were entrusted to me as sacred by my own beloved mentors. 

But I can’t tell you who is and isn’t 1734. I didn’t set it up that way.

Who Owns 1734?

1734 is like a cat. It owns itself and choses who it prefers to own.

Source: http://www.1734-witchcraft.org/

[End Quote]

When you read those simple words of Mr. Wilson, you get the feeling in your gut that this man is an emotionally mature older gentleman who does not have a need for complexity, extravagance, pretention, grand claims, hocus pocus. He keeps things very simple with his 1734 Tradition. Very simple: there are no leaders, no initiation degrees, no valid or invalid covens, no valid or invalid lineages, no valid or invalid authority of the Tradition. Each 1734 coven simply is its own thing.

It’s unfortunate the people who come into the Tradition later that makes things unnecessarily complex. They add stuff to make them feel important. They add the hocus pocus, and the titles, point fingers at who isn’t doing 1734 right based on how they wish for 1734 to be done, they play games of pointing fingers at other covens who they don’t like and call them invalid, and you get some who claim to be the head of the Tradition. It’s all unfortunate because they take something so beautiful in its simplicity and makes it all ugly just to try to look and feel better than others.

We see this same BS in ONA. They say misery loves company, and so it’s comforting for me to see that some other thing similar to ONA suffers from the same unfortunate ugly problems.

ONA used to be real simple. It used to be teachings presented in Sinister Fiction such as our Deofels. It used to be a system of self-initiation rites called the Sevenfold Way. It used to be an individual thing where if you liked ONA and what it had to teach, you just simply gradually initiate yourself through the sevenfold way and gradually in time observe the various tasks and ordeals for your own personal experience and growth. ONA used to be a personal and individual quest for an inner alchemical transformation, and for the quest of self-becoming.

I love how the 1734 Tradition refers to its teachings and traditional stuff as a “kit bag,” and this is exactly what all of things like the Deofel Quintet, Naos, The Black Books of Satan, the Hostias, and Anton Long’s auxiliary writings are and were. Just a big kit bag of tools to help each of us along our personal quest. Like we each have Swiss Army Knives in our pocket. I might mostly use the scissors, nail clippers, and file in my Swiss Army knife often, while you might use the blade and screw driver more often in your identical Swiss Army knife. This is so because we are each two very different individuals on two very different quests in life, towards very different Wyrds. But just because we each use different parts of the ONA kit bag, does not validate or invalidate me or you.

The Order of Nine Angles does not exist as some overarching institution of doctrines we all must dogmatically conform to. As if some Sinister Initiate doesn’t play the ONA game by some supposed rule or some standard, that he or she is not a real ONA “member.” Or if they believe in Dark Gods and Satan as real beings or believe them to be forces in nature and symbols that one party is valid or fake. The ONA is simply a personal and individual Way. You take the grab bag of ONA stuff and you do your own thing with it for your own self. If you wish to be a loner, fine and excellent. If you wish to form a Temple/nexion, good for you. If you wish to join an existing ONA group, great also. If you wish to form your own group and mutate [personalize] ONA a bit to fit your own individual needs, views, and tastes: Perfect! But why be silly and stupid about this?

Why the need to claim to be leader or an authority of ONA to others? Why the need to get rid of mythos and tradition because your personal views and taste find such things distasteful? Why claim to be a 9^th level adept of ONA? Why play this stupid game of pointing fingers at other who are “fake” ONAers? It’s stupid, it’s pretentious, and it’s faggoty. It also takes the beauty of ONA’s simple nature, and makes it into something ugly. Some people might say: “Well, I don’t know Chloe, 8000 pages of ONA MSS sure don’t sound simple to me.” You’re stupid, that’s why. You get lost in the jungle of outer words. It’s called being Mundane. You’re lost in the Mundane [causal] world, and you can’t feel the essence, spirit [acausal]. The words feebly only tries to lead to the wordless essence. The essence is simple. Or as we say in Theravada: Dhamma leads to dhamma. Meaning the teachings the Buddha presenced [dhamma] only serves as a feeble means to try and lead you to the direct experience of phenomena [dhamma].

I can say from being born in a Buddhist culture that in PRACTICE Buddhism is incredibly simple. But it has 25,000 pages to try vainly to teach in writing that simple practice. I can tell you from experience that Christianity is simple and beautiful and free flowing in PRACTICE. But it takes thousands of pages to try and wordfully teach that practice. Taoism – the Way of the Way – is so simple in PRACTICE, but it needs the Tao te Ching to wordfully teach the Way in vain. Those who “Get It,” get it. Those who don’t, will never get it and will always be entangled in the writings and words. So the Tao te Ching puts it: “Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.”

The spirit of it is so simple it needs not be spoken of for those who get it. It’s the ones who don’t get it, lost in words, who speak, interpret, argue, debate, and so on. There is one thing about Mr. Crowley I like. In the back of his Book of the Law is an admonishment basically saying that the book should be burned and never be discussed. “Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.” Even ONA states this in plain English when Anton Long so long ago now said that there comes a certain point in an adept’s journey where he or she will outgrow the causal forms – meaning the outer trappings – where they will out grow the magic, and the need for gods, dark or whatever. And where Life itself becomes the wyrdful journey and the magic and initiation system all at once. I’m of course paraphrasing. What’s that mean in practical terms? It means that if you are ONA and shit becomes more complex for you as time goes on, then you ain’t doing something right!

There is a classic piece written by Anton Long during the 90’s fitting here which I will quote in full. The piece talks about what is and isn’t Satanism [ONA’s]. This piece is today often overlooked and neglected. But if we each took the time to read it carefully and meditated on what it was trying to say, we’d have less stupidity and silliness:

[Begin Quote]

I. What Satanism Is:

a) Satanism is a quest for self-excellence, involving real danger, real challenges and requiring real courage. It involves taking your body to and beyond its physical limits of endurance. It involves real action, alone: without the support of friends, comrades, lovers, relations or anyone.

It involves accepting challenges – physical, psychic, intellectual and triumphing solely by one’s own efforts. It involves the triumph of pure, individual will and desire.

b) Satanism is, in part, an Inner quest, an exploration of the `hidden’ (and overt) aspects of consciousness: a dis-covery of the darkness within and beyond the individual psyche. This involves ‘magickal acts’ – such as rituals. This magick, however, is a means, not an end.

c) Satanism involves ordeals, both physical and magickal. Those who are suitable triumph; the others fail. [One such ordeal is the Grade Ritual of Internal Adept - where the candidate lives alone and isolated, bereft of everything except the bare necessities for physical survival, for a period of three months.]

d) Satanism requires the practical experiencing of all moral limits, and then a mastery of the feelings, desires, pleasures, terrors, pains and so on that these imply.

e) Satanism involves the individual defiance of all subservience: a Satanist accepts guidance only, and refuses to be dominated or intimidated by anyone. This guidance is toward practical experience, and it is by this experience that the novice learns and develops a genuine Satanic character.

f) Satanism involves sacrifice – this is a necessary test of character [qv. the MSS, "Satanism, Sacrifice and Crime - The Satanic Truth", and "Satanism - The Sinister Shadow, Revealed" for more details.]

g) Satanism is a means – a method, or way, and the purpose of this means, method or way is to produce a specific type of individual: the next stage of our evolution as a species. Satanism is thus an expression of evolutionary change – on both the individual level and in respect of `societies’ and ‘history’.

The individuals so created often inspire in the supine majority a certain terror/awe/admiration/fear/jealousy.

h) Satanism is elitist. It does not compromise – its tests, ordeals, methods and character-building experiences are severe and will never be made easier to make them acceptable to more people or easier to undertake.

i) Satanism is esoteric by nature and intent: it is both a ‘secret’ way, by virtue of its methods etc., and it is not nor probably will be suitable for the majority for many, many centuries.

II. What Satanism Is Not:

a) Satanism is not, nor can ever be, a religion, nor just a ‘philosophy’. A religion means acceptance of authority, the rigid structure of a ‘Church’ or a ‘Temple’, and a unified dogma (with the consequent schisms and claims to ”authenticity”). The religious attitude is the antithesis of what Satanism really is – for Satanism is a way of living, a way of experiencing, in the raw, whereas religion abstracts, limits endeavor, behavior and moralizes. In short, a Satanist plunges into reality, without any supports (moral, psychic or human) whereas a religious person has that reality prescribed by dogma, authority and such like, and is supported by a `Church’, its members and their attitudes. Satanism is an ecstatic affirmation of existence – a taking of existence into new and higher realms, as well as a plunge into existing darkness and the creation of new darkness.

b) Satanism cannot have anyone impose upon it any structure, authority, or institution of any kind by claiming a ‘dark mandate’ or some kind of ‘revelation’. There can be no such thing as an, infernal mandate’ of whatever kind because the only thing that really matters to Satanism is experience, its accumulation and the highly individualized learning that results from such experience. A genuine Satanist, for example, confronted by an entity which exhibited all the powers attributed to Satan would not even accept what that ‘entity’ said and would most certainly not show any submission – instead, they would a defiance, a reasoned assessment of what was said, and then a judgement made from experience. A Satanist never surrenders to anything – and would rather die, proud and defiant, than submit. This applies even to ‘Satan’.

If and when a Satanist accepts guidance, it is from someone of experience who has explicated Satanism by their life and thus who can offer advice based on that experience. The aim of Satanism is to create willful, characterful, defiant, unique individuals who have or can fulfil their potential as gods – it is not to create followers or sycophants. An `infernal mandate’ implies sycophancy.

c) Satanism does not involve discussions, meetings, talks. Rather, it involves action, deeds. Words – written or spoken – sometimes follow, but not necessarily. The ideal candidate for Satanism is the individual of action rather than the ‘intellectual’.

By the nature of most Satanic actions, they can seldom be mentioned and thus remain esoteric. The essence that Satanism leads the individual towards, via action, is only ever revealed by that participation which action is. Words, whether written or spoken, can never describe that essence – they can only hint at it, point toward it, and often serve to obscure the essence.

Satanism strips away the appearance of ‘things’ – living, Occult and otherwise by this insistence on experience, unaided. What is thus apprehended by such experience, is unique to each individual and thus is creative and evolutionary. Discussions, meetings, talks, even books and such like, de-vitalize: they are excuses for not acting.

A Satanist will sometimes use such forms as he/she may use the form of a Temple – to enhance and/or provoke experiences. But they are then actively manipulating, actively creating experiences – the others involved are being used by that person. That is, there is only one Satanist at such gatherings (usually) – the others may believe they are ‘Satanists’, but they are deluded.

d) Satanism does not apply moral absolutes to real-life situations and forms. This may best be explicated by two examples. First, politics. Satanism does not affirm or deny any political forms or type of politics – it does not, for example, announce that ‘fascism and Satanism are incompatible’. Such announcements/pronouncements arise from a moral bias and a lack of insight into both Satanism and `society’ and thus Aeonics.

A Satanist, concerned with experience, may use a political form for a specific purpose – the nature of that form in terms of conventional politics and morality (such as `extreme Right-wing’) is irrelevant. What is important is whether it can be used to (a) provide experience of living and the limits of experience, and/or (b) aid the sinister dialectic of history. Thus a Satanist may become involved in, or set up, an organization of the extreme Right – this is dangerous, exciting, vitalizes, provides experiences `on the edge’and should thus aid the development of the character and insight of that Satanist [*]. What is important, is that this involvement is done for an ulterior, Satanic, motive: what others think and believe about such actions is totally irrelevant. Anyone purporting to be a Satanist who criticizes such an action, whatever the political hue of the group/organization, reveals by that criticism that they are not Satanists – but rather, moralizing curds lacking in insight and real Satanic understanding.

The second example concerns the formation and use of Satanic ‘Temples’ and groups by a Satanist. A Satanic novice, in order to gain experience of magickal rituals and people manipulation, usually forms a group to perform Satanic rituals. The people recruited are for the most part used – and the novice often assumes a specific Satanic `role’ for this: the role of sorcerer/sorceress. He/she may dress in a certain way and so on, as he/she may use fables to impress and/or manipulate. This, however, for a genuine Satanist, is only a stage – and one which lasts a year or two. After that, experience and mastery of ceremonial and hermetic magick gained, they move on to new challenges and experiences, as all good Satanists should. Further, the individuals of this ‘Temple’ or group are not Satanists, although they may believe themselves to be – they are simply being used to afford the novice pleasure/excitement/experience and so on. Had any of them any Satanic character or potential, they would rebel to undertake their own quest by forming such a group/’Temple’ and experience the limits of themselves.

Sometimes, the group has another aim – an Aeonic or suprapersonal one, in which case its life may be extended. But whatever, genuine Satanic guidance by an Adept or Master/Mistress to a novice always occurs on an individualized basis, never within the rigid and constraining form of a ‘Temple’.

Thus, there is not nor can be any constraining rules applied to the conduct of such ‘Temples’ and groups – there is no ‘moral code’, no bounds which cannot be overstepped. The rules, such as they are, are made by the Satanic novice according to their desire and goals. That is, they can do with that group and its individuals whatever they desire to do and no one – not even the Adept/ Master/Mistress who may be guiding them – can set limits or prescribe their behaviour, They must learn for themselves – and from their mistakes, should they make some.

This naturally leads to the obvious Satanic deduction that a group like the Temple of Set may contain one, perhaps two, Satanists – who are using the ‘members’ for their own Satanic goals. This person (or persons) would of course deny this, and if that denial was sincere, they could not be Satanists.

What is certain, is that that group cannot contain more than perhaps two Satanists – for the members accept the constraints imposed upon them from above, and are servile, in both theory and practice. They are also not being led into real experiences, but accept a sterile, sanitized and safe ‘Satanism’ as pedaled by their leader.

—

[*] It can also aid the sinister dialectic – here, an understanding of Aeonics is important.

e) Satanism does not seek any form of official recognition as it does not seek to become respectable or the prerogative of a majority.

Rather’ Satanism operates’ and must operate’ for the most part in a clandestine or ‘underground’ manner. ‘Official’ recognition mean someone or some organization is granted some sort of “status” and thus assumes both in theory and in fact an ‘authority’ and an organizational structure to support it. This authority and this structure mean followers, sycophants – and contradict the essence of Satanism.

‘Respectability’ means a moral stance broadly in line with that pertaining at the time – that is, it means a restricting morality, ethics, as well a limiting of action to what is deemed broadly ‘acceptable’ by the ‘society’ of the time. Both of these – official recognition and respectability – also mean that the self-appointed authority which is recognized and becomes or seeks to be respectable, sets its own limits: there is ‘proscription’ of other groups, a peer hierarchy and all the many trappings of herd conformity; the triumph of illusive forms over essence. In brief, the deluding of others, rather than their liberation.

Since the experience of the essence that Satanism brings is unique, this uniqueness is totally contradictory to all forms that seek to constrain, define and restrict – two of these forms being ‘official recognition’ and ‘respectability’.

^^^

Some other hard facts about Satanism are in order – to be placed on record Satanism is hard and very dangerous. This danger is much more than just a ‘mental’ or a psychic one of the kind sometimes experienced in magickal workings. It is a personal danger of the ‘life or death’ kind. If it is not, then it is not tough enough, it is not Satanic. For far too long the pathetic imitation Satanists, such as those in the Temple of Set and the Church of Satan, have had no one to contradict their sickly, wimpish versions of Satanism – they have tried to deny the darkness and evil which are essential to Satanism because the frauds in those organizations are fundamentally weak: they have never gone to their limits, never experienced the realness of evil. They have tried to make ‘Satanism’ safe and ‘respectable’: they have intellectualized it because they are typical products of this present intellectualized, peace-loving, “we need to be safe” society.

A Satanist is like a beast of prey – in real life, not in fantasy. A Satanist may be and often is an assassin, a warrior, an outlaw – in real life. The imitation Satanists, however, pretend to be these things – their fantasy-life is greater than their real experiences of such things. A Satanist seeks and makes real his/her fantasies and then masters the real-life situations and all those desires/feelings which give birth to those fantasies – they live them and then transcend them, creating from those experiences something beyond them: a new individual. Often, things go wrong – but as always in life, the strong survive and the weak perish, are written off. The Satanist creates the dreams, standards of excellence and spirit which others often later aspire to emulate. This creation is in real life, by deeds and deeds alone.

Because of this, few indeed are the genuine Satanists. Sometimes their lives (or aspects of them) become public – but often they are hidden, working their darkness in secret, for the benefit of evolution.

–Classic from “Hysteron Proteron,” written in the 1990′s

[End Quote]

Scarecrow Two: ONA died a while ago

When did it die? How does something which does not exist in the first place die and go away? What exact year did ONA die and what exact situation or circumstance killed ONA? I hear lots of people use this strawman in many different ways, but yet – BUT YET! – I have never once seen the people who makes facts out of this assumption give specific names, dates, and circumstances.

In the old days ONA spread itself via snail mail. They placed ads in the back of zines selling typewriter spiral bound books for a small fee. And so you read one of these zines and some of the books catch your interest. So you send in your checks and buy a copy of Naos, or of the Black Book of Satan, or of the Hostias. From here you can take two routes. First you can simply self-initiate yourself into the Sevenfold Way and just start to put the shit into practice. A second way was to pester the people behind the mail address for guidance, or whatever. So that’s how ONA historically made new members in the old days. And there were many who bought those olden day books, because to this day some of them are STILL – amazingly around! To my genuine surprise. People like Ryan of THEM have original spiral bound copies these early pre-internet ONA MSS, cuz he’s just that old and been around just that long.

Speaking of Ryan and being around ONA forever, not many of us in and out of ONA knows or cares to know that many of the photocopied PDF eBooks we “internet age” ONA associates collect and use such as the Brekkek Naos, wouldn’t exist for us today if it weren’t for Ryan. He actually put in the effort way back then to make photocopies of the stuff he got during the snail mail days and made PDF’s out of them. In time these got distributed online and are now everywhere. We hear these Mundane cunts in the satanic subculture complain all the time that ONA is dead and is just an internet phenomenon these days. How the hell did ONA get to be online exactly? It was because of the fucking efforts of pre-internet old school ONA Initiates who took the time to get core/mother ONA books and essays into cyberspace!

These guys who have been into ONA since the 90’s are still “here” if you mingle and just fucking LOOK for them. I didn’t know this until recently myself. I knew there were people in ONA who have been around forever, but not like forever ever. Until one day in Ryan’s Sinister Syndicate y-group someone inquired the group about a “Side B” of Christos Beesty’s hour long Self Immolation Rite. This person informs us that side be was instrumental and did not have Beesty Boy talking and screaming in it. Personally, I like Beesty’s Self Immolation thing, but I find some parts of it disturbing. What I mean is when you meditate and follow it, you’re laying their visualizing stuff, Beesty starts to talk quietly and the music become gentle. So you’re all relaxed. Then all of a sudden Beesty screams shit really loud out of nowhere theatrical like, and is jars you from that relaxed state cuz you’re not expecting a sudden loud scream. It becomes something fearlingly anticipating where you fear like any minute now Beesty Boy is just gunna scream at the top of his lungs.

So anyways, in the group some of us were talking about how Beesy Boy in the old Self Immolation Rite thing has a sexy voice, and he should sing more often. I said his voice reminds me of Ewan McGregor from Moulin Rouge [my favourite musical]. But so, to my surprise and amazement someone in the group but this ONA Initiate tells us that in olden times this Self Immolation thing was on a cassette tape and it did have a side A and side B, and that they had a copy of the tape still and will upload the Side B and pass it around. This excited all of us, and me. I’m not sharing this little story to make this person feel old. I’m sharing this story because it’s really cool that we actually have ONA people from that far back STILL around, and they have the physical proof to show and share to prove they have been in ONA since olden times.

So how did ONA “die” if people into ONA back then are still around in ONA today? There answer is that ONA must have died when they assume David Myatt left ONA in 1998. That was the year he became a Jihadist. Which to most ONA people who know their Sinister Dialectic isn’t even surprising. But to these Mundanes, DM didn’t become a Jihadist because none of them ever bother to try and read his “Islamic” writings. They simply assume DM must have become a Muslim, in the sense that he was peaceful, loved Allah, believed in the brotherhood of mankind, preached about world peace. But is this true? Not really. DM for several years as a Muslim preached the death of the West, more Jew killing, and incited radicals and terrorists to take down the West, said acts of terrorism were good and heroic, hated Zionism and Jews, and so forth. But still, the Mundanes hear DM left ONA to become a Muslim. So they assume that therefore ONA died since it is without a “leader.” The question is do they verify this assumption? No they don’t.

All it takes is some detective work into the ONA to find answers which challenges this Mundane assumption that ONA died in 1998 when DM supposedly “left” ONA. What’s one thing we can find and verify that challenges this assumption? It’s the fact that even before DM left, he set his close friend Richard Moult [Christos Beest] as the Out Representative of ONA. This post of Outer Rep is like the desk girl who takes phone calls, does interviews, answers people’s questions, guides new Initiates who ask for guidance. And now, what’s a second thing about ONA which challenges this Mundane assumption?

The second thing which challenges this mundane assumption is the fact that since olden days, by Tradition every 20 years a New Heir of the Tradition is picked. This Tradition can be found in several ONA MSS, and is restated by Christos Beest when he was Outer Rep during the 90’s onward. The ONA originally was headed by a Lady Master. When the time came, she picked David Myatt as the Heir or representative of the Tradition. ~20 years after that David Myatt picks Richard Moult as Heir or Rep. And ~20 years after that a new Rep is picked. Even if or when DM “left” ONA, at no time was ONA ever without a helmsman. Because even if DM left ONA, even before he left he had already put RM at the “wheel” to watch over it.

Who was the primary person who fleshed out lots of ONA and created ONA tarot cards, and ONA chants, and placed ONA ads in zine, and shipped out ONA books to people who bought them during the 90’s? It was Richard Moult as Christos Beest. Who was the primary person who added a lot of national Socialist elements into ONA during the 90’s? It was Richard Moult via essays you sometimes find in the old Temple 88 writings and Nazi flavoured ONA Rites. At the time [the 90’s] CB was into Reichfolk. Beesty Boy is still around to this day. He even has new nyms like Audun and Beesty Boy.

Who do you think helped create WSA’s Hohes Opfer Rite and the ABC Rite? It’s the same ONA person: Richard Moult as Audun. People in ONA who are more into the music and art stuff to this day keep in touch with Beesty. Ryan still keeps in touch with Beesty. Just a couple weeks ago Ryan sent me an email with an attachment. The attachment was a new edition of RM’s Myndsquilver – underground ONA autobiography – which has some touch ups done to it. It was handed over to me by Ryan to pass around gradually in the usually discreet manner. Nobody left ONA. Every key person in ONA is still here. All it takes is to simply LOOK around and mingle or network. Just because shit doesn’t happen in internet posts doesn’t mean people aren’t connected and communicating privately in emails and so on.

Something interesting I found in ONA is that ONA is divided “unofficially” into two different groups akin to “political parties” in a way. One faction or party centers itself around David Myatt and his Old Guards. The types who gravitate to this “party/faction” are mostly your intellectual or philosophical, or ideological type. The second, and today bigger faction/party is the one centered around Christos Beest [RM] and his mystical writings, art work, and so forth. I gravitate towards the “Anton Longian” party, which is the first one I mentioned. You’ll dis-cover that people of this type usually stay connected to the Old Guards. Whereas the ONA people who “belong” to the Beesty Party, they actually keep in touch with Beesty Boy. These are not closed systems. There is cross overs. Ryan keeps in touch with the Old Guard and Beesty. You can see who fits into which “faction” by how they each express their ONA.

So being sensitive to social dynamics, when you know this, you know enough not to say things to upset the Beesty faction of ONA, since at the moment they are the bigger of the two “factions.” They are the more Traditional Sinister Initiates. Whereas most of us “Anton Longians” are more ideological with our ONA. Keep in mind these are rough generalizations. At times, the two factions don’t like things the other party says or does. For example, a while ago, Saturnyan who “belongs” to the Beesty faction sent me a message one day informing me in a friendly way that the things which the Old Guards had been saying about Beesty is upsetting, and he asked me if I can talk with the Old Guards to perhaps get them to be nice with Beesty.

And the opposite happens. One time Beesty went into the profane world to work on a music album. He didn’t want to publicly be associated with ONA for obvious reasons. Who knows what happened between DM and RM, but later some of the Old Guards said a few mean things about Beesty. Then you can see the lines in the faction drawn. You see the “Anton Longians” side with the Old Guards and say mean things about Beesty. And in emails to me I see the Beesty Faction send me messages to ask the OG’s to perhaps calm down. Personally I was upset about the condition of a long and beautiful friendship between DM and RM over something not important. For example, why is it cool and okay for DM to want nothing to do with ONA in public, but when Beesty asks for the same, some of us upset? In Life, the hardest thing to find is True Friendship. If in Life we must suffer, then to suffer with a companion who is always by our side, is a pleasure.

But this is the beauty of ONA. It’s like a Family. In any Family you sometimes get into petty fights and drama. Then you get over it. I was talking to Ryan about this just the other day. In the old days, me and Ryan [known as Kris back then] had this stupid Sibling Rivalry where we were senselessly fighting each other around the place. I was telling him that over the years, I’ve matured and grown up. And like two siblings, you just grow out of the sibling rivalry stage and love each other like brother and sister, always there for each other.

So anyways, who are you going to believe ultimately about ONA: 1) Those random satanic dummies in cyberspace who look at ONA from the outside and speculate and assume shit, or 2) ONA people on the inside who spend time privately talking to the same key people in ONA since old times. Anton Long, the Old Guard, and Christos Beest are still around and “here.” It’s just that with time, and with wyrd, you have other shit to do with your life, besides worship Satan all day long. Last time I heard the Old Guard DarkLogos said he was off to college to learn computer programming or maybe to try to be a cop. RM followed his Wyrd and dharma and is doing his thing with the music and art. DM/AL is following his wyrd/dharma and doing what he does best. Everyone is still around. But with time they have changed a bit.

I find it hard to imagine that at 60 something David Myatt is in Shropshire somewhere chanting and worshiping Satan and trying to open nexions so the Dark Gods can return. This reminds me of a conversation I had long ago with DarkLogos. I was genuinely curious about DM so I asked DarkLogos how David Myatt sees Satan, and if he worships Satan. The reason why I asked at the time was because I looked up to DM and wanted to be like him. I sensed DarkLogos was careful with his words when he answered my question, perhaps to be considerate, so as not to hurt my feeling if I were a true believing Satanist. He said roughly that DM sees Satan as a gateway on the earth which leads people into experiences in life. Something like that. I thought that was a nice answer and took it. I agreed with it actually.

Me and Ryan a few weeks ago were talking about this in private. The conversation started when I made a post in the “backroom” about how my essay called Dreams & Destiny caught the attention of somebody outside of the Satanism and Occult market, and this person has something nice to say about my essay/story. I found what she had to say to be interesting because she didn’t care what ONA was, she wasn’t a person of my usual ONA audience. This got me to see a whole other market beyond occultism I might one day be abler to tap into for ONA. So I was telling Ryan that to tap into this other market I think I have to let go of all the outer trappings of ONA. Ryan tells me back roughly that I’ve stumbled upon something Richard Moult discovered, David Myatt discovered, and now he [Ryan] is beginning to realize: That there comes a moment in time when you See ONA beyond its outer trapping.

When all that remains is the wordless essence, which is not Satanism, or occultism, or anything. I told him back that, I’m barely now beginning to understand what he’s trying to say. We don’t really “leave” ONA. We grow from it and ultimately discover our Wyrd and walk our journey towards that Wyrd in Life. Taking the essence of what we gained from ONA with us in Life’s journey. I told Ryan that someday I will go the way of DM, RM, and him. I’ll grow out of the outer trappings and go on my own life’s quest to find my Wyrd. But like an Alma Mater, ONA – the spirit or essence of what we gain from it – will never leave us. Like a Mother, She [ONA] borns us. Gradually transforms us into a new type of person, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychically. There comes a Time when we all must leave the Nest I suppose.  But a bird is always a bird.

A new assumption about ONA is that ONA got raided in the 80’s or 90’s by MI6. I can’t imagine why on earth for. Combat 18 may have. But ONA? What was ONA in the 70’s? Nothing. It was three separate dark pagan covens. What was ONA during the 80’s? Not anything special. It was 12 people in the field in Shropshire somewhere chanting and doing rites for Dark Gods. I find it hard to believe that secret agents in Britain would raid an oddball coven of 12 devil worshippers in the 80’s. Where’s the proof? But here’s the telling question: “Why the fuck for?” Did ONA people leave it for the BNP? Are we talking about the “Order of Nine Angles” proper or that other stuff like Combat 18 or even Column 88 here? Is every organization and institution the same thing because David Myatt is a member of them? You know how fucking stupid that notion is? The unfortunate thing many people have is that they don’t ever bother to know the actual history and development of ONA objectively. This isn’t implying that I know anything. And so with that ignorance, yeah, you may get shit mixed up and confused. Where you get C18 history mixed up with ONA history or can’t tell the difference. Or don’t know of the difference.

ONA in the early days according to Anton Long himself even was no more than 12 people doing weird things. What was ONA in the 90’s? Ask DM and CB. Or crack open a Xeroxed copy of any olden day Fenrir. Did this ONA run my David Myatt and Richard Moult of this period get raided? How if they were still in business. It was the two of them selling books through the mail? Why on earth would secret agents raid such an enterprise? What’s the threat? Nazi stuff? If you compare ONA writings from the 80’s and those from the 90’s, you’ll see that the 90’s stuff has more of a Nazi flavor. But this was a time when ONA was relatively thriving as an P.O. Box occult enterprise? Much of what is “ONA” actually grows from the period of the 90’s. There was never a raid in the 90’s? During the 2000’s is when ONA began to decline. But even then you had people like Ryan and Hagur and other old school initiates keeping the light on. Do any of you mundanes verify your speculations, narratives, and assumptions? The truth is most often more boring than the urban legends. This goes for ONA too.

Another mundane assumption is that ONA today has revised its history or something? How so? Every text and document which makes up ONA since 1972 is publicly available to be read? You can read a copy of the earliest ONA stuff  – the Deofels – and see ONA as it was when it was a fictional idea in David Myatt’s mind. You can follow chronologically how David Myatt put together the ideas found in Naos which gave birth to ONA. The history of the ONA is in open view for anybody to read and LOOK at. Nobody has to revise shit. New ONA MSS today does not erase or invalidate older ONA MSS. In fact there is 8000 pages worth of ONA history from 1972-2011 compiled in one single PDF book. Nobody revised shit? ONA adds to itself as time passes. ONA in the 80’s was simple and was more like a dark Wicca thing. ONA in the 90’s took on a Nazi element. ONA in the 2000’s became really Satanism oriented. ONA in this decade is a little different. The same core group of people who added onto ONA today, are the same ones who added onto it in the 2000’s the 90’s and the 80’s and 70’s. Like I said, the Usual Suspects are all here still. All it takes is to mingle and network with the right people and you’ll see people in ONA are still talking to these same core people, who are still around, and still giving their guidance.

Scarecrow Three: There Are Many “Anton Longs”

As ignorant outsiders looking in from the outside? Sure. As ignorant people who make assumptions and speculate things, turns these into facts, and never bother to verify your own “facts?” Yeah, sure, anything is possible with assumptions.

Most people who have been in ONA for a while [over ~5 years] who network with other ONA people knows for sure there has been one individual person behind the penname “Anton Long.”

The funny thing is mostly, only the Mundane Satanic public believe this. But on the other hand you have at least five academics recently who interviewed and talked with “Anton Long” for their lectures and papers. These academics in no order are: 1) Dr. C. Senholt, 2) Dr. G. Seig, 3) Dr. C. Monette, 4) Hannah Lindsay, & 5) Dr. James Lewis. I haven’t heard one of them even drop even a hint that different people were behind the “Anton Long” they were speaking with.

I personally didn’t realize the things that go on inside the minds of an academic when doing work like the 5 named academics do. Not until I was speaking with Dr. Monette on one occasion. I realized after one of my conversations with him that somebody like such people hailing from a reputable college, who put in years to get the degrees, credentials, positions, and so on puts there career and reputation on the line when they do a lecture or paper on something like the “Order of Nine Angles.” Because how would they look if the ONA was fake? How would they look if “Anton Long” was just a bunch of trolls using that penname? How would they look doing lectures, writing papers, and textbooks, about something which doesn’t even exist anymore because it’s “dead?” How would they look if the ONA was just a big joke? They put their professionalism and credibility on the line.

I understand most of you Mundane Satanists don’t give a shit for such people, their lives, their careers, and their name/reputation. But look at you. At least they have lives, careers, and a name. You guys? What do you guys have? A youtube channels? A fucking profile in a social network somewhere? What kind of career do you guys have? Most of you guys don’t have a fucking career. Don’t lie. You can’t possibly have a career and spend THAT MUCH time online in chatrooms, and in forums arguing and debating. Some of you guys live online. What have you guys done? You’ve made posts in a forum?

Some of you guys have made 1000’s of posts. Here’s the telling thing. Think about this, cuz it’ll show you just how pathetic and worthless you guys really are. Of all the thousands of posts you Mundane Satanists have made over the years: What became of it all? What measurable impact on anything have all of those thousands of posts actualized? You suggesting to me that all the cyberdrama and dick measuring contests I see makes a positive impact on Satanism and the lives of other people? What have you guys even done as far as End Results goes, which you can point fingers at?

It’s funny watching trends in the Cybersatanism of Mundanes. I’ve seen trends come and go in Satanism since 2004 when I was on MySpace. For a very long time there was a trend where Mundane Satanists believed that a person accomplished in Real Life was a true Satanist. This meme was a mutation of how the Church of Satan does their thing with the way they socially rank you in their hierarchy. But as the years go on by you see the herd of Mundane Satanists hate on certain other Satanists who are accomplished in real life, who have lots of money from their career. And so that trend was dropped.

The next trend to hit Mundane Satanism was that you were considered to be an accomplished Satanist and somebody important if you have published a book. That was the big thing a few years ago. You’d see in their forums when they argue some of them use the line: “Write a book,” as a way to defeat the other person. As if to suggest that if you as a Mundane Satanist have not written a book like they did that you weren’t important. But then Lulu came and every Satanist and their cat self-published books of zero quality. And amusingly you see that trend just slowly drop and die. Nobody these days in the Cybersatanism uses the triumphant line: “Go write a book dude,” anymore. The recent trend of dick measuring in Cybersatanism is to compare how many subscriber your youtube has. You’ll see these Mundane Satanists make themselves look big and important like saying stuff like: “You got 10 subs. I got 2000 dude. Get to my level and we’ll talk.” The real funny thing is to watch how these Mundane Satanists who have accomplished nothing in life talk about and treat people who have accomplished things in life.

So you can compare shit. You take any one of these Mundane Satanist clowns with their 2000 posts in some forum, and take note that nothing substantial or real was actualized or effected in any measurable way. Then you consider just one academic like Dr. Monette, who can simply stand in front of a class and talk, and at the end of the day, he would have effected in a positive way the lives of most of the students he interacts with. What’s that called, what we’re looking at here? It’s called several things. It’s called Competency or lack thereof, meaning you Mundane Satanists are incompetent. It’s called Potency or the Power to effect or lack thereof. Meaning you Mundane Satanists are impotent. You got a dick and you’re swinging it around like you’re a hotshot, but look at your dick though: it’s flaccid and you can’t do shit with it. You guys talk a whole lot of shit, but produce no measurable End Fruit. “By their fruits ye shall judge them.”

You talk a lot of shit about ONA. The group of people in ONA who pass around in Public the idea that there are multiple people behind Anton Long are the Usual Suspects aka the Old Guards. Things said in Public were meant for the Public to consume. And just like lemmings you see the generic Satanic Public consumes what they read online. That’s telling. It tells that you guys are stupid. You read shit online, make your assumptions, make facts out of your conclusions, and believe your own conclusions based on merely what you have read online. Here’s an example of how much you Mundane Satanist in that Public don’t know: How long did it take you guys to know that David Myatt left Islam?

Even after DM’s Wikipedia entry was amended to tell the public that he left Islam, I saw with my own eyes that for at least two years after the amendments you dummies were still talking shit in your forums and networks accusing DM of being a Muslim, saying things like: “The leader of ONA is a Muslim now!” I watched you guys, and I kept a record of the general time it takes for you guys to all realize that DM ditched Islam and returned to his Numinous Way. But on the other hand, in ONA circles, some of us knew DM was no longer into Islam at least a year before anything was made public. We have the emails and private conversations to prove it. And it was our sockpuppet accounts or profiles who kept on telling you Mundane Dummies that DM isn’t Islam no more. We did this for at least 2 years, until you dummies got it. You guys don’t know shit about ONA or the internal stuff of ONA. What you know is what is put out in cyberspace for public consumption for you to read.

There are people in ONA who have built it from the ground up, who have invested their time into the Order for decades. These people have Vested Interest in how the ONA is put together and in the mythos and penname “Anton Long.” Such people are not going to let some random groupings of people just usurp the penname and start writing shit to deface and alter their ONA, their Business, the shit they have decades of Vested Interest in. For example, I put in 5 years to help build up ONA. I’m one of many with Vested Interest. Personally I’m not going to allow some person to take the penname Anton Long and just pass their ideas as bona fide ONA shit. Is this saying that only one person is behind the penname “Anton Long?” No.

I’ll tell a short story. My friends and WSA and I use each others names, for the sake of convenience. For instance if one of my friends has a profile in a forum, and I wanted to make a post, I have the password to log in and make a post. Or they log into what profiles I have and do the same. Or if a name one of us uses is popular with a certain group of people, and we wanted to answer ONA questions, we use that popular name. So different people are behind the nyms we use. But they are all friends I know and trust. Not every “Chloe 352” is me.

The short story deals with me, Ryan of THEM and Dr. Monette. This was about two years ago before I met Dr. Monette or knew him. So one day Ryan shoots me an email and very briefly tells me that someone wants to ask me a few questions. That’s pretty much all he said. So I’m thinking it’s just some random person who perhaps likes ONA who is perhaps just curious about me and wanted to ask me a few question. So I tell Ryan: “Just pretend to be me and use my name. Nobody will know. I know you can pass as me.” Ryan write me back saying roughly: “I don’t know? You have your own style and way of explaining ONA. I don’t think I can pass as you.” I insist he go ahead and pretend to be me. So he writes me back saying: “Chloe, you don’t understand. This isn’t just anybody. He’s a real academic, from a real university. He’s writing a textbook for his university and it going to include a chapter about ONA. I really think this will do us a lot of good. What should I tell him?” So when I saw that I was thinking to myself: ‘Shit! Why didn’t you say so!’ I’ll go out of my way and do whatever I can to accommodate someone like this, who is accomplished in life, an academic, and who has taken an interest in ONA. It means something to me personally. So Dr. Monette and I started talking and became friends. And later he unknowingly was a crucial person in helping me get to where I am today.

The thing with Dr. Monette is people like him have this genuine thing where their name and reputation actually proceeds him. Ryan had already given me Dr. Monette’s details. Your social value increases when others talk about you and give great feedback about you. And so because of Ryan’s and his reputation in ONA, giving me great feedback about Dr. Monette, to me Dr. Monette instantly have desirable social value. Dr. Monette actually didn’t ever have to defeat himself by say to me something like: “Hello, nice to meet you. I’m such and such. Let me spend some time talking about myself and how important I am and why it’s worth talking to me.” He never had to say that because I already knew it. Other people – Ryan – already uplifted him for me. So I placed myself in a cooperative subordinate position since Dr. Monette is much more accomplished in real life than I am, and I tried as best as I could to help him out with what he needed. I simply thought that he was just looking to ask me a handful of questions and go do his work, and my part would be done.

Meanwhile during this same period, I had a giant social problem on my hands which I didn’t know how to get out of. The problem was that in 2011 the Old Guard in private let me be something called the “Outer Rep” of ONA. This was a big social problem, because after the Old Guard let me be this, they all vacated the internet and left me alone. The problem is that unwritten social protocol wasn’t followed. I couldn’t go to ONA people and just say: “By the way, I’m new Outer rep! Just so everybody knows.” It would work against me and would perhaps fracture the ONA.

I’ll try to explain what I’m talking about using experiences I had in high school. In high school my friends and I were taggers. We either joined several tagger crews or made our own. One time we made our own crew from scratch. In the beginning it was just me, a friend of mine named Jason, and one of his friends. Jason was the shotcaller or leader since it was his idea. I quickly recruited a friend of mine into this new crew named Melissa, which was her “tag” actually. And so the four of us began to go out and “write,” for our new crew.

When you start up a new crew and you’re a nobody crew unknown with no “fame,” you can’t go around recruiting people, because nobody will want to join. They’d laugh at you, and you’d lose social credit points on campus for being stupid. So the unwritten protocol here was to first build a name and image for us. We wanted the other kids at school to know that our crew has “style,” meaning when we write on wall, the writing looks nice, creative and it’s not just scribbles. We also wanted them to know that we “got out” which means that even if there were only 4 of us, we were able to get our crew name and our tags up everywhere in the city. All this generates Talk, which you need. The Talk builds up your social value on campus. The more people talk, the more value your crew has.

The next unwritten protocol was to build a reputation or “name” for our crew, “fame” as we call it. We do this by “battling” which just means you cross out an existing crew to fight them or challenge them for territory. This is where some natural politics comes into play. Before we crossed any crew out, we called our friends and cousins who were members of much bigger tagger crews in the area to see if their crews can back us up if and when we need help. Only when we secured back up, did we go out and cross out a random crew. So we did cross out a crew whose members went to our school.

The next day at school the other crew we crossed out and our 4 person crew had a talk where they basically said: “What, you guys wanna battle?” Fortunately all of us taggers on campus were friends, so it was a friendly competition. What we do here is set up the terms and conditions. We first talk about what we were battling for. The agreement was that if we win the battle their crew dissolves, they write for us, we take the turf. If we lose, we disband our crew, write for them. And so we picked what we call “judges” to judge the battle. The judges were other taggers we picked who were neutral. They would judge on the style of our writing, and on how much we got up, and in what places we get up. In our town, you can’t just put up your crew and tag on some random wall. Different places have more value. Which has more value: getting you crew and tag up in an ally somewhere, or on a freeway divider? In this case the freeway divider has much more value than a back ally since it’s more visible. Think advertisement and billboards and what they call “prime real estate.” That’s what I mean.

The battle was to last for 3 nights, after that the judges were to name the winner at school during lunch break. The second night the 4 of us in our new crew realized we were getting our asses kicked because the other crew we challenged had way more members and they were getting all the sweet spots. Plus with only 4 members our spray can number was limited. That means when you run out you can’t tag shit anymore and the other crew wins. So we called for back up the second night. Our back up came and what they do in this case is put up our crew name, and also write up our own tags for us in different places. Third day comes and the judges proclaimed our new crew the winner! And so the crew we challenged effectively disbanded and became a part of our crew. Now we had a crew with many members, and we didn’t have to look lame and recruit.

This is where some political stuff again comes into play, instinctively for us. We knew that to be a crew big enough to get Fame, we needed the guys from the other crew to actually want to be a part of our crew. This mean that we had to keep their crew’s hierarchy intact when we absorbed them into our crew. And so our leader Jason makes the leader of the other [former] crew a shotcaller and a co-leader of our crew. This way, everyone is happy, and nobody loses any privileges, or fame they worked hard for. Then people like me and those close friends of the leader of the other former crew becomes the second top rung in the social ladder of the crew. We were like “managers” or “executives” if the crew was a business. Jason and the other guy [Nick] was like the CEO and President, and so on.

So with our newly expanded crew we spent our time building “fame” which means to just tag, battle to get known. In our school we kept our battles fun. Usually we battled with other crews for either weed or spray cans. Over time, people talk about your crew, you generate a lot of positive feedback on campus, people talk about your writing style, and everybody knows your tag/nym. That’s when the mythos matures. When your mythos/image matures it has the power to attract people to your crew. Meaning people come to you and ask to join. They want to be associated with your crew. You don’t have to look lame and ask people to join. So we started getting people asking to join our crew left and right.

Eventually, when we got big enough and confident enough we did “real” battles. This is when you venture out of the comfort zone of your own high school crews to fight crews from rival high schools. That’s where the real fame [reputation] is generated. Usually when you battle with crews from other high schools, things become violent where the boys will fist fight each other on the street. It’s not fun any longer and you have to use force and intimidation to make sure the other crew sticks with the agreement of battle. Usually in this case the battles are for tagging territory, spray cans, or drugs. We sell the drugs on our campus to make extra money.

So that’s the background of our start up crew. As we were growing our crew, a person on our campus comes up to me and asked if he can join our crew. This has its own customary protocol which is a three step process in our town. The first step is for the guy who wants to join to “turn in his papers.” This just means he write on some paper his tag and his alphabets to show us his different writing styles he has. If you write jalopy, you can’t join cuz your scribbling makes us look bad. So I told the guy – his name was Tommy – to give me his papers and I’ll pass it to the shot callers to look at, and he does.

Second step is after the shotcallers reviews your papers, they have a sit down with you to give you “the test.” This is just when they ask you questions to see if you actually know shit about tagging. Usually the questions are about “tips.” Tips are the little caps on top of the spray can which the paint flies out of. We call them “tips” in our town. In our town we name tips after sports balls based on the size of the output of the tip. Meaning that if a tip makes a dot the size of a golf ball, we call that a “golfball tip.” If a tip makes a dot the size of a basketball, it’s called a basketball tip. The tip most spray cans come natively with are called “Pencil Tips,” because the lines it makes are very skinny. Pencil tips are useless and you don’t ever use them to write shit with.

Different tips are used for different things in tagging, in our town.  So the shot callers would ask you questions like: “What’s a tip which makes skinny lines called and what’s it used for?” The only acceptable answer would be: “It’s called a pencil tip and you use it to only outline murals.” Or this question: “What’s a basketball tip used for?” The answer would be that basketball tips is used to fill in murals and blocks. Or this question: “What tip would you use to write your shit with?” The only acceptable answers would either a golfball tip or a baseball tip for freeway dividers. Then there are questions like: “Tell me when the appropriate time would be to use ‘crazy style.’” Crazy style is a term used to describe a certain number of writings styles where the style of the letters are so creative and crazy you can barely read them. In our town the only acceptable answer is you only use crazy style with your name and never with the crew name. Because you want people to always be able to read the crew name/letters.

So once the guy passes his test, then the shot callers gives him the third step, which is to give him a night to go out to write, to physically demonstrate that he not only has the style, but also that he walks the walk and will actually do the do and tag at night with you. You don’t want “Toys.” A Toy is a derogatory term for a person who dresses like a tagger, acts like a tagger, talks like a tagger, but has never tagged shit and is scared to risk getting caught by the cops. Toys play the part, but aren’t real. If your crew consists of nothing but toys, no work gets done. So Jason and our other leader liked Tommy’s style, and he passed his test, so they told him to go out and put up the crew name and his name. He did and was accepted a full member the next day.

People like me who are in the second top rung of the social order of this crew have our own role to play. We pretty much “manage” the membership of the crew making sure everyone gets along. Everything has to flow smoothly. If there is in-fighting, then that fractures your crew which means it is too incoherent to get any work done. This type of job requires good old fashion social skills. My “job” was to be like a social worker. I made sure new comers like Tommy felt accepted, felt like they belonged, and I tried to get the other crew member to like Tommy and to want to hang out with him. Usually you do this by just having house parties, inviting the new guy, introduce him to everyone, and so on.

The other “job” of people like me in the crew is more subtle. The crew has a structure and a social order to it. We have two leaders. Below that are the management level kids, and so on. We also have “customs” and rules or regulations everyone has to follow. All this has to be instilled in the new comer. A new comer can’t just join the crew and not listen to the shot callers, or follow our rules and regulations. In other words, the culture of the crew has to be instilled into each new member. One rule and regulation we had was that it’s forbidden for us or any crew in our area to tag up the hills where we lived. We only tag up the flats, which is the poor part of the city. If any person in our town does not follow that agreed rule, they get physically assaulted. Another rule our town had was that when you turn 18, you age out and stop tagging. It looks lame if you are an adult and you get busted for vandalism. That in turn makes our crew look lame.

So, to get these new comers to go with the structure of the crew and follow orders from the shot callers, management level kids like me work our natural PR skills to talk up the shot callers. “Talk up” means when you talk about someone, to lift them up, make them look cool. You create an “air” or envelope of Image or Aura for the leaders. You work on subtly getting other people in the crew to also talk up the shot callers. This builds up their mystique and charisma.

It’s all a symbiotic affair. Everyone has vested interest. The leaders have vested interest in the sense that being leaders is cool for them and they have power. People in the second social rung want their position because it’s a power position. You have some power over the other crew members. So the leaders need the second rung kids to uplift them, and the second rung kids need the leaders to maintain their position and status. The other kids want have vested interest in the sense that belonging to a respected crew gives them “fame” which on campus means they are cool, popular. This in turn means they get the best girls for girlfriends or they set trends/policies [power over other students]. The leaders and management level kids need the crew members because they do the work and are our foot soldiers, so we want to keep them happy.

So our new guy Tommy began to show signs that he wasn’t like most of our general membership. As soon as Tommy was accepted a full member and felt like he belonged, he went out every night to write for the crew by himself. Later he makes close friends with another crew member and the two of them are out together writing nearly every night by themselves. We praised them for their work they put in naturally.

About a month after he joined this Tommy guy has recruited some of his friends and cousins into our crew. Now Tommy has his own little faction of our crew and his faction was out every other night writing for our crew. And his faction was out performing the rest of our general membership. This was something we took careful note of. It was a good thing.

A couple months after Tommy joined, he and his faction take the initiative to battle other crews from other schools, and they handle their business. We of course join the battles. But we – shot callers and management – took note of this. It was something great! Here was a guy who not only didn’t have to be told what to do, but he has the ability to make his own faction, put out work, and take initiatives that benefitted our crew. So the shot callers then had a meeting between themselves and us management level crew members.

At the meeting the first leader Jason says to us: “So what do you all think about Tommy?” One of my fellow second rung kids said: “Man, Tommy is the shit. He does the work of half of our crew.” I nodded in agreement and added: “I really like him. He certainly adds fame to the crew.” So our other leader – Nick – says: “Yeah, me and Jason were thinking of making him a shot caller. He definitely has what it takes. What do you guys think?” All of us in management level basically said “hell yeah.” So the meeting ended with all of us agreeing to make Tommy a shot caller. This is easier said than done, and requires social skills and political skills because of the problems and issues. The problem was that Tommy was very new to the crew and we had at the time crew members who were in our crew for months and even a year. What’s these crew members going to say and how will they react when some kid only a few months new in our crew suddenly is made a shot caller? If things are done wrong, the crew membership can fracture and there would be in-fighting, and our crew would fall apart, and we’d be assed out of our power status on campus.

So our top two social rungs in our crew had a second meeting, this time with Tommy. At the meeting our leader Jason basically said to Tommy: “We think you got skills man. You can write. You bust your ass going out every other day writing. You run your own clique which you made by yourself. We need what you got to make this crew better. We want you to be a shot caller with us. What do you think?” Tommy lets us know that he thinks being a shot caller would be awesome. Even when he was praised, Tommy was humble and never showed signs of being arrogant or egotistic. He still paid he respects to the two leaders properly.

And so Jason and Nick sits Tommy down to give him the game plan. There is stuff we have to do the right way, or we fuck everything up. He’s still new to the crew, and the other members might get upset or jealous or envious and shit. Things have to be done right. So I put in my two cents for Tommy and said: “We’ll help you as best as we can, to make you a shot caller, but you gotta meet us half way and help yourself, if this is to be done right. We can’t just tell everybody you’re now a shot caller all of a sudden.” He makes it known that he understands and is willing to cooperate and make it work. He’ll meet us half way. So Jason and Nick tells Tommy to hang out with me from now on, on campus and do what I say. He agrees.

The things I tell my new “protégé” Tommy to get him into our crew’s regime the right way were instinctive social stuff. The first thing I instructed Tommy to do from then on was hang out with us – the two leaders and management level – more often now than with the other crew members. You want to be seen every day hanging out with us. Another thing I told Tommy to do was to keep physically distant from the other crew members. Just give them a quick handshake or pat on the back. On the other hand, he has to now be physically close to us. We hug each other, be touchy-feely with each other publicly so everybody can see. And we’re all now going to talk to each other differently too.

Before, we talked to Tommy with normal every day English. But in our inner circle – the two leaders and management – since we’re all just close friends we talked to each other with a “Familiar Register” of English. In Khmer there is such a thing as a Familiar Register you use to talk with only your close peers. Each register in Khmer has its own lexicon and would actually be nearly a different dialect of Khmer altogether. The Familiar Register in rank is below the common-vulgar register even. For example in Vulgar Khmer the word “To Eat” is “Si” [as in See]. It’s not right if you are from a high class family to use that word, we at least use the Common register word “Nyam” which means the same thing. The Familiar Register word for “to eat” is “Chrass” which is incredibly barbaric. It’s used only to describe how an untamed dog or animal eats, as in it senselessly Devours and sucks its food, and leaves a mess on its mouth. The word Chrass has a shade of feeling of disgust. You only use Familiar words like this with your peers with whom you are very intimate.

In English the “Familiar Register” here in California would be when your best friend comes over and you say things like: “Hey bitch, you wanna fucking grub on shit, or what?” And your friend says: “Yeah, gimme those fries cunt, Imma stuff my ass with it.” So when you use this “register” of English, other people around you and your friend understands that you and your friend are Familiar and buddy-buddies with each other. So that’s what we did with Tommy. The two leader boys and us used the Familiar Register of English with Tommy, and he met us half way and used it with us.

When you’re from a culture with many different registers like Khmer or Thai, you are sensitive to relationships because who you use your language shows what type of relationship you have with the person you are talking you. In my culture, you socially learn to fear and respect two registers, the very bottom Familiar Register and the very top register. The top register is used by kings, politicians, judges, and people who can put your ass in jail and take your freedom away. The Familiar Register is uses by people who are very close to each other, where that if you fuck with one guy, his homie will fuck with you. On the battlefield when you are in the army in these cultures you talk the Familiar Register with your close comrades. The relationship here shows that such types in this case who use this Familiar Register are types who will kill and die for each other. You don’t want to fuck with people who use the Familiar Register, because when you fuck with one, you fuck with all of their buddies, or they will kill you.

Same shit in English. There are only two types of “registers” you show have a healthy respect for, The top register used by lawyers, judges, and so on because those are people who can take your freedom away and put you in prison. And then the Familiar Register you here between people like intimate gang associates. They’ll kill you. But everything in between those two registers are used by yuppies and bitches in Life who can’t do shit to you. An intellectual with his Library Register English of smart sounding bookworm words acting all smart like, is a worthless bitch in life. If you kicked one of them in the face the most he’d do is write a dissertation about how you assaulted him.

We all were touchy-feely with Tommy, bear hugging him and all when we see him, and he met us half way and did it to us also. Then we also had casual hang outs where it was just the two leaders, us in management, and Tommy. We want to get the other kids in our crew used to the image of Tommy being close to us in their emotions. To vaccinate them, if you will, to the idea that Tommy is a shot caller. This way, when we do announce that he is a shot caller, the emotional reaction won’t be as acute or sharp.

We also did other things. When we plan to get together to write, we usually meet up together somewhere on the street at night, touch base with everyone, go over the plans, and then buddy up everybody. In our crew we always try to be safe by pairing up everybody with someone, especially girl members. This way you can take turns tagging, while the other watches your back for the pigs. You need the buddy system when you are running around the freeways at night tagging up shit. Because if you’re not looking or not paying attention, panic, think some car is a cop car, you might get hit by a car. So at these on-site base touching meetings what the two leaders do is they do their thing and touch base with everybody, and then they step aside and let Tommy do the job of pairing people up. That’s when he does his part to meet us half way, where he uses his social skills he’s developed with those members to get them to pair up as he orders.

We can do all we can to make you a shot caller, right? But if we let you call the shots, and you don’t have the social skills or leadership skills to get people to do what you say, you didn’t meet us half way. There isn’t anything we can do for you in this case, you see what I’m saying. So Tommy had to put in the effort to do his part and use what social skills he had to work with the other kids. And he did spend time with everybody to develop bonds with them. So they had no problems following orders from him. And to make things look right and smooth, the two leaders and us in management level would also follow his orders. Meaning that when he points to me and someone and says like: “Black Mike, can you team up with Chloe? I don’t want her and Melissa together, it’s too dangerous for two girls to be running around at this time.” So I’d comply with a smile and put my arms around Mike to let everybody know I have no problems taking orders from Tommy. Even though technically Tommy was still in social rank actually below me at that time. And the two leaders were cool too. They say things to Tommy something like: “Team me up with someone different. I’m tired of Nick.” This is called “show by example.” If the shot callers and management level kids follow Tommy’s orders, than its more likely that the other kids be more open emotionally to follow his orders.

So Tommy had the skills to be a shot caller, and he worked hard to meet us half way very well. After a while of this was the most socially important time when it is made “official.” This is just when somebody of “authority” or is respected in the crew introduces Tommy to the general membership as a shot caller. It’s just like how we see Obama does things. He picks a person to fill an office like the head of the CIA. There is social protocol to follow where he – being an authoritative figure or respected person of government – spends some time Talking Up about the guy he picked, what things the guy did to be picked, and Obama give the guy his emotional support. In charisma class, you’re told that being introduced to a group by a person with status will give you a quick status fix, but that status will quickly dissipate. Once you get that initiate quick status fix, you have to bust your ass to do your part to develop your own status. If you can’t do that – can’t meet the power structure giving you and opportunity half way – than you fail yourself and there isn’t anything any leader or person of status can do for you.

So at the socially important meeting Jason and Nick – our two leaders – stands flanking Tommy in front of all of us at a causal house part. They basically say something like, as they have their arms wrapped around Tommy: “We all know and love Tommy right? He busts his ass off for our crew. Everybody knows this right? We’ve all seen him do his shit. We think he has what it takes to be a shot caller. He deserves it. Everybody agree?” All of us on the management level of course nod our heads and cheer for him. Tommy has spent time making strong bonds with most of the other crew members who like him, so they nod their heads too in approval. Then Jason says: “Cool. Then it’s official.” That’s it. Of course there were a small few in the crew who did not like the idea that a new recruit all of a sudden was made shot caller. But things were done right, and Tommy did his part, and so most of the general membership were cool with it. This meant that it didn’t matter if two or 3 guys didn’t like the idea. They can leave the crew if they are asshurt.

So in 2011 the Old Guard SM let me be Outer Rep, and then the Old Guards vacated cyberspace. They left me with something I wasn’t able to claim or work with since nobody of respect in ONA “introduced” me to ONA as the new Outer Rep. Never, ever talk about yourself like you are important or make claims. You just cannot do it, because it hurts you and works against you. I had to wait for somebody of status and respect to talk me up on their own accord, or I’d ruin everything for myself. In other words, other people had to make the claim for me. It was fortunate that in ONA we all have a general certain amount of respect for the Old Guard. So they did their part, and I had to try to meet them half way.

My first big break came several months when Julie Wright briefly mentions something about this. In ONA circles Julie Wright is a person of interest because she is a confidant of David Myatt, exchanges private letters with him, and write his biography sometime. So it was a huge benefit socially for her to even briefly mention anything of this matter. But still, even when Julie Wright did say something, it still wasn’t enough for me to make any claims publicly. I had to wait, and wait. During which time I just did my part and worked on my own status and bonds with key people in ONA.

Happenstantially, the big break I need was Dr. Monette. He came a whole year almost after Old Guard SM let me be Outer Rep. During which time I made no big claims in public. I honestly thought and believed that all Dr. Monette wanted from me were two or three statistics about ONA and WSA. I gave him the answers he needed and he was off to write his stuff. Personally that was enough to make me very happy. I think it’s great that someone like Dr. Monette would be interested in ONA enough to write a chapter on it.

So a few months pass by and Dr. Monette gives me a copy of the ONA chapter which was to be inserted into his college textbook. I was simply expecting a general overview of ONA. Stuff I had read before. But my expectations were very wrong. Dr. Monette is very knowledgeable. The value he presents is that he has a host of knowledge about stuff outside of ONA and he can use what he knows to augment what we know of ONA. Which in itself in invaluable. For example Dr. Monette has a lot of knowledge on ancient Arabic Occult stuff, and unpublished Arabic occult books. So he uses what he knows of this and Indic culture to help us out with gaining a different perspective of what “Nine Angles” meant in ancient times in Arabia and India. But anyways, as I was reading his chapter on ONA looking for my meager statistical information I gave, I notice something surprisingly cool and unexpected. Dr. Monette was nice enough to make a part in the chapter about the post of Outer Representative, and he names the new Outer Rep in this part!

That was the big introduction I was waiting for, for a whole year patiently. And wyrd has it that you really do meet the right people at the right time. Dr. Monette came into my life’s path at the right time, and he unexpectedly said the right things. The value here for me, is that you have a person of authority – he’s an accomplished academic with a high ranking position at his university – and he introduces the public to the ONA and to the concept of what an Outer Rep was and who the current one is. The other value is that he is a person outside of the ONA who put in the time to interview key people in ONA like Ryan, Anton Long, and others, and from the data he collected he finds out on his own terms who the current Outer Rep is. This helps me out greatly because I don’t have to make any claims. The unwritten protocol is that other people must talk about you and make the claims.

The other value in what Dr. Monette did was that before he “officialized” that chapter he wrote he sent out draft copies – which was the first one I got – to key people in ONA to look over for errors and whatnot. These key people were people like Anton Long, Richard Moult, and Ryan of THEM. To me, this was extremely important in my own way. Because that chapter mentions the Outer Rep and names the current one. And this chapter was given to the very same guys who created the ONA over the years: Anton Long, and Richard Moult [Beesty].

So for me, I wanted to hear from Dr. Monette what these other people said and how they felt about the content of his chapter. If they liked it and approved. Because for me it was like a “peer review.” You have in that chapter an academic person stating that some person named “Chloe 352” is the current Outer Rep, which in a footnote was stated to be confirmed by Julie Wright who is known Myatt “fanclub” circles to be a close associate of DM’s. If Anton Long and Beesty were to tell Dr. Monette something like: “That’s a nice chapter sir. But who the hell is this Chloe 352? Who died and made her Outer Rep? Where did you get this bogus information from?” It means I have a huge problem. But if they approve of the content after actually reading it, then it at least tells me that everything is cool and in order. Fortunately – thank wyrd – the key people the drafts were given to review approved of the content and liked it. Everything fell into place. I send out my thanks and appreciation to the Old Guards, to Ryan, Julie Wright, Beesty Boy, and Dr. Monette.

Closing Remarks

I won’t even tell people to believe a single word or claim made by ONA people about ONA stuff. What I will say and urge is that you, the sincere seeker, put in your own genuine effort to do your own research. Don’t take the opinions and assumptions of people outside ONA at face value. You’re better than that. Is it intelligent to make facts out of and believe with conviction the opinions, claims, speculations, and assumptions of others without verifying this data? Likewise, don’t take anything some person – me or anyone – in ONA says about ONA at face value. Why not? Because in either case it’s biased data. That’s being real with you. You can’t trust me because I have vested interest in ONA and I have an emotional attachment to it, meaning I don’t see it Objectively. Thus, my opinions and data I present about it are biased. This is one telling trait of the Mundane: they will not verify their data. It’s simply easier – mental laziness – to make facts out of their own assumption.

Diversify you sources and try to verify data. I place a certain amount of value in the work academics do because at least they try to be Objective and unbiased, and level headed. Act like a detective and start your research on ONA from the very beginnings. Locate the earliest ONA writings to figure out how it may have started, and what it was intended to be. Put in some time to read stuff by neutral “third party” people such as academics and scholars.

From my own personal perspective and research it appears that ONA began in the mind of David Myatt initially as a fictional thing he used to write a story around. I base this conclusion on the very first ONA writings such as the stories you find in the Deofel Quartet. I also based this conclusion on my own experience with related things. Much of the stuff that became “WSA” began in my own mind as fictional elements of a quasi-sci-fi story line I have been casually working on for many years. It’s the only way I know how to produce a highly creative state of mind. It’s very hard to explain. When you’re in that state of mind where you are making a painting, making music, or writing fiction, you tap into this “impulse of creativity.” And so because what you are creating doesn’t have to be “real” you don’t inhibit yourself. You just let your imagination run wild.

So in that state of creative impulse what I do during my quiet times is dream a story line of my sci-fi thing. Then I flesh it out and put things into writing, or scribble sketches of things. Like for example I like to draw factious maps of continents and invent races of people. Then I like to do what Tolkien and ilk do which is to try to invent for each race of people I think up their one language and culture and religion. This give me the creative freedom to just make up whatever for their religion and world views.

One time long ago [~7 years] I was doing this, and I pictured an alien race with a spiritual way of life which had for its symbol a conjoined Trident & Sickle. In my mind they marched in giant groups in a parade holding black banners with this symbol on it. So I sketched this symbol down. Years later I met Saturnyan who knew how to make logos, and after describing this logo to him, he made me the “WSA’s” Trisickle symbol. A lot of the beliefs and spiritual views that ended up being “WSA’s” memeplex thing came from this same imaginative process. I’m not interested in writing science fiction. But for me the sci-fi alternative world I have made is simply a tool I use to stimulate a very rich state of mind and state of heightened creativity.

There are two topical quotes I like by Einstein that fit here: 1) “The greatest scientists are artists as well,” & 2) “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” And then I love this one by a different person: “Imagination is all that stands between us and still living in caves. It’s the source of every form of human achievement in literature, in science, in the arts, in relationships, in business, in the economy. It is at the root of every distinctively human achievement, and it’s the one thing that I believe we’re jeopardizing it in the way we educate our children and ourselves. In education we spend most of our time trying to stifle it, or to inhibit it in some way. Not deliberately, but systematically.” – Sir Ken Robinson

That’s the one single thing I have noticed with ONA. Its gift of charisma is rooted in not the thousands and thousands of pages of so called ONA MSS. But in the creative and imaginative minds of the many people that make up the “ONA.” The imaginative and creative minds of David Myatt, Richard Moult, people like Magister Hagur and Ryan. The mythos itself is like a pregnant womb of imaginative creativity. It’s because of that creativity – the matrix of creative impulse – that gave birth to the ideas and symbolism, which became “ONA,” and which fruited to become those ONA MSS, the chants, the rites, the symbolism in the Sinister Tarot etc. If the day comes when ONA loses that creative impulse, it would be the day when ONA becomes stale like old bread – stifled – and dead: Lifeless, and not Vitally Vivacious and Thriving with Life. This is the one single potent gift people like Anton Long and Christos Beest have given to the ONA. And you can find that gift in the oldest ONA texts by DM, and in the most inspiring ONA stuff by Beesty like his artistic and mystical works.

ONA in the 80’s from what little data I have seems – seems – to be more like a small sect of “dark wiccans.” A lot of the “Traditional Satanism” of ONA shares cultural memes in common with the “Traditional Witchcraft” of Great Britain; the descriptor “Traditional” here is a give away. In the 90’s ONA changed if face and it can be seen to develop into a Neo-Nazi-esque thing. The 2000’s seemed to be a quiet time for ONA. Its season of thriving ebbed away. During this time you have very little activity. Saved for Ryan and his Temple of THEM and the several old school ONA Initiates who associate with THEM. ONA in period has a new face. As it should. And it feels like ONA is beginning to once again enter a cycle/season of thriving. The ebb and flow of ONA is really much like the tide isn’t it? Junk builds up on the beach. The tide comes and washes the beach clean. The tide ebbs. A new thriving happens on the beach. Junk builds up. And the tide comes again to wash things away, so the next season of thriving can happen.

So there is some truth to what the Mundane Satanists say about ONA. The Order of Nine Angles has changed. As it always has from decade to decade. But yet, within ONA can always be found the same key people, if you would just put in the effort to look for them and perhaps even talk to them.

ONA has never had a leader. It never will. And by the look of the many people who associate with ONA – their temperament and mentality – I would say that most ONA people won’t put up with any person claiming leadership of ONA. As it should be.

There is the traditional way of the sevenfold way which has names for each grade. One being Grand Master or Grand Mistress. This is not a power-trip title of authority over others. It is a name which marks your own progress along a way you walk as an individual Sinister Initiate.

There are only 7 Grades/Degrees in the Sevenfold Way. Hence the name “Seven” fold Way. The 7^th Degree is named “Immortal,” and you can only get it when you die an Initiate of the Order. In a practical way, “Immortal” here means immortal like Crowley, LaVey in the occult world. They are dead, but yet they still live on in the hearts and minds of many people today. Dead, but still influencing and inspiring from the grave. More better, immortal describes people like Washington and Lafayette who led revolutions to inaugurate into being great republics. Whose fight long ago, we today still benefit from. Immortal like Muhammad, Buddha, Krishna, and Jesus. Dead, but more Alive than they were. Dead, but still effecting, influencing, and inspiring humanity. That is the ultimate and greatest of practical magickal achievements. To be Immortal. To have left a mark on humanity. Only the genuine Adept of Life will ever be able to become Immortal like this. Immortal, in the collective spirit of humanity. Of all the billions and billions of humans who walked the earth, so very few are still alive in our collective psyche. There is in ONA no adept grade or degree beyond the 7^th.

No one single person or group of people owns or controls the ONA. This simply can’t be, since it was designed to be a grab bag of tools the individual uses on their own terms to walk that wyrdful path to self-becoming. No single person or group of people dictates to ONA or to other ONA people what ONA should be and what ONA people would do, or should believe or unbelieve. Like it’s been said long before, to each ONA initiates, your own experience in life is your own authority in ONA.

After 40 years of continuous existence the ONA has developed into something with a recognizable pattern, if you know how to look. Most people in ONA understands this natural. Some few egotistic types have a hard time understanding.

ONA after 40 years is like a train which has been moving for 40 years. You can’t stop it. This doesn’t mean to say that ONA is so great it can’t be stopped. It means that a certain Way, Tradition, has been set into motion 40 years ago and this Way has been spinning like a bike wheel for 40 years. It’s hard if not impossible to stop a moving train in it tracks to make it change direction. For example, just because you have a distaste for some aspect of ONA, you can’t stand in front of this train and tell it to stop and change. It can’t stop. It will go right over you. The Tradition when it has become a Tradition creates itself. All you can do is make your own personal style of ONA, which was the genuine ONA Initiate is supposed to do anyways. ONA isn’t an Order you belong to or are a member of. It’s the name of a grab bag of tools you use on your own time, in your own way. You don’t have to use every tool. You are free to cherry pick. But give that same freedom to others.

The best example to give about this topic is one I am familiar with. It’s an invented language called “Esperanto.” Esperanto was made by a Jewish doctor in the 1800’s who wished for the world to have a common single language so all of humanity can be one happy peaceful Zionist family. The problem with this guy’s invented language is that this guy imbued Esperanto with his Jew weltanschauung. He also imbued Esperanto with the popular sentiments of his era. His own male-oriented paradigm also taints Esperanto.

And so Esperanto has no words proper for anything female. Here’s the Jew weltanschauung at work. In the Jewish myth God makes Man first [Adam]. And only second, he makes the lowly woman Eve. He takes Eve out from the side of Adam. And wouldn’t you know, Esperanto reflects that Jew-View [that rhymes]. In Esperanto, the female is an appendage of the male. Here what I mean. The Esperanto word for a “Boy” is “Knabo.” The word for a girl is “Knabino.” Father is “Patro.” “Mother” is “Patrino.” “Uncle” is “Onklo,” while “Aunt” is the ugly “Onklino.” In Esperanto the appendage –ino is what the female is reduced to. Just a simple side order or side attachment to male words. In this fucked up language – I think it’s still cool in an anthropological way – there is no such thing as a standalone word for a woman. In Esperanto the woman cannot exist without the man. There is no Virino [woman] without the Viro [man].

This is one of many things people have gripes about with Esperanto. And so over the past 200 years as more people learn Esperanto, it becomes such that many people try to change Esperanto. To make it “better.” To make it less sexist. And so these reformation groups invent new words, and try to make Esperanto adopt their ideas and new words. All reformation attempts have thus far failed. Why is this? Because Esperanto here is a reific noun. It does not exist and a “thing” you can simple dictate change in. What exists are ~11 million individual users of the memeplex called Esperanto. It is near impossible to try to debate and convince all 10 million individual users to adopt your ideas and words of reformation. It is just not possible. Not in 200 years! You can’t stop a moving train and change its course.

While we’re on the topic of pigs. Here’s something esoteric which bugs me about Christianity, particularly ancient Catholicism. So in the collective body of humanity which gender is the one which gives Birth/Life to new humans? It’s the Female right. Women, like God, are the only ones who have the power to make people. So when we give birth something universal happens called “Breaking Water.” I’ve never given birth yet, but my aunts and mother has. Your water breaks and gushes out. And then the baby comes out bathed in that water. Keep that universal symbolism in mind now.

So now you have this patriarchal church made up of old men. These men have uterus envy. There Rite of Baptism is entirely based on their wish to be women. So they teach in their doctrines that you’re not really born, or really fully humans until what? Until one of them breaks water over you. Right? That’s what a baptism is. You put the new born baby over a vat of “holy water” a man breaks water on the babies head, and the man names the baby. This, so they imply makes the baby fully human. It’s truly born now. Before, when it’s mother borned it and baptized it with her Natural Life Giving Waters, it didn’t count. It’s like their saying: “No, no, no! That doesn’t count! We men have to break the water. Let us give birth to it!” So, once these men baptize you, what is it said you have become? “Born Again.” That being born from a woman doesn’t count for anything. You must be born again thru a man, with their prop vat of hocus pocus water. He has to break water over you. And then here’s the thing that gets me: These same men then turn around and say that WE – WOMEN – have penis envy!

Here’s another esoteric thing about this topic which bugs me. Their patriarchal God – Christian’s God – is a Sky Dick. Think about it. Why do I say this? What’s God in Christianity? He’s Three Things In One. What’s a Penis? It’s Three Things In One. First a penis is their piss organ. Pee comes out of the thing. Second their penis is their sex organ. They not only piss with it, but they have sex with it too. And then third, their penis is their reproductive organ, meaning it shoots sperm and delivers the sperm. That’s three in one.

But you look back in ancient times and you have mostly what? Triads of Dieties. Like the Hindu Triad. Our stuff is a divine triad. If you ever pay attention to your own stuff. Our piss organ is its own thing. Our sex organ is our clitoris which doesn’t pee. And our reproductive thing is the vaginal cavity/orifice, which is its own separate thing. They are three separate things close to each other. A triad, if you will. And it’s the clitoris which has been the thorn in the side of these moralistic right hand path patriarchal religions, because our clitoris has no other function besides generating sexual pleasure. So the question arises then: “Why did God – any god – make the clitoris?”

There’s this old story my aunt-mother tells me often. One day three kings are hanging out together and they engaging in a debate. The king who starts the debate tells his friends that he will give a lot of gold to the winner. And so he asks his friends: “My fellow kings. What is the most powerful thing in the world? A King, Liquor, or Women?”

So one of the kings stands up and says: “My friends, the answer is we are. A king is the most powerful thing in the world. We command the lives of every person in our kingdom. They live and die by our grace. If we make a command, everyone follow our order. We command the making of liquor. And we own the best of the women. Therefore, I say we kings are the highest power.”

The other King stands up and says: “My fellow kings, I beg to differ. Liquor is the most powerful. For although it may be correct that we kings have such power. The right amount of liquor can make a most powerful of kings a fool. How many of our subjects are controlled by liquor more than they are controlled by us? Liquor, my fellow kings, is the most powerful of all things in the world.”

The third king who started the debate stands up and says to his friends: “You are both wrong. The most power thing in the world are women. We are born from them. Wars are fought over them. They intoxicate us more than liquor. They control even the hearts of the mightiest king. They have the power to drive the most powerful king and saintly of men mad. And our very gods cannot compete with the beauty of even one woman! For in her presence we forget our gods, abandon our moral precepts, and behave like depraved animals. Women, my friends, are the most powerful thing in the world.”

But this is a completely different subject.

Anyways. As I was saying. You can’t stop a moving train and make it change its course. No single person or group of people can change the ONA. That’s not a rule. It’s an insight. The ONA does not exist and an organized institution where some group of people can sit down and plan and discuss what is and isn’t ONA, or what ONA should and should be. It is an individualistic Way. Each individual Initiate is their own autonomous authority of their own ONA Way. The only realistic way to change ONA, is to convince every single ONA person in the world to agree with your ideas of change and this is not plausible or practical. But that’s the beauty of culture and tradition. It owns itself and it will develop itself with Time.  Like Mr. Wilson of the 1734 Tradition said: it owns us. It is we that alter our self-identity to fit the Tradition or Culture. We are only a mere aspect and part of a culture, like a cell to a body. Like how each independent Sinister Initiate is a nexion/cell of the memeplex of ONA.

It’s not a bad thing that non-ONA people talk about ONA. It’s a great thing. If we were irrelevant, nobody would be talking about us. Even better is the telling sign that when they talk about ONA, they seem to invest emotions into their dislike of ONA. It must really mean something to you if you actually invest emotions into hating ONA. I can name a list of Satanic and Occult orders that these same people don’t even bother investing emotions into hating or giving enough shit about to talk about such groups. How often do you see one of these Mundane Satanists hate on and make long threads about BOTA? Most of those ignorant fools don’t even know what BOTA is, or gives a shit. But yet they give a shit about ONA, enough to make long threads about it. Enough to hate it. Enough to make youtube videos about it. And so on.

It’s also a good thing, and a telling thing, that these Mundane Satanists talk shit about ONA people. If you were popular in any social setting, you’d know this to be true. The minute they stop taking, they fade into nothingness where nobody will ever remember their names or who they were, or what they were about. We don’t have to talk. For example Blackwood spent 13-15 years talking and talking in the Satanic subculture. Then he stops talking. Now we ask ourselves, what had all that talking he did done which is measurable? Who remembers even a word he said. But people like an Anton Long or LaVey don’t have to talk, and people still know them, and people still follow them, and are inspired and influenced by them.

I have met many ONA Initiates during these past 5 years, and most of you have a health set of social skills. You don’t realize the value and worth of social skills, in context to the environment you are in. The context is the Satanic subculture. We examine it to see what types of people make up a majority of this so called subculture. The types they are mostly are the social rejects and social misfits we find in high school. They are people at the bottom of the social barrel, who lacked the skills to make a friend, maintain a relationship. They are the nerds and geeks and dweebs of every high school. They find Satanism. It empowers them because it colors their social disability as something powerful called nonconformity and antisocialism. So when you watch these Satanic forums and satanic networks and you see all of these hundreds of Mundane Satanists, what you are in reality looking at is a cybernetic collection of all the world’s school kids who never had the skills to make it in human life. They are humanly dysfunctional. And it shows obviously in their forums. No single thread they make in these forums every produces anything productive. It usually devolves into a display of social dysfunctionalism.

You take a survey of a general cross section of these Mundane Satanists, and you’ll see that on average, your average Mundane Satanist, in real life, had accomplished little to nothing, this is giving the jobs they have as a “something” productive, and giving the college some of they take as a big “something.” It corresponds with their lack of social skills. Humans are social animals, and so without social skills you won’t be effective in the Human Arena. It they lack the skills to make it socially in school, they also lack the skills to make it big in the real world. They will lack the skills to get promotions at their jobs. To get the best dates. And to effectively inspire and influence anything. They believe that their cyberchatterings in their forums and networks will productively do something for and with Satanism. As if to suggest that the many drama threads and arguments over sematic shit which litters most of their forums and networks will evolve Satanism, or whatever they are into. Just having social skills puts you on the higher ground in respect to these Mundane Satanists.

Do you want to be like these people? This mundane breed, who are so mentally lazy that they won’t even bother to verify their own speculations and assumptions? A breed which lacks basic human social skills to even maintain a friendship? A mundane breed of people who have lost the power of imagination and creativity? A breed which is spiritually dead. Whatever they touch loses its spirit and dies. Once I liked LaVeyan Satanism, as LaVey made it in the Satanic Bible. But these Mundane Satanisms stripped this clean of all the imagination, all the creativity, the rituals and rites, the pageantry, the color, and vitality. And with their mundane minimalist paradigm they turn their Satanism into a dead and dry and lifeless set of opinions to carry around in their heads. That god doesn’t exist. That matter is all there is. That what they know is all that exists in the cosmos. And as different and special they believe themselves to be, they live their secular lives the same as the Secular Jew, the Secular Christian, the Secular Buddhist, and the generic secularist. They are average and common. A business mentor once taught my friends and I that if you think like average people think, believe like average people believe, do like average people do, see the world like average people see it, and live life like average people live, then mathematically, you too are average. It is when you remove yourself from that average equation that you will be able to one day find your above average potential in life, to rise above that sea of commonness and mediocrity. And that is the very essence of the word Mundane: Common. Just like everyone else.

When such common people, in their sea of commonness see any person who stands out, they naturally try to beat you down. Like a hammer pounds down nail sticking out. And so it is telling when such common dummies pick ONA of all things to hate on. And it’s telling when they go out of their way to talk shit about ONA people. In ONA we call it things like “heresy.” That basically the herd has to it a natural orthodoxy to its beliefs, moral sentiments, standards, and worldviews. And if you willfully go against the grain of that group-minded orthodoxy, you are hated on, despised, rejected, and mocked. Don’t take my word for it. Test it out yourself. Go to a Mundane Satanic forum of atheists, go against their grain and tell you believe in spirit and are a spiritual person and observe how they react and act as a mass to you. Tell them that you are racist, and observe how they react and behave with you as a mass. Commit the atrocity of defaming their hallowed minimalist-materialistic science, and watch how they treat you, react and behave with you as a mass.

The beauty of sociology is that it treats people as group thing. And so there is a verifiable science which shows that despite what these Mundane Satanist wishfully think, they are in fact a herd, and react as a mass, and not as an individuated person. Never, ever have I ever seen one of them even try to describe themselves as an Individuated Person. The social idealism of Individualism and the concept of Individuation, are different things.

The ONA will always exists, because the social environment is conducive to something like ONA. Where there is an orthodoxy, there will always arise unorthodoxy. Where there is an established common norm, there will always be heresy. Very few people are called to ONA in spirit/heart. But those that are called, are in essence unorthodox and heretical, socially and otherwise. That in itself is the Mark of distinction that separates and distinguishes us of ONA from the common mundane breed. The ONA; or something akin to ONA; will always exist. There will always be those who are by Nature Sinister to the common Dexter. If you understand in essence these last few paragraphs, you will have understood the very Sinister Essence of the Order of Nine Angles, and what it means to be “ONA.”

Chloe 352

Order of Nine Angles

5.12.124 yFayen

SOME LESSONS & A VISION

Some Lessons & A Vision

I goofily stumbled and fumbled into the ONA scene an unknown nobody in 2008. My friends and I had freshly gotten tired of MySpace, after 4 years of it. Nothing was planned, there were no secret agendas. My friends and I back then were just simply messing around with things we weren’t supposed to be tampering with. What we were doing was taking ONA manuscripts we liked and we tried to rewrite them in our own words, without any permission. The year of 2008 was a lost year of stumbling, running around cyberspace directionless, making ineffective random posts in forums.

I wouldn’t consider myself a very “intelligent” person. Scholastic or theoretical “intelligence?” Not at all. Organic intelligence? Most definitely. Can I quote ideas from Western philosophy or science? Not even. Can I watch you do something, try it myself, fail a couple times, examine why I failed, and learn how to do it and more efficiently? Yes, definitely. Do I have a vocabulary of giant smart sounding words? Not really. Can I use what words I do have a firm grasp of to effectively communicate with you such that you firmly grasp my Mind in your heart? Most definitely. I know my weak spots and I know my strong spots. My strong spot is that I have a working virtue [sila] of learning quickly, especially learning from my own mistakes. And from Buddhism, I have a cultural virtue [sila] of being able to analyze minute details of things, and extract insights from them. So during 2008 I stumbled, made mistakes, failed, learned from my failed efforts, and refined my methods, and kept trying. One thing ended up wyrdfully leading into another thing. And then, two years after 2009, very unexpectedly, the Old Guard let me be the Outer Rep of ONA!

But like I tell my friends in real life: It takes a community of people to make one person. Meaning here that if I was a nobody in ONA and then I gradually became a “somebody” in ONA, it happened because of other people behind the scenes. Like my 5%er friend and mentor once told me: “You can’t elevate yourself. Your people elevate you cuz you evoke out of them the right emotions. It’s like in football, right? You see a nigga zig zag zigging out in the field with the ball. The game is just about up. Nigga make that final score. His team wins. Everybody’s cheering. Then the teammates come rushing in to uplift the nigga high on their shoulders. That’s real elevation. It’s the opposite of arrogance and egotism, where you go around acting like you better than others. Talking about themselves like they the shit. Why they gotta act like they better than others for? Cuz ain’t nobody wanna uplift the mutherfucker.”

And in that street born wisdom is embedded the secret to success in any field in life. The essence of what my 5% mentor said is also one of the things you learn is a main component in what we call Charisma. When you champion a people, they elevate [empower] you. And that is power and fame, anyway you look at it. For instance when Genghis Khan went to his people and gave them his Vision, and championed them, they fought for him and gave him the biggest empire on earth. When guys like Marx and Lenin championed the degraded workers and peasants, they fought and killed for Communism. When Jesus died for humanity, humanity gave Jesus the world’s biggest and most influential religion. When Muhammad championed his outcast Muslims, his Muslims in turn fought for him and gave him an empire and the Islamic Renaissance. When Hitler championed an Aryan people, his people killed for him and nearly took over the world.

In charisma class – in OC you can find coaches that teach it – you learn about the components of character you need to champion a people. The courses on Charisma are usually taught by coaches who teach executives from giant corporations this stuff, or from courses put together by people who work with executives from big companies. It’s expensive, but if you have big goals in life in the distance, then it’s a worthy investment! Not just anybody can just be cool with a crowd and “champion” them. The first quality of inner character you need – one of the most vital for having Charisma – is something they referred to as “Power.”

Power with regards to charisma doesn’t mean big muscles, like you’re a king or general or billionaire or anything. With charisma there are several different types of “Powers” you can have or cultivate. One type is the Power of Intelligence; think: Buddha, Einstein, or Plato, or David Myatt. Another is the Power of Kindness; think: the Dalai Lama, or even the Virgin Mary in Catholicism. Another is the Power of Authority, think: Gilmore Girl [Peter]. He’s the High Priest of the CoS, so in his social order, he has that Power of Authority. But he’s a fag and far from being charismatic. Every time I see his beard I think of a skunk for some reason? And there is the Power of Art [with its “bardic” influence on us], think: any of the great artists of the past, any of the inspiring musicians, Rumi the poet, Muhammad and his Classical Arabic Quran, or in ONA: Beesty Boy. These are people who have the power to inspire, captivate, and influence their audience with their work. So, such is the quality of “Power,” it inspires, captivates, enchants, influences, attracts people.

Which of these powers is the most enduring aeonically? It is the Power of Art. It’s force of power is soft power, and its force of inspiration endures across time. Hard Power like the Power of Intelligence is indeed a powerful force of influence. You can’t deny this with the influence Rome and Greece has on our Western civilization and the world, regarding its ideas such as politics, law, civil order, myth, philosophical ideologies. But despite that legacy, the Soft Power of Art endures, inspires, captivates, and influences humanity far longer across Time.

The gentle and beautiful apsara style dance remains in Southeast Asia, yet Brahmanism has died and no longer inspires or influences in this region. Traditional music in Asia like Balinese Gamelan is so old, so ancient, it can only be described as “traditional,” aptly so. And Gamelan music has survived the empires that once dominated it, the Western colonialism that dominated it, the encroachment of Islamic Ideas in the region, and so on. When Time dissolves even the great ideas of our human past, Beauty will still remain, untouched by Time. How long has Folk Music, in any country, out lived the many political and religious ideologies that plagued such countries? Walk up to any ancient monument or temple in ruin, like the great pyramids of Egypt, feel their Beauty, and you would have proved it to yourself. Islam once dominated science, and so many stars in the sky have Arabic names. But with Time, that dominance faded, yet we still look into the sky with awe and we still are captivated by its eternal Beauty.

“Power” as it is being used here in business terms, is a subset of the most important component of charisma. So what are your top two external components of charisma? 1) Confidence & 2) Effective Communication. Confidence has a subset called “Power,” and Effective Communication has a subset called “Good Story Telling.” All charismatic people are great story tellers, great bullshitters, smooth talkers, great writers, and “bards” of the human heart. In other words they have a high and efficient command of language and an intuitive connection with the person/people they are speaking with.

What’s the third most vital thing that gives a person “charisma?” 3) Social Skills. And so, it becomes very telling when a Mundane has negative opinions about charisma and charismatic people. If Confidence, Effective Communication, and Social Skills are the three functional traits of a charismatic person, and the Mundane Satanist thinks such people are bad, wrong, evil, negative, etc, what’s that say about them? If there are executives willing to pay thousands to take courses on charisma to be better at their profession, what’s that say about these Mundanes with negative and diminutive [dismissal] opinions about charisma? It’s telling. We often say and know that “humans are social creatures.” But what’s that suggest and imply in the bigger picture? It means that without social skills, you will never succeed in anything important in the Human Arena. Period. You’re not going to get the best jobs, the best mates, the best stuff, the best status in your social orders, the money you want, the free time you want, the life style you want, and so on.  Like Attracts Like, so if you are a Low Quality person, you will manifest for yourself a low quality life.

Since we’re on the subtopic of Power and Character or Quality or Physis of people. Here’s something fitting: there is a word in Buddhism for the Essence those outer words – power, character, etc – are intimating, and it’s “Sila.” In Khmer the last “A” is dropped because it’s an inherent voice of the consonant “L,” so the word is commonly pronounced as “Sil,” or “Sel.” The old people in my culture say that in ancient times before a prince can be King, he has to go learn Sil from an ascetic monk. The word “Sil” when used by these old people in this context actually has the meaning of “Magic,” and what we would call Supernatural Powers, in English.

Sil has other meanings. It means a Rock or Stone, as well as Virtue, Character, Quality, Natural Inclination, and so on. There are actually two words in Sanskrit and Pali – related – which mean Rock: Sela & Sila; but Sila has many more meanings. So why would ancient people take a word which originally meant a “Stone/Rock” and correlate it with things like Character or Quality [ONA: Physis] of a person; and why also tie this same word with “Magic” and “Enchantment”? Think about it for a minute. The answer is important if you wish to really, really, fully grasp what the Buddha was trying to mean when he gave the Dhamma of the so called [in English] “5 Precepts,” where Precept here is a gross minimalist translation of Sila.

In ancient times the most sophisticated form of technology at the time was Architecture. And so unsurprisingly we find many, many architectural terminologies in Buddhism. That’s your clue which will unfold the secrets of Sila. Why is a Stone equated with the Quality and Nature of a person and also Magic and Enchantment? We’ll use the Gothic Cathedrals to draw out the answer. Those cathedrals were built from what? Stone. So when you or any person walks inside one of these magnificent Gothic Cathedrals what happens inside your Chitta? How do you feel? Something about the cathedral gives you a feeling of Awe and Beauty. Something Captivates and Enchants your heart. The Magic in the Stone cathedral is that no matter who steps inside that cathedral, and no matter what time frame, then or thousands of years later, everybody will feel the same feeling of Awe, Wonder, and Beauty. And so now we can say that it were as if this structure made of Stone, were Magically impregnated with the Character, Quality, Virtue, Inclination, Tendency of Awe, Wonder, & Beauty, in such a way, where that any person who steps inside its sacred walls will feel and be enchanted by those same ethereal qualities.

So that’s Sil or Sila. When something in the ancient Pali text is referred to as a “Sila,” it doesn’t just mean a rule you have to follow. No more so than there are rules a gothic cathedral has to follow to have the Virtue or Quality it has. Like a Stone statue made by an artist, when somebody walks up to you, they should feel inside their chitta emanating from you Sila. To be Ariya – Noble/Honourable – is not a commandment you must follow. It’s not something you should strive to obtain. It has to radiate out of you because Ariya is your very inner nature and physis. The Sila of not taking [killing] a life isn’t a rule you follow, or a thing you try to observe. When another person walks up to you, they should Feel inside that you are friendly, kind, amicable, and not a lethal danger to them. The Sila of not to take what does not belong to you isn’t a rule or ideal. When another person is in your presence they should feel emanating from you: Trustworthiness. But why then must a crown prince go to learn Sil before they can be a King in ancient times? Because when you learn to exhibit or emanate Sila, you have Power and influence over people. We call it “Charisma” in English, which in Essence means virtually the same thing. From the Greek Kharisma, meaning “Divine Gift.” From Kharis, meaning “Grace,” and “Beauty.” It is the gift of leadership, power, and authority. The Grace of the Holy Spirit – the Dove – comes “over” you, and imbues your body. 

I’ll try and explain better what is being meant by “Power” in context to charisma. Here the notion of “Power” means roughly the same thing as: “Supply & Demand.” So we take the subculture of Satanism as an example. In that subculture and Market, we are dealing with Ideas, philosophical shit, concepts, and so on. And so in that matrix, the individual with the most and/or best ideas, insights, stuff – that can help others be smarter or better – has the Supply to feed the demands of the Market. That’s “Power,” or Wealth, isn’t it? The market has a demand, and you have the supplies.

Now, what happens if you work on cultivating the Power of Kindness as your primary power in the same Satanic Subculture? What happens is that, you don’t have “Power,” because in that Satanic matrix, Kindness is not a supply in demand. Here’s another example. Take a subset of the Satanic Subculture which are the self-styled Satanists who populate the big forums and networks. What happens if you try to cultivate the Power of Authority inside that subset? What happens is that you not only don’t have Power, but people reject you! Why so? Because inside that subset, Leaders are not a supply in demand. How come kings don’t have any power in England or America these days? Because they are a supply nobody want. And so you can actually see these dummies come [and go fast] in these forums and networks who try for a month or years to be some leader or what’s that called, Ipissimus, and it’s all in vain and they get rejected. That’s what happens when you can’t feel the market. You end up selling shit nobody wants. There is a saying that goes: “Nothing in politics happens accidentally.” If you understand Market Trends and Power, then you’ll understand why Anton Long retired from ONA service and why ONA has no leader, and why ONA has thousands upon thousands of pages of Intellectual Capital. You dig?

Power by itself, doesn’t give a person charisma. It’s when Power is combined with another crucial element of charisma, that a person has the foundation of Charisma. This crucial element is called “Empathy,” or “Sympathy,” or “Warmness.” So now you ask yourself: Why is it that when you combine Power with Empathy, you become “charismatic” and people follow you, fight for you, and die for you? In charisma class they use evolutionary psychology to explain it pretty well. Back when we were cave people, meeting an “Alpha” who was a brutish Powerful guy means that if you did as he said and got on his nice side, he might be able to help you survive. BUT, meeting a big and powerful Alpha who had the quality of being KIND, caring, and Empathetic to you and with you, was even better. Why so? Because the Powerful and Kind Alpha not only has the power to keep you safe, but they also are Kind and thus may actually invest time and energy in actually helping you survive. So it’s when you have learned to cultivate that combo of Power plus Empathy, and you then champion a people, that causes the people to uplift you.

You think about that for a moment, and you go and survey any of these Satanist forums and networks. What you will notice is that there are certainly many mundane Satanists who are intelligent, thus they have the “Power of Intelligence,” to a certain extent. But you watch closely and watch what they do with that power. What do they do with it? They use that power to clobber and beat down others with it! They use that Power to degrade and downcast – downsize – others around them. What’s that mean on a practical level? It means that if you are in the business of trying to spread your ideas, inspire others, influence others, such people won’t achieve any realistic amount of success. We’re dealing with real Human Nature, and you can’t erase that Nature.

But Knowing all of this is different from Wisdoming it, and then Understanding it. In the 5% culture those three words have three very different meanings. “Knowing,” or “Knowledge,” is like when God in the beginning said “Let There Be Light.” So to Know means when something has come to Light in your Mind, when you have become aware of something. Wisdom is like when God had already made the world and he said “It Is Good,” and he seen how everything works, because of the Light. Wisdom is the actualization, manifestation, application of what you Know. God Knew all things before he creates them, but to Wisdom something or to gain the Wisdom of something, he must create – apply, manifest – what he already Knew. The use of wisdom as a verb by the way is a 5% thing. Understanding is when God – having Wisdomed the Way/Wise the world is – caused the great flood to wipe out everybody, because he had that “Aha” moment when he Realized – Understood [Buddhi] – the Nature of humanity. So the 19th Enochain Key puts it: “For Why? It repenteth me that I made Man.”

I spent many years painstakingly trying to put what knowledge I had learned from school and friends into practice, so as to gain the wisdom of them. It eventually turned out that the ingredients to success were very simple. The very difficult part is in trying to translate what things I learned from business and charisma class into workable things via the medium of cyberspace. For example, 90% of what we call “charisma,” are involuntary body language, and nonverbal communication our subconscious mind controls. How do you take the Knowledge of that and apply it in cyberspace via the medium of written text, so that it bares measurable end results? That takes good old fashion trial and error. And fortunately I learn very fast. Another example: Having learned about such concepts as a “market,” and an “audience,” in business, what do those look like in cyberspace?

Markets & Audiences

The year 2008 was a waste for me. The waste of time was in running around directionless and talking to myself. When you don’t know what a Market and Audience looks like – when you have no audience – who are you essentially talking to? Yourself. Which will explain why when you see these Mundane Satanists try hard, almost desperately, to spread their ideas, that they are often times unsuccessful.

An Audience is to a Clan what a Market is to a Tribe. If we think of the movie theater, the “Audience” would be the people who take Time out of their day to stand in line, buy a ticket, and spend a couple hours in front of the screen to watch the movie. An audience would also be the group of people who buy tickets to go to a music concert. Those people Want to be there. In this case the “market” would be the general public who like watching movies in a theater.

Apple Inc’s “Audience” are those people who already use Apple devices and products. On the other hand, Apple has two major Markets. Its first “traditional” Market is the Computer Market. Its new Market is the Smartphone Market. Keep in mind that once we get to the Market level, Apple is no longer alone, because there are now other corporations competing for that Market. What are they competing for? They are competing for a larger “Audience.” What’s the basic “ingredients” of an Audience? First, an audience is interested in your shit. Second, an Audience buys into or uses your shit. 

I had to learn this the hard way. Like many people in Satanism, I came online to spread my ideas. So, I joined me many Satanic forums. Then I started posting stuff. It took me a whole entire year to realize that a forum of users is neither a market or an audience! It took me a whole year to finally understand that I was talking to myself, and if I wanted to spread my ideas, talking to my lone self would do me no real good at all.

A forum or social network of users in real life is like a shopping mall or a public park, or the beach. You go to the beach and see lots of people hanging out. Then you set up your podium and start selling your shit and acting like you just invented a super cool kind of Satanism and everybody on that beach surely must like it and they will surely adulate you. Those beach goers in this case are neither your market or your audience. Because for one, none of them were there to actually see you. For two, none of them really give a shit. For three, you’re bugging them and annoying them. So once me and my friends realized this, we left all those forums and we deleted our own forum. But now we had a new problem: Having understood that a forum of users is not an audience, where then do we find an actual audience? Who are you talking to if you don’t have an audience to talk to? You’re talking to nobody. Ergo, your ideas won’t spread anywhere.

After I personally came to realize this I set out to look for an audience, or make one. Fortunately I was led to the ONA by the flow of Wyrd. And good for me that others like DM already put in their work to give me an example. Another strong spot I have in my character is that I learn very fast and easily from example. If I watch a person try to do something in a forum or social network and over time it doesn’t work for this person, I examine why it didn’t work, if there are alternative options this person could have taken, and I avoid not doing what they did myself. Likewise, I learn fast and can examine little details of other people’s work, such as DM’s 40 year work.

David Myatt is a rich resource of insight for three significant reasons. The first reason is that over 40 years he has gone into many radically different subcultures. Second reason is that in every case, whatever subculture or culture he gets into, he can be seen to achieve measurable end results and more importantly he becomes an influential or inspiring figure. The other important reason is that he is consistent with his Dharma. You have him consistently doing what he does for 40 years. That is 40 years of examples to study and analyze. The question here is then: How does this man go into things like the Nazi movement, then into Islam, then Satanism, and in all cases he is able to eventually rise to become a notable person in said cultures, and also become influential, respected, admired, inspiring, and he spreads his ideas. He has a track record of 40 years. That’s merit. What is the man doing RIGHT!?

Regarding DM & National Socialism, in the very early days he may have started off as an unknown nobody. And then many years later you have scholars saying that he [DM] is the heavy weight idea-guy of the Nazi movement. Some even went so far as to say that besides Hitler himself, no person has done as much for National Socialism as David Myatt. So what happened between his unknown youth, and his rise to influence and subcultural fame? Him and Islam is the same story. He seemed to arbitrarily revert to Islam in 1998. Then several years later, he has manifested for himself a name and reputation and is a notable person in Islam. And his ideas and writings are featured on Al-Qaeda and Taliban websites, and he makes friends in these organizations. What happened? What did he do? How did he do it? Same story with his ONA. He gets into the Satanism subculture, and then many years later he owns a significant market share of Satanism, and is a notable and influential person in that Subculture. What did he do? I figured that if I can deconstruct what DM does into visible points, I can try them out myself to also gain notability and influence. I don’t consider myself to be super intelligent. But I know I was “gifted by God” with the capacity to learn fast and to learn from other people’s examples.

The first thing I learned from examining how DM works is that in the NS case, and Islam, and Satanism case, DM primarily expresses his mind – scatters his ideas – in very open public venues and not forums and social networks. He has this habit of making PDF’s, free eBooks, and blogs, and free websites; ie: publicly distributing his ideas via open mediums. Once I pin pointed this down, I went and did it myself. I got my friends to abandon those forums and social networks, and we created many blogs, and I learned how to make PDF’s. And so after 2009 I began to place all of my ideas, insights, etc in very open and accessible public venues. The hypothesis I made was that when you do this, your memes have a far better chance of spreading and circulating. That has a shadow implications. The shadow implication is that when you post your ideas in forums and networks, the opposite happens and your memes stays put inside that forum. So that’s something to think about. If you have Intellectual Capital to invest, do you invest in a forum, or in the actual market place? Do you wish to invest your capital in a small firm, or go to Wall Street?

With Islam, DM can be seen to do something very interesting and telling. If you know what to look for, you can learn. What I saw DM do with Islam is that in all of his Islamic writings, he uses many native Arabic and Islamic concepts, which I don’t understand. What insights did I get out of this? I learned that when DM does his thing that he actually has a target audience in mind with whom he is speaking, or he is projecting his ideas onto a specific group of people.

What’s it imply when DM uses Arabic and Islamic terms and doesn’t translate them into English? It means he’s not talking with us who speak English. It means his desired target audience are those who already understand such terms. You can see DM use the same approach with his NS stuff. For example, in his older Folk Culture writings, who is his desired audience when he uses terms like “Aryan People?” Not me, I’m not White! Not the average White person either. Most cases those who identify themselves as being “Aryan” are in some ways affiliated with the Nazi and NS culture. So who is his intended audience? This is different than from how any person in these forums work. Can you detect in their forum posts that they have an actual target audience in mind when they express their minds? No. So, if you don’t have an audience, then who are you talking to? Nobody.

What I have a habit of doing when I try to dissect other people’s work to learn from their example is that I take the points or variables I uncover, make a hypothesis, and then try it out to see if my hypothesis is accurate or inaccurate. So I spent many spans of time reading everything ever written by DM under all the nyms I know he uses. And one early thing I uncovered was how DM generates his audience. My hypothesis was that he uses language, specialized written expressions, key words, and mythos [image] to attract people into his audience, and then he subtly embeds his own ideas/memes into the mix. And so with that hypothesis I set out to try it out myself in 2009. A year later, the whole ONA had become my audience, which was my desired target audience.

David Myatt has left “footprints” behind of the end results of his work. I find these footprints he left behind to be kind of like Signposts to tell me that I am on the right track and am successfully emulating him. One of these footprints is Notability. We’re talking about a 40 year track record he’s left behind. It didn’t matter if it was Naziism he was into, or Islam, or Jihadism, or Satanism [allegedly], in Time he always – always – achieves Notability. In tagger talk we call it “Fame.” In high school talk we call it “popularity.” In hoity-toity talk we call it “Reputation,”“Name,” & “Face.” Whatever we call it, he actualizes it. That’s one footprint. Another footprint is Influence & Inspiration. Just briefly reading up on his days in the NS subculture reveals that DM obviously had influence. He was a major ideologue philosopher, and rhetorician in that subculture in the UK. A fountainhead of Nazi wisdom, if you will. Same story with Islam, same deal with ONA/Satanism. Another footprint DM left behind is that in Time, academics and scholars found him, interviewed him, and wrote stuff about him.

So those were my three big signposts I was watching out for while I spent years trying to learn from DM’s example. The line of reason I had was that if my several hypotheses were accurate, it meant I was doing the right thing, which should mean that I also should actualize those same three footprints. And I did in 3 years! The cool and unexpected part was the final footprint of having people from the academic sector find me to ask me things and briefly write about me. Such as Dr. Sieg & Dr. Monette, and I appreciate them; I think it was really cool. I remember back then, after Dr. Sieg talked to me, I was really happy and excited. I let the Old Guard DarkLogos know how cool I thought it was. And DarkLogos told me something like: “You know, it took DM about 10 years to do what you did in such a short time.” I thought what DarkLogos said was a big compliment. But with the manifestations of those footprints I realized that there is a science behind what DM has been doing. I’m using the word “science” here broadly and loosely. Science here means that DM has a certain method or way of doing things, and if you follow his same procedures, you will be able to replicate his same end results.

So anyways, in practical terms, what or who is ONA’s “audience” and what or where is ONA’s “market?” ONA’s audience is each of us collectively who either identify as being ONA, or who are influenced and inspired by ONA. This implies very important things if you understand the essence of it. It means that because I claim ONA, who is my audience then? My audience at the moment are ONA people. And in turn because each of you are ONA, so, I am a member of your audience. What’s this mean in practical terms? It means that I need you. Because each time each ONA initiate and nexion does their own thing and works on their private projects, they help bring in new “members” into ONA, which in turn grows my audience. It also means that whatever I do, however much time I dedicate into ONA, which helps draw in new ONA affiliates that those new comers build up your audienceship. This is called Symbiosis.

Dharma is a word used in Brahmanism, and Buddhism, which has a lot of meaning. Usually, it is translated as “Law,” which is goofy but fine. As long as we understand that the English word “Law” here is the same we see in the term “Natural Law,” which actually means “Way,” as in Natural Way. Tao [way] is the Chinese equivalent of the Indic “Dharma.” In those ancient times it was believed that each person was given by Nature at birth a “Natural Proclivity,” or something each person was by nature good at doing. This is Dharma on a personal level, which by Nature fits into the bigger picture of Nature. For example we can say that it is the Dharma of the Sun to give light and heat. Then we can say that it is the Dharma of clouds to rain water. Then we can say it is the Dharma of soil to provide nutrients. Then we can say that it is the Dharma of an apple seed to grow into an apple tree and make apples. So each of those individual Dharma, makes up a bigger picture. The picture is that the individual dharmas forms an interdependent system. On the bigger level, the sun, clouds, soil working together is the Way that Nature happens optimally, and that Way is made up of interrelated dharma. What is the best symbol or representation of such a system of smaller parts working together to create a bigger thing? The Body.

And so in the myth of Brahmanism it is said that different castes symbolically come from different Body parts of Brahma or Purusha. What’s that trying to say? Just as a body has Organs, and just as each Organ has its own unique dharma [role], so too does Human Society. Human Society like a body has “Organs.” There are Farmers who have the dharma – natural inclination – to work the land and grow food. There are engineers with the dharma to problem solve and invent new machines. There are military people who defend that society, much like a body’s immune system. There are thinker types with the dharma for thinking who act as the brain cells of society. There are artists who have the dharma for making music, artwork, poetry, who are like the heart cells of a body. There are people who have the dharma for remembering things and collecting ancestral information like monks and elder Brahmins. These are like the memory bank of a person. There are people with a dharma to lead, who correspond with the Will or Volition of a person.

The cool thing is that so long as each individual follows their own unique dharma, on a collective level, a people’s culture or society or civilization ends up systematically working properly and in Order. Nature has the Quality of Order and it is a System, just like Human Society has the same quality of Order and is a System. It is when we fuck around with people’s dharma, that we end up causally fucking up the social system’s health. Just like when we fuck around with an ecosystem, we fuck up the ecosystem. We can take that little girl with a dharma for art and make her a soldier, and we can take the boy with the dharma for play fighting and make him an artist [think communism], and the boy and girl may perform their assigned role good. But since it isn’t their natural forte to do those things they won’t and can’t devote all their energy and Heart to it. And so on a larger scale, this effects that society negatively and weakens it. The Heart – Chitta – is the center of everything, the center of Vitality.

The great flaw in olden Hinduism is that they made something Natural into a rigid political tool of control. They took something out of Nature, made an abstraction out of it, and forced people into rigid slots. Just like many regimes in the Middle East have taken what was once a Way of Life and relationship with the Numinous and turned it into a rigid political tool of control. This has negative aeonic consequences for each society. We are reminded of the period in time when Europe also turned their Way of Life and relationship with the Numinous into a political tool of control. It caused the so called “Dark Ages,” and we know the negative consequences and condition this wrought on people and society.

ONA too is a body with organs. Each of us Sinister Initiates have our own personal Wyrd or dharma. Like attracts like, so those of us of like wyrd/dharma are drawn closer to each other and form the organs in the body of ONA. And so each organ in this ONA organism by Nature performs a specific function to benefit the Whole. Beesty Boy and those Sinister Initiates who have a natural forte for art and music and the mystical stuff, form the Heart of ONA. These keep the inspiration and vitality in ONA circulating and flowing like blood. Those like Anton Long who have a natural forte for thinking, pondering, being ideologues and philosophers form are brain cells in ONA. Some Initiates are really naturally into the physical aspect of ONA, into survivalism, and militarism. These are the like immune system cells of ONA. Some Initiates have a natural thing for the Magick and for the Rituals, and Dark Gods. These are the ONA’s faculty of Imagination and its spirit. Some Initiates have a natural gift for PR work and packing memes. These are like the reproductive organs of ONA. Some collect ONA’s history and ancestral knowledge. These are like the memory bank of ONA. So long as we each follow our own wyrd as best as we can, the ONA is in full order and vitally healthy, with the energy to manifest it’s will in the causal world. When we start making everybody the same thing or start messing with other people’s wyrd, we fuck things up in the long run.

ONA’s market – for this time being – is currently the Satanism subculture. And like the real business sector, when we get to the level of the market, we share that market place with other companies competing for new audience members. In this market place, the CoS – more specifically: its LaVeyan memeplex – is the only “company” I consider to be ONA’s only actual competition. They are the only big thing that is coherent. This LaVeyan memeplex is the “Microsoft” of our “Apple Inc.” The sizable group of independent self-styled Satanistsin this case would be allegorically “Linux,” where they each have their own distros of Satanism. As such – because they are so unorganized and shit their pants at even the implication of cooperation and collective effort – they will never be a coherent body enough to be competition. If anything, their distros of Satanism, helps get at the LaVeyan memeplex.

So how do you grow an audience? If you are ONA, you automatically already have for yourself an audience, you just need to make yourself known. So when I use the word “audience” here I would mean a group of people who have an actual desire to read your essays, listen to you sinister musick, buy your books, download your eBooks, like your art work, and so on, etc. Our [ONA] thing is to expand that audience size in Time. We do this from drawing new people out of a Market [‘place’]. 

I learned how to expand my own audience the hard way: from stumbling, fumbling, and failing. Thankfully, along the way, Wyrd had it that the right people are met for reasons at the right time. Before our WSA crew left the 600 Club en masse, Xear suggested to one of us that we look into a book. He had said that he found what we were trying to do in his forum to be interesting and wished us to stay to see what we were up to. At the time we were experimenting with memes. Xear at the time made it known that he worked in the marketing and advertising industry and thus, understands what a meme is and what we were trying to do. And so, we took his friendly suggestion and considered the book. I personally ordered this book on Amazon the same day. And for me, the book was a pivotal game changer. The book is called “Brand Hijack,” by Alex Wipperforth.

I’ll very briefly explain what my friends and I were doing in the 600 Club around 2008. We called it our “School Project” if people asked. My friends and I had learned a few things from business class, and from reading a few books. We had just learned what a meme was. And so we asked ourselves: “How does a meme spread? What’s the mechanics of it look like? What are the triggers, if any?” Thus, with that rough question we set out to just experiment around in cyberspace to pragmatically learn how exactly a meme is spread. When I say the word “meme” here I don’t mean it the way the Satanic subculture has now come to use it where it seems as if to them the word “meme” and “belief-set” are interchangeable. In the social sciences a “meme” refers to ANY “bit”“component”“constituent aspect” of a culture which is transmittable from individual to individual.

What’s the word “Culture” then approximate here? Culture is related to the word “Cultivate,” they share the same root. A Culture is a pattern of habit which is cultivated and shared by a group of individuals. If a “culture” is cultivated by only one individual what is it called? A “Habit,” or a “culture of habit.” So for example a meme proper would be when a chimp uses a twig to fish for ants and termites to eat. That “culture” of habit is not instinctive or innate. It is learned behavior. And so when a young chimp watches an older chimp use this “ant fishing” skill, the young chimp picks up the skill/habit. And so that “thing” which was transmitted from the older chimp to the younger chimp is referred to as a “meme.”

There is a big park with three manmade lakes about a few miles near my house. I love to go there to feed the ducks and geese bread. I also bring peanuts to hand out to the chubby squirrels. They’re really cute things. If they see you holding a bag, they’ll run out of there trees and come right up to you! You give them a peanut and they wobble back up their tree. But at this big park there are several flocks of crows. It looks like each flock are their own clique, where they only hang out with their fellow flock members. I like giving these crows peanuts and other types of food to watch them. One flock of crows who live by a place where guys race remote control speed boats picked up some very strange memes from somewhere, which the other crows lack. If I give them peanuts, these crows will carry the peanuts in their beaks and fly very high over a parking lot and drop the nuts! They do this to crack the shells so they can get to the actual nuts inside. If I give them other kinds of food, like chips, and I scatter the chips and French fries on the ground to get the dirty these crows have an odd culture of washing the food in the lake! They’ll carry the French fries in their beaks and hop to the lake, dunk the stuff in the water and wiggle their heads fast. Those are “memes.” 

Here are a few other memes proper: LOL. What’s the Symbol LOL represent? It comes from the English phrase “~Laughing Out Loud,” and it represents “~Laughter.” It is a meme which carries an emotive expression. And this meme is everywhere. The squiggly mark I used [~] is just a geometric/math symbol which denotes “Approximate(ly).” Like its hypothetical counterpart [genes], memes can be roughly traced back to a point of origin. So if we were to ever see African school kids use the meme LOL in their cyber-texting, we know that said meme is not a native “African” meme because the letters LOL originally had English words associated with it.

Here’s another meme, I’ll put this one in brackets to isolate it: [.’.]. This meme in non-digital text/print consists of three dots in a triangle formation. On a computer an apostrophe is used for the top dot since I don’t think computers have a top dot button. Take note this meme is linguistically and superficially [exoterically] completely meaningless, meaning it is devoid of public/popular meaning, but it still spreads and is hundreds of years old. Where did this meme come from originally? I find memes such like this one very interesting because of its outer meaningless nature, and because of the “medium” they spreads themselves within is interestingly uniform and consistent. This meme originates from within the Ancient & Honourabale Society of Free & Accepted Masons. The meme is a punctuational convention they used in very olden days to separate the letters in their acronyms.

Like this: G.’.A.’.O.’.T.’.U.’. [Great Architect Of The Universe]. Or this: H.’.T.’.W.’.S.’.S.’.T.’.K.’.S.’. [Hiram, The Widow’s Son, Sent To King Solomon]. Or this: H.’.R.’.M.’. [Heredom]. This meme originally had an “esoteric” meaning, which was what and where came it? It originates in France, during the late 1700’s, in the Third Degree of Craft Masonry. Back then, and in some lodges to this day, they used to decorate their Third Degree Lodges in all black. Black drapes hung on all 4 walls. And on these black drapes were patterns of three Tear Droplets forming a triangle. The Tears represent the Death and Murder of the Grand Master Hiram Abif, since the Lodge is symbolically in morning. In olden days – Continental Masonry mostly – you can see three dots within the conjoined Square & Compass, which had the same esoteric meaning. I find these types of superficially meaningless memes fascinating because you can see that when they do spread they do so inside very specific species of social orders. This three dots meme today can be found used by many esoteric fraternities, Martinist Orders, Rosicrucian groups, and by Crowley’s A.’.A.’. which all subtly shows the amount of influence Freemasonry had on these groups.

Interestingly, ONA has one such fascinating meaningless meme, which is now pretty much everywhere within only ONA-esque social groups, or those inspired or influenced by ONA. I’ll place this meme in brackets to isolate it, but you’ll recognize it: [.:.]. The meme consists of 4 dots in a triangle formation. I really find subjects like this very interesting and exciting. This is a good specimen meme because you can see it’s an evolutionary [developmental innovation] “genetic/memetic” cousin of the above esoteric meme of three dots. Except this meme is used in a slightly different way by those “infected” with it. Just for historical references, I didn’t create this meme. An ONA person who is an associate of WSA invented it. His nym was/is “Saturnyan.” Most ONA people and those out siders who tune into ONA-world may have never heard of Saturnyan. He’s one of those many people who keep a near zero profile or footprint in public cyberspace, but is there behind the scene. ONA would not be what it is today if it were not for the work and help Saturnyan put in. He was the primary person behind The Heresy Press. He was also the primary person behind Fenrir, as its composer, compiler, editor, etc. He is also one of 4 parties who has access to the o9a.org website. The other three being me, the Old Guard, and Prozack of ANUS.COM whose server the said site lives in. Saturnyan originally put those 4 dots mark in a logo for us. It then spread over the years.

Okay, so now that we understand what a “meme” is, the question is: “How does a meme spread?” What’s happening? What triggers a meme to be “adopted” by another individual? What are the mechanics behind “infection?” My friends and I had these questions in 2008, and we didn’t have the answers to them. So we set out to try out the several hypotheses we made up to see if we can get a usable answer. The 600 Club was just one of many “testbed” sites we used to conduct our experiments in. Forums in cyberspace are very convenient places to do these kinds of tests because you always know your test subjects can always be found in the same forum, every other day, month after month, year after. And the best part is, you can watch them doing what they do in their natural habitat like gorillas in the mist. Joyfully and gayly going about their Mundane monkey business, eating shrubbery, grooming each other, measuring each other’s dick size, generating pointless drama, viewing the whole universe with their reductionist-minimalistic materialism and scientism. Such is the nature of the fascinating creature called the Mundane Primate, Genus: Satanicus, Species: Mundanis. And they don’t even know you’re watching and studying them, cuz you’re looking at a computer screen.

So in those old days in 2008 my friends and I arbitrarily created our own meaningless meme to test our hypotheses and see if we can learn a thing or two. I’ll place our meaningless meme we made in brackets to isolate it so you can see what it looks like: [352]. It’s just a sequence of three numbers devoid of any real meaning, taken from the letters “WSA.” But why use such meaningless memes? Because these types of memes are less confusing and generates less misreadings of collected data. What I mean is that, let’s say you do this test for yourself and you make an idea-meme to test out. An “idea-meme” is a meme which is an idea, ideation, notion, concept, or belief-set. Here’s an idea-meme: “Guys who assert their intelligence over others are influential guys.” So that’s an idea-meme. And so let’s say you find a testbed forum somewhere, and you inject this idea-meme into that forum to see if anybody gets infected with it as carriers. This is when problems arise.

One problem is that the idea-meme can trigger a defense mechanism in very socially coherent forums which have coherent social orders. This means people can gang up and debate and attack your idea-meme. And so, before it may have time to spread, it’s already dead. When a meme is deadlocked in debates and arguments, it is Dead. Memes, like genes, viruses, and money, must be: 1) Expressed, & 2) Circulate to be “alive.” Second problem is idea-memes generates is that: how do you know what actually triggers infection? Agreement? Somebody agrees with your idea-meme and you consider that “spreading” and “infection?”

Do fraternal esotericist “agree” rationally or logically or intellectually about the meme: [.’.] they use? No stupid. So you’re not isolating the triggers and variables that makes the shit work then! That’s why it’s “cleaner” to use a meaningless meme. Nobody can debate or kill it because it has absolutely no meaning to debate. And when a person adopts it or is infected with the meaningless meme, you know it’s not because of logic, agreement, or anything. What makes a meme catch? How do you get random people to be infected with the meaningless meme [352]? WHY would people adopt it if it has no intrinsic meaning or purpose? That’s the key Telling question. What does the process or interaction between one infected with the [352] meme and a potential infectee look like? What triggers an infection?

So anyways, we were in the 600 Club, stumbling and fumbling, trying out different hypotheses of how memes spread. Most of our attempts failed. And many months later, we GOT IT! After we got it, in a matter of weeks and some months we had collected from the 600 Club and other Satanic forums over 30 people who were “infected” with our [352] meme. We called it “eTagging,” where you vandalize people’s brains with [352], and so they place it on their profiles, post signatures, and so on. That’s how we can tell a person has adopted the meaningless [352] meme. In the 600 Club and elsewhere some people started to ask my friends and me what we were doing when they began to see many people use the numbers 352. In most cases we tried to be honest but brief. Unfortunately back then the average Mundane Satanist was so stupid and ill-educated that they didn’t know what a meme or memeplex was, and they also lacked the ability to Google the shit on their own. So for the sake of brevity we just explained that memes were like viruses and we were just testing out a few things. This causes a few misunderstandings, and rumors spread that we were playing dumb mind games trying to infect Satanists in these forums with mind viruses. Which I thought was funny and entertaining.

By the time these stupidity-born assumptions [never verified] went around, my WSA friends has already collected the insights we needed, and so we en masse abandoned every forum to go to our Phase Two stage. Now that we understood how a meme actually catches, we then were going to try and construct our own memeplex and have it catch and spread. Thus the resurrection of our Opus Vrilis project and our project where we were trying to create our own genre of Satanism we called “Progressive Satanism.”

This was the general time when Xear of the 600 Club recommended the book “Brand Hijack.” He was the only one who understood what we were amateurishly trying to do, and he gave us a little help. His recommendation plus the fact that; at the time at least; he worked the marketing and advertising business, was like a helping hand that helps push your butt up so you can climb over a fence with your own effort the rest of the way. Once I personally got my ass over that proverbial fence, it only took me two years to get from being an unknown nobody in the Satanic subculture, to being at least a known person in the Second Oldest Codified School of Satanism: The ONA. And I couldn’t have done it without that book and its amazing insights. I also couldn’t have don’t it without the help of the Old Guards and Dr. Monette. It’s always fascinated me how there are those times when a tiny bit of help from one person can for the other person wyrdfully unfold into very big things.

Once we got it, we took things to a new and unexpected level. We invented a competing game we played with each other which we called back in those days “eColonization.” The concept of this game was that we worked the buddy system. Each buddy group went into a chosen forum or Ning site. The objective is to first establish a colony of 352ers inside the chosen forum or social network. The objective of the game is to then spread the 352 meme so that every person in the forum was a carrier. When a person was infected with the 352 meme and became WSA, we called that “Assimilation” which we got from The Borg in Star Trek. My friends and I were inspired by The Borg when we put together our WSA.

When the majority user base of a forum was infected, we called this “Annexation.” Meaning the forum was Annexed – dominated/controlled – by WSA; hence the name “eColonization.” This took a lot of time and effort, but was in itself a great learning experience. I learned the bulk of my seed ideas about this whole topic from this past experience. The entertaining part was to go to the forums or sites to see our “rival” buddy groups do their work. Back “home” in our own little forum, we’d tell funny stories in posts or PM’s about our experiences.

I remember a few very funny events. The first was me and a friend were inside a site’s forum of Satanists to eColonize it. My partner and I began to do the usual “Investing of Intellectual Capital” in posts. Gradually over weeks, one by one, one or two users would turn WSA and display 352 on their profile or signature. When the number of people claiming 352 picked up the admins of this forum began to figure out that my partner and I were up to something. They couldn’t figure it out yet. They finally got the idea that we were in their forum to either play games or recruit for our WSA. Then, someone in this forum recognized the 352 number and knew what we were doing from his experience at some other forum. This guy makes a post in public explaining that me and my friend were from the WSA and that we were in the forum to take it over by colonize it which was a word meaning to covert everyone into WSA members.

And so, in an attempt to immunize or quarantine their forum they put me and my friend on lockdown which is when they lock your profile from being able to make posts. This, they believed would make us bored and we’d leave. They forgot to kill our access to their Private Messaging system. And so, I spent several weeks quietly using the PM system to eColonize the place still. The funny part was reading the public posts the admins made where they asked themselves things like: “We locked her down, how is she converting those others?” They finally figured out I was using the PM system to somehow convert people into 352ers. So they killed my access to the PM system, and I left having lost all my methods of communication. But my teammate and I left with about 7 new 352ers. 

Another incident took place at a different satanic forum, with red background I recall. The forum was being eColonized by two buddies originally. After they had gotten a few infected with 352, the two buddies were kicked out by the owner of that forum. Offended they came to our home forum for back up. And so we left to go make profiles in that forum. Each was instructed to make at least 5 accounts to make our numbers look big or to have back up profiles. We were going to teach the forum owner a lesson that you can’t kick out WSA. As long as we have access to a method of communication, we can always make new 352ers in the forum. So with our profiles we began to eColonize this forum. Each day, our profiles would get deleted and we’d make new back-ups and do the same thing over and over. This time I was smarter. When I made a friend in this forum I’d ask for their yahoo or gmail email. This way I had contacts inside the forum, to pass my memes around if I get deleted or IP blocked. So I can still colonize the place. So over the many weeks a majority of the users became 352; there wasn’t much, circa ~18-25. This was when the owner realized that there was nothing he was able to do. His forum had been Annexed. And so he deleted his entire site.

The private “project” of why our WSA was in MySatan around this same time was we had the ambitious idea to eColonize the entirety of MySatan; meaning here, to establish a giant presents, climb social rank, and gain access to admin positions, so in effect control the entire site. One technique we invented and used to help control what is said in MySatan we called “Echoing.” Echoing first begins with each WSA member having and using at least 5 sockpuppet profiles. This makes our numbers look big. Once we get the numbers big, whenever one of us says something in a post and some non-WSA user challenges or starts to debate, we go into Echo mode. This is when every single WSA profile in MySatan swarms into a thread and joins the debate and says the same thing the first WSA poster said, and we all ad hominem attack the person challenging one of our own, every day. This usually shut the guy up and chased them out of MySatan. We used this same echo technique to chase out several admins of MySatan, making positions available. Eventually with echoing, nobody debated or argued with us.

Meanwhile, as some of our profiles caused such problems in MySatan. We has joint profiles we used to invest nice and insightful posts to make friends with Eric and the popular kids of MySatan. Eventually one of our joint profiles we used in this nice way was made admin of MySatan. Now, WSA had control and was a part of the MySatan regime. At the same time with our other profiles we causes problems and spread our memes to eColonize it. Eric eventually leaves on hiatus, and MySatan is left in the care of two main admins, one being our joint profile. The admins were able to accept new membership applicants, but only Eric’s profile was able to delete users. We used this flaw to our advantage. It’s rumored that in the declining years of MySatan that it was flooded with hundreds of trolls. The fact is, 99% of all those trolls were us, the same few who were behind the admin profile.

All the echoing and trolls had chased out all of the intelligent posters. And MySatan became a ghost town, only populated by retards and trolls. The trolls were just us, and the retards we picked on for entertainment. So we eventually get bored and abandon it. We later used what things we learned to help out with ONA. Interestingly, in an unrelated situation, ONA would revisit MySatan and, buy it out, and delete it off the face of the earth. Which to me was funny in a wyrdful way. What happened was someone influenced by ONA thru Zach Black of the SIN Network bought out MySatan and they deleted it for their own reasons. One of the admins there had to be taught a lesson. I remember Zach making a post on the last day of MySatan that said roughly: “Don’t fuck with ONA.”

So the subtopic if you remember is markets and audiences. How does a book like Brand Hijack help you or helped me generate an audience? This books talks about two very interesting ideas. The first is what it calls a “Brand Hijack.” The second insightful idea is what it calls a “Brand Tribe.” So in simple terms, generating an audience for your product is easy: it just requires you to let a Brand Tribe hijack your Brand or product. A “Brand Tribe” is a current marketing and advertising term for a coherent subculture which has for itself its own group identity, group culture, group customs, group belief-system, group mythos, group rituals, group wardrobe, and so on. What’s that mean in practical terms? Those yuppies who play golf, are a Brand Tribe. “Golfer” is the descriptor of their Tribe. Wacking balls is their tribal Ritual. Playing golf on Mondays because they can afford to when other must work is a tribal Custom of theirs. Those yuppies also have Tribal wardrobe.

And so if you were Nike Inc, and you make basketball paraphernalia for the basketball Brand Tribe, and you wanted to diversify your options by expanding into a whole other market such as the Golfing Brand Tribe, you use what the book calls “Tribal Marketing.” Tribal Marketing is basically when you offer your stuff to an already coherent Tribe not as a something to replace what they have, but something which will “enhance,”“make better,” their already present tribal repertoire. So Nike Inc would make golfing gloves, golf balls, golf clubs, and so on. The other part of Tribal Marketing is where the sheer genius of the Marketing strategy can be found.

So how do you sell your useless shit to a Brand Tribe who already has golfing paraphernalia? This is important because here “paraphernalia” corresponds with “meme.” The word “correspond” does not mean “equal to,” by the way. So how do you get the Natives to all buy your stuff? Debate them? Reason with them? Can you even use reason with Natives? They already have golf balls, why would they want your balls? Imagine you being a White European person, and you have a shiny cooking pot. So you go to Japan which has never seen a White European before, which also has its own cooking pots. As an outsider to their culture and society, how do you get those Natives to buy your European shiny pots? You use Tribal Marketing.

I’ll give an example of a historical person who used Tribal Marketing to infect an entire few civilizations with Buddhism. His name was Bodhidharma. He was a dark skinned man from India, and he traveled eastward to infect the memeplex of Buddhism in other societies outside India. Eventually, this one single guy was able to spread a species of Buddhism across China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam too. All schools of Buddhism like Chan in China and Zen in Japan are out growths of this single seeder. How did he do it? Did he debate and assert Buddhism onto every one of the millions and millions of citizens of those countries? No he didn’t. He simply made Friends and shared his ideas to the shot callers of each empire, which would be like the royals, aristocrats, the learned philosophers, musicians, and writers.

Why did he do this? How is this effective? Here’s a question: “What’s the first thing Hitler and his friends do before invading a country?” He and his friends make a black list of this country’s artists, writers, musicians, academics, officials, intellectuals, and so on. Here’s another question: “What’s the first thing Hitler and his friends do when they invade a country?” They begin to execute every person on their Black List. Why do they do this? Because such types of people have an influence and power of inspiration on the populous. Here’s something telling: What does Hilter and his friends do after they quietly murder everybody on their black list? They replace the same types of people with natives, but with ones who are pro-Nazi.

That’s Tribal Marketing. It’s when you use or utilize the social order’s own social order to do your marketing for you. So as a Nike Inc who is unknown and new to the golfing subculture, you Tribal Market your stuff by Hiring people like Tiger Woods to use your stuff. And that’s all the work you do. As an outsider, you don’t sell to the Natives directly by getting into their faces. They may be averse to seeing the face of a foreigner asserting pots and pans, Jesus, and religion, onto them. You get a hotshot in their own society to use your shiny European pots. The higher up the social order’s totem pole they are, the more effective influence they will have on the populous. You think about it. There was a time when England was Catholic. It took one Protestant King to eventually make the whole country Protestant.

When the Roman Empire spread very big, they had a political problem; one of many. The problem was that Europe and North Africa was populated by vastly diverse people, traditions, languages, cultures, and religions. What’s this called? Social incoherency. What’s that mean? That means you’re force of power and rule over your incoherent empire would be near impossible long term wise. The Roman regime thus brought that chaos into Order by spreading their “Roman Culture” as a collective identity. This would gradually induce social coherency. So, how did Rome make White Europeans, Arabs, and Black Africans all to adopt a foreign Roman Culture as their identity? They did this simply by going to the local hotshots and local popular figures of each area and offered them a place in the Roman Power structure with titles and privileges, as long as the local hotshots and popular figures dressed like Romans, ate like Romans, let Rome build bath houses in their area, and lived like Romans aristocrats. The local hotshots thought it was a great deal and accepted the deal.

That’s all Rome had to do, because each area had its own social order which the hotshots were at the top of. And so the public of each area were eventually influenced and inspired by their Romanized hotshots and by the Roman bathhouses to pick up the memeplex of Roman Culture. Bath houses by the way at the time were their center of socializing. Many sported libraries. So it was a place where people hung out, ate and drank together, as well as read and talk smart stuff.

A Brand Hijack is when you allow and even encourage the Tribe to hijack your stuff and run with it. This is one thing Anton Long of ONA did well. He let the people of ONA – those who like it – hijack ONA and run with it. So what my friends and I did way back then when we learned about Tribal Marketing and Brand Hijacking, was take apart our WSA and our so called “Progressive Satanism.” We stripped everything down to their basic meme components, and slowly injected all of that into the ONA over the space of several years. This way the ONA hijacks the new ideas and insights. This generated for me an audience. That’s the easy part. The part which took the most effort – a whole ~12 months – was finding a shot caller in ONA and making friends with them. Which was the Tribal Marketing part.

Propinquity

Propinquity is a word you find in social science. It has the shade of meaning of “Like Attracts Like.” The word can also means roughly “~Social Proximity.” Propinquity is very important in life if you ever want to get sex, get dates, find a wife or husband, get promotions at work, get people to adopt your ideas, get others to see things your way, and so on, etc. Without propinquity, you won’t be successful with any of the named stuff, or the chancing of them happening are very tough. There are two main types of propinquities: physical and psychological. Why is this important? Because if you understand the basic definition of a meme, you’ll understand that memes travel from individual to individual. And so without Propinquity, those memes cannot be transmitted. That’s the whole “secret” my friends and I learned from our experiments and games. We called it by a different – goofy term due to lack of anything better: “Association By Proxy.” It’s the “trigger” behind the mechanics of how and why memes jump from person to person. Not by debating or logical lines of thinking, or persuasive arguments, or agreement to an idea. But by the power of propinquity.

Physical Propinquity, means roughly the same thing as social proximity. What does it all mean though in practical terms? Physical propinquity is say when you work in a WalMart. There are other employees there. And so over time you and the other employees grow comfortable with each other, grow familiar with each other, the communication flow is easy and uninhibited, you’re all cool with each other. And so because of that physical propinquity, it becomes such that in such a propinquitous environment, sexual affairs will take place very easily. Meaning that you are more likely to get sex from people you share a social proximity with then say a random person you are interested in off the street.

When you are on a date what is your end goal? Sex is. So in that game of dating, what are you selling to the other person, your end goal or you yourself? You are selling yourself. In the game of selling your product as a business, or your ideas as an ideologue, what are you essentially selling to the other person: your ideas or products, or you own self? You are selling your own self. The desire for the other person to adopt your idea, or buy your shiny pots is the end goal, corresponding with the end goal of sex in the dating game. Sell yourself to the other person, and the rest effortlessly follows. So therefore, propinquity [the know-how of it] is crucial. So propinquity is needed to sell yourself to others. Proximity or familiarity or comfort is conducive to resonance [rapport]. The more rapport you have with the other person, the more ALIKE you will become. That’s resonance. The more rapport you have with your date, the more ALIKE her desire to have sex becomes. Also, because of the propinquitous environment, you trust those other employees more so than you would random strangers. So when a friend at work tells you one day about a new line of makeup or a new type of car stuff that made his car better, you are more open to consider and try their suggestions. 

I can use Anton Long regarding myself as an example. DM or Anton Long didn’t debate with me, argue with me, and assert his ideas on me in any way to get me to be ONA, and to get me to devote giant portions of my free time to write ONA stuff for 5 years now. But yet I accepted every meme and idea he made in the thousands of pages he wrote, and I’ve given ONA 5 years of my life and brains. How did that happen? It happened because of psychological propinquity, or is the end result of such.

What happened was that there were some ideas I found in his writings which were in common with my own I had. In many cases it sounded like in his writings he was expressing my own feelings and thoughts and opinions about things and the world in general. That’s a form of psychological propinquity, which should roughly mean something like “~Mental or Emotional Proximity.” This in turn caused in me an emotional response/attachment. Meaning here that I grew to LIKE this person [DM or AL indirectly: his Image]. The emotion of liking this person in turn caused me to want to be “closer” to this person in some – any – way. This is “Association By Proxy.” It’s the same exact stages in dating, if you know what you are looking at. I want to be associated with Anton Long, for others to see me and know that I’m “with” this person.

Just like in high school you want people to know you and your boyfriend are a couple and you want everybody to know who you are to him and who he is to you. Just like in the music industry you wear your favourite band’s logo on your shirt. Just like Christians wear cross so others can know they are “with” Jesus. Just like Nazis wear Swastika to let other people know they are “with” Hitler. Just like you LaVeyans use a man’s name and put up his pictures in frames, and shave your head like him, and wear a goatee like he did, and call yourself a “Satanist” like he did. Just like it is in dating. If you sell yourself right to the date, you don’t have to convince your date to have sex with you. She will, in the end willingly – want – to be closer to you and will give herself to you. Anton Long didn’t have to convince me to be ONA and to think and live ONA. I wanted to, badly. The emotions and attraction to ONA’s or Anton Long’s Image/Mythos comes first, the ideas and ideology comes after. Think about this: When you decided to be ONA, was that before or after you read all 5000 plus pages of ONA corpus by Anton Long?

I don’t have to debate, argue, and convince you to adopt a pointless and meaningless meme [352]. If I sell myself – IMAGE/MYTHOS [cuz we’re dealing with psychological propinquity here] – right to you, you will want to be associated with that meaningless meme, to be like me: “Like Attracts Like,” to be “with” me. If a meme gets debated, it means you did something wrong. Ask yourself this: if you are on a date with a girl [or guy], and the girl at the table in the restaurant debates with you about having sex with you or not, and you have to argue with her and try to out rhetoricize her, are you doing something right on your date? No, actually you suck at it. Same thing with a fucking job interview and promotions. If you are sitting there in front of your boss trying to get a promotion, and he is debating you, and questioning your arguments and skills, and you’re arguing back and trying to convince him and debate him, did you sell your IMAGE as a type of person he is looking for right to him? No you didn’t. You fucked up.

Why or how did you fuck up? Because you’re so desperate for sex, desperate for others to adopt your new invention of Satanism, so desperate to be somebody in Satanism, so desperate to sell your shiny pots and pans that you forgot to sell Yourself to your audience. If nobody likes you, and their friends think you’re stupid, why would anybody want to sleep with you, think like you, view the world like you, believe like you, use your ideas, or have anything to do with you? The pragmatic problem with arrogant and egotistic people is that they are so honestly into themselves; where they believe honestly that they are great and super; that they assume others do too, or at least others should just by default, so they don’t even bother trying to sell themselves. Why bother, if you are already super. It sounds funny, but I have met Mundane Satanists online where they will actually say in their introduction posts and youtube vlogs: “I assume I need no introduction…” Like it’s just expected by these dummies that everyone in Satanism who is anybody knows them. As if their reputation actually proceeds them into the Satanic Market, like it paves the way for their anticipated and pending arrival.

The other influencing aspect of mental or emotional proximity or association by proxy is the show of end results and show of example. I’ll use DM and myself again, because I know myself and I can be brutally and objectively honest with myself as to why I became ONA to the full extent where I spent 5 years reading ~10,000 pages and spent a few years trying to put the teachings into practice. So my question to myself is: “Why do I want to be like David Myatt?” I mean honestly. The answer is honest and objectively brutal: I want to be like him, because he had things to him I want for myself. That’s it. For instance he certainly has the power of inspiration and influence. In National Socialism, in the past and present. In Islam and Jihadi circles. In Satanism. And so on. I see with my own eyes his end results, and I want those same end results for myself. And so I perceive DM to be intelligent in a “certain” way; then I want to be intelligent in that same “certain” way. If he uses “certain” groups of words, then I also want – willingly – to use the same “certain” groups of words. If he sees the world in a “certain” way, that I too want to see the world in the same “certain” way. But why, is the next question. Why be like him. The answer is: Environmental Context.

What’s “environmental context” here trying to mean? It means let’s place DM or Anton Long in Context to Time and Place, and let’s put a background to all of this too. So we can wholistically see things as I do when I see DM do his stuff. Let’s take just one persona of DM: Anton Long [allegedly]. The Environmental Context is the Left Hand Path, specifically Satanism. The backdrop or background are all the many different Satanists who populate this Satanic subculture. So looking at this I see that your average Satanist are mental cripples. If Satanism were a jungle, the average mundane Satanist are barely eking out a living or surviving. But in this sea of idiocy and mediocrity is a person [Anton Long] who has done something to “make it.” He’s done something to rise above the stupid mass. He’s done something to even have influence over other Satanists. And so in that environmental context, I think to myself: “You know, if I want to survive and be fit in this environment, I might want to mimic and emulate that Anton Long, since he’s doing something right.”

When I was growing into my teen years I looked up to by biological mom and wanted to be like her. So I watched and observed her put on her makeup, do her hair, etc, and I acquired those things she did for myself. Then when I was in my mid teenage years I diverged away from mimicking my biological mom and found other females I liked whom I wanted to be like. I was into the goth subculture back then and many of my friends told me I reminded them of Morticia from the Addams Family. So I wanted to be like Morticia, so I copied Morticia’s style. Morticia had something I wanted. Then I started to like and look up to Rose McGowan because I thought she was sexy and I wanted to have that sexy appeal, so I acquired her style of everything. How she dressed, how she did her hair, how she did her makeup; so I didn’t have that goth look anymore. Then in my late teens, I physically matured, and a rich businessman who was a good friend of our family [I had a lot of respect for him] one day told me I remind him of someone [I never heard of] named “Audrey Hepburn.”

Since the businessman had social status, and since I looked up to him, I was very interested in learn who this “Audrey Hepburn” was. I searched everything and everywhere for her. Look at as many pictures of her as I can find, tried to find anything she was in, and I hijacked everything I could from her because I wanted to be just like her, even till this day. All of these women had something I wanted for myself. I liked them, had an emotional attachment to their image and look and style. None of them had to debate me or convince me or force me to copy-cat them. I gave myself up and willingly were influenced and inspired by them. What’s one major reason why I wanted what they had? Environmental Condition. I knew that many other girls around me at those times didn’t look as pretty as Morticia, Rose McGowan, or Audrey Hepburn; and so that environmental condition is what “convinced” me to acquire their look, image, and carriage. So I followed their example in how they did those things.

So now, we’re back to evolutionary psychology and our chimp meme of sticking twigs in ant hills. Why does a young chimp even want to bother learning that ant-fishing skill? Why does that little chimp “want” to be like the older chimp? Because of environmental context. What’s that mean in this case? It means these chimps live in the wild jungle where only the healthy and fit survive. It also means that other chimps and other chimp troops are competing for food resources. So what is the mechanism or “drive” which makes that ant-fishing meme to catch in the young chimp? Natural Law. He sees the older chimp eating good. That older chimp’s got something extra to his chimp repertoire other chimps don’t. That something extra just might help give the young chimp an edge over competition cuz if he knew how to do like the older chimp and fished for ants, he’d have a valuable food resource. And so the young chimp tries to do what the older chimp does. By following the older chimp’s example, mimicking him, and emulating him. This is also the reason why human infants are born innately following the example of people around it: survival, in context to environment.

Some stupids might then ask: “Well gee Chloe, that jungle talk is all great, but Satanism’s not a jungle. What’s the resource people are competing for in Satanism?” Ideas are the resource. What the hell is Satanism? If you answer a “philosophy,” then shit, philosophical ideas are the resource. If you answer it’s a “religion,” then religious shit is the resource. If you answer a taco stand, then tacos are the resource. If you answer a dating service, then dates are the resource. If you answer a world-view, then what the fuck is the fucking resource? Shit that makes up a god damn world-view. If you answer Satanism is Doing shit, then what the hell is the resource? Shit to do! How do you answer the question: “What is Satanism?” Cuz however you answer it, will give insight to the resource being competed for and horded by those in the subculture/environment. The person with the most resource or best access to resource dominates the scene. Just like an alpha male chimp has access to all the resources, food and girl chimps. So being a chimp, you know that alpha is doing something or has something extra he doing that gives him all he got. So if you’re smart, you may want to mimic him and do what he does. If you’re stupid, what becomes of you?

In Satanism, there are many of us Satanists with very little resource, and only a handful who dominates Satanism with the mass of resource they have. We can name most of them by name. Let’s see: There’s Anton LaVey, Mike Aquino, Anton Long. And so being Satanists, some of us in this environment may realize those named guys are doing something right, they got status, resource, fame, influence, and so forth. So those of us who are smart enough to self-develop by show of example, may want to mimic and emulate those alphas in Satanism. What’s this mean? This means we talk like them, walk like them, see the world like them, see satan as they do, use their lexicon, even try to look like them. If they got a church, we want to associate with it. If they have a temple, we join it. If they have an order, we affiliate with it.

Same thing in high school social order. The pretty girls get all of the attention, so in that environmental context, you will want to be like them. The popular guys get all the girls, so in that social context, you as guys will want to do like them. Same shit with the work place. If one guy is liked by management and gets all the promotions and raises, you know inside that he’s doing something extra you aren’t. So then you have a choice. You can either try to do like he does to survive that environment yourself. Or you can chose to not be like him and stay where you are. That same choice exists in Nature, but with aeonic and wyrdful consequences. If you’re a chimp and your chimp buddy climbs rank because he ass kisses top ranking chimps by grooming them and you think to yourself: “Look at him. What an ass kisser. Brown nosing the alpha male. Eating his ticks and shit. Man, what a bitch. Fuck that shit.” What’s gunna happen to you in Time, in that environment? Grooming is a social skill in that social order of chimps. It’s how you make friends and allies, and ultimately climb rank to gain power. If you lack that skill, you’re dead. People in Satanism don’t die if they lack resource, cuz Satanism ain’t a jungle. But you socially die. What’s that called? It’s called Irrelevancy.

Same shit in prison. You go to prison, and you see some guys act a certain way and they survive and gain resource and status in that environment. Then you see other guys act a certain way and they get fucked up the ass. You damn sure as hell you gunna mimic the ones that survive and collect resource and status. Nobody has to tell you that shit. It ain’t a matter of debate. You can’t go up to these prisoners and state your argument thusly: “Guys look, serious. Sticking your dick in my ass is gay. Do you guys wanna be perceived as being flaming homosexuals by the general public? I’ll tell! Science says that it is unnatural because it thwarts procreation.” You’re gunna catch that social meme whether you logically agree with it or not. Cuz there are consequences if you don’t, right? And that’s the Beauty and Genius behind how Nature works. You don’t have to be intelligent to make it. You just need to be able to learn by show of example. And if you can’t, you die. Intelligence and cleverness helps you do your survival and adaptation more effectively and efficiently. And so if that is the case, then you mimic whoever expresses effective and efficient adaptation and survival skills: in context to environment.

So Psychological Propinquity has a few shades of meaning. Of the two, this is the easiest to induce. If you have ever made a new friend or gone on a date, you do it naturally in a half conscious way. A shade of meaning is when say you are an immigrant from Vietnam. You feel insecure and uneasy in California around Americans. You certainly don’t trust everybody. One day you meet another Vietnamese person. And so because you and your new paisano share Commonalities such as language, culture, and so forth, you develop a Bond. That’s a form of psychological propinquity. What are some of the benefits of this type of propinquity? Well, if you are a guy and your new friend is a girl, that Bond and Rapport [connection: Like Attracts Like] may end up causing the two of you to get married, date, or meet a friend of hers. If your new fellow Vietnamese friend is a con artist, then the benefit of this type of emotional proximity means that he results from your trust by being able to easily con you out of your money. I have met tons of Asian people – immigrants – who came to this country, met their own kind, and these new meet ups start pitching to these immigrants “business” scams, and they fall for it. It’s much easier to convince someone in this case.

Another type of psychological propinquity is say when you are a Muslim. There are few other Muslims in your area. So all of these few Muslims come together to form a very coherent subculture in their area since they obviously share beliefs, views, and culture in common. So in this case we have the Foreground, that of the Muslims coming together due to shared beliefs. The Background is here the most important and influential factor to their act of coming together into a coherent community. They are surrounded by non-Muslims, Other. Think about this now. Let’s take a look at Hitler. He wanted power. Power is given by the people. So he needs the German people to elevate him, to believe in him, and to come together into a coherent force to fight his enemies. How does he do this? He uses two methods. First method is by inducing psychological propinquity where none existed. What’s that look like? He borrows the word “Aryan,” and beefs it up into a robust thing people can identify with and share in common. Then he uses the second method of creating a background of Otherness. How does he do this? He makes it seem that Jews are everywhere. That Jews were behind the failure of the first war. That Jews are rich and taking over Germany and the world.

Lenin did the same thing in Russia with the help of Marx’s idea-memes. How did he do it? He manufactures psychological propinquity in the most numerous section of society: the peasants. Number/size here equals power. How does he induce them to come together into a coherent force? He manufactures the idea of Otherness. That aristocrats and the bourgeois and the guys that own industry are everywhere and own the country and so on. 

You do this in dating. If the end goal is to have sex with the other person, then you induce psychological propinquity. Most people do this unaware of what they are doing. Here what it looks like. I’m on a date with you, and at the table I say: “I love cats.” And you say to me back: “Oh really! My favourite kind of cat is a Siamese cat!” But you don’t even like cats. I say: “I love the color pink.” And then you go: “Oh, you know, pink is a soft color. It looks great with your skin tone. I think you look hot in pink.” I say: “I went shopping the other day, and it was fun.” Then you say: “I know. I took my kid brother shopping for shoes the other day. He can be a punk sometimes but I love him.” If I say: “So yeah, I voted republican the other day. I just love how they want to cut those ear marks and balance the budget, and stuff, you know.” Then you say: “Democrats are way too liberal for me. I love guns and Texas by the way. Did I tell you I go to church, I love my mama, and am a member of the NRA?” That’s all inducing mental and emotional proximity. You are making your date see that you and her Share things in Common. That you are Like her. Because like attracts like. You need her to see that you are just Like her to make her feel familiar and comfortable with you. Why do you need this? Because from that develops Rapport. What’s Rapport good for? It’s what you need to stimulate and evoke emotions out of her. Why want her to have emotions? Because if she Likes you, she will desire to get closer to you. And that all eventually gives you the end result of sex.

With spreading memes, it’s the same basic process, just with a different end goal. Notice that in the dating case, the guy did not spend his time talking about sex or trying to convince the girl that it’s a good idea to have sex with him. He first induces propinquity, then goes into talking about her the rest of the evening. What’s this called? What’s it called when a guy takes you out on a date, and he first builds a rapport with you and then talks about you for the rest of the evening? It’s called “the guy is selling himself.” People who suck at dating won’t get this because how can he be selling himself if he’s talking about her all night? If a girl is on a date with a guy, what are we “shopping” for? A man who can take care of shit. The product we are looking for is a man. So this guy in talking all about the girl all evening after psychological propinquity is induced is saying in other words: “I’m your guy! Pick me. I have my attention on you and only you, see. I know what you need without you telling me. I’m showing it right now. If I can pay attention to you all night and talk about you and not me, I have what it takes to know what you need as a girl, and I know how to give it to you.” So what do you call the other types of guys who talk about just themselves all night on a date. You call them guys: egotistic and full of themselves. In most cases you have these inexperienced guys think that talking about themselves and how great they are equals selling themselves.

This isn’t the case. And I’ll show you how it’s not selling yourself if you talk about yourself. We can use the same essence in the dating scenario and plug it into trying to get a promotion at a job. So you sit in front of the boss, and you say to the boss something like: “Burger King is better than MacDonald! Our French fries are the best. This company has big potential because of such and such. Such and such are things we’ve been doing wrong. If we can change this…” Versus you saying this: “I think I deserve this promotion because I have been working here for 10 years. I started as the janitor and didn’t complain. I work long hours. I wash my uniforms daily. I go home and eat Burger King burgers as a staple. I give this place all my effort. I follow your orders. I flip those patties just like you want me to for every customer. I wear Burger King uniforms as my PJ’s to bed dude. No one here in 10 years that I have been here makes hamburgers like I do. I dominate the corporate district dude. Just the other day some customer gave me a compliment! Dude, I’m the shit.” Which you would you hire, first or second you? Why would most people reject the second guy if he was talking about nothing but himself? Isn’t that selling himself to the boss?

You can see that same exact burger king scenario in the McCain versus Obama presidential race. It’s something to think about. You can detect that McCain seems to always fall on himself when situations get tough, like during debates. You hear McCain go on like: “I’ve been to Nam. I was a POW. I served this country. I fought for it! I put myself on the line. That’s why you should elect me as president. I’ll serve you and fight for you.” So his strategy basically was to talk about himself. Whereas with Obama he sold himself to his market. By first developing a rapport with them, and then by talking about them and their needs. And we know which guy won the election. It’s the same end goal: that of being the boss of the most powerful nation since the Roman Empire. But why didn’t the guy who talked about himself win? Why did the guy who talked about other people, their fears, their uncertainties, their want for change, their needs, get elected by those other people?  What does it really mean to “sell yourself” to a market or audience? Think about it because it has a lot to do with success and failure in the Satanic Market place too. Because we’re dealing with the same Human denominator, and with the same human nature, and with the same social dynamics at work.

You can pick any of these Satanist forums or social networks and watch people. Most users in these forums are “just there,” hanging around with a low profile, keeping out of people’s business. But very often you see some guy – it’s 99.99% of the time guys – who come along into the social order of these networks and forums cuz they got a Big Idea! They just re-invented themselves Satanism by another name, and they’re out to sell their shit like hot cakes to a fat lady. And what do you see them always –Always – do? They proceed to just spend all their time talking about themselves. About how great they are. About how far more intelligent they are then others around them. About how everyone makes logical fallacies except them. Just about them. Then the social shot callers of the social structure of these forums and networks will step up to clown the egotistic user. If these egotistic users are debated, they usually deflect eventually away from ideas and try to take the conversation into the direction of talking about themselves again. 99% of the time, none of these guys ever succeed in spreading their ideas or getting anybody to adopt their new invention.

How did LaVey do it? Not just because of his book he published. Plenty of Satanists today make books, and still fail. LaVey has an IMAGE/MYTHOS to sell. Nowhere in his Satanic Bible does he spend time talking about how great he is over others. In fact he tells you he knows what you dislike, knows what you think of Christianity, and know what ideas and concepts you need to liberate yourself. His talk or presentation is oriented toward the audience. The Flow of Attention.

Look at a few Hitler speeches and ask yourself in what direction is the Flow of Attention? Hitler commands the audience’s attention, and onto what does he orient their attention: himself or themselves? I have never seen yet a Hitler speech where Hitler spends the hour talking about how great and special he is. The fact is he does the entire opposite. He focuses the people’s attention onto themselves and tries to uplift them, empower them, by telling them things like how they are a chosen race, the best of mankind. How they can be better. Look at Minister Farrakhan do his speeches and you see the same. Never have I seen The Honourabale Minister Farrakhan spend time screaming and talking about how great he is. The fact is he does the entire opposite. He attracts his audience’s attention and redirects its flow back onto themselves, by talking about them, their needs, their problems, and how Allah and the teachings of his institution can fix it. Make THEM better.

And you can see this in LaVey’s book too. He doesn’t talk about how great he is. He does the opposite. He first builds a psychological propinquity with his audience where he basically says to the reader: “I know how you feel, I hate Christians too.” And then he directs the flow of your attention onto YOU the Satanist, by empowering you with ideas and philosophical principles. Instead of talking about how great he is, he does the opposite and tells you in different ways that YOU are your own God. That YOU are great and a God. Not he, but YOU. And that YOU can be better, more freer, more mentally and intellectually independent than others as a Satanist. And in turn YOU adopt his ideas. YOU Like him. YOU give him $200 to join his church to show your support. YOU shave your heads and wear goatees to look like him. YOU mimic him by being high priests of your own Satanic Churches and YOU mimic him by writing your own satanic books. YOU give yourself up to him and his ideas and his words and his memeplex. Just like when a guy gots game and works his skills right, the girl will willingly give herself up eagerly. And you the LaVeyan collectively Elevate him. Just like Christians elevate Jesus because the bible works its people skills right: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”–John 3:16. In other words, it’s not about God or Jesus. It’s all about YOU. How precious you are to God. How YOU can have eternal life.

Same thing with ONA. I’ve never read anything by Anton Long where in the entire manuscript he just talks about how great and wonderful he is. How smart he is. How educated he is. AL’s flow of attention goes back to the reader: the audience. And you can see DM use this same social skill in all of his other writings for the other types of subculture. DM is interesting because he displays for you to see the end result of being skilled in such a way. The end result is inspiration and influence. Admiration, emulation, mimicry, respect, and desire for association. Think about it. People want to be in any way associated with top rankers in Satanism like LaVey and Anton Long. Who today wants to be associated in any way with Aquino? I’m not picking on Aquino. I’m pointing out a fact. How many founders and leaders of satanic organizations have come and gone in the big satanic forums and social networks? And how many people in these forums and networks ever wanted to be associated with such clowns? Nobody. We want to do the whole opposite and run away. Like you’re on a bad date with a douche who can’t stop talking about himself!

There is a “shadow-set” to propinquity you need to think about if you want to use it to succeed. With physical propinquity the saying goes: “Distance makes a heart grow fonder.” The shadow-set is called “Aloofness.” This also applies even more so to psychological proximity. The fitting saying here goes: “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” What’s that mean?

The easiest way to explain this is to use the Hollywood industry. If an actor is everywhere, in all these films, in many commercials, on the radio speaking, etc. He actually depreciates his own value. Because the public is saturated with your face. Same thing with songs on the radio. If a radio station plays a song way too many times, then you get tired of hearing it. Okay, here’s an example that will draw out the point: If given the option of two people, which one would you dedicate more time to get: 1) a girl/guy who is always there around you who likes you, and you know they like you; or 2) a girl/guy who presents themselves as a challenge? That’s the power or effect of Aloofness. Because most of us, if we are sane and normal, would dedicate more effort to the person who is a challenge to get. Same thing in the corporate environment. The manager of a company keeps himself aloof and is not “one of the guys” with the employees for a reason. Aloofness build the perception of worth, value, and power. You can talk to any peasant, but you need the King’s “audience” if you want him to even give you time to listen to you.

What this mean in Satanism though, you may ask. So here’s a question for you: How come a dead guy LaVey can out sell his memeplex than a living guy Aquino who is easily available to talk to at the 600 Club? What’s up with that? You’d think that because Aquino was up in everybody’s faces that he’d be able to sell his shit and get new recruits. But a dead guy – that’s as aloof as you can humanly get – doesn’t even have to try to sell his brand of Satanism, and people buy it still. So what’s a dead guy doing right that a living guy is doing wrong? In practical terms, if you spread yourself too thin and are just everywhere, where you got a profile in every satanic site, six youtube channels, radio shows, 4 of your own social networks and shit, then you actually devalue yourself, and thus your ideas. It’s almost counter-intuitive, cuz you think that if you are everywhere you can reach out to a bigger audience. But you’re cheap. Why are diamonds expensive? Cuz they’re rare. Why is gold expensive and not fool’s gold or copper? Cuz gold is rare. Why are some people in show biz paid ridiculous amounts of money to be in a film? Cuz they have social creds – meaning they are popular – but at the same time they are “rare” meaning you don’t see them everywhere all day. That’s one of the “secrets” of celebritihood. Popularity + rarity = celebrity Status. Obama was once an ordinary man. Now he’s popular and a rarity in public, so his attention and presence is high in value. The queen of England and any of those Royals are the same. They don’t act. But they are popular, meaning they have a giant audience, but they are also aloof, so people go crazy when they are seen. Anton Long is aloof as a person, or reclusive as he says it. Not very many pictures of him is any. Not many interviews. But when he does issue a new ONA MS, his audience gives it a certain amount of value, and thus he grows an influence. And now he is even more aloof because he is retired from ONA service publically. Aloofness has an associate rule that should always accompany it if you want to build up your value to a market or audience. The associate rule is: If others talk about you, you are more attractive to your intended audience.

The number one thing that makes a guy attractive to a girl is what? Confidence. What’s the second thing we find attractive in a guy? Or it makes the guy more desirable? The fact that other girls are interested in him. That’s also evolutionary psychology. Nature favours healthy creatures over the weak and sickly. So if you got the heath and vigor to be an alpha male ape, you get many females. In human terms, it’s the same thing, just superficially different. A guy who no other girl likes makes you feel like there is something wrong with him. A guy who other girls like, must have “something” to him. What is that something? Other things a girl finds attractive in a guy hints at this something. If other guys or just other people talk about you. If you have a nice car. If you wear nice clothes. If you have a nice job. If people around you follow your orders, wear what you wear, talking like you talk. What all this trying to hint at? Status in a social order.

So we’re back to that alpha male thing again. Why does it matter if a guy has Status? Because it’s again evolutionary psychology. A male with Status in his social environment means that he has a better chance of taking care of you, protecting you, insuring your wellbeing. That’s why girls SEEM to be attracted to powerful, rich, guys. It’s not the power and wealth itself. It’s the idea that you must apparently have Status if you have a high position at work, if you are the leader of an organization, if those other guys do what you do. You can induce this same Status by having or developing Charisma’s top two components: Confidence and its subset Power. And Effective Communication.

Why is effective communication important in making a guy look like he has that thing called “Status?” Cuz other monkeys do what you say if you’re an alpha male when you just grunt. On the other hand when a low ranking ape grunts, nobody listens. When one Anton Long or Anton LaVey speaks, many people not only listen, they follow and become LaVayen Satanists or ONA. When an arrogant clown talks about how great and smart he is a Satanic forum, who listens? Who follows? Who buys into your ideas? How effective is your communication if nobody fucking around you is fucking EFFECTED. The god damn word “effective” is even inside the term “Effective Communication.” This means you got no Status in any social order or social environment.

People like LaVey and DM/AL display Power of Intelligence and Power of Authority, because both are intelligent and both are founders of their own thriving schools of Satanism. That’s Status. And that Status adds to their charisma, and thus to their power of inspiration and influence. Humans by nature – as Mother Nature wires us and our other primate kin – on a gut level are drawn to the Appearance of Status. A person can be totally poor, but has the power of intelligence, confidence, and effective communication – ie: good story telling, great bullshitting skills, smoothtalker, macking skills – and he’ll get sex left and right. He doesn’t even need a nice car, because some girl will buy him one. And with the same wiring, Osho aka Rajneesh used to drive a Rolls Royce, Obama is given the most powerful leadership position on earth, Jesus collects 2 billion followers, Genghis Khan enticed men to join his army, the illiterate Muhammad was given Mecca by his warriors, and Germany committed nation-state suicide gleefully for Hitler.

When others talk about you, your value builds up. What would Jesus be without the Saints John the Baptist and Paul? Buddha without the venerable Ananda? Marx without Lenin? Jehovah without Moses? Allah without his Muhammad? What kind of guy are you to a girl or anybody if nobody talks about you? You have to talk about yourself cuz nobody wants to talk about you for you. Thus, you lack status and importance, influence. You slang your own ideas and your own Satanisms because nobody thinks highly enough to slang that shit for you. LaVey is dead, and he’s still got people selling his memeplex. Anton Long is retired, and people like me and others in ONA slang ONA for him. That’s status. Just like in dating, if you yourself go around talking about how great your invented memeplex is and how it’s better than other memeplexes, your memplex is a loser memeplex because it’s unimportant where nobody but you will talk about it and sell it and push it.

Social Value & Status

Why talk about things like charisma and influence? Because in ONA the will is for ONA to grow in influence. The only problem here is that the concept “ONA” in this respect is a reified noun. It doesn’t exist as a touchable noun-thing to influence anything. The fact is “ONA” is a tag of a loosely knit group of people. And so it becomes that if each of those people lack the know-how and skill of inspiration and influence, then how in turn is the “ONA” expected to be of any influence? I pointed out DM earlier in this essay for a pragmatic reason. He is one person all ONA people share in common in some form or way. He has left a replicable track record of 40 years plus now. Thus, he serves as an exemplar to teach those of us a thing or two about influence etc.

And so this all brings us back to Square One. The first step in gaining influence, is your own inner development. As within, so it is without. 90% of what we call “Charisma” are involuntary expressions controlled by the subconscious mind. What’s that mean in practical terms? It means that it is the Inner Image a person has of itself, that ultimately is expressed outwardly. I’ll give an example. People on a subconscious level – along with the right brain – can pick up these subtle involuntary cues and this is translated into what we call “Gut Feeling.” So an example is when you are acting nice and smiling, people can instantly tell – via gut feeling – if you are being not sincere. How is this discerned? The subconscious mind picks up two very consciously imperceptible cues from the other person. A genuine smile uses muscles around the ends of the lip. If you give a smile to a person, and you don’t uses those muscles, you give off the cue/clue that your smile is fake. And that shit can’t be controlled consciously. The other clue is that if you smile at someone, and your pupils are tense, it tells the other person you are not genuine. Tense pupils here means that they shrink in size. Subconsciously, when you See something you genuinely like, such as diamonds, a girl with a nice ass, nice shoes, etc your pupils get big or wider. It’s how those Chinese people in Chinatown in those jewelry shops can tell if you like the jewelry you are holding and looking at. So when they spot your pupils get bigger, they start to pitch their sales tactic on you, and you don’t even have to say a word to tell them you like the shit.

Now, the cool thing comes. Let’s say you are a clever person. You just learned that pupil size is somehow important. Let’s say you have a new date with some girl. The question is then: Do you take the girl on a date in the day time, or in the evening? Do you take her to a bright place or to a dimly lit place? To the beach, or to a nice candle light restaurant? Which case will cause her to subconsciously be drawn to you? I won’t give the answer. But I’ll point out that Hitler had many a giant pompous pageants and parades in the Evening.

So because a majority of what we call charisma are involuntary expressions and uncounscious nonverbal communications, in charisma class before you even work on developing external skills of charisma, you are instructed in how to first develop Internal Skills. How you see yourself in your own mind and heart is crucial, because that inner image of yourself is what is Imprinted on your so called subconscious mind. And it is the involuntary system which controls those involuntary expressions. That image you have of yourself shows, even in how you express yourself in the medium of written text. Your level of inner confidence bleeds thru your writings. For example if a person peppers their posts and essays with phrases like: “It’s my opinion that…” or “I think and such and such…” or “I feel that so and so…” it means that the person lacks a confident self-image, and on a gut level other people will react to that and reject the ideas your trying to sell. I’ll demonstrate. Let’s say you have White guy and he were to say to you: “I feel that us Aryans are special. I really think it to be true. It’s just my opinion, but I think we’re the master race!” Does that sound compelling, or attractive, or powerful. No it doesn’t. It sounds like the guy is a faggot, and a racist one too. But get this shit: Hitler said the same exact thing! BUT in a very different way, and what kind of results did he get? He became all powerful in Germany. 

Here’s another example to draw out the point. Let’s say some guy – it’s usually a guy – joins a Satanic forum and he’s the “leader” of his own Satanic organization and he makes a post which says: “Guys, I think Satan is real. I feel like I’m right because I have these experiences. I have a right to an opinion you know. I have this Satanic organization you should join, because I think that if you do join it, you’ll be super smart like me. I’ll just leave my website link in case you’re interested. Thanks.” Would you join it? Would you make this guy; who doesn’t even sound like he’s sure of his own ideas; your leader? What’s that say about you and your Standards? In context to Environment, what’s it really mean when you present your ideas as being your opinion? Like when you use the phrase, “It’s my opinion.” The contextual environment is that in a group of people or forum, you are immersed in a sea of other people’s opinions. And so when you present your own ideas as just an opinion, from the get go, your opinions are included in that mundane mass of opinions. It doesn’t stand out above the herd in other word. When you have an underdeveloped inner image of yourself, and when you lack inner confidence, it shows in how you speak and write.

On the other hand people with a healthy level of confidence and self-security express themselves in a very different way. It’s subtle, but the subconscious mind notices such subtleties. DM and people like him for instance writes with confidence. Even when his ideas are insane like were he may say that Jihad and blowing things up is cool, or when sacrificing humans to Satan is great fun, he doesn’t present these things as being his opinion, or how he feels about such topics. It’s expressed nonchalantly as if it’s true or real or not insane. You do understand that most of the ideas Hitler shared with old Germany were insane right? Cuz he basically said to the people: “Hey, I got this idea for a political platform: Let’s make me leader and kill Jews.” But that shit worked! How did it work? Well, when you watch hours of Hitler doing his speeches, you see he presents his ideas in a very confident way. And we know from history that Hitler was not a confident person in the beginning. We know that he painstakingly practiced giving speeches in front of the mirror and practiced with his gesturings while speaking publically. That’s inner self-development. Take a lesson from Hitler. Before you can inspire and influence people, you first must work on your own self. And that work starts inside, with your own self-image, and your own character or quality.

Image or Inner Self Confidence sells. Not your ideas or product. What are you “selling” here in actuality? Your Person. It’s just like dating and romance. You are not selling your date the idea of having sex with you, although that is the end goal desired. You sell yourself to her. And if you do it right, she will give herself up to you willingly. A leader like Obama, does not have to ask you or tell you to follow him and adopt his policies. Although that is the end goal desired. He spends his time selling himself you us, the American public. When he does it right, we will not only willingly follow him, but we will willingly elect him as our leader. Ideas themselves don’t inspire or influence people. People influence other people. And so if you lack people skills, how far will you go in the human arena? We are social creatures. So what’s that mean? It means without social skills and the ability to feel and adapt to social dynamics, you will always fail in the human arena.

What all this social dynamic shit look like in practical terms? And how do you sell a product or service without selling it directly? I’ll use a down to earth example many Satanist will be able to relate with. We’ll use the very big and popular Social Network of Self-Styled Satanists called “Satanic International Network,” and its founder Zach Black as an example. Since Zach Black does shit right. The first thing to observe is that Zach has a “product” or “service,” which is his social network. At the moment of this writing the membership count of his social network is nearing 5000. How did that happen? So the question is, how is Zach selling his product so successfully? What is he doing which we can learn from?

One right thing we notice is that Zach never makes himself look needy by asking people to join his social network. In fact, he rarely talks about it. So what’s he doing that sells the network? What’s he doing which draws to him all the membership? What’s the deal? This is the main turn off with girls. If you are on a date and you come off as looking needy, you aren’t getting laid. You don’t even have to say anything. What one unconscious thing a guy does when he’s talking to a girl that will Instantly put him into the Friend pile and not the potential boyfriend pile? The one things is you talk to us or approach us with your body [chest/torso] fully facing us. It’s body language, and it expressed a lack of confidence and experience, because when you fully face your body head on toward your object of interest, you show on the gut feeling level that you are needy and desperate. 

Guys with confidence and experience with girls in a club don’t face a girl fully. They walk by you, turn their heads briefly, shoot you a compliment and walk off. Or they stand next to you at the bar, order a drink, turn their head in your direction, give you a smile, say hi how you doing, maybe compliment you, and they turn away to continue with their business. Why do they do this? Because they talk with plenty of girls and it’s no big deal if you’re interested in them or not. Or they skillfully carry themselves as if they don’t care if you want to talk to them or not. Whereas, a guy who doesn’t talk to many girls, is psychologically immature with attention. You smiles at him to be nice, and all of a sudden his whole body is facing you, he walked all up close to you, and the way he carries himself makes it feel like he’s going to say at any time now: “Please don’t go, talk to me, I don’t get this often.” It makes you feel needy and clingy. And that’s a turn off.

Same shit with these would-be leaders of Satanic organizations. They have their re-invention of Satanism, join a social network and behave like they are desperate for your attention. Like they are needy for you to agree with them and adopt their ideas. It turns people off and causes them to act aversely to you. So when you watch how Zach Black does thing, you don’t get that needy feeling. He’s not asking people to join his social network. People gradually willingly join it and associate with it. So what’s Zach doing that makes people willingly find his place and sign up in the thousands? We know there are plenty of other Satanists with their own social networks, but these are little in size and popularity. What is the different is sale tactic and strategy?

The difference is that Zach has charisma. He’s a very intelligent person. His weak spot is expressing himself in written format. But he compensates that weak spot with his intelligence and with his charisma you pick up on his youtube videos, which has a very large hits count. So he has a detectable two main components of charisma. First he has the Power of Intelligence, and second he has the Power of Authority, since he is the founder of his social network: he is the Boss of it. And it’s those qualities he has coupled with warmth or friendliness that gives Zach his charisma. Zach is detectably Warm and Genuine in all of his videos. You can tell he radiates sincerity from his smile. It’s a real smile which uses every muscle. And he also smiles with his eyes. What’s that mean?

It means a few involuntary things you can’t consciously control. First it means that a genuine smile causes tiny muscles at the inner corner of the eye to contract, subtly pulling it down just a bit. That imperceptible contraction of those tiny eye muscles is giant because it’s the difference between coming off as being fake or being genuine. Second thing is the concept of “smiling” with your eyes is a phrase found in Chi Gung and Taoist Yoga. It means that your eyes radiates chi or vitality, a certain “aura” or “energy.” It radiates the aura of warmth and kindness. And like I said, you can’t control these things. What’s this mean? It means that Zach has a healthy internal image of himself.

And so it’s Zach’s Image which he is “selling” to his audience. The word “selling” is a bad and wrong word to use here since it makes it feel like a profit is desired. I have no other word to use. He’s not literally selling anything or himself. It’s that Image, and that genuineness – Power coupled with Kindness – that indirectly draws people to his social network without him asking. The reason why I brought this up is because when you go to this network to study it, you see that many guys – always guys – will come with their brand new re-inventions of Satanism, and they will unsuccessfully sell their ideas to the people there, and they always fail. Why? Because they are stupid. Because they are so into themselves and their ideas, they forget to tabulate or incorporate the fact that they are inside a social environment, and they forget to sell themselves to said social order. It’s like an outsider European with shiny pots and pans gone into Japan to sell shit. The European disregards the Japanese people’s social environment, and just asserts his pots and pans onto everybody. How are the Japanese people going to react? What’s this mean if you want to influence and inspire people? It means that you must first work on yourself, and secondly you must know how to work with social dynamics. Essentially, you need people skills.

How did I gain an influence in ONA or inspire things in ONA? Strategically. I did the only thing I really knew how to do, which was to use what social skills I learned during my growing up years in junior high and high school. I admittedly wanted an influence on ONA because I had ideas to make it “better,” more up to date, more effective, and so on. The very first thing I did was I felt ONA for its social structure. I was looking for the “cool kids” in the ONA social environment. I did this because I know from experience that in any social setting, the “popular” or “cool” people are the ones with the influence. They are the trend/policy setters. So obviously, if I wished for my ideas to somehow be implemented or considered, I’d have to find these types in ONA and make allies/friends with them.

Early on I found Ryan of THEM, known as Kris back then. He would be what I call the “Higgs Particle” types. A Higgs Particle sort of draws mass to it. That’s all we need to know to use the metaphor. These types of people may not be your most popular kids in a given social setting, but they are “Heavy Weight” who have a large number of people congregated around them. This doesn’t mean that everyone around them likes them. Quite the opposite. It means most people drawn to them want to take them down, which is itself telling. DM during his days in the NS Movement was a Higgs Particle type. He wasn’t the most popular “kid” in those organizations he ran with, but he was certainly a heavy weight and attracted people around him. So if Zach Black is the main popular person in the SIN network campus, who in that social setting is the Higgs Particle you don’t want to kick in the shin? Jason King is. He’s popular in that social environment, perhaps not as likable and cuddly as Zach, but he certainly is a heavy weight with people encircling him.

Ryan is a popular heavy weight in ONA-land. He has a big influence on many people in ONA. In fact he has a signature meme tied to him and his Temple of THEM. I’ll isolate the symbol of the meme in brackets: [ISS]. This meme is composed of the letters “i.s.s.” and stands for “In Sinister Solidarity.” In most cases it is used to sign off your letters and messages, before you sign your name. Any ONA person in the world who uses this ISS meme, is in some way directly or indirectly influenced or inspired by Ryan and/or the Temple of THEM. So one day, long ago, I see Ryan quote somebody named DarkLogos. Being sensitive to social dynamics, I know that you must be somebody if people quote you. So I instantly knew that whoever DarkLogos is, is high up in the ONA totem pole than he. Knowing this, I set out to find this DarkLogos to try and make friends with him. Just like I would in any other social setting, high school, college, or a work place.

It’s how you actually climb rank in real life terms. Not by selling ideas and debating. But by being humans and doing human things, such as something as simple as making a friend. If you can’t make the right friends in ONA or any social group, you are gunna go far or have much influence. You don’t have to make friends, you can mind your own business and still make it. What you don’t want to do is step on the wrong people in the social order you’re trying to exert influence on. It’s stupid and works against you. Again: we’re human, with human nature, and that nature is social. What’s that mean in practical terms? It means without social skills, you are a dysfunctional human being.

Finding DarkLogos was the easy part. Developing a friendship or bond with him was the hard part. It requires good old fashion social skills, and also sincerity and genuineness. This takes Time. Propinquity is essential here. Something that helped me out in developing a propinquitous rapport with DarkLogos in the early days was our Common attitude we had for Blackwood. Most of the time, we made fun of him with each other. We exchanged talks and letters back and forth for a whole year, nearly every other day except weekends. And during that time most of our exchanges weren’t special. They were just normal stuff. I wanted to just first grow familiarity, which is crucial for friendship and ally-ship to come into being.

Then I started to do something I learn from my family and from friends who are good at getting promotions at work. This is called a “Show By Example.” If my family wants to teach me something, they show me how to do it by their example and demonstration. How do you convince your boss to give you a promotion? Do you debate with him and give him a long boring lecture about your potential for the new position? Or do you show him and management in Deed, that you have what it takes to be in that position ever before you apply for a promotion? The showing by Deed works far better.

So it’s the same ideas with me and DarkLogos. I knew he was a shotcaller with high status in ONA. I had now made friends with him. Now I wish for him to at least see that I am smart, meaning that I have greater potential. How did I do this? Not by talking his ear off about myself and how great my ideas are. I did this by show of example. By Deed. So I started writing insightful essays. I also started to go on PR campaigns for ONA. The intent is you generate End Results so you have something to show and tell your potential and worth. Never, ever, talk about yourself. This includes never ever pointing out things you did. It makes you look needy and desperate. For example, if a new nexion formed, or if a person found ONA because of an essay I wrote and they started a nexion or joined the y-group, you can never say things like: “Oh, by the way, did you see that new nexion? I did that. That was all me.” Or if people start using words I use like “memeplex,” you never ever say: “Did you see that? That guy used my word. I did that. That was all me. I inspired him to use it. See how great I am.” You have to let your end results speak for you, and you have to allow the other person to realize and notice your end results on their own.  If you have Potential – for anything – shouldn’t you be able to manifest measurable Fruit others can see and judge?

One thing I loved about DarkLogos was that he was a Great Listener. Being a Great Listener is a subset of the Top three components of Charisma or a charismatic person. It sounds almost counter-intuitive, cuz you’re thinking: “If influencing people means you tell people what to do and how to think, then why listen to them?” 

Here’s the clue: So, in real life, when we do something and we don’t put into what we do 100% of our effort, what is this called? It’s called doing things in a “Half Assed” manner. So now, with that same exact line of reasoning, let’s say you were a salesman trying to sell something and your client is talking a storm. You barely listening to your client. What’s that mean? It means that you are taking your client in a Half Assed manner. So the question is: Why would any person follow you, let you lead them, like you, adopt your ideas, buy your product, if you take them in a Half Assed manner? Like they aren’t even important enough to you to be taken fully? If you don’t even find them interesting? If you don’t even like them all the way?

DarkLogos was a very mature and great listener, business-wises, and in girl talk. What’s it mean in girl talk when a guy is a great listener? It means when you talk your mouth off about yourself, he looks interested, doesn’t say much, and when it’s his turn to say things, he talks about you even more! Your underdeveloped Mundane guy may scratch their heads and say here: “That’s stupid. What’s letting a girl talk her mouth off about herself, and then talk some more about her, have anything to do with charisma and good business skills?” It’s called the “Flow Of Attention.” In any conversation that you have with another person, what direction is the other person’s attention flowing in? Towards you, or towards them.

Here’s what good listening looks like. There were times after me and DarkLogos were familiar with each other when I rambled on page after page about my vision for ONA and the little marketing things I knew which might help us. Like 9 pages of rambling. And then the next day DarkLogos responds. He says in just one or two lines: “Sounds good. I specifically like such and such ideas you brought up. Give it a try. Have fun!” That’s a “Great Listener.” On the other hand, if I were to deliver my 9 paged rambling, and the next day DarkLogos responds with something like this: “Wow Chloe. Great stuff. But, here’s my opinion, such and such. And here’s what I’d do, this and that. And here what I think, so and so. And here how I feel, duh duh duh.” It means he lacks charisma and has bad listening skills.

How so? Because when in the second example DarkLogos re-directed the conversation onto his own self, it makes me feel that I’m not even valued. It’s like I’m so uninteresting that DarkLogos is just compelled to drag himself out of boredom by talking about himself, his ideas, his opinion, his views, and so on. So in business, and politics, and any arena where you are trying to sell yourself [your ideas/product] to a market, and you show by your lack of listening skills that your market is valueless, disinteresting, stupid, and that you know what’s better for them, who is going to like you and buy your shit? It’s like if I were to walk onto Blackwood’s car lot wanting to buy a car and I say: “Hey, I’m looking for an economy car. I need one that drives far to many places on little gas.” And Blackwood the car salesman says to me in return: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, I got a special today over here. I really like this one. I’ll give you a thousand dollars off if you buy it today!”

You can see this in any of these Satanic forums. I’ve seen it since MySatan and before. You have these arrogant pigs who start some satanic organization. They start to wave their dicks around and assert their ideas in a social environment they just entered. And when their potential audience speaks their mind about how they behave and the quality of the ideas they are selling, instead of being good listeners, they deflect and divert the conversation back to how awesome they are, where they almost literally just say: “They’re my ideas. And they are better than yours!” Or what’s the line that Blackwood usually says: “I’m right and they’re wrong.” And these people fail in their endeavor, always. But yet, they don’t realize what they do to fail. And time and time again, more of the same type of guys – they are 99% of the time guys – come and pull off the same tried and failed strategy, over and over again. Year after year. Same shit, different super bowl. Same shit, different network or forum.

And the thing which intrigue me about this Mundane breed’s level of ignorance is their inability to consider the success of other people around them and learn by example. I mean you have these types pitch their ideas over at the SIN network and time and time, they always fail and are clowned. But you got a person like Zach Black who also has a “product/service” [his network], who is successful at “selling” his stuff. Yet these dummies can’t learn from people like Zach. What is Zach doing right, which you are doing wrong? It’s something you should ask for insights if you have a similar product – like your own social network or forum – and you got only 5 users, while Zach has 5000. Cuz one guy obviously did something right in that scenario, and it ain’t you with your 5 meager users. The metatopic here is Inspiration and Influence. Can’t some of you dummies learn from other people’s example for your own fucking good? I mean really. Let’s stay on Zach for a second and point out that he’s inspired people to make music tracks using clips of things he said on his youtube things, and also his clips have been inserted in local news, etc. He’s doing something right, but you have these dummies who can’t learn from that success, where they can’t even inspire people to like them, let along buy into their ideas.

The formula for inspiring and influencing people is easy looking. If you have a “product,” such as a new idea, service, new cult, remake of Satanism, whatever, you need to find a market. Then you need to generate an audience. That takes people skills. You set your product aside, conveniently where people can find it. Then put in your effort to sell yourself to an audience. That takes social skills. Because if your audience is a coherent social group, or Brand Tribe, then as a new comer into their social structure, you have problems to circumvent.

If I use big words, like “circumvent,” I only use ones I can breakdown and define in my own words on the spot. I only use a big word, if I also understand the shades of meaning and cultural shades of usage. In real life you can spot a pseudo-intellectual when some person is talking and he uses a word out of context. Like he used the word in a wrong way. So you ask this person to define that word for you on the spot. And in most cases, they will stumble with trying to give you a definition of the big jalopy word they used. Or they give you a dictionary definition of the word, and can’t express the words meanings to you in their own words as they are using it. That’s a pseudo-intellectual. In cyberspace it’s hard to spot them because if you ask them to define the jalopy words they use, they can just google a definition or cut and paste a Wikipedia entry.

Circumvent and “Problem Solving” mean two different things. I use unofficial 5%er style “folk etymology” to breakdown the word “circumvent” for its essential shade of meaning. So you have “circum,” as in Circumference, which is the round outside part of a circle. And you have “Vent” which means like “Air” rushing out of a ventilation system. So when I put them together, I get the picture of a wind tunnel in my mind. In this wind tunnel is a model airplane, and smoke is flying in this wind tunnel. The smoke meets up with a “problem” [the airplane] and just goes Around [circum…] the object and continues on its course. That’s circumvent. The smoke didn’t attack the problem, it didn’t tear it down, fix it, or anything. It let the obstacle be, and just went around the shit. 

How do you circumvent the obstacle of being a new comer with nobody status inside a new social group, to gain a footing where that you will in time be able to sell your ideas or gain some influence? Very cautiously, just like how a chimp does it. In the wild, some chimps will be shunned by their home troop and so they must search for a new troop to belong to, or die. There are “protocol” the chimp socially adept chimp follows to do this. First thing the chimp does when he finds a new potential troop is to keep his distance and try to stay quiet and not attract too much attention. He will follow this new troop wherever it moves, but he stays far behind. What he’s doing is he’s waiting for an “opening” of opportunity. He’s looking for two potential things. Either for any chimp from his target group to walk over and befriend him, or he’s looking for any chimp in the group who shows signs of interest so he can go up to them.

Either case, once he finds his new friend, he starts grooming the new friend, which is their way of developing Rapport. The new comer chimp is still an outsider, and must start working his social skills from the very bottom on up. Most likely his new friend is a bottom ranker with not very many friends in that troop. The chimp during grooming sessions is working on his “Pubic Image,” meaning that he wants those other chimps in that troop to see him as an associate of the new friend chimp, like he belongs to the troop via his new friend. He’ll test out his Public Image by trying to physically move in closer with the other chimps. If they react negatively, he steps away and continues to work on his public image by grooming his only friend. If they don’t react at all, he goes to the second phase of being accepted as a member of that social order. The second phase is to begin climbing social rank by first grooming the chimps close in propinquity to his first new friend. This would be like the mother, father, sister, bother of his original new friend. And so with networks or circles of friends and kin, this new comer chimp works his social skills to move inside from circle of chimps to circles of chimps with more status. He’s a “full” member when enough chimps accepts him.

Same thing in human social order. I used the same monkey technique, which is instinctive in us [humans] with ONA. I was an unknown outsider, and the ONA was the troop I wanted to be accepted into. I also wanted to climb rank in that troop. So in the beginning I kept my distance and stayed quiet so as to not draw unwanted attention. I started to make friends with a few random ONA people I met in those many Satanic forums. I stuck with them and developed my friendly bonds with them and associated with them. Used words they used, tried to be seen with them. This is me working on my Public Image. Each clique or circle of people in any social group are interconnected rings with other circles. There is no such thing as an isolated clique. On member will have friends, kin, or allies in other circles below and above in strata from them. Those are called “Links” and are your most important assets in moving in these circles, to climb rank. Why climb rank? Because the popular kids in any social group sets the trends/policies ie: they have the influence.

Ryan in ONA-land is a heavy weight and a Link. This is because he is associated with DarkLogos who spent some time “mentoring” him into ONA and stuff. And DarkLogos is a member of a clique in ONA of a higher strata, called the “Old Guard,” who work directly with and for DM/AL:  the Alpha Male of the ONA troop. So, I found DarkLogos and had “grooming” sessions with him, which in human terms just means you make friends with the person. My desire is to be seen in ONA circles as being associated with DarkLogos in some way. This is again, building your Public Image. We see this in real world politics. When that North Korean dictator died, what things did the Regime do with the chubby son to make him acceptable by the people as their new leader? You can actually see his father grooming him before his death. You can see the son follow the father around especially to important meeting. Considering that at those important meeting the son’s presence was not required in any way, it was PR work. To get the public familiar with the son being associated with powerful people. What’s this called again? Psychological Propinquity. Meaning that in the public’s mind the Son and Powerful people occupies the same mental and emotional field.

Besides working in deed to show my new audience [DarkLogos & his clique] that I have potential to help ONA, I tried very hard to implement secondary social stuff. One of these things is that you look better and more valuable if you have other people talking about you. In romance if you are a guy and you want to look attractive to a girl, you secretly ask your female friends to occasionally hang out with you in company of your target girl, and you have your female friends talk about you with your target girl, as if she likes you and how wonderful you are.

This may not always work cuz girls aren’t that stupid. It’s more effective if say you are walking in public with this target girl and occasionally other girls will smile at you or talk to you. This requires social skills, where you smile at other people, use eye contact, and use body language to invite other people – girls – to smile back and talk. If you are a guy, and you are hanging out with your target girl, and can get another lady or girl in public to have a conversation with you and then say to your target girl things like: “Wow, where do you find this guy! He’s a keeper!” or “Hey, does your boyfriend have a bother I can borrow!” It means to the target girl you have instant Status [re: Value] in her eyes and thus are instantly very attractive and desirable [to her].  Why is this equated with Value? Cuz if nobody finds you worth talking about or worth wanting, what worth or value do you have? And if you are worthless, what sane girl wants to be with you?

Same thing with ANY social thing, cuz we’re dealing with the same exact human denominator! So in practical terms, regarding me and ONA, I tried in Deed and effort to show by example and Fruit, that I had potential, and to increase my social creds – Value – I went around using my newly found writings skills and insights to get other people to like me, and say nice things about me and my insights, and so on. The more other people talk about you – good or bad – the more social value you have. But the more positive feedback others have of you, the greater your chance of increasing your social Value. You need social Value to move in circles up the totem pole.

You’ll see this in high school. If you were one of the popular girls, and a new girl moves to your school, your first reaction is to look at her funny and to dislike her, even if she is pretty like you and your popular friends. BUT, if the new girl is pretty and the bitch is now attracting attention from the group of popular guys on campus, then you have a problem. The problem is now the new bitch has social creds – social capital, social VALUE – and she’s attracting the attention of the popular guys. You thus as a clique/circle of popular girls have only one option to take. That is to acquire this new girl, and add her into your circle of friends before some rival girl clique grabs her.

Why do this? Because you want the attention of all the poplar guys on campus, and the new girl has the social Value to attract that wanted attention! Why need all the popular guys’ attention? Because that’s gives you status. Why need status? Cuz that give you the power to set trends/policies on campus: influence, inspiration, power, over the other students. So here, “social Value” must be considered in Context to Environment and Variable. Meaning that you want the attention of the popular guys, this is one Variable. And so the new girl is getting those guys to come up to her and talk to her; that’s another variable. Those two Variables is what gives her Value to you. It’s what makes you consider her to be worth something. So it’s a symbiotic affair. The girl may want to be popular, you want the popular guys’ attentions. And thus you are willing to trade with the new girl: Status, for her ability to get the right guys to talk to her [and thus you]. If your girl clique is already the most popular clique of girls, you still need her to maintain that status you enjoy. Cuz if a rival clique grabs her, it may be that such rival clique ends up in time becoming more popular than your circle.

You can see this in business. If you have an idea, and nobody is talking about it, or no reputable company seems to want your idea, your ideas are de facto worthless. On the other hand, if you pitch your idea to a company with confidence, and you finish your presentation, look at your watch and say: “Guys, forgive me, but I have to rush. I have an appointment with JP Morgan and Stanley in an hour.” And then this company gets wind that JP Morgan did in fact hear your presentation, and JP Morgan gave the feedback: “Wow, this guy’s idea is worth considering!” That environment and those variables instantly made your idea Worth something. It’s now a desirable idea, even if it is a stupid and worthless idea in reality. Especially if you have the extra Variable that JP Morgan is a rival company of your first company you gave your presentation to! Many a dumb idea sold for a lot of money simply due to this factor.

How many “Great Ideas” do we all know turn out to be not so great ideas? Like Communism? It started off as a laughable idea of Marx. Then later a whole nation [Russia] liked it and implemented it. So you got other countries [regimes] saying: “Shit! The fucking Russians liked that Marxist shit! It must be a fucking good idea or something! The people killed their aristocrats for it. Fuck, our regime needs Communism too! Before some other political faction taps into the peasantry! Or we’re assed out of power!” It’s called “social creds,” or “social capital,” remember that. It’s what gives you Value and Worth in a social environment. Or if you are selling an idea, it’s what gives your idea Value. Or if it’s mythos/image you’re selling, it’s what gives that image Value. So that has a shadow corollary. The shadow corollary is that when only you talk about yourself, when only you talk about how great your ideas are, you De-value yourself and render your ideas worthless.

If in a company at a promotional interview only you in the whole company thinks you have the skills to get that promotion, and only you are talking about you, you’re not gunna get that promotion. But if Other people, like other executives, and other people from the management strata talk about you and say they think you have what it takes for that higher position, then you instantly have Value. And you can only pull this off by showing via Deed and end result that you have what it takes so the people that matter can see your end results.

So that’s what I did in the old days back around 2009. I made friends with the shot callers in ONA subculture. Then to build up my image into a somebody worth something I put in my work to help grow ONA and expand it. Hoping that if I made a big enough dent than the top ONA clique at the very tippy top of the ONA totem pole will take notice and note of it. Then I invested my time and intellectual capital and social skills in gradually getting others to talk about me, my ideas, so my Value can grow. The intent or hope was so that in time the shot callers in ONA will see the chattering and various people giving great feedback about me, so the shot callers can think to themselves: “Hmm, this girl has something worth considering.” You don’t ever want to talk about yourself, or point out what you’ve done. That does two things for you. First it makes it so that other people at least can’t say: “Pssh, that Chloe girl is full of herself. She’s all talk” Second, by not pointing out to your higher ups what you’ve done, you can figure out what they are looking for. If you do something and they don’t take notice or talk about it, you know that’s not what they are looking for. If you do something, and they take notice and actually compliment you, then you know you’re on the right track.

Giving compliments, or “props,” or “kudos,” or positive feedback “catch-notices” by the way is essential in establishing a strong Rapport, and thus helps you sell yourself. People in real life die for “recognition” or “acknowledgement.” It’s one of the top thing we humans need besides air, water, food, and sex/love. Compliments, positive feedback and “catch-notices” [I’ll explain what that is], are verbal counterparts of Touching in nonverbal communication. You’ll wonder what’s so important about “touching.” So here’s a question for guys, if they know: Why do girls place some of you in their potential boyfriend pile and some of you in their friend only pile? So the question is: What are you guys doing that Triggers the causal mechanism that puts you in one of those piles? This is an important question if you are a normal guy looking for sex.

So in practical terms, say we met, and you were interested. You ask me for my number and I give it and we start talking and hanging out. And so the more time passes where you are not making tactile contact with my skin in any way, the less of a chance you will sleep with me. Why? Because you make yourself feel to be a “nice guy.” You are afraid to touch me. You don’t get me used to being touched by you. And so because of that, I am conditioned to only be with you as a platonic friend, because I am conditioned to think being touched by you is gross. And by “touching” I don’t mean rubbing on people tits. I mean the same exact things you guys do with each other to strengthen your bonds. You just observe yourself. You guys know the difference between another guy who is just your friend, and a guy who is your Boy. What’s the difference? The difference is that when you see guys who are your Boys, you’re relaxes and open with them, and you grab them, bear hug them pat them on the back and so on. But with those other guys who are just friends, you don’t touch them in any way. Think about it.

So the more you are relaxed and confident, and the more you incorporate touching into your repertoire, the more likely you’ll end up in the potential boyfriend pile. Meaning here that you will be more successful at selling yourself and manifesting your end goal of having sex with her. So it is the same with selling yourself to get others to buy into your ideas or product. It’s just that with verbal communication you use the verbal equivalent of tactile stimulation, which is what? Emotional Stimulation. And you guys know this two, just unconsciously. You are more likely to say nice things about another guy you like, than to one you don’t like. And this means the same thing as with touching. The more emotional stimuli from you, the greater chance your target audience will like you and buy into your stuff. Think Communism. That ideology is constructed to give props to peasants and farmers and workers. And it hugely worked. The less you give props to your audience, the less likely they will buy your idea and product.

A “catch-notice” is when you catch a person doing something you like and you openly point it out. For example in old days I caught Mindfux spread a ferocious meme that spread all over the place. This was the meme of “Description Not Prescription,” which I though was brilliant. Another catch notice is I caught a while ago Dan Dread spreading the meme “Satanism Is Doing The Do [Praxis].” This meme has spread far, and if you carry that meme or if that meme is a part of your Satanism, you are directly or indirectly influenced by Dan Dread. It’s a meme that’s hard to take down. And I don’t think it will be taken down.

The Years Ahead

I want the ONA to be the top influential and inspiring institution in the Left Hand Path 20 years from now. 20 years is roughly one generation. A generation here means that kids age 5-10 today will mature to be 25-30 year olds in 20 years. Those are the Next Generation. Keeping in mind something Hitler said: “He who owns the youth, owns the future.” It sounds evil with Hitler’s name associated and talking about innocent youth, doesn’t it.

So let’s take that same exact line of thought and plug it into MTV to make it less emotive to these Mundane dummies. MTV sold out. How? Well, you hear many X Generation dummies bitch and complain that MTV doesn’t play music videos anymore and that all they play are reality shows. The thing is these X Gens grew up as youths watching music videos on MTV. So in this case who or what age bracket were MTV’s target market? Why, the Young X Gens of course. And MTV rode those young X Gens asses straight into the Future – 10-20 years – and those X Gens got old. And then what happened? Then MTV ditched the aged out X Gen market and produced shows for what target audience? The same god damn age bracket they always work with: The Youths age 13-25ish. But why do this? Why does MTV and most companies not consider people ages 30 and over to be a significant demographic?

Because at age 30 and up, you now have new priorities in life. You have a job, a girlfriend, or a wife, little children, car payment, rent, house payments, and so on. So what good are you? If a company stays rooted in your X Gen age bracket to please you and appease you. And if you are getting older and older where you will just die soon, then is this company moving forward into a Future or into the past and irrelevancy with you? That’s a rhetorical question, because the answer for any SANE business is obvious.

Here’s another example, which we can excitingly see as we speak. It’s the telecommunications industry. A very long time ago in the 90’s before cell phones they used to have these devices called “Pagers.” There little cigarette box sized boxes that just beeps when somebody called its assigned pager number. In those old days only Important people like doctors, businessmen, and lawyers had then and needed them. Later the first cellphones came out and at the time only Important people like doctors, businessmen, lawyers, and drug dealers needed cell phones.

And so, the industry got smart and began to sell these devices to very mundane and unimportant people. How did the industry sell devices to people who did not really need the contraptions? The answer is IMAGE. Important people like doctors, businessmen, lawyers, and your neighborhood drug dealer used them, and they look important. So if you had one, you too can look important and get paged or called on a cellphone. And using the Image of Importance worked! X Gen gradually began to buy these devices.

So now, fast forward today and X Gen is now old. The industry has its eyes on a new target audience. And they have things called smartphones to sell today. So what’s the quality or image used to sell smartphones these days to the new market? Not Importance. That’s X Generation peoples desire and concerns. They have a need to look important to others, and this need still shows today in how they talk and carry themselves in cyberspace.

What’s Y Gen want? Connectivity. We want to be connected to our friends and family. So what’s the sale’s pitch today? Smartphones and things like Facebook help keep you what? Connected. And you look at how most Y Gen uses cyberspace and you see a difference. Most Y gen in cyberspace use the internet not to look and feel important, but to “hang out” with friends and meet new people. That’s “staying connected.”

So in two cases we saw that a business and an industry considers X Gen to be an insignificant demographics. And we saw that to survive with the flow of time and the emergence of generations, the business and industry shifts its focus onto the emerging young market and lets go of the out going old market. And we know that big businesses and giant industries are successful at what they do because they have the end result of longevity and millions and billions of dollars of profit. And we also know that the several institutions in Satanism such as the Church of Satan as far as end results go make shit. So the question becomes: As ONA, whose example do we follow? The business sector or the several Satanic groups? We’re going to follow the more successful example, because they way of doing things is Tried and Tested.

For ONA this means a lot of things. One thing it means is that all these X Generation people are not of any significance to ONA. They’re opinions of it no longer matters, neither do their critiques, or their wants and wishes. I’ve even seen some X Gen Satanists bitch that ONA used to be one way and now it’s changed. Fuck them. It has to change. The same guys that bitch about how ONA used to be were kids in their teens who grew up seeing ONA a certain way. They are the same kids who grew up watching music videos on MTV. They bitch about the same thing. That nothing in the world is the same as things once were when they were punk kids. As if to actually suggest that either the world shouldn’t change, or at least the world should change to please them and their out bound generation. The fact is the ONA is not looking to be a convalescent home. And so we aren’t interested in pleasing this aging demographics. Another fact is X Generation people already have in their heads their own worldviews, ideas, religions, philosophies, understandings of the world and self. So they don’t even need the ONA.

That’s another thing which bugs me to hell about these stupid mundane X Gen Satanists. They put down teenagers. I’ve seen very often when a teenager comes along to ask about Satanism, you’ll see these X Gen Satanists – these 30 year olds – say to the teen roughly: “Due to your age, you’re too stupid to be a Satanist. Grow up.” Like they’re suggesting that you have to be super smart to understand Satanism. But wait! What age did you dummies get into Satanism? We all know in most cases that X Gen got into Satanism when they were in their teens. Just like Y Gen. I got into it when I was ~14. So what are those dummie mundane X Gen Satanists saying? That they were very intelligent when they were themselves teens and then they became stupid as they aged? Cuz you look at the bulk of those mundanes and even thoe they are in their 30’s, some of them have deplorable levels of intelligence. Some can’t even spell four letter words right? What the fuck happened to you guys then? And what’s so hard about Mundane Satanism to actually understand? Indulgences Instead of Abstinence? Hating on Christians? Are you kidding me?

So it’s the “Z Generation” that is our Future and Target Market. Today this generation is around age 5-10. These are the ones who don’t have a worldview just yet. They don’t have philosophical views just yet, and if they are in the West they may also not have a culture or traditional stuff. All that stuff they don’t have may be a demand ONA can supply. ONA already has a robust worldview. It already has its own philosophical system. It already has its own Traditionalism. It already has its own Kulture. So the hint or implication here is that the needs of Z Gen go beyond getting boners for Satanism. And when Z Gen get into their teen years they will do just like many of us did and look back into the past for help and insight to give them meaning in their world and self. And when they look back at us in the past, I want ONA to be the first thing they see and consider if they are the type to look into the thing we call the Western [Occult] Tradition. And so this also implies that ONA needs to extent its presents out beyond Satanism and into the greater Western Tradition, to be noticeable. ONA already has the elements built into its fundamental structure to easily take root as a Genre of the Western Tradition.

This sounds like I’m Saying we should abandon the Left Hand Path. So I’ll explain using Apple Inc again. Apple [and Microsoft] have extended their presence beyond their Traditional Computer market, and into a whole other market and industry called the smartphone industry. So did Google. Why did they do this? To survive the progressive evolution of the market place. Did they abandon their traditional market? No they didn’t. They still sell computers for the time being. But they can be seen to keep up with everything by making tablet pc’s and making operating system are designed for touch screens. So that’s what innovation looks like. Why innovate your shit? To stay relevant.

But the fact is “the ONA” can’t do anything, because it doesn’t exist as an actual touchable noun. ONA is just a tag of a loosely knit collection of people. It’s me and everybody associated with ONA that must learn to understand these business things and understand the direction ONA the memeplex must be taken into 20 years from now. Each person in ONA in the next 20 years must learn to refocus our eyes away from the out going X Gen, stop catering to them, and start innovating and adding onto ONA to make it ready for the maturation of Z Generation. It’s actually simple: If each of us in ONA just keeps doing what we each do – follow our own individual wyrd/dharma – ONA will continue to grow and gradually evolve, and spread its influence and inspiration out further. Eventually beyond Satanism and into other types of markets.

I predict that after X Generation Satanism as a phenomenon will be declining with each decadic generation. A “decadic generation” is 10 years. What I’m trying to say is, say you have 100 X Gen Satanists who are 40 years old. There would be 80 Satanists who are 30 years old. Then 60 Satanists who are 20 years old. And so on. But pragmatically this doesn’t mean the Niche that the Satanism phenomenon will go extinct. Just like the Niche that Horse Power didn’t go away. The fact is new, more efficient things filled in that Niche, like what? Like motor engines. So how do we describe how much power these motor engines make? We call it “Horse Power” still.

The Niche in Western society that “Satanism” fills performs a function. It produces people who are carriers of various belief complexes who can keep society at least balanced. This is an idea found in ONA. Usually it’s called “Heresy” in ONA talk. Meaning that ONA assumes the character of whatever is heretical at any time in society. So if general society believes racism is wrong, ONA spreads racialism and racialist memes and makes racist organizations, and so on. So since ONA isn’t abandoning its “Traditional” home market, it means ONA will be staying in this Niche Satanism currently occupies for a while. This in turn means that we still have competition in this Niche.

The only competition for ONA in this Left Hand Niche is the LaVey memeplex. Not the CoS. That’s a moribund institution and is of no aeonic concern. It’s harder to deal with memeplexes. In 20 years I want ONA to be The Premiere Left Hand Path Tradition. So that when Z Gen look back and sees the so called Left Hand Path, they only see ONA. To get to that point, we have to Circumvent this LaVey memeplex, which is an obstacle in our way.

Circumvent here doesn’t mean we destroy the obstacle. It means like smoke in a wind tunnel we go right around the object and continue our course. In practical terms this also means that Z Generation must be caused to disregard that LaVey memeplex and give it no real consideration. But there are problems with this.

The problem is the LaVey memeplex has certain “pivotal memes” that are stubborn. A pivotal meme is like nails in a house. When you build a house the sticks go up and you put in the nails to hold the whole frame together. Pivotal memes hold the memeplex together, and since a memeplex exists in the mind of people, such pivotal memes also are what generates psychological propinquity, or social coherency of their subculture. To cause a discoherency you circumvent those pivotal memes, by subverting the next Generation.

I’ll give examples which I brought up with DarkLogos 5 years ago. One pivotal meme this LaVey thing uses is: “LaVey invented Satanism.” How do we circumvent this? The easy answer is that we “subvert” the next generation, which basically means we give them counter-memes. The hard part is to figure out what counter-memes are effective.

For the past 5 years I have been testing a few counter-memes. Which is part of the work me and my friends do in these Satanic forums and networks. One counter-meme I use often which I try to spread in the self-style Satanist submarket is the “Form versus Essence” meme found in ONA. The idea with this counter-meme is that we give the LaVey camp the claim that LaVey made Satanism. But we go around that and say: “Fine, but LaVey’s Satanism is an outer expression of an Essence found in nature, and anybody who understands that that essence can manifest their own Form.”

A second counter-meme I passed around 4 years ago was the “Indic Left Hand Path” meme; vamamarga and all that shit. This counter-meme essentially says: “Fine, LaVey made Satanism. But he didn’t make the Left Hand Path. The Left Hand Path is older than LaVey. Thousands of years older. Satanism is just a possible expression [form] of the Left Hand Path.” So we give LaVey and his camp outer “Satanism.” Then we work to make ONA the Premier Left Hand Path Tradition instead. ONA is beyond satanism, as it has been said since the beginning in ONA.  

So the thing about testing these counter-memes is to first inject them into a testbed forum or network via carriers and random sockpuppet profiles. The second thing is to make a hypothesis, like: “If carrier X has that counter-meme, he will fight with a carrier of the LaVey pivotal meme.” And I wait to watch how these carriers interact and react to carriers of that pivotal meme. What I watch for is how those LaVey carriers react and what they say to hold onto that pivotal meme. How do those LaVeyans explain away those counter-meme? Do they recondition themselves to believe their pivotal meme? Do they lack something to say? Can that counter-meme be countered? If they can, what can be done to make those counter-memes better? Do those counter-memes catch and spread? Do the spreading of this counter-meme make the conditions in these forums and places inhospitable to LaVeyan memes?

In the old days my friends and I used to make a game out of it. We’d pass these counter-memes around in Satanic forums and Ning Networks and watch how many people carry them. Then we wait for the fighting. Eventually there are fights and debates and arguments between these carriers and LaVeyans. This was something entertaining to watch. Amazingly in most cases, when both counter-memes are used by an intelligent person, the LaVeyans can’t counter them.

So the idea is to spend the next decade or so to isolate counter-memes that work at circumventing pivotal LaVeyan memes, and then to spread them into Z Generation. This way, they will go around LaVey’s stuff altogether. If everybody in ONA helped out with this in their own ways, the work would be much easier. The other idea to this is that we each have to learn to recognize that many of the self-styled Satanists are allies/useful because they dislike that same LaVey memeplex. The extra benefit to self-styled Satanists is that they are an incoherent bunch, so they pose no threat and can’t be competition to ONA. The end objective is to have it so that in 20 years ONA will be the only significant institution in Satanism. And we need that to grow into the “Premier Left Hand Path Tradition,” a Genre of the Great Western Tradition. This way, when Satanism dies out, ONA will be the only coherent [significant] anything to occupy the Niche Satanism once occupied. But like I intimated, this will take many years, in the several decades. It will also take a lot of power of inspiration, influence, and people skills. Much trial and error, and learning from our mistakes.

I have another option available on reserve. This option is to just annex the whole LaVeyan Memplex and update it. One way to do this would be to produce an obvious unauthorized ONA Edition Satanic Bible. Each original chapter of LaVey’s Satanic Bible would be faithfully re-produced. Following each original chapter would be annotations and commentaries where the essence of each chapter is re-interpreted to be more ONA, more “up to date,” if you will. One or two ONA Manuscripts by Anton Long would cap each chapter. The book would be freely distributed copyleft style as a PDF. The target idea is to have this edition compete with the old original edition in the Z Generation future market. The only thing I dislike about this option is that we would still be giving the LaVey name/mythos relevance in the future. Another consequence would be that the LaVey mythos/name would be from that point on – if successful –  associated with ONA [in future]. I’m still thinking out the repercussions of this option.

But, every problem can be circumvented eventually. So this option is on reserve for the time being. I already have a simple cover made for this book saved. The thing which inspired this idea in me was that I’m getting into that age where I’m now beginning to think about having my own children soon. I was asking myself how I would feel if my own children, when they are teenagers were to become Satanists. Then I imagined them finding a copy of LaVey’s Satanic Bible, and I didn’t like that idea. It made me feel as if I needed to inform my “children” that said book is out dated, and many of the ideas in it are old and inaccurate, and that “Satanism” has evolved since 1970, and should continue to evolve. So I asked myself how I would explain each chapter to my own hypothetical teenage children. And then to test the book itself inside its intended audience, my idea was to give PDF copies to my future children so they would eventually pass it around to their peers. Then I’d watch and see how exactly that Z Generation reacts to an ONA Edition Satanic Bible.

One counter-meme I have used and have seen work very well is the injunction that “Satanism must evolve.” I’ve seen this counter-meme upset most LaVeyans, especially if you use a “backdrop-meme” that “the LaVeyan memeplex is dogmatic.” The self-styled Satanist sector are the most receptive group to this counter-meme because they already themselves believe and act out this injunction. This self-styled Satanist breed are a corrosive breed. They aren’t a type I’d want populating ONA, or they’d corrode ONA like rust to metal. Watching them do their thing in their natural habitat for the past 5 years is telling of their corrosive mentality. In how they gradually eat away, and alter, and cause a discoherency in the LaVeyan memeplex. Where each individual self-styled Satanist mutates their own Satanism. And so what you have is an incoherent body of people who share nothing in common, can’t get along, and as an incoherent destructive force, work to erode the coherency of Satanism. They are the antithesis of Traditionalism. This anti-traditionalism is typical to X Generation’s social world view. But their corrosive nature can be used advantageously.

Closing Remarks

Propinquity is just a big word for “Closeness,” and “Familiarity.” Think animals: if they are Familiar with you, they will let you get close to them and touch them. It is by propinquity that influence and inspiration occurs, and why or how memes transfer from one person to the other. If you understand or take the time to fully study the word and the science behind it, you’ll one day understand that you don’t sell or push your product, service, idea, ideology, religion, cult, sex, whatever onto people. The more you push the more they resist. You sell yourself to your intended market by bonding. It sounds almost silly, that simple friendly human nature is the secret.

There are other components involved in a successful sell. The Formula looks similar to this across the board. There are 4 main Variables to the formula. The first Variable is you. Second Variable is what you want your audience to buy. Third is the Environmental Condition. Last is your audience. Here’s an example of how Environmental Condition does 90% of the selling for you. Two scenarios. First scene is you take a few small ~16 oz water bottles and sell them on a street corner for $5.00 a bottle. Will people buy them for that price? Not most. Now second scene: Change the Environment. You’re now at Disneyland with your family. It’s lunch time. A ~16 oz bottle of water is $5.00. Soda is even more ridiculous. Now you have no choice but to buy the water bottle.

Robert Anton Wilson once said: “Reality is 10% objective and 90% subjective.” And with that we learn to understand that “Environmental Condition” is 90% subjective. This means it is mostly an internal interpretation of objective data. This means in turn that the Variable of Environmental Condition can be induced if the objective conditions are not right for you.

Here’s an example. Pre-World-War-2 Germany. America has just entered the Great Depression. This ripples and effects other nations. Plus Germany owes a lot of money to the Allied Forces. This adds up to a chaotic Germany. The German economy is shit. There is mass unemployment, hunger, poverty, social unrest, and political instability. Many Germans are suffering. But many are unaffected. Some Jews in the big cities who live in the wealthy parts of town are unaffected. That’s the objective reality. Now comes Hitler & Friends. How does he paint the picture for the German audience to see? It just takes a little rhetoric: Why are noble German people poor in their own country, but Jews are rich? What’s going on? What’s this called? It’s called “Stage Work.”

Stage Work is the first step in Sexual Courtship as well. This is the stage when you first meet a person where you put on your act, set the stage, and so on. You dress sexy, drive your best car, put on your confidence, and so on. What’s the Stage Work for? It’s to lead your date into Stage two, which is what? Contemplation or Thinking. The stage work causes the date to think, ponder, consider you, entertain you in her mind intellectually.

Stage Work is the first step of making a riot also. Rodney King gets badly beat up by White guys. This goes on the news. Black people in LA talk about this. This is stage work. The stage has been set. This leads into Consideration. This is when people think about it, agree, debate, argue, ponder, consider what they are seeing in their minds. When a Jehovah’s Witness comes to your door, shares a few bible versus with you and talks to you about eternal paradise on earth, what is this called? Stage Work. What’s the intent of setting the stage? To draw you into step two: Thinking and Consideration.

The Thinking stage causally leads into step three which is called “Mood Setting.” In sexual courtship Mood Setting is after your date has mentally considered you in her mind, you now induce her to have Emotions. You induce her to Like you, Dig you, Want you, desire you. You draw her away now from the thinking mode and into the feeling mode.

Setting the Mood is when talkers now emotionally agitates the Black people in LA about the Rodney King incident. If the talking, words, are right, the crowd will start to Feel angry, upset, enraged, and so on. In ideological courtship step three is to draw your audience now away from the thinking stage and induce feelings. The Jehovah’s Witness sees that you have genuinely considered his stage work. So he goes into step three and says to you: “Won’t it be Wonderful, to live forever in paradise? Do you have family who have passed away? On the day of resurrection, Jesus will rise you and your family from out of that grave, and you will be together again forever in paradise. How does that make you feel friend?” What do know happens when we enter an emotional state? We know that our Thinking begins to stop. If the emotions are strong, we even become what? Irrational.

In sexual courtship you don’t want the girl to think or have second thoughts. You want her far away from thinking. You just want her to feel emotions. Step by step. You first begin by making her feel nice with compliments. Then is she is receptive to that, you touch her in platonic places to further stimulate her emotions. When she shows signs of not resisting your touch, you pick things up a notch and touch her in more sensitive places and now kiss her or make out. You are now officially entering step four. Which is: Excitation.

Back to our LA Riot example: Once the mob is in Feeling stage, all feeling anger and frustration, etc, now the heat picks up and the talkers talk loudly, screaming, expressing passionate feelings, hatred. The crowd is worked up slowly to an Excited fever. It’s verbal heavy petting at this point. Think Hitler at one of his speeches where he’s screaming, waving his arms everywhere, enthusiastic, and everything. Or thing Minister Farrakhan who does the same thing. Excitement and Enthusiasm is contagious. If you’ve ever been extremely excited about something so much, you jump up and down, then grab your nearest friend and jump up and own with her screaming: “Oh my god!” What will your friend do? She’ll become just as excited as you and jump with you and scream with you, even thoe she might not even know what’s going on.

After the stage of Excitement is the final stage: Climax. In sexual courtship, this is obviously when you both have sex and orgasm. All that built up heat and frustration is released. So what’s Climax look like in the Mob scene? The Mob becomes violent and physically erupts into feverish chaos. In ideological courtship you get your audience excited, your verbally heavy petting him, and you pick up signs that he “wants it.” He wants what your “selling.” He’s nonverbally telling you: “Give it to me!” That’s how you transfer a meaningless meme to another person.

Propinquity means “like attracts like.” Or like wants to be closer to like. Physically this is say when you live on the same block with your friend. Both of you live in the ghetto. Your friend starts dealing dope to make extra money and joins a gang. And so because you live on the same block, and because he is your close friend, you want to “match vibrations” with him to maintain a strong rapport with that friend. How do you do that? You join the gang also of your own will and accord. Psychological propinquity works in this way: You are a kid. You like a heavy metal band a lot. You identify with a lot of the lyrics. And so you dress like the band guys, wear their logos, grow your hair long like them, date chicks that are into that heavy metal scene like they do, and so on. Nobody made you do it. Nobody had to talk you into mimicking that band. Nobody had to convince you to grow your hair and change your life style. You willing did it on your own. Just like if a commercial on TV got you in the right Mood and Mindset, you will buy that product of your own will and accord. Just like if your date is in the right mood and she likes you a lot she will want to be very physically close to you and let you have sex with her.

It’s the same process with spreading ideas, inspiring people, and influencing people. Cuz we’re dealing with the same human animal, and the same human nature. It’s the same basic causal formula. You find it in Buddhism: 1) What you entertain in your mind gives rise to Thought, 2) What you think, influences your Emotions, 3) What you feel when strong, governs your Behaviour.

The more a person is familiar with you the more he will trust you. The more a person likes you, the more they will desire to be closer to you and possess you, have you. How is this? When you have a rose bush in your garden and nice rose grows, you like it. So it’s not enough that you leave that rose on that bush, You have to cut it off and put it in a vase inside your house closer to you. If you see a cute puppy at a pet shop and you like it, you want it, want to have it, want to touch it, want to be close to it. It’s not enough to just go to that pet store every other day to look at it. You take it home with you. How come Columbus and his people couldn’t just come to the New World during their vacation time to enjoy the beauty of America? How come they had to take it, be closer to it, and possess it for? Because it’s human nature to want to be closer to what we like or are attached to emotionally.

The more status you have in a social order, the more value your words and compliments will have. Without that status, you can’t inspire or influence anything. It’s easy to explain this. Say you work a normal job. So an executive, or the manager or one of the popular employees comes buy you and says to you: “Hey great job! Keep it up.” How did that make you feel? Now picture this. Say you were doing the same thing at this job, and a nobody employee you barely know, or don’t even know at all says to you: “Hey great job! Keep it up.” I know for a fact that the second scenario made you feel different than the first. Why? Weren’t they the same exact compliment? Think about it. Here’s another one. Say your in school. The bell rang and everybody is walking to their next class. One of the popular guys or girls walks past you, smiles, waves, and then says to you: “Hey John Smith!” How did that make you feel? Now same scenario, but now a nobody or someone you barely know walks by you, waves, smiles, and says to you: “Hey John Smith!” How did that make you feel?

Here’s a real one: When somebody like Jason King says: “Dude I just read a great book called The Lucifer Principle. It is The Real Satanic Bible!” What do you do? Now some nobody who just joined the forum makes a post and says: “Guys, I just read a pretty good book. I think it was called the Lucifer Principle. Anyway, it was a great book in my opinion.” What do you do? You don’t do shit.

Status is easy to build in a forum in cyberspace. In the old days when we went “eColonizing” Satanic forums, the first thing I do once I make a profile is make random response to random threads. This just lets people there know I’m there. I try not to say anything that can be taken to be threatening or stepping on anybody’s toes. I spend the day scoping out who the popular kids are in the forum and I read every single post I can find written by them. I’m looking for their Lexicon, and their paradigm schematics, and their lines of thought to use later. Two of three days after I joined, I start “Stunting.”

Stunting is like when everybody in a parking lot drives Hondas, you pull up in a Ferrari, and people turn heads and say: “God damn! Who is that? She just pulled up in a Ferrari!” It’s easy to Stunt. Jason King does it very well. What’s Stunting mean in terms of Satanism? What’s “bling” in Satanism? What is Satanism? Is it a philosophy? Then Bling is philosophical stuff. Is it ideology? Then bling is ideas and ideals and ideations. Whatever it is, you find those resources. Like gold. Why is gold valuable? Cuz it’s rare. So what’s it mean when you have a gold mine? It means you’re filthy rich: you’re blinging big time. I got a “gold mine,” which is called Buddhism. I can dig into Buddhism for anything like philosophical stuff, ideas, mystical shit, insights, and then I convert all of that into words that Satanists can understand and like. That’s resource. Jason King has two gold mine, or more. I see him own a Vajrayana gold mine and an Advaita gold mine. And so when he shares insights, he’s Stunting, cuz you look around at the rest of the forum or network and you notice that the majority of everybody else are morons. That’s Stunting. That’s when everybody in the forum is working with 6 brain cells, and you walk in with all one billion of yours on fire. And people be like: “Damn! Check her out! She’s got both hemispheres working!”

I start stunting by doing something I call “investing intellectual capital.” That’s just when I start writing out long insightful posts. But I lace my intellectual capital with words the top popular ones use, I configure my ideas to match their paradigm they are using, and I use their same line of thinking. Why? Because my intent is to catch their attention and have them trickle down their status onto me. I’ll write insightful post after post, one after another for a couple or few days none stop. The level of insights, how I explain things, plus prolonged consistency is what draws the attention. That’s when the top popular users begin responding in my threads with compliments, props, kudos, and so on. What is the physical equivalent of verbal compliments, props, kudos and so on? Tactile stimulation, or touching, or physical contact. When these top popular users drop me some props or kudos, its like they are coming up to me to shake my hand, smile, introduce themselves, and want to get to know me better. I want this. Why? I want everybody else in the forum to See that the top popular users and site owner who have the status are now verbally touching me, verbally hugging me, and so on. That’s building status.

If I can get a “Wow Factor” from some of the top popular users, I have instance social Value [status]. Usually I get my wow factor, which means that they respond to one of my posts saying things like: “Wow! That was insightful!” I can tell I have generated status by this in a forum when I begin getting PM’s from the normal users complimenting me about my posts. What are they doing? They want my attention. So now with my new found status, I can now give people attention and valued compliments and kudos. From there I build a friendship or rapport [propinquity] with every person that PM’s me. The more I verbally touch and emotionally stimulate them, the more they like me. The more they like me, the more they want to be closer to me in some way. If I set their Moods right, they willingly adopt my ideas, and join WSA, and use 352, willingly. Most people who can do this do it “naturally” where they are unaware of the steps and mechanism working. But, form my observations, it’s the same processes at work.

You sell yourself [and/or your image] to your audience and the sex or ideas buying of product follow behind. You watch these forums closely and you will see that those who lack social skill and lack the ability to work social dynamics do this all backwards. Usually you will see a user make a new profile and start to post or blog about his new invention of Satanism. Then he continues to make posts and blogs asserting his ideas and talking like his ideas are better than others. Sometimes they will put down other people and their ideas to try to make theirs look better. During all this time have not sold themselves to any audience, they have no status in the forum, and they have no social value. If you have no social value, then your ideas and opinions, and anything you say also has no social value. Why? Because humans are social animals. Usually these guys – and they are almost always guys – fail over and over and over at selling their ideas. They fail at getting even one person to adopt their new remake of Satanism. The fail to influence or inspire anybody.

Most of your average Mundane wouldn’t recognize “Influence” or “Inspiration” if it kicked them in the ass. For sure, your average Mundane are too arrogant to acknowledge that another person inspired them or influenced them. In a world of ugly people, good looks is hard to come by. So when you are an average Mundane Satanist in a forum pack full of stupid idiot Satanists and you look and sound smart, you for sure don’t want other people to know where you’re getting your ideas from! I’ll use two real examples to show what “Influence” and “Inspiration” in real life looks like.

First example: Jason King. I like to read his post because he’s intelligent in a genuine and original way. I’ve been tuning into the Satanic Subculture since 2004 when I was on MySpace, and it’s extremely rare to find a Satanist with genuine intelligence. Most of these Satanists who act smart have a “fake” intelligence. Or their smartness is a façade they patchwork together. They’ll take some Webster, some Wikipedia, some popculture science and Voila, instant intelligence! So anyways, Jason King has a great habit of using words that are efficient and precise at “pointing” at things. If no word exists he seems to invent what words he needs. I like this. And I like the words he uses. So I end up using them also. So what do you call it when you use another person’s words and ideas because you want to either be like them, look smart like them, or manifest the same end results like them? That’s called being “Influenced,” by someone.

So in this case: If I use words and ideas Jason King uses, who then was I “Influenced” by? By Jason King of course. That’s the answer. That’s what influence looks like in real life. Take notice that at no time did Jason King debate me to use his words and ideas. He didn’t ask me to. Didn’t convince me to. He didn’t do anything. I willingly wanted to use them.

Jason King is also the first Satanist I have seen who vocally pushed a book called the “Lucifer Principle, ” as mentioned earlier. I found JK on Youtube about 3 years ago, and for all the time I’ve been around Satanism since MySpace, I haven’t seen any other Satanist recommend that book, till JK came along. Three years later I see all sorts of Satanists talk about how great that same book is. So here’s the question: What do you call it when a person looks and sounds smart, then he recommends a book, then you read that book, then you learn new things from that book? You call that being “Inspired” by someone to read a fucking book you weren’t aware of before. Who turned you on to the book? It’s JK! So who Inspired you in this case? It’s JK, who else? That’s what Inspiration looks like in real life.

Here’s the Telling question though, this is funny to me: Why did you read that book when JK went around talking about it? Let me ask that in a different way: If a random nobody Satanist were to give you a list of books he liked, would you actually put in the effort to read any of those books on the nobody’s list? That’s a rhetorical question cuz I know the answer already. It’s funny to me because JK in that subculture isn’t a nobody. He has the power of influence and inspiration, and yet you people pretend he didn’t inspire or influence anybody. That’s why it’s funny to me. I actually went to find a free PDF copy of The Lucifer Principle the same day I saw JK recommend it in some post somewhere, but I wasn’t able to ever finish the second chapter. The book was unfortunately boring for me. But I liked JK’s Postmodern Satanism a lot better.

Second example of what Inspiration and Influence looks like is with ONA. This is important, because it’s how I want things to be for the next 20-30 years. To influence all of Satanism, ONA has to influence the individual people who make up “Satanism.” Why? Because here, “Satanism” is a reified noun which does not exist to be influenced. It is made up of many different people. Each person has their own “distro” or “mutation” of Satanism. Sometimes they call their mutations some other label such as “Luciferianism,” and so on. Those individual people and thru them, their mutations of Satanism are what we Influence. But what does that look like in real life?

In real life, for example you have someone I have been watching since MySatan. He’s better known as “Mabon” or “Mabuz.” He was an unknown nobody in MySatan. Back then he was very ignorant or blissfully unintelligent. I remember him in MySatan making a response or post once about business where he argued that competition doesn’t exist in the business world. I took note of that back then and watched him grow, and in time he realized things out on his own. He was trying to start up his own re-invention of Satanism which he called “Monadic Luciferianism.” Not much came of this in his MySatan days. Eventually he becomes admin of MySatan, power trips, and because of him a couple people from the SIN network bought out MySatan and deleted it LOL. And so Mabon after this eventually starts his own wordpress to share his Luciferian ideas with the world.

Mabon is actually remarkably successful these days with his “Liberated Way” wordpress shindig. It’s attracted a following of about 600 followers. It’s not my personal cup of tea. Reading his short posts and seeing the people it draws in makes me feel like his target market is the fag crowd. When I read his Luciferian insights and see the pictures he uses and the topics he writes about it’s like I fearingly anticipate Mabon getting naked any minute now to roll around a bed of fluffy cotton balls with bunny rabbits and ducklings. Not that I think about Mabuz rolling in bed naked. I was just saying. You know, when you’re a nerd and you’re being followed around by 100 nerds who like you, it doesn’t mean you’re popular. It just means you’re a super nerd. So when you’re being followed by 600 fags, it doesn’t mean you’re popular. It means you’re a fag magnet. What’s that saying? “Like attracts like”?

But I’ve been reading his blog since it first started. I have a brain trained to spot ONA memes, especially memes that come from my blog. The fact is, Mabon reads ONA stuff, picks up a few ideas here and there, and then he rewords them and grafts these ONA ideas into his own Monadick Luciferianism thing. Which is perfectly fine. What’s it called when borrow ideas from ONA because you like them and you incorporate them into your own invented “memeplex?” That’s called being Influenced by ONA. What’s it called when you have all these little ONA memes spreading around into other people’s mutations of Satanism? You call it: memes spreading around, or Spreading Memes. What do we say when Monadick Luciferianism uses some ONA memes to make itself better? We say: Monadick Luciferianism was Influenced by ONA.

Inspiration regarding ONA is much easier to find. I can name a short list of Left Hand Path organizations that follow the example of ONA in some way. Including Mabon’s Luciferianism. DM/AL gave ONA something called a “Lexicon” of specialized words. And his Luciferian blog sports a “Lexicon.” One time I spotted an ONA person comment on his Lexicon saying: “You’re lexicon is laughable.” I laughed hard because it was funny. So, what do you call it when other people follow your example because they want to do like you do, or get the same end results like you, or so on? That’s called being “Inspired” by someone or something. What do we say when Monadick Luciferianism follows some examples it learns from ONA? We say that Monadick Luciferianism was Inspired by ONA in certain ways. That’s what Inspiration looks like.

Please note that at no time did ONA ask Mabon to adopt some ONA memes or to follow the example of ONA. Nobody convinced him. Nobody debated with him. He willingly developed his own mutation of Satanism using some ONA ideas and following some examples of ONA. Which is fine and what we want.

Why do we want this? Because it is the only way to eventually have an influence over the whole of “Satanism,” in Time. When other people do what Mabon does, and takes a few ONA ideas here and there and follows some ONA examples here and there to make their own style of Satanism better, all that adds up. Adds up to what? Adds up to Satanism in general evolving and changing in Time. So in Time, when Satanism as a phenomenon has changed and has further developed, what do way say when the many individuals and many styles of Satanism has been consistently inspired and influenced by ONA? We say that the whole Subculture of Satanism was Influenced and Inspired by ONA to change and further evolve.

And that is what I want. I want those people to come to ONA for all their ideas and examples and only ONA. For the next 20-30 years. Lord knows they are unoriginal and uncreative. So in a sea of unoriginality and uncreativity when you have something like ONA floating around, all the fish are going to come bite and feed. Original and creative stuff is a commodity terribly lacking in Satanism. It is in demand. ONA has the resources.

It doesn’t matter of they feed and then talk shit about ONA. They are Mundane barbarians. It’s expected that they bite the hand that feeds them. Such is their nature. The fact is they – X Generation Satanists – are an outbound market soon to die. Their opinions are as of now irrelevant. The relevant market is the future Z Generation market. I want those Z Gens when they mature in 20 years to look back to our time and say: “Damn, ONA was the shit! It influence and Inspired Satanism to change.”

Just like how the American colonialists after the revolution looked back to ancient Greece and said: “Ancient Greek was the shit! Its idea of democracy is a great Idea!” Just like when most of us Satanists in our teens found the Satanic Bible and said: “This is the shit!” Cuz when we consider something to be The Shit, we look deeper into it. That translates to mean that ONA in future will have that attention grabbing something to grab a portion of the Z generation market. So, it’s not X Gen and their shit talking that we worry about. It’s the yet to emerge Z Gen market that we want to consider. How do we make ONA so that this soon to emerge Z Gen market looks back to our Time, and finding ONA, will think ONA is the shit?

By studying the dynamics and tension of generations. There was a time in the past when Baby Boomers lives in a very different world. The world of the Baby Boomer had culture, communities, real families, traditions, and manners. This generation had the ability to actually respect others, where they answer their fathers with a “Yes sir,” and their mothers with a “Yes ma’am.” But they aged out, and X Generation people recreated society and they tore down all of that culture, community, family, and traditionalism. They were now liberals and they hated anything to do with conservatism, here meaning the –ism of conservation of culture and tradition.

This despicable generation [X Gen] also have their own paradigm. It’s a reductionist-minimalistic paradigm and worldview. Everything they touch has to be reduced into simple things. You can see this even with their Satanism. When Anton LaVey – not of the X Generation – made the Satanism in his Satanic Bible with not just ideology, but Ritualism, and Myth, the X Gen Satanists with their minimalist paradigm stripped that Satanism clean and used just the simple ideological bits. Where Satanism was nothing but a few belief-sets. This despicable generation also has a big collective Boner for scientism, where they make scientific theories the supreme factual Truths of their world.

If we look back to the generation and era Crowley and company lived in we can see something insightful. During that age, this thing called Victorian Society was in vogue. Also Christianity was the dominate religion. The era Crowley lived in was a transitioning era when his generation were just breaking free from the grip of the previous generation. So you can see them begin to be very bold and make themselves their own occult organizations. Except, they played it safe and incorporated the trappings of the dominate religion into their Golden Dawns and OTO and Rosicrucian orders. And you can see X Gen do the same thing. Except in our era in the West, Science is the new dominate religion of secular society. And so it’s not at all surprising that you see X Gen Satanists deface and strip LaVey’s form of Satanism clean all its “unscientific” parts. Thus, all that ritualism is gone, all the enochian mumbo jumbo is gone, all the myth is gone, all the magic is gone. What’s left is a re-interpretation of a few ideas that they configure to fit current minimalist material scientific theories.

This X Generation has also stripped America clean of culture, community, and tradition. This started with the transitional generation which 60’s-70’s era represented. What took place during that era? The free love and hippy shit. That progressed thru X Generation who went to the extreme. The paradigm or worldview of X Generation is collectively based on the idea of “Nonconformity.” They don’t want to conform to the stuff their grandfathers conformed to: Tradition, Culture, Religion, Family Values, manners. Whatever Babyboomers were into, X Gen hates with a passion to the point where they do the whole opposite. Just like how the American colonialists hated Great Britain so much they just had to drive on the opposite side of the road, just for good measure. We just have to spell our words slight differently. We just have to call soccer football and football soccer.

So just like the human world the Baby Boomers once lived in is gone, the social world X Gen lives in will also be gone soon. And the end is beginning. My generation; Y Gen; is a transitional generation. This Y Generation is one to pay attention to, because the collective movement and collective sentiments of Y Generation gives us a clew into what the human social worlds will look like when Z Generation matures and creates their world. Because just like how X Gen rejected and despised their grandfather’s world, so too will Z Generation reject and despised their Grandfathers’ social world. Who are the grandfathers of Z Generation? It’s X Gen.

One thing to pay attention to is the collective trends Y generation people get into that differs from X generation. It shows signs of a movement away from X generation’s social values and worldviews. One very telling sign is you see very young Y Gens, go to church. Not because their parents make them, but because they actually want to be there! What’s even more telling is that Y Gen are joining Traditional Christian institutions like the Catholic Church, because they want to be a part of something traditional. Also in a similar vein, a bizarre and telling sign is that Y Gens as young as 18 years, are joining fraternal societies Babyboomers were once really into. One specific fraternal society are the Freemasons. Those guys suffered huge membership number drops because nonconformity is a part of X Gen’s worldviews and social values. Joining anything is gross for X Gen. But tellingly you see young Y Gen joining these forgotten fraternal societies.

If you ask a large number of Y gens what they are searching for when they join things like the Catholic Church, fraternal societies, and so on, you will start to understand that Y generation feels as if something in American society is missing. Something like culture and traditions an community. And this is reflected in the essential social value and worldview of Y Gen. What one word describes Y gen’s paradigm? CONNECTIVITY. Facebook uses that word to sell itself, the cellphone industry does too. You can see the difference in how X gen and Y gen respectively even use the internet. X Gen typically use the internet to look important to others, debate, talk about science, and Y gen uses the internet to most often simply stay connected with people we know and meet new friends. And another trend is that many Y Gens are more cynical of mainstream science, whereas X Gen makes mainstream science its de facto religion. So even from these few examples, we can start to get a grainy, hazy picture of what the social world of Z generation may look like. And it’s an alien world to X Gen. 

What’s this all mean? It means a New Social Order is dawning. In only ~20 years the human world will be different. It means that when ONA uses terms like “Aeonics” that it implies ‘long-time’ focus and longevity. It implies that ONA will not only be alive intact in that New Social Order, but will live thru it into whatever comes after. So the question is then: Does ONA then have what it takes – as far as what elements makes up ONA – to be relevant to Z Generation when they come of age? Because in 20 years or so when a New Social Order of a human world is in full effect, who will be at the Helm of that human world dominating it and driving it? Z Generation.

And so what will happen to X Generation mundane Satanists in ~20 years? They will be irrelevant 50 year old Satanists jacking themselves off in their forums and social networks. The saying goes: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” and it’s applicable here. Will the Satanism and Satanic institutions of these irrelevant 50 year old intellectual masturbators be able to compete with things Z Generation needs, based on their social order and worldviews? Especially if Z Gen’s social order and world views will be the antithesis of X Gen social order and paradigm? Will X Generation paradigmatic ideas such as “Nonconformity” sell or be relevant to Z Generation whose very outlook on life and world model will be fundamentally based on “Connectivity,” and “Community?” That’s just one example. Will X Gen’s minimalistic materialism sell or be relevant to a Z Generation whose outlook on life and world model will be fundamentally wholistic and contra-minimalist? That’s just another example, of many, many possible examples to consider.

It’s easy for me to pick out in our time the best two candidate species of Satanism that may be appealing to Z Generation. These two candidates make themselves candidates because they generate a lot of feelings of aversion and repulsion in X Gen, which is a good thing, if you understood the dynamics of generational fluxion as I tried to explain above. These two candidates would ONA [everything it entails] & Jason King’s Postmodern Satanism. Not how they both look outwardly at the moment, but their essential Nature, and the direction they seem to be moving into, makes them viable candidates. I really hope that Jason King sticks around and keeps Building and doing his thing. He’s the only Satanists that even has a term for what I’m trying hard to talk about: “The Next.”

This brings us to the last flaw in X Generation which will do most of the job at killing all of its ideas and memeplexes it has made. The crippling flaw is X Generation lacks a working know-how of: Generational Pedagogy. If you take a survey of things like Buddhism, Traditional Christianity, Islam, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Human Culture, you’ll notice that for hundreds and also thousands of years each of these respective memeplexes have been able to cross over from one generation to The Next unimpeded.

I was raised in a thousand year old Buddhist culture, so I saw and experienced how a memeplex like Buddhism transfers itself from Elder to Young. I’ve actually helped raise my younger cousins since before they were able to speak “Buddhist.” I learned it from example of my elders and how they did things with me. It’s actually a simple process. You basically diminutivize the big memeplex into tiny bite sized pieces children can take hold of. What’s the two root particles in the word “Pedagogy?” Ped from the Greek Paidos meaning “Child,” and Ago meaning “Lead,” to Lead A Child, in other words. One thing my family taught me to do, which I in turn taught my baby cousins was that even before they can walk and talk, I’d put them in front of the home altar with the Buddha on it and put their little hands together to teach them how to clasp it together in front of the Buddha, and then you verbally and physically reward them by simply saying things like: “Very good,” and hugging them or kissing them. And they learn fast. So each time you carry them to the altar they clasp their hands together, and they were at the time barely 6 months old.

Another thing my family does is that most often you don’t ever get your Buddhism as children in lecture or teachings. After 2500 years, the Buddhism’s praxis has become an actual culture of doing things. For example “Metta” isn’t a belief you think about and agree with. It’s something you do and see everyday. And so as children, you naturally follow the example of people around you. So if you see your aunts and uncles taking care of their old grandmothers, you follow that example and do it too with your grandmother. That’s Metta in living motion.

Another important thing is how my Elders – those old people over 50 – pass the actual ideas, concepts, and belief-sets of Buddhism down to you. In this culture [mine] these elders have an understanding that you have a different level of understanding according to your age and individual ability to grasp things. Each person is unique in this regard. So in my culture, these elders know that sitting 10 kids down and lecturing them about Buddhism does no good. Because each kid has its own level of understanding. So, an example is say you have a 5 year old, and you want them to learn the culture of doing complex fraction math. What do you do? How do you teach a 5 year old complex fraction math? You can’t, because it’s not the 5 year old mental and emotional time and season yet to be able to even understand such things. You have to wait for signs. Just like you wait for your children or cousins to get to a certain age before you sit them down and have the talk about the “birds and the bees,” the boyfriend, girlfriend, thing. And you know as a parent or an older cousin of a traditional Asian family when those young ones are ready. Most likely they will ask you questions.

That’s what these elders do. They wait for you to ask them questions, as opposed to going to you to assert their beliefs and ideas. And they give you an answer according to your nature and level of understanding. They “break things down” in other words for you to understand. What’s this called? Effective Communication. That means when you can take Buddhism and talk it to a 7 year old cousin so that she understands, but you can also take that same Buddhism and talk to a monk to try and debate with him. That’s effective or efficient communication. What’s it called when you get a Harvard education and your 5 year old cousin asks you a simple question about something and you use your big Harvard words and scholastic shit to answer the 5 year old? It’s called being stupid. Because you’re not fucking Communicating with the 5 year old. How do we know this? Because that 5 year old doesn’t even understand a word your saying! Who are you talking to and what effect do you have if nobody around you understands you?

So in my culture, there is only so much they can give you of Buddhism, because Buddhism is a very big memeplex. Its 25,000 pages big. They will “hold you hand” and gently guide you into Buddhism until you are in your teens, which is when they leave it up to you to go the rest of the way on your own, hopefully. That’s what a Buddhist culture’s pedagogy looks like. Your elders gently guides you, according to your own level of understanding, but only so far, and once you are “of age” the rest of the journey you do by yourself. I used this same way to “raise” 5 of my siblings into Satanists. I have a biological half-sister and 4 cousins who are natural children of my adopted mother who is my aunt. I stared on my youngest cousin-brother when he was 7 years old. It’s a simple process. You basically “prime” their minds for reception of Satanism later.

You break “Satanism” down into things they can understand, use more picture talk than lectures. Leave out the superficial trappings such as the goofy label of “Satanist.” Teach them only when they ask you questions. For example if they ask a question about Life in general, you give them an answer based on a so called “Satanists” perspective, and give lots of examples and picture talking to reinforce things so you know they understand. Then when they enter their expressive teen years you take things to the next level and begin using the outer trappings so they can incorporate those trappings into their own teenage identity and in their own way. And the rest of the way, they do on their own as they get older.

X Gen had such a distaste for anything Babyboomer that they cut themselves off from their elders. And so having cut themselves off from their elders and having that idea of nonconformity in their generational worldview, they didn’t have cultural or generational pedagogy. The only kind “pedagogy” they may be familiar with is the kind you get in school. You’re a kid, you sit in class, you read books, a teacher tells you what to think, you fail or pass. And that’s basically how they interact with each other. They behave as if they were teachers with something to teach. If you agree with their ideas they pass you, if not they throw tantrums and fail you. A telling sign to look out for is that whenever a young teenager comes along and asks about Satanism, you see all these X Gens basically tell this young kid: “Get lost kid, Satanism is for grownups, you’re stupid. Learn to spell right.” It’s telling because it reveals a complete absence or ignorance of pedagogy in their collective mindset. This in the long run is debilitating. Cuz think about it: In 20 years X Gen will be ~50 years old. So if X Gen lacks the ability to pass their kind of Satanism and ideas down to Z Generation [pedagogy!], then what will happen to X Gen’s ideas, worldviews, social values, and Satanisms? That’s a rhetorical question cuz I already know the answer. This is something ONA can definitely take advantage of to our own aeonic benefit.

An interesting thing to do would be to ask those in ONA today who are of Y Generation who are in the younger age bracket [17-20] why they picked ONA, what aspects of ONA they found appealing, what aspects of ONA they resonated with. Then just for contrast we ask these X Generation non-ONA Satanists what wrong with ONA, what aspects about ONA they dislike, what things about ONA repels them. But we don’t have to ask them, cuz they tell us. X Gen dislikes ONA use of mythos, its “spiritual” [acausal] inclination, its wholistic views [causal+acausal], its group or community shit [nexions and tribes]. It’s Traditionalism. It’s culture. And I can say, that those are the very aspects of ONA that I resonate with. Those are the very components of ONA that drew me to ONA. Especially the Traditionalism and Culturalism. ONA’s wholistic [contra-minimalistic] worldview is also something I find very attractive about ONA.

The most seductive aspect of ONA for me is hard to give a single word to. The “Tradition” of ONA might point at it. Aspects of my life around me whirls by so fast. You buy a new smartphone, and the moment you put it in your pocket, it’s outdated. Things change so fast around you that your outer environment makes you feel instable, as if you don’t have firm ground to stand on. To Belong to something like the ONA which has been around since 1970, offers me a feeling of inner stability and security. Like it’s a firm rock I stand on. And the other attractive quality about this aspect is that there are many others on this rock who share that Tradition with me. Who not only share a worldview like mine, but share a similar practice like me.  

Long ago I told DarkLogos that I think David Myatt was a man out of place and time, and that it will take 100 years before some people appreciate his work. Five years have passed since then and my views have changed slightly. I still think DM and his ideas are out of place and time. But he won’t have to wait 100 years. Now, it’s only 20 years to wait.

When I look out into the human world X Generation has made for itself I am reminded of a movie called “The NeverEnding Story I loved as a child.” In the movie a place called “Fantasia” is slowly being eaten away by a cancerous thing called The Nothing. Bit by bit, everything that once was Fantasia vanishes due to the spread of The Nothing. And so Western Society, bit by bit; the world which once was; has been torn asunder by the cancer of X Generation. All the Traditionalism American society once had is gone. All the culture that was once here, is no more. All the traditions are gone. Community that were once the foundation of society is now gone. So are things like public decency, manners, and even family values. All these things have been erased from the current human world by X Gen. And in the place of all the emptiness which now surrounds us, this foul generation props up its golden calf which is its minimalist materialism and noncomformist worldview. 

Just like it took a young boy to save what was left of Fantasia, so will the young Z Generation one day save what is left of the Human World from the Nothing of X Generation. I see an emerging New Social Order, and soon a returning of what Western Society lost. It has lost something – everything – in the hands of X Generation. “To everything there is a Time, and a Season for every purpose under heaven.” In the next social order emerging, David Myatt’s time will come. Because he himself fortunately belongs to a generation outside of X Gen. What aspects we find in ONA such as the traditionalism, culture, and communitarianism which he gave to it, will have fertile soil to take root and thrive in. When that new generation will actually appreciate the simple and needed concepts found in things like Reichsfolk, The Numinous Philosophy of Pathei-Mathos, and ONA. When they will even use similar concepts to rebuild their human world into something new. Like Attracts Like. And so the essential characteristics of that emerging social order, will go hand in hand with ONA, or what ONA will become by then. Time, is actually on our side. We just need to keep up with Time, and continue to inspire and influence.

Chloe 352

Order of Nine Angles

4.25.124 YF

ON THE DAWNING OF LIGHT

Image Credit: Picture Is From The Album

I just found this, this morning! Nobody told me. It’s really cool. It’s looks like a music album by a group called “Nine Covens,” associated with Candlelight Records USA. They have up a track you can listen to which is named: “White Star Acception”!!! You can go listen to it here: On The Dawning Of Light.

It’s a good piece that is 7 minutes long. The group seems to be hailing from Philadelphia?… The UK Actually. I love the picture they used, which I used up there. You’ll see in each corner are ONA Septagons! Look closely at the man’s head-dress and you’ll see the Dreccian Moons of Baphomet of ONA. I like the Black Sun [eclipsed sun] and thin Crescent shining above the Bearded Man’s head.

I wonder what the hand gesture the man makes means. In Buddhism, each hand sign [mudra] the Buddha makes has a meaning. In Buddhism [and larger Indic System], the hand gesture the man is making – Thumb touching Ring Finger – is called the Kartari Mudra and symbolizes: Discord, which I think is fitting. Discord here meaning the absence of Harmony. Where opposites struggle with each other, man and women fight, races bicker with one another, sects getting into arguments over beliefs, and so on. The Discord created is a “test.” If the student or people get caught up in such false dichotomies and struggles they are Mundane [anariya] and lack the mental capacity to transcend such superficialities to see and Understand/Buddhi the Essence [Paramatta Saccha] beyond.

I just thought is was cool that a music group somewhere in the UK is not only inspired by ONA, but was nice enough to name a piece “White Star Acception.” Thanks!

~C

NOTES ON GOD ETC

Notes On God Etc

Fides Discooperit Invisorum. The ‘idea’ or ‘concept’ of ‘god’ is a funny thing to me. Because my Mind exists in two very different language based weltanschauungs, one East and one West. Under the influence of English and the “Western Paradigm,” when I say or hear the word “God” or “gods,” I think of old men in white robes, white beards, sandals, living in the sky, Jew gods, and judges, and law makers. What I see in my mind’s eye is something anthropomorphic or personified with human qualities. Importantly, what my mind draws up is something you ought to be able to SEE with yours eyes. And so, it’s only logical that if god is real, then he should be apparently visible or provable, lest he be unreal and fake, so the average Mundane Western mind opines.

Our very own Self Nature, gives us a clue that this Western Paradigm is either very myopic or ignorant, or at least lacks a wholistic understanding of Reality. As living mortal beings, we have both a seeable corporeal aspect and an unseeable incorporeal aspect. The seeable would be our bodies. Our body is visible and leave footprints in the sand. The unseeable would be things like our Mindspace, our Emotions, our Psyche, our Dreams, the so called subconscious mind. These unseeable things don’t leave “footprints” in the sand. They can’t be seen or proven directly as objects; we can however see their influences they leave behind.

Furthermore, these unseeable aspects of our own Being stop being real when they leave the realm of Experience. Meaning that Emotions like Love and Anger, are things we Feel with our heart or inner being. They are “Experientially Apprehended,” meaning that such things as dreams, mindspace, Love, Passion, Hope, are knowable and real via the experience of them. They cease to be real when we describe them, because we have taken something indivisible from the realm of experience – qualia – and deform them into abstract – reified – “things.” Papancha as it’s called in Buddhism; or “Abstraction” a la ONA & DM.

And so, knowing this double Nature of our own Self, we can come to know the World. For, as the ancients once said: As within, so without. As above, so below. That we are Taoistically children of heaven [the unseen] and earth [the seen]. Thus, if reality is Fractal, and if the Nature of Self has both unseeable and seeable aspects, then the World/Reality/Dhammakaya also has seeable and an unseeable aspects. An aspect we can see, and an aspect which is indivisible from the realm/reality of Experience, and inner apprehension. The Cosmos is both Causal and Acausal. A side to the cosmos which we can physically apprehend and a side to it which must be empathed.

Under the influence of Khmer and my Asian Paradigm, the words “God,” and “Gods,” become very different things to me inside. There are two basic words in Khmer to mean god and gods. The word Preah [pronounced Prih] generally means “God.” And the word Devatta means “Gods,” or the Gods. Except, those are extremely gross translations, because Preah and Devatta don’t actually mean God and Gods. There are just no usable ideations in English to peg to those two words.

Preah – Phra in Thai – means “Sacred,” “Divine,” “Reverent,” “Numinous.” The Latin word “Numen” meaning a sort of “divine presence” is the closest Western concept to the word Preah. Although Preah is generally used to approximate “God,” it is ubiquitous in Khmer as a prefix. Preahsorya means The Sun, Preahvayu means The Wind. Preahniang Gaheeng means The Earth, or the traditional poetic name for the Earth Goddess: Preah means what I said up there, Niang means lady or maid or dame, and Gaheeng means roughly Corpulent, Bloated, Obese. Preahmada means your Mother, Preahpita means your Father. Preahchan means The Moon. Preahanoch means your younger sibling.

Devatta is the word for “gods.” In Khmer there is no such thing as a plural suffix. Devatta means both a “lesser” god aka a deity and it also means many gods/deities. But the English word “Gods” and “Deities” is a terribly rough translation which completely misses the mark as to what the word actually is trying to approximate. The feminine form of Devatta is more revealing: Depdita [pronounces as “tabe-tee-dah”]. Depdita is Pali for Goddess. Dita meaning a Lady, Dame, Maiden, Female. Dep is the Pali version of the Sanskrit Dev, which is the root in the words Deva and Devi. The Pali Dep retains its many meanings, whereas the Sanskrit Dev has lost its meaning due to gross Western misunderstandings and so called Gurus out to make a buck and name to gullible Westerners during the 60’s and 70’s.

The word Dep doesn’t mean a deity. It has a cousin root word called “Dip” [sounds like “Tib”] which is a generic word meaning “Light.” A candle flame is a Dip. Dip-surya means Sunlight. Dip-preahchan means Moonlight or twilight. The word Dep means “That Which Is Luminescent.” And so the word Devatta does not mean a god-being. It simply means: Luminaries in the Heavens. In the dark night sky there are obvious lights – Luminaries – in the Heavens: Stars and Planets; the sun and moon; at least in the ancient world to the eyes of ancient people before city lights were invented.

But the Devattas are mythically tied to very specific Heavenly Bodies: the 7 Planets, and the well-known constellations. And so Preahchan is a Davatta, not a god-being, but a Heavenly Luminary. Preahbudh thus is a Devatta, not a god per se, but the reverenced Planet Mercury. In many ancient cultures the world over, the 7 planets, constellations, sun, and moon were mythically – in the form of cultural stories and narratives – cast as “gods” or “deity” or “divine-ones.” The association of the Devattas with planets itself is a symbolism which itself tries to point at something which is very hard to point at. It points first at what we call “Astrology.” Specifically where there exists the idea or notion that the planets and stars have something to do with our human lives and with Fate.

And so, if you followed me well, and are able to connect the dots, you’ll understand the ideation of “Devatta” as I do in my Eastern Paradigm. Devattas are not deities or humanoid or spirit god-beings. They are a different set of phenomena which are intimately tied to what we call in English: Fate, Destiny, Wyrd, Karma, Causation. They are “forces” in and of Nature, different from forces like gravity and magnetism; but as “forces” the “devattas” are “real” in the sense that they have an influence on us and our lives. So devattas are the Essence or force or thing behind the notion of Fate and destiny and the forces in Nature which influences our lives. Kamadeva is a Devatta who is the “patron” deity of Amorous Love, just as the Goddess Venus is the patron deity of Love, Beauty, and Sex. It’s very hard to physically point at things like amorous love, and beauty, because these are Things which must be Felt, apprehended with the Heart/Chitta, and ultimately Experienced. They are “Things” which are indivisible from the realm of Experience/Qualia. In other words, they are “Qualicities,” and not “Corporealities.”

And so the ideation of Preah and Devatta in my Asian Weltaschauung are not corporeal things you can point at. They are not things which leave footprints in the sand. They are things that must be apprehended with the Heartmind, and they only exist in the domain of inner experience. So the Holy Bible says: “He hath blinded their eyes, and hardened their heart; that they should not see with their eyes, nor understand with their heart…” – John 12:40. And so goes the Holy Quran: “Has not the Time arrived for the Believers that their hearts in all humility should engage in the remembrance of Allah and of the Truth which has been revealed (to them), and that they should not become like those to whom was given Revelation aforetime, but long ages passed over them and their hearts grew hard.” – Surat l-Hadid:57.

Some things in the world were meant to be seen with the eyes, while other “things” were meant to be felt/empathed with the Heart. You cannot see the Divine, nor can you see Fate or Destiny. You can only feel – intuit – its sacred presence in places, things, and people, and you can only experience it. God cannot be seen, it must be Experience with the Heart, because it is indivisible from that Heart and its function of sensing the unseeable. In the same sense that a Tree in “indivisible” from the Eye and its function of vision.

But people can say: “But Chloe, even if God is not real and can only be felt, what good is that God in the real world?” And the answer to that question is: “What would the world be – the Human World – without Love?” The Love between a man and woman? The Love between your mother and father? Without Cupid and Kama’s arrows, and without the influence of the Goddess Venus? The Love which holds together a family, clan, people, and tribe? If you really think about it, we as human beings and our whole human world which we have built is founded upon the Foundation of The Unseen: Love. On something which can’t be touched, but must be felt, intuited, and experienced. On something which is indivisible from the Heart and the Inner-Reality beyond the corporeal limits of the material world. On something so intimately interwoven with our inner-beingness and heart that they cannot be separated and are the Same Thing. Love and the Beloved are in essence the same “thing.” The Observed and the Observer – the Felt and the Feeler; the Experienced and the Experiencer – is One Spectral Being. One “Cosmic Being,” as David Myatt terms its.

What’s that saying that goes: “Looking for love in all the wrong places”? That saying kind of applies to looking for God in the material world. To search for a non-material God with material and physical science. And here we see the implications of an actual Paradigm. Such people suggest that their “eyes” are looking out into the physical world. You have many ancient thinkers and philosopher around the world during different times say to us: “Know Thyself,” they never really said: “Know The World.” We are oblivious to the Nature and Mystery of Self, if we are fixated on the World. One is a “projection” or manifestation of the Other. In the sense that you will never find the director and producer inside the movie on screen.

Personally when I look out into the World, I prefer to be a materialist-atheist. Meaning that I prefer to try to understand the world in terms of “physics,” reason, and corporealness, minus all the goofy new age, spiritual, religious mumbo-jumbo. But personally I know I am more than a body and flesh. I am also Heart, Emotions, Inner Experience, Inner-Being, Mindstuff. And so in that unseen world of Self, I have never abandoned my Faith in God and the Gods. So, just as I am concerned with my physical health and wellbeing, personally I am also concerned with my Inner Health, my Emotional Health, the Health of the Center of my Being. Speaking of the Center of ones Being, where is this Center: outside somewhere in the world, or inside?

When it comes to me and God, I keep two things Jesus once said close to me. He once said: “Cast not your pearls before swine.” Try as a person to share your most intimate, precious feelings and thoughts to a forum of Mundane Satanists, and you will know you are in the company of the most filthy of swine breeds. They are so into themselves that they can’t smell their own filth, in fact they wallow in it.

You can break that saying down in different ways. A Pearl would symbolize what you hold to be dear. The English word “Believe” is related to the older German word: “Ge-Lieben” meaning “BeLove.” What we Hold Dear to us is what we BeLove, is our Beloved. If you Love a person – such as a spouse dearly, you don’t share her or him. Because if you do share her or him with other, those other people will just sleep with them and they’d never Feel for your spouse what you feel.

In a more mystical Taoist sense the Pearl is semen or “moon-flower” [the female equivalent]. Learning to withhold that Pearl is the first step to producing the Ambrosia of Immortality. The Swine in this case is any person who does not understand the Secrets who will cause you to waste the precious Pearl.

In both cases – the Jesus case and the Taoist case – casting your Pearls before Swine leads to spiritual death. In other words, it is disempowering. To share your inner or intimate beliefs with those who will not understand, is disempowering and a waste of time. Especially if your own beliefs are hard earned, while those other people are just waiting to criticize. Everyone has an opinion about something, even about things they don’t know and understand.

And the other thing Jesus said I keep close to me is: “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly. And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” – Mt. 6:1-8.

Even though I generally prefer to view the world in materialistic terms, and even though in relation to the physical world I prefer to be “atheistic,” I still not only Believe in God, but I pray to It. I’ve been praying to things since I was very little. It’s just how you are raised in my culture. You pray to everything. And so, even today, I have a habit of praying to God each night just before I go to sleep to tell Him about my day’s experience, my troubles, and to thank Him for the day I had. To always watch over me and guide me to wherever I am destined to be.

For me personally there is a real practical use for prayer and the belief in some higher power. The practical side is that as a person sometimes I do things which agitates me inside emotionally, or sometimes I encounter experiences in life which is to far beyond my control. And so praying to God, helps heal my emotions and inner self. The practical side is that prayer is conducive to inner health. And as they say: “As within, so it is without.” So if your inner world is unhealthy and rotten, the outer world will also become unhealthy and rotten.

There is a saying I repeat like a mantra topical to this that goes: “What Hast Thou In Thine House?” It’s just the 8 Fold Path expressed in a different way. What you have inside your “house” – your inner space – will manifest in the outside world of physical experience, or will draw to you things, people, and situations of like resonance: Like Attracts Like. What you hold in mind – the 1^st Noble Path – will ultimately causally develop to be what you will encounter and experience in life: the “9^th Step.” It takes 9 months for a human baby to be born in the World. There are 8 steps of Development in the 8 Fold Path.

What Hast Thou In Thine House? From my own young experience in Life, I have learned from trial and error that when you clutter your “house” [innerspace/Heartmind] with things like Jealousy, Envy, Critical thoughts/feelings, Hate, Bitterness; Life gives you these things. And so such a person will draw to themselves people who dislike them, criticize them, react negatively to them. And also such people draw to them others of like vibration. You can see this in most Satanic forums online. You just watch for a while those few forum user who spend their time doing nothing but picking arguments, criticizing others, etc, and you’ll see that they attract to themselves people who give them the same things.

In Life, when you hate, are jealous of the rich, intelligent, successful, the powerful, you yourself will never achieve that wealth, intelligence, success, and power in life. People with egos don’t like to consciously admit that others are better than them. It’s when you learn to clean out your “house” and fill it with admiration for those better than you, respect, praise where praise is due, kindness, understanding, credit where credit is due, and a genuine Like for those better than you, or more intelligent than you, or more successful in life than you; that Life gives you these things in return. We live in a Causal world, and so we get out of Life what we put into it.

It’s real easy to hate someone who won a debate with you because they are smarter than you. It’s hard and Noble to admit that you lost, that you aren’t as smart, and to give praise to where it’s due. And it’s even harder to Ask the smarter person to teach you what they know. It’s easy to be jealous of the rich. It’s hard to admit that you don’t know how to become rich, and to give credit to where it’s due. It’s harder to learn to make friends with a rich person and to Ask them to teach you. It’s hard to see what I’m trying to point at. But it can be seen better if we use martial arts as an example. It’s easy to dislike, envy, be jealous of, and hate a person who used martial arts to kick your ass. It’s hard to admit defeat and to admire the other person for having the skills to kick your ass. It’s even harder to Ask that other person to teach you what they know. But when you have learned to Ask, to give praise to where it’s due, to respect and admire those who deserve it – when you have filled your House with these things – then that Kung Fu master will teach you. And in learning that kung fu, you would have actually Bettered yourself in life. “Ask, and it shall be given to you.” But most mundane people have a house so cluttered with unconstructive pride and ego, that they will never Ask, and never praise those who are more meritorious and Better than they are.

And so it’s the same with other things we have in our “House.” When our innerspace has the interior décor of Vacillation, we experience a life in the world of restlessness. When that innerspace of Heart/Psyche is stuffed with Rottenness, Life in the Outer World becomes Unhealthy, Unkind, and Unnice. Without Peace within, you can’t have Peace without. When your inner House has no Solid Foundation, Life in the real world becomes empty, it feels meaningless.

The Foundation Stone of the House of God, is a solid Rock: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” – Mt. 7:24-27

Interestingly the Hebrew word for Stone/Rock [Sela] is the same word with the same meaning in Sanskrit and Pali and Khmer. A Sela or Sila in Sanskrit, Pali, and Khmer means a Stone or Rock. My little new born nephew in Brazil Noah has Kaeo-Seyla as his second name, meaning Crystal [Kaeo] Stone [Sila]. If you know your Buddhism, you’ll recognize the word Sila since it has other meaning besides a Stone. In English it is often translated to mean “Precept” or “Virtue,” as in the Five Precepts. A better translation of the word Sila would be “Character,” “Nature,” “Inclination,” “Tendency.” The Kammaka is the Builder,  Kamma/Karma means to Build. Your dharma/dhamma is the Blueprint. Your Tipikata are the Three Baskets you haul Raw Material with to Build. As an Upasaka or Upasika you are the Apprentice of your Master who labour physically to manifest and actualize what the Master [Nature] has drawn up on his Blueprint [Dharma]. To manifest the unmanifested.

The Temple you Build, is one Built on Sila: On the solid Foundation of a Noble [Honourable] – Ariya – Character, Nature, Essence, Physis. Founded on Sila, made of earthened brick, and stretches toward the heavens. So too, the Noble Ariya is Founded firmly on Honour, uses the physical world and mortal experience as her brick and mortar to build herself Up, and that Temple is built toward Heaven, to pay homage to the Numinous: That Which is Divine and Unseen.

My Understanding – feeble as it is – of God, changes with me as I grow. In the same way that my understanding of the world – feeble as it is – has changed with me as I grow in Time. There was a time when I was a young child where my understandings of the world was extremely small and primitive. At that Time, my world literally did not extend beyond my home and parents. But as I get older, my understanding of this same world grows, so that today, I see the world in a more “sophisticated” way. And so it is with God and me. I’ll admit that when I was a small child I understood the gods and god to be spirit people. But I grow older and my level of understanding changes so that today, how I understand – behold – this God is much different. Today “God” to me is very parallel with DM’s concept of the Cosmic Being. But I differ and understand God in my own way. To me right now, God is the Supreme Intelligence, the Sunyata: Zeroity. The Anatta: Unself. That which is impermanent, but becomes all things. It has no self, it is “nothing” at any time. It is the Primeval Collective Unconscious Psyche: the Swarm/Hive of Chitta spoken about in Buddhism.

This isn’t to say that the world changed for me; what changed was my level of understanding. And so this also doesn’t mean that God has changed in any way. What has changed is my own capacity to understand something that must be experienced, intuited, and empathed. In the same sense that Fatherhood or Motherhood to a child is beyond our small capacity to understand. No reading of books and lecture will ever impart or imbue in the mind of a child what it is like to be a Father or Mother. It must be experienced in its own Time and Season. And when that Time and Season comes, the Knowingness of it – the Understanding/Buddhi/Gnosis – comes to you Naturally, without effort. And so it was said: “To everything there is a Season, and a Time for every purpose under Heaven.” – Eccles. 3:1.

I don’t presume to understand what God or the gods are, and I also don’t presume to know if they exist or not. All I know is that in its own Time and Season, I will just grow into the knowingness of it. As a wise grandpa monk once said to me roughly: “To understand Buddhahood, you must become a Buddha; otherwise, don’t bother trying.” Perhaps then: To understand God, you must grow into Godhood. The microcosm and the macrocosm are One fractal dharmakaya which has always existed. Eternal and infinite, forever impermanent and changing. Having existed before Time and Causation.

And so in the End to “Know Thyself,” is to end up knowing God, the Cosmic Being, the Supreme Mind, the Primordial Unconscious; Purusha, the Cosmic Self. Sambodhi [Self Realization]: “Thousand-headed is Purusha, thousand-eyed and thousand-legged. Enveloping the world from all sides, He transcends it by ten fingers’ length. All this manifestation is Purusha alone— whatever was and whatever will be. He is the Lord of Immortality, for He transcends all in His Form, as food the universe. Such is His Glory; but greater still is Purusha. One-fourth of Him all beings are, while three-fourth of Him rises above in the spiritual realm.” – Sri Purusha Suktam

In the Old Days, Yajna [Sacrifice] were offered to Purusha. The word Yajna has an etymological cousin in Persian which is Yasnas, which also means a sacrificial offering [in Zoroastrianism]. If you know your ONA, you’ll recognize one of those words. In Pali the word for sacrifice, offer is Yan~n~a, pronounced as Yanya. This word has been long since given the meaning of “alms giving.” In Khmer we have the word: Puja-yan~, which is pronounced in Khmer as Bojia-yai where the ‘yai’ rhymes with Bye and My. Puja means “Offer/Feed,” and Yan~ is short for Yanya [sk: Yajna]. Together it means a Sacrificial Offering. In ancient times, the world over, its regular practice to pay respects to the gods and spirits of the land and forest blood sacrifices of animals and people.

So the ancients did no pay homage to god or the gods in the same way a Christian today does. This ancient god is a god of Life and Nature. It is Life and Nature, the “World.” It is not a god of words, ideals, and holy books. And you do not pay homage to this ancient god by going to church to listen to a man yap his mouth off and studying ideology and theology. You paid your respects to this primeval god by venerating and revering Nature and Life, and by fearing its Dark Side, doing what you can to appease it. Just as we ourselves have a nice light side and a dark shadow side. Nature isn’t all pretty pink flowers. It is violent and terrifying and essentially Adversarial. We are a reflection of this primeval god. Just as Nature has a beautiful side, so too, do we have in us a kind and beautiful side. A side which can paint and appreciate beautiful art and compose enchanting music. But just as Nature is murderous, so too, can we humans paradoxically commit the most heinous and atrocious acts, such as genocide and the use of weapons of mass destruction.

Just as Nature/Life is a nexion/nexus of contradictions and paradoxes, so too are we humans a living paradox. A mortal creature born suspended between Heaven and Earth. Blessed with supreme intelligence, and cursed with the same intelligence to manifest unimaginable horror. A creature with one foot firmly fixed in the mortal realm, and one firmly fixed in the netherworld. A creature that Loves and also Kills. If I imagine God, I would picture it as a vast ocean. My understanding of “Satan” would then be the thin top layer of this ocean where it is the most tumultuous, and incidentally, where all the Life is at. It is from our Struggles – Shram – against that Adversarial Nature of Life, that we as creatures adapt and become adept. Pathei-Mathos, according to DM, is Nature’s way of teaching and a creature’s way of learning and Becoming.

It is ignorant to know and wisdom and understand the Nature of Nature – the Nature of the matrix we exist in and are a part of – and to believe that Man will one day be one-sidedly “good,” and that the human world will one day have “world peace.” That Humanity will “evolve” one day to be loving creature which will care for all humanity where we will live together in some paradise on earth. A utopia without war, hate, murder, and violence. We inherit the Nature of our Divine Heavenly Creator, unto whom is owed our rational homage and reverence.

We can’t transcend the bourne of our God given Nature. But we can aspire and endeavor to be creatures of Honour: Ariya. We can learn to understand that we are lowly creatures by default, and that we can strive and reach for greater Nobility. “He raises the poor up from the dust, he lifts up the needy from the trash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. Indeed the pillars of the earth belong to the LORD, and he has set the world on them.” – 1 Sam, 2:8.

Ending Remarks

This notation is a slight departure from the usual Satanic stuff found in ONA, and from the usual Buddhist stuff found in most of my essays, exoterically. But if you know your ONA and your Buddhism, and your Reichsfolk, and your Numinous Way, you’ll see that esoterically I haven’t departed from the essence. I may have used the words “god” and “pray” which the Western Mind today has little place in their lives for. Those two concepts are not Christian, they are Human and can be found in every culture on earth.

It’s unfortunate that Christianity, or Protestantism, has rotted the concept of Prayer. In Khmer the word for “to pray” is Bon, which rhymes with the English word One. Bon doesn’t really mean to Pray, it’s just that there is no other English word to use. Bon means to communicate to something thru your Heart/Chitta. If you ask my grandma how you Bon, she’ll tell you to simply “speak” with your Chet [Khmer for Chitta, Heart, and Emotions]. It follows the Buddhism line of thinking where Thought gives rise to Emotions, and emotion influences Action and Behaviour.

So to Bon to something like a god, a plant, an animal, or a spirit, or your dead ancestors, you first quiet your mind [concentrate], then think in your head what you wish to say and think of the thing you wish communicate with. Then allow the intention and thoughts to give rise to a feeling [or feelings] in your heart, and you let that feeling resonate outward. For example with Metta. If you still your mind and think thoughts of compassion, and pray a simple prayer about compassion, it will eventually cause to arise in your heart the living emotion of compassion. The words themselves are not important. You can pray in Pali or Sanskrit, or Latin, or Enochian, and not understand a single word, and as long as it gives rise to the right emotions and feelings you want, it works. The essence of that Feeling is born from the Psyche, and so it has the quality and power of the psyche or in other words: it is Psychic in Essence.

That Psychic Essence or psychic means of “communication” transcends worded and spoken language and species. This method of communicating with spirits, plants, and animals is so ancient, its universal to humanity in the form of “shamanism.” We are born without language. We come into this world with Chitta: Heartmind and Emotions. The Language comes later and only augments the psychic and nonverbal means of communication. A mother of most species of animal will know – intuit – what its baby wants and needs, even if the baby cannot speak words or communicate with sounds. To “Bon Preah” means literally to speak with your Heart to the Divine Presence.

One thing I encourage people around me in real life to do is to keep a diary or journal. When you have consistently kept a daily diary of your thoughts, feelings, wishes, wants, desires, daydreams, imaginations, visualizations, what you hold in mind during your waking moments, and you keep a record of the daily events in your life, and the coincidences that you encounter, for 10 years, you gain a different appreciation and perspective of Life. You come to realize that Life/God is alive and is responsive to what you ask for it in your heart. Life/God manifests itself as people and things. And so when it does respond to your prayers and requests, it injects what it gives to you thru the process and condition of causal motion: chain reactions of cause and effect. You are tugged in your gut to be at the right place at the right time. Life draws to you the people you will need to get what you ask for. How you get what you ask for won’t always happen as you planned. But you will get it.

I asked Life/God for someone named Vanessa for 9 years. I haven’t gotten her just yet, but it’s getting there, and I had to go thru hell to get even this far. There is a saying that goes: “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” A man can constantly populate his mind with the desire to be wise and if that thought gives rise to feelings and passion, it is a Prayer to Life/God. You may have to go thru hell for years, but in the end – after Pathei-Mathos, you will get what you asked for.

Passion is the Key. We are reminded of the Passion of Christ. Passion is the only thing that can Save you, that can redeem you, that can Transform you. Passion is the difference between failure and success in Life. Passion is the difference between mediocrity and greatness in Life. Passion is the difference between being lost in the generic mass of people and standing above that mass. Passion is the difference between tyranny and liberation. Passion, as in a burning determination in Heart, to fulfill your destiny at all cost and no matter the suffering or price. In the same way that Christ, having realized his destiny, suffered himself to be beaten, humiliated, spat upon, scorned, whipped, to Die, for what he believed was his destiny. Passion as in how 50 Cent once put it: “Get rich or die trying.”

When you’ve kept a careful diary as explained above, for many years, it becomes hard to deny that Life is not alive and responsive. That it understands “prayer,” and like a friend, works to help you out in life and give you want you ask for. But it all depends on Passion and ‘what you have in your House.’ Things just wyrdfully happens gradually in your favour over time. After keeping such a diary, Life becomes “magical.” It sounds silly, but that’s the only way I can explain it. And that magical quality of Life only thickens the Mystery of Life. It only makes you want harder to know what is beyond the veil of material reality which is responding and helping you out. The more you learn to work with Life in this way, the more stirred you become to figure out that Mystery behind the Veil. The less magical Life is for you, the less you care to know that living Mystery beyond the Veil, because it is meaningless to you.

Chloe 352

Order of Nine Angles

3.25.124 yf

DREAMS & DESTINY

Dreams & Destiny

I had a weird dream just the other night. In the dream I was walking onto some school campus. The campus was in the middle of an empty field and there was only one structure on campus. The campus ground was the only plot of land with grass on it. I seemed to be walking toward the structure where I suppose the classes are.

Walking towards me were three cops in dark blue uniforms, complete with their cop hats. Each were holding a notepad and pencil. Behind the cops in the background were students. The cops seemed to be walking to me, so I became nervous. I looked behind me to see if they may have been walking to somebody behind me, but there was no one behind me.

The cop closest to me on my left had a typical cop mustache. He stopped in front of me and fiddled with his notepad and pencil as if to get ready to take notes. I figured I was going to be questions about something so I was becoming afraid. This cop asks me: “Excuse me ma’am, do you know where the restroom facilities are on this campus?”

A little incredulous and relieved, I answered: “Yeah, they should be over there, in the only building on campus. I can take you there?” So the three cops nodded with smiles and together said: “Thanks, we’ve been looking all over the place for it. We need to go bad.” As I was walking them to the building I was thinking to myself: what a bunch of dummies they were, I mean shit, there’s only one building on the whole of campus? Where have they been looking?

I stopped at the office and the principle lady came out with a concerned look on her face since she saw the cops behind me. I told the lady that the cops were looking for the restroom. The lady was relieved and said to me: “Oh, okay. You know what? We just installed new restroom facilities out back in the farm area. I’ve been wanting to test them out. Let’s bring the cops there and have them test them out.”

So we walked behind the only building to an empty field turned into a farm. I guess the students use it to plant things. To the left side of the field was a nice garden area with flowers and herbs, and at the right side was a large farm area where many plants grew. The restroom facility was an ugly wooden little structure in the middle of the nice garden area. I stayed behind as the lady led the cops to the bathroom, small talking with them. Standing there I was thinking to myself how odd it was to have a damn bathroom in the middle of a garden? Who designed this shit? One of the cops before entering the bathroom turns around and to be polite asks me: “Do you need to go too?” I said: “No. I’m fine. Thank you.”

A friend of mine I know well in real life enters the dream, walking up and standing next to me to my right. He’s Black, and a 5%er; taught me everything I know about it, so I look up to him. I notice him and said happily: “Shawn! What’s up!” And I gave him his usual hug. Shawn says: “Hey, have you seen all our plants? They’re all big with fruits and flowers!” He began to walk towards the farm area and I followed to go check out the vegetation and plants we apparently grew.

The farm area was like a little maze with aisles or rows of different types of plants. The first plants I saw were tall Sweet Pea Plants with beautiful purple flowers. I noticed the sweet pea pods were nice and big, larger then my thumb, and I said excitedly: “Look at the pods Shawn! They’re huge and plump. I bet you the peas taste sweet.” I was inspecting the sweet pea plants checking out the pods to make sure most of the peas inside were full and developed. In real life I love plants and gardens. Shawn told me that he had a surprise to show me, so he led me to the other side of the farm area.

We stopped at a Pumpkin plant growing upwards. Which isn’t how pumpkin plants usually grow. This one grew inside a wooden cage type thing to make the pumpkin plant grow upwards. Most of its pumpkins was ripe and orange. I looked around to see where exactly I was, and recognized the Pumpkin plant in front of me. Shawn had a big smile on his face, happy that I recognized the plant.

I was carrying in my hands things like a textbook and my pencil box. When I recognized the Pumpkin plant I dropped everything I was holding to the ground and covered my mouth. A flood of memories gushed into my head, and I gasped and said: “Aww. That’s the pumpkin plant me and K planted together.” I walked closer to it. Shawn pointed out a unripe pumpkin which looked like Brain Coral and said: “Check this one out, it looks like a brain.” He looked at me and noticed I was crying and he immediately excused himself saying: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you Chloe.”

I became weak in the knees and fell on my knees to the ground and began to cry very hard covering my eyes. My friend Shawn just knelt beside me, placing his arm around me to try and comfort me. I was crying so hard in the dream I woke up in bed crying.

I never grew a pumpkin plant with anyone in real life. But I know the symbolism behind it. My favourite season is Autumn. Something about the atmosphere, colors in the leave, the branches of trees bare, the month of October, the pumpkin patches, and Thanksgiving, the smell of fresh cornbread, and the taste of pumpkin pie, all makes it a beautiful time. It’s not hot and not too cold, but just cold enough during the nights to cuddle up with someone, lulled to sleep with the comforting warmth of her body.

After 5 years of being in a deep and loving relationship with someone; five Autumns spent cuddling; it’s hard to sleep alone. You get so use to having someone next to you at night. Use to the smell of her hair. The soft fabric of her pajamas. The feel of her body pressed gently up against yours. The rhythmic movement of her chest, and her warm breath. The cute random noises she makes as she dreams, which wakes you up at night. The knowing that there is someone in the world who loves only you and no other person, and they are laying next to you. When all that is gone suddenly, it’s hard to sleep.

I had a distraughtful dream one night during the opening months of 2011 which shook me up inside deeply. In the dream I was in the restroom ready to brush my teeth since it was morning. I looked in the mirror in front of me and saw that my hair was short. I have never in my whole life had short hair. Horrified, I said to myself out loud [in the dream]: “What the fuck! When the hell did I cut my fucking hair? How come I can’t remember? Shit!” My hair was very short and up above my ears. After looking at it for a while, I realized that I still look alright with a short hair cut. I tried to fix it up a bit in front of the mirror, and figured the short hair might look good on me if I wear tank tops and tight jeans? So I felt better and commenced brushing my teeth.

As I was brushing my teeth in this dream, I felt my top left K9 tooth just fall out and onto my tongue. I freaked out horribly and spat the tooth onto my right hand and was horrified. I looked at my teeth in the mirror and just went beyond horror and straight into shock. I started to cry because I was ugly. I thought to myself as I was crying in the dream: “Great, I have short hair and a hole in my mouth. Now I’m ugly! I’m gunna kill myself!” I was so distraught and besides myself, I woke up crying.

In bed I quickly check my teeth with my tongue, and was immensely relieved to find out it was just a nightmare. Later that same day I went to my grandmother’s house to tell her of the dream I had, so she can interpret it for me. My grandmother – like all the old people in my family – knows how to traditionally interpret your dreams and they are very accurate. The main symbolism in the dream was the short hair, and the tooth falling out.

My grandmother said that if you have long hair and you dream of having short hair, or vise versa, it means your life will change significantly soon. By “change significantly” what she meant to say would be how we idiomatically say in English that “A new chapter in our life is beginning.” That saying implies that an old chapter will end, and a fresh new one will begin. In a book, each chapter has it’s own theme and plot, and cast of characters. Or say we were at the theater house watching a play. During the play you have several “Acts.” The curtains close in between each Act. The scenery is changed, the theme is changed, and the story line is changed slightly. So that’s what my grandmother meant by “change significantly.”

She said that when you dream of teeth falling out and there is blood in your mouth or on the tooth, it means that a blood kin and/or family member will either die or go away far where you will never see them again. If there is no blood, it means that a close friend or lover may die or go away and you will never see them again. My grandmother asked me if I was romantically involved with anyone, since in my dream, there was no blood when my tooth fell out. She doesn’t know anything about my love life or preferences, so I just lied to her and said I was single. So she was a bit perplexed and said that I might lose a close friend I love dearly soon.

I once asked the old people in my family where they learn this dream interpretation stuff from. Here in the West when we want to learn about interpreting our dreams we go to the occult section of a book store and read one of those goofy dream interpretation dictionaries. I knew that the old people got what they know from the old people before them, who got it from the old people before them. But how did it first start? Where did the original old people learn this stuff from if there were no occult books in ancient times?

It was an honest question, and I thought it was a good inquiring question. But one of the old grandpas seemed to take offense to my ignorance of the matter. He seemed partly annoyed and partly offended by my question and answered me roughly: “What kind of a question is that? Do you have a brain?” I said: “Yes sir.” And he asked: “Do you have a life?” I said: “Yes sir.” And he answers: “You’re a Buddhist. Be mindful of what you think about in your head. Of what you wish for in your heart. Of what you dream about at night. And of your experiences in life. If you have dreams that have symbols and patterns that reoccur, and in your life you have events and situations re-occur after such dreams, then you can learn to correspond those symbols to the events in your life! What do I mean by being Mindful?” I answered roughly: “To pay close attention to the fine details of things.” And the old grandpa said: “That’s right. That’s where the old people learn this from. From being mindful of how their life works. And they teach what they learn down to their young ones, just as we teach it to you.”

Because these dreams come from Chitta – psyche or the unconscious mind – it means that usually the symbolism in our dreams are person specific. This means that if I dream of walking up hill and I have come to learn that it corresponds with financial difficulty I will soon experience in life, that interpretation won’t work for you. Why not? Because you are a completely different person with your own chitta than me. BUT, when a group of people live together or are close – such as family, kin, and intimate friends – our chitta connects to each other. And so in such cases, the symbolism may often end up having the same interpretations. But this is not always the case.

My aunt-mom and uncle-dad sometimes argues over the meanings of dreams. In our culture it’s something ordinary to share what we dream about casually over dinner or something, and the adults will try to “Gat” the dream. Gat is Khmer for “Cut.” When you “Cut” the dream up, you “Break it down” as we say in some English speaking circles. And you can verify what the symbolism means by showing how “Chot” the interpretations are. “Chot” – should sort of rhyme with the English words ‘Coat’ & ‘Boat’ – means when a Prediction is Precise and Accurate.

You show your interpretation is chot by waiting for real world events in life to come which matches up with meanings of the symbolism in your dream. For example, my aunt-mom. When she dreams about a person giving or offering her fruits or food to eat, she knows such person or someone will either lie to her or is not being honest with her. And in real life every time she has this type of dream, the person she saw in the dream always lies to her or is dishonest near the time frame of the dream. When things bad or troubling happens in my life, I usually keep it to myself. Especially if such bad things come from me hanging out with bad friends. During high school, she’d ask me question about what I do with my friends and I would lie. She would have dreams of me offering her fruits a few nights later, and she’ll come sit me down and tell me she knows I’m not being honest and demand that I tell her the truth.

There was this one time in my junior high years when my bad friends peer pressured me to smoke cigarettes with them during our lunch break. After smoking cigarettes with them I’d dunk myself in perfume to mask the smell so my aunt-mom won’t know. I got away with this for a couple month. Until one day my aunt-mom sat on my bed one evening just before I was going to go to sleep and she said quietly to me: “You know, I had a dream the other night your late grandfather came to visit me.” My late grandfather is her father who past away a long while ago. Ignorant, I said: “Oh, that’s nice. What did you dream about?” My aunt-mom replied: “Your grandfather told me he saw you smoking cigarettes and asked me to ask you about it. He said he didn’t like like you doing it. Are you smoking cigarettes?” I was mortified, and lying, I just said: “No. I’m not smoking anything. I’m good. I get good grades.” I was thinking to myself: “Jesus Christ. I can’t believe my dead grandpa ratted on me!” So my aunt-mom tells me the story about how my grandfather died, which I had never heard before.

My late grandfather was a heavy smoker, when he was 40 something he got a stroke and died soon after since at the time, the kingdom was very unstable and doctors were fleeing the country. In his death bed he asked one of his sons for one last cigarette. This son – my favourite uncle – refused to give him one and yelled at him saying: “You smoke yourself to death, and you still want one! I’m not giving you one!” My grandmother said my grandfather said to the son: “Please, just give your father one cigarette.” One of his daughters [an aunt of mine of course] was crying and handed him a cigarette, but my favourite uncle yanked the cigarette out of her hand and said to her: “Don’t you help him die!” He died with nobody giving him a cigarette. So his death and sickness was associated with cigarettes.

Anyways. A couple days later my aunt-mom comes in my room again. This time I know that she has special kinds of dreams. She says to me: “My dream I had last night tells me your lying to me. Are you smoking cigarettes? Tell me the truth and I won’t tell your little mom.” So I admitted that I was smoking, but that my friends made me do it, and I promised to stop doing it. My favourite uncle will kick your ass senseless if he sees you smoking because his father died from it; doesn’t matter if your just his nephew or niece, and not his own child. He’ll beat you silly, or he’ll just yell at you like he’s ready to kill you. That’s ‘tough love.’

So my grandmother had interpreted my dream I had for me. I knew pretty much who the person I was going to lose was. I just didn’t know how I would lose her. At the moment our relationship was fine and we were in love. I feared she then might die? So I often prayed for her to be safe. I had another sign of things to come given to me by my grandmother. She knows how to traditionally read your palm also.

A long time ago when me and my cousins were young we were at our grandmother house for a casual get-to-gether. I think I was still in junior high, early teens. One of my cousins had asked our grandmother if she knows how to read palms and our grandmother said she did. So all of us girl cousins went to sit close around her and handed our hands to her so she can read them one by one. When you’re a girl and you’re that young, the only question you have on mind is who you’re going to marry in the future. So we all attentively watched which lines she looked at and what they mean so we can see which lines meant your husbands and stuff.

If you look at the side of your pinky finger and move your eyes down to the side of your palm, to the place where your pinky goes into your palm, you will see a spot with some lines or one line. The spot is on the same level as the knuckle of your pinky finger, but you want to look at the side of your palm. Not your knuckle or the inside of your palm. If you make a gentle fist you’ll see the lines in this spot become creases which makes them easier to see. Traditionally the old people read your right hand, and they only look at your left for confirmation of lines.

Our grandmother had pointed out to us that those line in this spot means how many “Khu” you will have in life. We didn’t wait for her to read our hand after that, we quickly just looked at our own hands for the lines, giggling, and comparing. I had two and said out loud: “Oh my god, I’m gunna have two husbands!” And I showed the others my Khu lines. A cousin of mine said: “Dang! Grandma I got three! What’s that mean?” Our grandmother explained to us that those lines don’t mean husbands or wives or people you will marry. A Khu in Khmer means “Couple/Pair,” but it has a specific meaning. A Khu is the person Fate has paired you up with in life. You may not always “marry” them. But you are Fated or Destined to meet them, fall in love and stay together for a very long time. They aren’t typical lovers, boyfriends or girlfriend. In English the closest idea to a Khu is a “soul mate.” Khu is pronounced with a soft K sound. It sounds exactly like the French word “Coup,” as in Coup d’etat, but as a Frenchman would say the word natively.

If you have two khu lines like I do, it doesn’t mean you’ll have two people/lover at the same time. It means in life Fate has paired you up with two people. Or that in life you are destined to meet and be with two people in a long term relationship, during two different times. So if you have multiple khu lines, it naturally implies that one person you are Fated to meet and be with won’t last forever and must end before the time comes for you to meet the next one. The deeper the khu line, the more passionate the love. The longer the khu lines, the more years you will be together.

I showed our grandmother my khu lines and asked her to tell me more details. I have only two khu line and no little random lines in the spot. If you have little light random lines, those represent significant girlfriends and boyfriends. I have no other lines in that spot, just two very deep grooves, on both hands. Our grandmother said to me that I’m not the type of person to have random lovers. In my whole entire life, I will only be with two people. The relationships will both be very deep. But that I am destined to lose my first khu. My second khu line – the one below the first – is extremely long. It begins from the inside of my palm and stretches all the way to the back of my pinky knuckle. Grandma said that when the right time comes, I am Fated to meet my “real” khu in life, whom I will spend the rest of my natural life with. Sometimes in Life, Fate pairs us up with a khu only to teach us lessons which we will need for the next khu. A genuine “soul mate” relationship can’t happen, unless both partners are wise enough to know how to make that relationship work right. And Life teaches us our Wisdom the hard way: from direct experience and immersed exposure. Some lucky people are Fated to be with only one khu. It’s the people who have trouble learning the first time around, that are paired with multiple khus. The more khu lines you have, the more retarded you must be about Love in other words.

Pebbles

Anyways. With what I knew about my khu lines, and the interpretation of my distraughtful dream I had, I knew my long term relationship with my “someone” was soon coming to an end. I just didn’t know how it would end. Before I met my someone, I really was never in a long term relationship. She was my first “adult” relationship I had out of high school. I’m quite proud of myself for having the maturity to help make that relationship last 5 years. I knew inside, that my someone was my first khu I was destined to meet and be with in life, and that Fate will bring it to an end one day.

So as a Buddhist mindful of Life and causality, you pay very close attention to the Flow of the relationship. If things should change, that change must arise from a cause. And so the Flow of life or a relationship is very much like a river which flows. Undisturbed, it will flow smoothly. Only when an object has been introduced in that flow will you see/feel a disturbance in the Force/Flow. So if a relationship must change, you watch out for the “pebbles” Fate will throw into that Flow of your relationship as a signpost to tell you that Fate has come to do its job.

For 4 years our relationship was fine. Sure we had fights, but we made up and things went back together. The Flow was constant without much disturbance. It was about a couple months after I had that distraughtful dream that I sensed a disturbance in the Force/Flow.

I was with my someone at a casual house party with friends. Just hanging out, sharing food, and drinking. At one point during the party my someone got a phone call on her cell. She gets up and walks outside the apartment we were in. Never, ever, during my 4 years with her, has she ever walked out of a building to talk on the phone. Even if its a private conversation, she’ll just go to the room and slightly close the door. I had a curious look on my face seeing my someone walk out the door. Across from me was a trusted friend of mine who also had the same curious look. I look at him with my curious look, and flick my head towards the door, to nonverbally tell him to go outside and listen in on my someone’s conversation. My trusted friend immediately gets the hint, takes out his pack of smokes and quietly walks outside.

Several minutes later my trusted friend comes back and sits down and rejoins the party. A few minutes after that my someone walks back in also to rejoin the party. I slipped into the kitchen where nobody was present when my someone was occupied and my trusted friend quietly came to join me in the kitchen. Getting a beer for himself, I stand close to him. In my ear he says: “She sounded cheery. Lots of giggling. I heard the name ‘Marcos.’ She said she was at a party, and that she’d call him back later tonight. Some minutes of small talk followed.” He looked at me, as if to see if I recognized the name as just a mutual friend she and I had. I shook my head, and said quietly: “I don’t know him.” I gave my trusted friend a concerned look, and squeezed his shoulder, thanked him, and changed my face into a happy one and we rejoin the party. After the party, my someone eventually excused herself saying that she had to go to her mother’s house and won’t be back till late. I nodded and said that I should go sleep over at my little mom’s house anyways. I lived with my someone and her roommate part time, since I still stay at my little mom’s house at least once a week or so. I waited for her to tell me about her new friend Marcos… but she never did.

I have many old people in my family who worked in the politics sector when their old country was good. A lot of things I learn come from listening to the conversations they have together, and from what they will orally teach us when we sit quietly with them. I’m the only one of my girl cousins – and even boy cousins – who almost always attentively sits next to these old men when they get together and talk, because I’m just genuinely fascinated by the work they used to do and their experiences in life and being a member of a political regime.

One time during one of these gathering of old men at my grandma’s house one of the grandpas – a great uncle in English terms – had finished telling tales about his experience in politics. In the old country he use to collect information and intelligence for his regime he was a part of. I was sitting with the old men along with an older boy cousin of mine who was also very interested in the experiences and wisdom of these old men. This grandpa turns to my older cousin and gives him oral lessons saying to him, and the rest of us roughly: “In our Buddhist culture we have a saying that goes: ‘In life, never walk a straight path too straight and a crooked path too crooked.’ Which one of you young ones can tell me what that saying means?” We each tried to decipher the saying, but failed.

So the grandpa explains to us: “It means that in life, if you are to be successful, you must have friends from all walks of life. Good friends and Bad friends. So when you are in the company of monks and nuns, elders and people who are morally disciplined, you walk their path to fit in, but never as straight as they walk their path. And when you are in the company of bad friends, criminals, outlaws, and so on, you walk their crooked path to fit in, but never too crooked like them. So you each must learn in life to pay your respects to religion, to god, to Buddha, and the monks; but never too straight where you are no longer free. And you must learn to make friends in the underworld. Smoke like they smoke, drink like they do, talk like they talk, have your girlfriends and boyfriends on the side like they do; but never too far where you are not free. Understand?”

We nodded and my cousin asked the question: “But why does a politician need bad friends?” So the grandpa says roughly back: “Well, to get work done in the world of politics, you need a network of trusted friends who can do you favours. You may need the rich for their financial contributions. You may need friends who are journalists and scholars. You may need friends who are actors, artists, and musicians. But you may need friends who are thieves to steel for you. You may need friends who kill, to do work for you. You may need friends who smuggle to help you out. You need friends from every walk of life, if your regime is to have and maintain power.”

He went on to say further that: “Before an intelligent person makes a move or decision, they first need to have information. You cannot ever make choices in life blindly. You need to know the terrain of an area before you can make intelligent decisions to generate a successful outcome. And so in politics, you need to have eyes and ears set up in every level of society. That is why you need friends from every walk of life. So that you always have friends who can pass to you information from their level of society. Never make choices in life blindly, because you will have to eat your own consequences. Stupid actions makes stupid outcomes.”

If you pay attention to living cultures around the world, you’ll see that many of these cultures pass down their ancestral wisdom in the form of things called “Sayings,” and/or “Proverbs.” My own culture has hundreds of these. Each saying is a wound up, compacted, bit of folk wisdom born from experience. The cool thing about these compact “sayings” is that they have are easy to remember, and when you unwind them, they reveal a bit of cultural wisdom born from experience. For instance in English there is a saying that goes: “Easy come, easy go.” It’s “exoterically” simple and easily remembered.

The cultural wisdom is found in the “esoteric” interpretation. In this case, the meaning of that saying is that what we don’t put much effort into, we easily lose, or what comes to us without effort is easily lost, or we easily lose interest in. And that actually teaches you an old ancestral bit of wisdom. That if you want something to last, you must devote a lot of effort into that something. That things you have fought for and works hard for, you value more. For example we can compare ONA with a random start of Satanic group in cyberspace. Anton Long had devoted about ~40 years of effort into building up ONA. Whereas with many Satanic groups, all they do is simply create a free website or forum. And so we can see in real life that ONA has been around for 40 years, and isn’t going anywhere, but we have seen many other Satanic groups come and go in a matter of months.

The wisdom behind such saying is born from the experience of a culture or folk, and so, it must be verifiable by each generation’s experiences. In most living cultures around the world, the ancestral cultural wisdom is past down in such a manner, via “Sayings,” and “Proverbs.” And because these sayings are based on experience, it becomes such that the Old People – having the most experiences in life due to age – have the most collections of these sayings. And so, in my own culture; and many other cultures; we value our old people, because they really are a storehouse of your ancestral wisdom. It’s only in this sickened Western society that old people are disrespected and seen as being useless and “senile.” Because here in the West, in most cases we have lost sight/insight of our ancestral experience born wisdom and we have deified text book knowledge, theories, ideologies, knowledge sans experience, and so forth.

So with the little tidbits I learn from old people like this, I try in real life to put them into practice. And so, over the space of 4 years, I slowly made friends with people who were close to my someone. I knew where she worked, so I slowly made friends with people at her work place. I obviously knew where she lives, so I slowly made friends who lives in apartments across from her apartment. This way, I always have contacts – my eyes and ears – at her work place to tell me what she does at work. And with eyes and ears planted across her apartment, I can make a simple phone call or two to know exactly who comes and goes in and out of that apartment. These types of trusted friends are called your “Contacts.”

There is another class of trusted friends you make called your “Agents.” I learned how to make these types of friends in high school. When you are in high school and you are in the social competition to be popular you have many girls on campus who are all your competitors. To help you compete better you need to know what those competing bitches are thinking and talking about and doing and buying; everything. If you have a natural dharma for this type of social stuff you know that the bitch is going to talk and gossip her most intimate stuff to her best friend(s). So you keep an eye on those best friends and pick out the close friends of those best friends. This is because the best friends will naturally share shit with their close friends. You cultivate a friendship with the close friends of the bitches best friends. Those are your “agents.” With your agents, you have access to intimate details and information regarding your target person(s).

So at my someone’s workplace I watched who she was closest too, and I made friends with friends of the ones she was closest too to set up as my “agent.” And also inside her own circle of friends I also made friends with those she was close to. So after 4 years of this, I had a network of eyes and ears surrounding my someone. The only place she had any real privacy; where I didn’t have access to any information; was when she was in her car driving. Otherwise it just took a couple phone calls to find out what she was doing, who she was talking to on the phone, what things she tells her best friends which she doesn’t tell me, and who’s been in and out of her place.

This is where the practical importance of “codes” and ciphers comes in handy. I have private ciphers I use to write things in which only I know. The best kept secrets are the ones you keep to yourself. I keep all my names and numbers of my contacts and agents one of these cipher scripts. Also for each contact and agent I have a small file which lists each persons full name, information about them, things they like, their birthdays, and so on. This is for cultivation of friendship reasons. This way, I never forget a name or birthday, and I know exactly what my special friends like as gifts and so on. All this information is also enciphered because you just don’t want people knowing you have secret files on them.

From my agents I eventually learned that my partner had met this Marcos guy at a party, thru a mutual friend of theirs. It must have been a party I declined to go to, since I’m not all that into booze parties. I also learned eventually from my agents that my partner had told her best friend that she really likes this guy and talks about him often. I learned from my contacts at her work place that during her lunch breaks, she doesn’t even eat lunch anymore, she just spent the whole hour talking on the phone with this guy. To get confirmation I opened her cell phone bill one time to look thru every call she made and how many minutes they lasted. I threw the bill away since I didn’t know how to seal the envelope back. up. It was shocking to see hours upon hours spent on her part on the phone with this guy. And yet, she never has said a word to me about her new friend to me up at that point in time.

Since she is obviously intimate with her best friend, her best friend has even hung out with this guy and her. So since I had “agents” who were friends of her best friend, I eventually learned what Marcos looked like, what city he generally lived in, and the exact place he worked at. So one day I brought a trusted friend with me for a drive to go buy something at Marcos’s work place. I had two basic intentions to go see this Marcos guy in person. One was to read his character type to see what type of person I was dealing with. Two, I wanted to assess how big he was so I’ll know how many of my boy cousins I’ll need to kick his ass later.

Posing as generic customers my friend and I walked into this guy’s workplace to buy something and I had my trusted friend [also a girl] initiate a conversation with him and speak most of the time. If the guy did not know me, it told me that my partner has not told him about me or showed him pictures of us together. This meant she was keeping secrets from both me and Marcos. The guy did not recognize me at all.

This guy was pretty tall, a dark tan complexion, Mexican. Built body, and oddly very well mannered? I had assumed he was a dog type guy who hits on and flirts with the nearest girl he sees. But my assumption was oddly incorrect. My friend and I tried to subtly flirt with him, but he was unresponsive? When he talked to each of us, his eyes did not wander, they just stayed kindly fixated on our eyes. He was genuinely nice. When he talked to us, the tone of his voice wasn’t that of some guy looking for ass. The car he drove was normal. If it were fixed up, it would suggest he’s the type to flaunt and vaunt his ego. But his truck was a normal truck, and his attitude and way he carried himself and way he spoke did not show a guy who had an ego. It was a brief five minute conversation, and then my friend and I left. In the car I confessed to my trusted friend: “I feel like hurling right now, seriously. I fucking like the guy. He’s nice. I can see myself dating him. It’s fucking sick.” My friend also said that she thought he was cool and asked me if I was going to go thru with the plan of having my cousins beat the shit out of him. I shook my head and said that something wasn’t right. He might not be the one at fault.

The Unraveling

Around 6ish months after I had my distraughtful dream the day came when my someone finally told me about her friend Marcos. The night before she told me, my partner had failed to come home. It was a usual night I slept over. I stay at her place and live with her and her gay boy room mate, who is a mutual friend of mine, about 5 days out of the week. Never in the 4 and something years we have been together was she ever not home to sleep.

Usually the three of us – me, her, and our roommate “L” – have dinner together at the table as a ‘family.’ This is something I’m used to from my own family, so I instilled it with the three of us. That night my someone was late for dinner, and me and L had already cooked our supper and had set the table. It’s not right in my culture at least, to eat before everyone gets to the table, so we waited a while thinking my someone was just late. Or actually we were both in denial. We knew where she was.

After 45 minutes of waiting I get very angry because the food is now cold and she could at least call one of us to tell us she will be late. L says to me: “You think we should called her?” I thought about my options and their consequences for a bit and I said back to L: “You think you can call her? I don’t want her thinking I’m some control freak.” So L called her, and failed to get a connection since her phone was off. We looked at each other for a while in silence, and I just said that we should eat without her, so we did. I paced back and forth in our living room after dinner while L sat there. Then we went into our respective rooms.

I sat there on the end of the bed that night until 1 in the morning waiting for her to come home. Looking out the window sometimes. My heart was throbbing in a painful way. I was biting my nails and eating my fingers, pacing back and forth. Thinking about things I didn’t want to think about and trying to figure out ways to deny this was all happening. I had spent some time staring at her diary. I just needed to know. But I couldn’t read her diary because if I see it and know, I know my knees will give in and I’ll cry crazy. L came into my room and asked me if I was alright. I didn’t say anything since my mind was on that diary. I said to L: “L, come here and do me a favour please. Look thru her diary for me and tell me what you see. I can’t do it myself.”

L puts his hands up and palms out and says scaredly, shaking his head: “Oh god… Chloe, please, don’t make me do this. She’s my friend too. I love the both of you to death. If she finds out…” I interrupted him and said: “Just please, please do it. You don’t have to tell me anything. I won’t tell her about this, I promise. Just read it and see how far they went. If you she made an entry about sex just put the diary down and say to me “I’m sorry,” and I’ll know enough. That’s all you need to do. Please help me out. It’s not your fault, I made you read it.” I shoved the diary into his hands and was already crying. L just nodded his head slowly, looked behind him to make sure “you know who” wasn’t in the apartment, and he opened the diary to go thru it. I had my arms crossed tightly over my solar plexus and went to sit on the foot of the bed as far away from L as possible. My heart was throbbing in a painful way so bad it felt like bursting out of my throat. After a brief moment of silence L just says: “I’m sorry Chloe.” So I turned around, kneeling on the floor, to muffle my face in the bed and I cried that night the hardest I’ve ever cried in my life.

It wasn’t fair I thought. To be a victim of Fate. How Fate is not human, without human feeling. Yet it toys with our lives and makes us feel the pain that we feel, which it never will feel itself. And tears our family and friendships apart. It takes our old people away from us. Takes our lovers and friends away. Things we worked so hard to make and have in life, it takes away. It will never know how much it hurts to lose someone you loved more than anything in the world. Five years I invested my time, life, energy, all my love, all my passion, every inch of my flesh into this relationship with her, and my end Dividend is the most horrific pain you will ever feel as a human being, and the loss of everything you have worked so hard to build.

I had a dream once long ago about destiny. In the dream I was on some stage sitting on a stool. A bright spot light was shining on me. Everything else was pitch dark. I looked around to figure out where I was and noticed I was on a stage of some type? An acoustic guitar popped into my arms, and so I strummed its strings for a while. I didn’t know how to play a guitar. But I know how to play the violin which I loved. So I was wanting to maybe learn to play the bass guitar it has 4 strings like a violin. Then from behind me a female voice said as I was strumming the strings: “You know Chloe, you are destined to be a musician in life.” I looked behind me to find the voice, but went back to playing with the guitar I had. Then the voice came back and added something like: “Remember what I told you. You are destined to be involved in the music industry.”

I woke up that day at first curious about the dream. But as the day went on at school I became more enraged. The idea that there is some invisible force out there which controls your life made me feel very angry. I walked home extremely upset that day. I marched home fast because I had the determination to go home and do something. On my way home that day I made a promise to myself and Satan that from that day on I will never touch a musical instrument again. Never go within 100 yard of a music shop. Never make friends who play any musical instruments. Never make friends who are connected with the music industry. Never write lyrics and never write poetry that look like songs for the rest of my life. I got home and took my violin out of my closet and went to throw it away. I was afraid that I’d dig my violin out of the trash bin, so I took it out of its case and stepped on it until it was broken into many pieces. Letting out a rage inside me.

I felt a little better after that and I said to myself or Fate: “I’d like to see you make a musician out of me now. I’ll keep fighting for the rest of my life and never touch an instrument again. I promise that. We’ll see who wins.” The next day at school I told a friend of mine about my dream and how I triumphantly stepped on my violin into pieces! I said to my friend that day all proud: “I showed destiny who’s boss didn’t I!?” My friend had a sarcastic sense of humor so he said back, as he patted my on the back: “Good for you! Yeah you sure showed destiny who’s boss alright. I mean shit, fuck being rich and famous right!?” I thought what he said was funny so I laughed, but he didn’t get the point. The immature point is to show Fate who’s boss!

So after that night of me crying harder than I ever did, I cried myself to sleep alone. In the morning I went to make coffee with our coffee machine. So as I was stirring my 3 table spoons of sugar into my black coffee, guess who decided to come home finally? I look at her, since the door can be seen from our kitchen. I was honestly more than happy to see her. I wanted to run to her and hug her because she came back. So she walked slowly to position herself across from me in the kitchen. She had a weird look on her face. One of fear, guilt, and uncertainty. But a look of also wanting to say and express something. I made things easy for her.

As a Buddhist you’re aware or are mindful of the Flow of Life. You know and understand the concept of causation. And so just like a river, if you are riding in a boat in a river which is rough, you understand that to further add rocks and boulders into that river will only cause the river to become further wild than it actually is, which in turn will affect you. So it is the same in relationships. If things are fucked up or if someone has made a mistake, to yell and scream and call that someone names, would only cause things to be worse than they are, which in turn affects you. So, even though I knew everything by now, I understood enough that I should just let go and let things flow as they will without me agitating her or the situation.

I broke the odd silence by saying to her: “I made coffee. You want some?” She just shook her head and didn’t seem interested in coffee. So she says to me: “Baby… I have something to tell you, but you have to promise that you won’t get angry. Do you promise?” I said I promised. I was already feeling shaky in the knees, and my heart was twisting. I thought about sitting down, but I mustered up enough energy and calmness to stand up and keep my composure and a look of confidence. She goes: “Sorry I didn’t come home last night. I was going to call you but my phone died. I was at a party last night with some friends. We were drinking and smoking pot. I was too drunk to drive home, so my friends said I should just sleep over. You wouldn’t want me to drive home drunk would you?”

I said, trying to sound caring: “What, drive drunk? No, of course not.” In my head I added: “God forbid… you drive off a freeway bridge and die!” I stood there for her to continue, but she didn’t. So I helped her get the rest out by saying: “Is that all? Did you sleep on the sofa? In the tub? The kitchen?”

She reluctantly says: “In my friend’s room, but he slept on the floor.” She just stands there looking at me. So I said: “He? And then?” She continues and says: “And then I felt sorry for him, so I said he can sleep on the bed too, as long as he promised to stay on his own side. That’s all that happened. I love you. That’s all that happened, I swear. He was good. He stayed on his side of the bed until the morning. I just wanted to tell you. Remember you promised me you wouldn’t get mad.”

I snickered. It’s hard to believe she expects me to not be angry, when you know the person you have loved so much and to whom you have given so much of yourself to has been unfaithful and slept with another person secretly behind your back. And somehow you can’t be angry or mad or upset? But I kept my word and smothered my anger or hurt, and never raised my voice at her that day.

I wasn’t sure how I was feeling. I was actually happy to see her home with me. I just wanted to hold her, and forget about everything. But I was hurt, knowing how far things went between them and knowing that she took 6 months to tell me about Marcos. And angry that she would do this to me. I felt like stuffing her in the fridge or pushing her out the window. I just looked at her. When I said nothing for a while she said: “Can you say something? You promised not to be angry.”

I took a deep breath and collected my composure and rational mind and I said to her in a normal calm and understanding voice: “I can’t say anything baby. I’d be a hypocrite if I did. I snuck around behind your back too, and you forgave me. It’s not in my place to condemn you for anything. I’m just happy you’re home now. I missed you last night. I really did. I still love deeply and want you. If you still love me and want me too, then you’ll do what’s right. That’s all I can say. The ball’s in your court.” She replied quickly: “I won’t see him again. I’ll do what’s right.” So I gave her a tight embrace, and we both lightly cried… for different reasons.

Only a month later after what I thought was the end of her affair with Marcos, she didn’t come home for two consecutive nights in a row. Two whole days she didn’t call me or come home. And so, in our room, I got very angry and I threw things at the wall and broke a lamp. Our poor roommate L came in quietly to just clean up after my tirade. I rushed into our kitchen to drink out of a bottle of Tequila and then after I drank a bit, I just left to go for a drive. I didn’t bother taking my purse or license. I just went to my car and sped off that evening.

Sometime you genuinely don’t care. I just stopped caring. I didn’t care if I got pulled over, if I went to jail, if I ran people over, if I got into a car accident and killed myself. Actually I was hurt enough to feel like killing myself. I made it to the freeway amazingly without getting hit or pulled over. Then on the freeway I drove as fast as my car can go for two hours one way. When I feel very upset, I like to drive with the radio or music on very loud and scream and cry my ass off until I exhaust myself. In a car nobody can hear you or bother you. And you can cry your eyes and ass off. You don’t bug nobody in the car, or disturb anybody’s flow of life.

I drive to the Valley, the Burbank and Van Nuys area, where I was born and raised. I usually park my car in the neighborhood where the apartment complex I used to live in as a little child is at. Then I just walk by myself around the general area, reminiscing. I guess it’s my way of just emotionally or psychologically trying to find my peace. Where I am walking in a place where I was once a child. When I had no worries in life. When I had nothing real to cry about. When all my simple needs were met by the providence of my parents. Things were so simple back then. But Time takes that all away from you. And all you have left of that lost carefree paradise are faint and distant memories, and old dark streets. In the apartments I was raised in as a child, there is a little garden area with lights and a bench near the pool. It has a tropical feel and there are flowers of different types around the place. As a child I used to play there with my little friends. So I just return to that place and sit quietly in that garden. For a long time. I went home that night late, but relaxed and at peace.

And Old Guard in ONA once quickly asked me what is Peace. Perhaps partly to himself, partly to me. Peace in Khmer is “Soukh,” or as it’s spelled in Pali Sukkha. Sukkha means the state in which a thing is undisturbed, unagitated. If you picture a small pond, happiness is when the pond’s surface wiggles. Sadness is when the surface of the pond waves slowly. And anger is when the pond splashes about violently. All of those feelings are actual agitations of the ponds surface because its natural state is stillness. That stillness where you neither feel happy or angry, excited or depressed, hopeful or disillusioned, where you are just still inside of heart and mind, is Peace. Holding onto those agitations causes dhukka, because they don’t last forever. They come and then go. Arise and fall. You can’t live life chasing happiness around, because it’s not real and it doesn’t last. But neither does sadness last. It’s best to learn to Let-Go. To learn to allow the agitations to come and go. To feel the feelings and think the thought as they arise and fall. To let yourself experience them, but also let them go. Not to desire to hold on or look for them, or to fight them.

I went to sleep when I made it home. I slept by myself since “you know who” was gone. But I slept peacefully that night alone, knowing inside how things were fated to be and what I needed to do. I’d break up with her when she comes home and let her free to find her happiness. I suppose I learned something driving home that night. I had a couple hours to reflect on my 4.5 years with my partner. We started when we were very young. That age is such a “volatile” age because in such a short period of time you can change into a different person with different views and needs. And so since both of us began our relationship so young and since the relationship lasted so long, Time did a number on us and we both changed into different people.

She came home in the afternoon, after missing and not calling me for two days. I was in our room doing something. Packing up. She had stopped at the doorway and was staring at the hole in the wall I made the other night when I was throwing objects around, and watching me collect my things. I started our conversation by saying: “You gunna come inside and talk or just stand there?” As she walks into our room with a nervous and guilty look I get up to shut the door behind her and stand there blocking it so she can’t run out. She joins the conversation saying: “Can I just explain myself first before you go off assuming things?”

I said back roughly: “I’m not assuming anything. I don’t care where you’ve been. I put in four years of my life into this relationship. I gave you four years of me. Everything I was, and had, I gave to you. And you do me like this? Do you know how disrespectful this is? I’ve never been disrespected like this in my life by anyone. And my reputation? What are people gunna think of me, knowing I was made a fool by you. Letting you step all over me, like I’m fucking cheap and stupid. I’m not going to let you do this to me. At least have the decency to break up with me instead of dragging my heart around on the ground into your escapades like this. I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything like this to you. I’ve never cheated on you with another person physically. And during the 4 and a half years we’ve been together I’ve never once even fantasied about being with any other person but you. I’m guilty of emotionally wandering. That much is true. But I loved you deep enough to never hurt you the way you’re hurting me now. We’re breaking up today. It’s over. I’m moving out.”

So I walk out of the room into the living room to get some more of my stuff to put in my car. She had come out into the living room saying: “No, please! We just went hiking Chloe! It was far, my phone ran out of batteries! It was a hot spring up north. I knew you were busy the two days so I didn’t ask you to come along. I’m not lying. I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t leave me. I won’t see him anymore. I promise. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. It was a stupid mistake! I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I’m stupid. I won’t see him anymore, I promise. Please believe me. Don’t do this to me. Please don’t leave me. You think I’m a whore don’t you.”

She begins to cry on the sofa very bad. I’ve known her for a long time, and I’ve never seen her cry that bad before. I was caught by surprise because I thought she would welcome the break up? But she was crying bad and wanted to stay together? I got a little frustrated so I screamed out: “God! What are you doing to me!” But there wasn’t much I could do or say. Seeing her cry like that and me still in love with her to death made me believe her. So I cried too because I really didn’t want to lose her. That day I cried hard with her and we held each other for a long time tightly. After a very long while, we both calmed and I said: “No, I don’t think you’re a whore… you’re just human, like me. Do you really want to work this out? I still love you.” And she nodded and said that she did want to work it out and that she loved me too still. So I said to her: “Okay. I’ll work it out for us.”

There is an unfortunate thing that comes with the territory of being a self aware Satanist or ONA pupil or Buddhist with self awareness of ones Nature. You know you are human and that you have something called human nature. And you know your own lover is also human, with the same human nature. The same human mistakes made. The same human drives and impulses. The same human flaws. The same human urges. The same human needs, desires, fantasies. It’s irrational to understand this human nature, and to hate her simply because she is being human. It may hurt, what she does, but she’s human. When you truly realize this inside, it’s hard to condemn the other person for her mistakes and human actions. You just have no choice, but to take the consequences of her actions and be hurt. Without condemnation and judgment.

A couple days later I was parked in the parking lot where the guy Marcos worked at. I had been there for a few hours just watching. I was taking note of his work schedule. I did this for a few days during different hours, mornings, lunch time, evenings, until I got his regular schedule down. When I had his schedule down, I logged into my someone’s email account. After being with a person for 4 years you know everything about them. We both knew each others social security number, I taught her how to forge my signature to pay my bills, she taught me how to do her signature, we shared the same bank account for all for years, all our credit cards were under both our names. The only thing different was our phone bill. I had logged into her account to look for the guy’s email address so I can write him a brief email asking him for a favour.

In my brief email I just basically said to him something like: “You don’t really know me, but “you know who” whom you’ve been seeing for about 7 month has been involved with me for about 5 years. I consider myself to be an honourabale person, and I treat and see others I meet as honourable people until they prove themselves otherwise. And so, from one honourable person to another, I wish to simply make one request: that you find it in yourself to understand how I am hurting right now, and help me salvage my relationship. I’ll stop by your work place when you get off so we can talk things over. You don’t have to write me back.”

I waited a couple days later and parked my car next to his a few minutes before he got off work. When he saw me, he recognized me since my friend and I stopped by to talk to him once. I had brought to show him our picture album to prove to him that she and I were actually together. I asked Marcos if we can talk in his car. He immediately looked remorseful and nodded, opening his car door for me. He walks around the car and seats himself in the driver seat and I show him a few pictures to prove things. He puts his hands on his face and runs his hands over his face and hair, looking up. I really couldn’t say much or talk. I was an emotional mess. I loved her. I wanted to try to save our relationship. I was scared and didn’t know what Marcos would do with me too. In that situation there isn’t much else you can do but cry.

He said: “I’m so sorry. She never said anything about you or being involved in a 5 year relationship, I swear to god. I do consider myself an honourable person. I’m honestly sorry I hurt you and did this. I’ve never been the home wrecker type of guy. Had I known she was involved in a 5 year relationship I wouldn’t have done anything or taken things this far. I’m really sorry, I am. It’s no excuse, but I didn’t know. I was just reacting. She was the one chasing me. That’s no excuse either. I’m just telling you how things happened. I can’t undo what I did, because it’s done. But I want to help you save your relationship if I can. Just tell me what you need me to do.”

I said to him: “Just give me 30 days to try to work things out with her. If in 30 days I can’t make her stay, then I’ll step out of the way and let you and her be together with my full blessings, and not interfere in your lives. If you are just reacting and she is the one pursuing, then none of this is your fault and I don’t hold you accountable in any way in my heart. It’s not your fault. I just don’t understand why she would cause me this pain. Why she didn’t break up with me first, if she wants to be with you. I have no hard feeling or animosity for you Marcos. You’re a genuine and nice person, I can feel it. I’m asking you to please help me and let me have 30 days to try and save my relationship.”

He said back: “You don’t even have to ask. I’ll do better than 30 days. It’s over between me and her. You have my word, on my honour. I won’t see her, call her, return her calls or texts, or any thing after today. I’ll change my number even. I’m not going to have anything to do with her. You don’t have to ask for 30 days. That’s ridiculous. She already belong to you. I just fucked things up for you. I feel really bad. I hope you two can work things out.” So I said to him: “No. You don’t understand. You came into her life for a reason. It’s just the way things are. I can’t stay with her if she doesn’t stay with me. So there’s no point in both of us abandoning her. She’d be very sad, and I can’t bear to know that she’ll be sad. Just stay around, please. I’ll email you in 30 days to tell you how things went down. If I can’t save my relationship then she’s yours. She’s a wonderful person. She’ll love you deeply forever. Thank you for talking with me and cooperating. It means a lot to me Marcos.” I gave him a hug and wished him good night. Then I excused myself and went to my car to drive home. I slept nice that night with her next to me, believing things will be fixed between us soon since now there was no outside interference.

Only a week after she said she wanted to work things out, things finally cracked and exploded all over the place. Me and our roommate L were hanging out in the living room that evening. I was starting to feel happy again actually, since from my perspective, it was a beautiful week with my partner. I really thought things between us were going to be okay. Then she comes home that evening. She slams the front door shut hard and storms herself angrily into our room and slams that door hard shut too. L quickly excuses himself saying to me: “Oh god… I’ll be in my room if you need me.” I squeeze his shoulder and give him a kiss on the cheek to let him know I still love him, if thing go bad, and I walk into our room thinking she had a bad day or something. I was going to maybe try and comfort her.

When I step into the door, genuinely concerned, she yells at me very loudly and intensely, taking me by surprise: “Fuck you Chloe! And fuck Marcos too! I hate the both of you! Fuck you two!” A little confused at how she was behaving I asked her calmly: “What’s wrong?” She goes: “What’s wrong? He changed his fucking number! He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore! He doesn’t want to fucking hang out with me! He doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore! I went to talk to him and find out you two had a fucking talk! A fucking talk?! What the fuck did you say to him? Did you threaten to fucking get your cousins to lynch him? Fuck you Chloe! God fucking dammit, you fucking bitch!” Shocked, I said back: “What the fuck’s wrong with you? I thought you said you wanted to work things out just last fucking week? I told you I’ll work things out for us. I went to talk with Marcos and negotiated with him for us, so we can try and save our relationship.”

She goes: “What the fuck!? Negotiate? What am I, fucking furniture? The two of you were negotiating together about my fucking life!? I’m a fucking living person, fucking bitch! Let me fucking live my own fucking life, fuck! When were you going to tell me you fucking know him!?” So I yelled back at her: “Me!? Tell YOU I know him? When the fuck were you going to tell ME you knew him? I had to wait 6 fucking months before you decided to say shit!”

She begins throwing things and crying and being angry at the same time, and laughs while crying, she screams: “I fucking can’t believe this shit. Of course you knew from the beginning. When were you gunna tell me you know I was with him?! Oh that’s right, you don’t tell me shit! You keep secrets! I don’t know shit about you and your fucking life! But you know every fucking thing I say and do cuz you got fucking spies up my fucking ass! I can’t take fucking shits at work without your stupid spies telling you about it! What the fuck is wrong with you! Give me my fucking life back!! I can’t go anywhere, say anything, or do shit without somebody around me telling you! I’m fucking surrounded! I can’t take it anymore, you crazy fucking bitch! Leave me fucking alone please! I want to be free! Stop spying on me!!! I can’t trust anybody in my life anymore because of you! Just stop it!”

I said to her in return: “They’re not spies. They’re my friends too. I can’t help it if I have friends everywhere who fucking care about me enough to tell me shit you don’t! Did you get that?! How can you tell me just last week you want to work things out? And how can you cry when I tried to do you a favour and let you walk free and you begged me to not leave? And how can you want to work things out with me, and in only a week you’re back trying to contact Marcos?! What are you doing to me? I’m not gunna let you do this to me. I love you to death, but I can’t let you kill me inside like this! I’m sorry. I tried to save our relationship. I can’t stop you from going to him. You won’t stop yourself for me. You don’t know how much you’re hurting me! I don’t want to lose you, but there’s nothing I can do to stop you from going to him. I have to leave you. I can’t let you do this to me any longer. We have to break up.”

She had started to cry again, this time all the anger and frustration in her seemed to be gone. She just said back as she was sobbing: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to lose you. Just let me be angry for a while please. I’m just angry baby. It’s not you. I’m fucking angry at myself. I don’t know what I’m doing. Just let me be angry. I’m just frustrated. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Don’t leave me please.” I just sat by her really confused about everything. I loved her to death and can’t bear to see her sad, so I was crying myself, and we held each other tightly.

I don’t know what she was thinking in her head during that moment. In my mind I realized something awful. I knew her for a long time. We were friends before we dated and got serious. I loved her to death as a friend. I realized we fucked up that friendship by becoming more than friends. And now things were cracking apart. My heart has been broken into pieces because of this and she has become unhappy in our relationship. We didn’t really love each other any more, like we once did in the early years. But we were both afraid to lose each other? Why, I asked myself during that moment when I was holding her and crying. If we changed into different people over the 5 years, and if we don’t love each other as lover anymore, then why do we both have a fear of losing the other?

After a long moment of calming down and a long moment of just silently holding each other, I understood why we were afraid to lose the other, and when I understood I snapped forced myself out of character. I genuinely love her and genuinely wanted her to be happy. So I found the me I once was when I was her friend, long before we were a couple, and when we were both calm I explained it to her saying: “Listen to me. I’m gunna step out of character and speak to you as a friend I once was to you. You’ve been in a relationship for 5 years with the same person. Both of us have grown into different people with different needs during that time. We don’t love each other the same way anymore. But after 5 years together we’ve grown a deep familiarity with each other. And it’s that familiarity – that feeling of being used to the other person being there – which makes us afraid to lose each other. You can’t stay in a relationship you aren’t happy in. You have to trust your gut, and be tough, and allow us to separate apart, no matter how much it hurts or how afraid we are. It’s just that we’re used to each other. We just have to do it. I’m as afraid as you are. But we just have to do it. So we can each one day be happy.”

So, anyways, we both had stopped crying, but were still holding each other. She said softly in my ear as she was holding me, this time with a feel of clarity in her mind and self honesty: “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t think you’d find out. I thought it was just a one night thing with him. Just one time and I’d forget about it and we’d be happy like always. I just grew feeling for him. I didn’t expect to get those feelings. I didn’t want them inside me. It’s my stupid fault. It’s has nothing to do with you. I don’t want you thinking you can’t please me or something. It was just a stupid mistake I thought I could get away with. But those feelings developed. I really tried hard to fight them for you. I don’t want to lose you, but you’re right. I’m use to you being with me. We have to separate. I’m scared. I’m sorry for everything.”

I nodded and looked at her and said: “It hasn’t sunk in yet. It was a wonderful and beautiful 5 years. The best five years of my life so far, and I’ll always remember it. Thank you for sharing those years with me and the love you gave to me. You were the first true Love of my Life. Nobody and no relationship will ever replace that. I’m happy we lasted this long. It’s a miracle. We fucked up our friendship didn’t we?” She just laughs lightly to herself and puts her head back on my shoulder, taking a deep breath of relief as if she had been freed of something heavy she had been carrying. She ended our last conversation as lovers with the question: “Can we be friends again some day? When things have subsided?” So I gave her one last kiss and said one last time to her: “Of course. I promise. Just give me some time to heal. I’m gunna need some time when it all sinks in. But I’ll be back in your life as a friend, when the time is right. I’m going to change my number for you.”

She looked at me confused and asked what I meant. So I took from out of my little wallet thing; which I keep in my front pocket; several folded pieces of paper on which were written gibberish in a cipher. I said to her: “These are all of my contact and agent lists of the people I know around you who supply me with information about you. And this little piece of paper is the key to read the code. You’ll know each person. I’ll change my number so none of them can contact me again. Don’t be mad at them for anything they may have shared with me. They didn’t know anything. I promise and give you my word that I won’t talk with anyone of them again. I’ll hide away for a year to let what friendship I had between them die out. After today I won’t know anything about you in any way. I’m sorry I did this. You’re free.” She just smiled with gladness and appreciation at me, took the papers, kissed me, and put her head back on my shoulder again.

And we held each other in silence for a long while. Running my fingers thru her soft hair, holding onto it. You can feel the presence of Fate, thick like fog in the room. And you stop fighting destiny, and Let-Go of her, to be carried away from you. It was the autumn season of 2011. I love autumn. It’s a beautiful season. In the atmosphere is a ether of solemnity and melancholy. A charge in the air of quietude and reflection: Of spring’s crops fruited, and harvests collected. The Sickle, lain to rest. Of those ancestors, family, and friends who have fallen like autumn leaves. An aura of remembrance of lovers, husbands, wives, loved ones fallen apart. Of love turned from a passionate youthful green to yellow and orange, ripen with Fated age and fallen to the ground by wyrd’s tide and season’s flow. And we cuddled that cool season’s night one last time, before we fell apart, like leaves of liquid amber.

Flashback

Two years deep in my relationship with my someone I had a dream which agitated inside me, a deep restlessness. I was asleep in my room at my little mom’s house. In the dream I was driving my blue Lexus at night in a shopping plaza of some sort, driving out to the street to go home. There were cars in front of me to make their turns. So as I waited I looked to my right where their was a strip of about 4 shops and I see a Bakery. Inside the Bakery I saw someone in line buying something whom I recognized. I gasped with delight and said to myself as I was looking at her in the bakery: “Oh wow, Vanessa… I haven’t seen her in two years.” I parked my car in a lot in front of the bakery and sat myself on the hood of my car to wait for her to come outside. She turns to look outside the window of the shop and seeing me, her mouth opens wide and she points at me. I was happy with her reaction and waved at her, hoping she’d be happy to see me also and want to be friends again.

She walked outside with a surprised happy opened mouth and said: “Oh my god bitch!” I said back to her: “How have you been? I missed you Vanessa.” She had stepped closer, so I went and gave her a hug, and she embraced me back. It was a tight hold, and she said: “I missed you too bitch! I’m so happy to see you.” I asked her where she was going, and she said she was going to walk home. So I asked her to get in my car and I’d drive her home. I was looking at her in the car for a long time. Happy that I found my friend again. I said to her: “I’m so happy you’re here. I missed you so much.” I couldn’t help myself, and so I cried in the car. I cried so hard in my dream, I woke up in my bed crying hard.

In real life, I had not seen her for two years. We met during our high school years, and when we both graduated we were friends still for a year, before Life happened for the two of us and we drifted our separate ways. I had fallen in love with my someone and was lost in the moment of my relationship with her, so when Vanessa and I drifted apart, I never really thought of her or tried to keep in touch with her. But all of a sudden, out of the blue, I had that night an overwhelming feel of yearning and longing for her deep in my soul which verberated out across my whole body. I had never felt that feeling before. I sat there on my bed crying bad for some unknown reason. Eventually that intense soulful yearning faded into a feeling of missing Vanessa. In my gut I had the feeling that something was not right with Vanessa. Something was wrong, it was a nagging hunch. I looked at the clock, it was 2:35 in the morning. And I got up to write Vanessa a long letter confessing my every thought and feeling for her, and how badly I wanted to be with her.

I finished my very long letter to her at 3AM. I signed it with the time. Then folded the whole thing and held the letter in my hand as I walked around in circles in my room thinking. I laid out before me all of my possible options and tried as best as I can to live out in my mind each of their consequences, to see which path I want to take. I knew I was two years deep in a relationship, that I loved my someone deeply, and that she loved me back deeply as well; but I wanted Vanessa. And so I knew I had for myself a big dilemma. I paced around in circles until 7 in the morning. I figured that it would be foolish of me to make moves in the dark. I did not know Vanessa anymore as a person. Two years at such an early age as we both were can change a person drastically. I also did not know anything about her life. Not if she still liked other girls, or if she has a boyfriend, whatever. I had to collect information, before I can plan anything out and commit to action. So I hid my long letter in my closet, and quickly penned a short paragraph basically saying roughly: “Hey bitch, it’s me Chloe. I know it’s been two years and shit. My bad. I miss you and was thinking of you. I’ll just leave you my number, and the ball in your court. I was just thinking of the good old days before they ended. Bye.”

And so with my short letter done, I got ready, hopped in my car and drove to give the letter to her. Except I didn’t know where she was in the world. I know enough about Fate that if you sense your wyrd, you just have to some how put into motion any act which will bring you somehow closer to your end goal. Even if it’s just writing a simple letter and driving around aimlessly as if you knew where the person lived. You follow the hunches. At the time I lived half a mile from Disney Land. Just before we parted company she had moved to her grandmother’s house in the outskirts of Fullerton, which was only a couple cities down from where I was. So I drove myself to Fullerton. Once in Fullerton I aimlessly drove up and down every single street, to look at the cars in front of every single house. All I knew at the time was that she owns a white Pontiac. I knew this because I actually went with her to buy it. Initially she had asked me to help her buy a car by co-signing it since she has no credit. So I agreed, but at the time, I also had no credit and my little mom had to co-sign for my car.

After driving up and down a section of Fullerton, I had a better idea. Maybe she works during the day like most normal people? So I drove myself to every business in the area to check out their parking lot for a white Pontiac. If I want something, I have the patients of a spider. I can wait years, and I’ll plan out every possible way to try and get what I want. If one method fails, I’ll keep trying for years and years. So driving around aimlessly and looking at cars in business parking lots was nothing and not tedious for me. It felt more like hunting. You’re trying to track down the beast you want to kill, and you have very little information on it, and your hunting ground is the entire jungle. I had to take a break to eat lunch, after 6 hours of driving around aimlessly. I ate at a Wendy’s since their patties taste great, and sat in my car eating my lunch.

This gave me some time to think as I ate. I thought out to myself: ‘You’d think more people drove white Pontiac. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? If there were many white Pontiacs, I might not be able to tell which was hers. If I were a 20 something year old undereducated loud and obnoxious dike, where would I work at? Nothing sophisticated. I was thinking about something funny from our past when I thought about how Vanessa was not super bright.

Long ago, when we were both teenagers, Vanessa was going to go on a trip to New York City with her family. She told me with great excitement, since she had never left southern California before. I had asked her to bring me back a Pebble from New York since I collect Pebbles from different places I visit for keepsake. She said to me: “Yeah, of course. A pebble is like a rock right?” After laughing at her, I said caringly: “Yes Vanessa, a pebble is a rock, but a small cute one.” She goes: “So that’s what the baby’s name means!” I said confused: “Baby, what baby?” She goes: “Pebbles, from that one cartoon, The Flintstones.”

I got the idea of her giving me a rock from the first girlfriend I ever had. I met my first when I was around 16, and she was around 20. At the time I was working at an uncle’s coffee shop. One evening I see a girl in a flamboyant yellow Hindu Sari, complete with the jewelry and everything. It was an odd sight to see in the middle of our city. I said to myself: “Wow, she’s crazy. I hope she doesn’t come in here and talks to me.” She did come inside and talked to me. I learned form talking to her that she’s not Indian, but half Hawaiian and Half Filipina. I told her what I was, and we had the Asian part of us in common. She was a bit taller than me, dark complexion, but not too dark, and she wasn’t skinny, but not chubby. She was also amazingly smart, which caught my interest. She saw the ivory Buddha I wear and asked me to tell her about Buddhism, so I did. After we talked for a couple hours, she reluctantly leaves the store, looking back before she walked out the door, almost walking backwards. I was too scared to ask for her number or anything because at the time I didn’t know how to tell if a girl was gay or not, or at least I wasn’t yet sure. But 20 minutes later this girl called me up on the store phone. She explained herself saying that she felt stupid for not asking me for my number so she called 411 to get the store’s number to call me up and ask me for my number. I gave it to her.

We hung out together a few times during which time we each talked about being having experimented with other girls; or she had girlfriends in the past. So we were fully aware what we each were or what our preferences were. I said I never had a lesbian relationship before and that I was too scared and didn’t know how to start one. So, after a week or so, she invites me over to her apartment for dinner, which she was going to cook for us. At her place she showed me around. She had a collection of books and loved to read. She also had an acoustic guitar and wrote songs. She showed me her poetry and songs, and played her guitar and sang me a few of her songs. I told her I really liked her songs. So she said that she wasn’t sure if I liked her music or not, but since I like it, she had a surprise for me. She had written me a song, inspired by the short time we spent together, and she sang it for me as she played the guitar. So I fell in love with her during that song. She went to go cook for us. As she was cooking I was going thru her stuff. I found a round metal container, like it was a hat box, and asked her what it was. So she said to just open it up and look inside.

Inside were a big collection of pebbles. She came by to place the round box on the coffee table and picking up some pebbles said to me: “I love collecting pebbles. I pick one up for every new place I visit, and one for every significant thing that happens in my life.” She picked one up to show me and said: “See this one: I rode a train with a bum friend of mine. We jumped the train and just rode it wherever it took us. When we hopped down, I picked up a pebble to remind me of that experience.” I asked: “You remember the story behind each pebble?” She said she remembers every pebble and their story. I was holding a chocolate brown pebble in my hand. It was smooth and looked cute like a quail egg. I told her I really like this one cuz it’s like a quail egg. She asked me if I wanted to have it and I said yes. So she took it from my hand and told me to hold out my hand and she’ll give it to me, and she says to me: “In penguin society when the boy penguin likes a girl penguin he gives her a pebble, and if she takes it, it means they’re married.” I thought her idea of collecting pebbles was fascinating, and that the penguin bit was really clever. So I looked into her eyes, understanding, and took the pebble from her, then gave her our first kiss.

During dinner she was telling me that when I talk my English, it sounds like what Hawaiians called “Bamboo Pidgin.” I asked her to explain what that was, so she said it was just a dialect or accent of English the native surfers in Hawaii have, or something like that. She talked like it for me so I can hear what it sounded like. I told her I never realized I had an accent of any kind since I was born and raised in California. We didn’t last long together. But to this day, I still have the pebble she gave to me.

So I had asked Vanessa to bring me back a pebble for this “secret” reason. I wanted her to give me a pebble so I can accept it, to secretly mean that she and I were “married.” She did bring me back something. I wouldn’t call it a pebble. More like an actual rock, since it was the size of your fist. I said to her: “Vanessa, this isn’t pebble, it’s a rock, but I’ll accept it!” She said: “Sorry, I totally forgot, so on my last day when I remembered, I just ran outside the restaurant we were in and grabbed the closest rock for you. Here you go.” I asked her to tell me what she saw and did in New York. There was this one funny part – if you were there – where she explains: “And then we took a boat to see the lady with the fire in her hand.” I said confused a bit: “What? Lady? Fire?” She tried to “clarify” things by adding: “You know, the blue lady on that one island.” After laughing at her I said: “You mean The Statue of Liberty?” She goes: “Yeah! It was big, and you can ride an elevator to her head!”

So after lunch and after reminiscing about Vanessa, I suddenly remembered that one time I dropped Vanessa off at her cousin’s house in Fullerton! But the time I remembered this was in the day, and I dropped her off in the night. I’m the type of person to tell direction by looking at the scenery, buildings and trees. If I get taken to a place once, I can remember how to drive there myself, but only during the time I was taken there, or I’ll get lost. So I drove home to wait for the evening to come, before I set out to find her cousin’s house. In the evening I drove myself based on what I remember to her cousin’s house. I got the street right, and eventually found the house I had parked in front of when I had dropped off Vanessa that night long ago. I parked my car to take a walk down the street to write the name and address down, so I can find it during the day time.

The next day I drove myself to the same house and knocked on the door. A person I assumed to be her aunt answered the door, so I said: “Hi, I’m an old friend of Vanessa? I lost touch with her a while ago. May I ask if her cousin still live here?” The lady said: “Oh, yes her cousin lives here still. She’s at work right now. I’m Vanessa’s aunt. Did you want her number? I can give it to you.” I said: “No ma’am. Do you know where she works at? I thought I’d surprise her and drop in unexpectedly? I’m Chloe; I don’t know if she brings me up or anything.” The aunt said back: “Oh, Chloe. Yes, I’ve actually heard her say your name a few time when my daughter and her hang out here talking.” Her aunt was cool and told me where exactly Vanessa worked, and gave me Vanessa’s number just in case. I thanked her aunt and left straight for the Albertsons where she worked at.

I parked my car and like a spider, waited patiently, for a white Pontiac to park. I could have called her, and I can just go talk to her in person. But this would cause an awkward feel if she didn’t want to be friends again. So my best option was to give her the freedom and time she needs to think things over, by placing my short letter into her car.

At around 11AM I saw a white Pontiac park under a tree just a ways in front of me, at the edge of the parking lot. I saw her with her red hair walk out and I sunk myself low into my seat to keep from being seen. Seeing her made me remember that dream I had which brought me here. She hadn’t changed in any way. Still was the cute-beautiful Vanessa I remember from two years back. But the way she walked and carried herself told me things inside of her hand changed.

When I knew her that year before we parted company Vanessa had the look in her eye of a person who was ignorant and short sighted with Life. Blase about how Life worked. Somewhat still “innocent.” After two years, she walked and carried herself with a sense of confidence and professionalism. With an attitude to her walk as if she now had some sense of direction in Life. The look in her eyes as I saw them from afar and how she looked out at the world as she walked to work told me she has had troubling experiences in Life these two past years, which although perhaps painful, may have wisened her up. I was proud of myself. Only a few days earlier I didn’t even know where in the world she was, and it only took me two days to have her in my “crosshair.” I waited for an half an hour, to make sure she was inside and working. It was summer and she left a little crack in her window on the driver side. So I slipped my letter into her car, and drove home, to wait, for the beast to move in closer on her own accord.

The very next evening she texts me, to my utter jubilation. She just briefly texted: “Hey bitch! Missed U. Will call 2maro. Promise.” Then a few second later another one from her saying: “We need to talk. Good nite.” So I just texted her back a simple “Okay. Missed U.” The next day she had called me as she promised. She seemed genuinely happy that we found each other again. We just went right into talking about the “good ole days,” and ended our many hours long conversation with a coffee date proposal to catch up. I gave her my schedule, and asked her to give me her work schedule, when she was off and what hours she worked. So we scheduled a day to meet up.

Armed with her work schedule, I was back in the Albertsons parking lot during a time she was not present for work to walk around the inside of her work place to scope everything out and take mental notes of what type of people she worked with. I was looking for a contact to make friends with, so I can have a person to feed me information about her whereabouts and doabouts and sayabouts. I just can’t make decisions blindly, and although she may tell me information about her life, I need different perspectives.

I have a basic profile for the most likely person to make friends with who would be my contact. The person is in physique my opposite. I’m female, and mostly like a male would be more open to want to be my friend. I’m thin, he is chubby. Typically White, or mixed with Mexican given the environment. Not a “freefloater” meaning a generic secular person not associated with any subculture. He is in his late teens or early 20′s. Not gay, but he will have some sort of discomfort or issue with his sexuality and security, meaning he may be shy with girls in a sexual way, or he shies away from flirtation. So he won’t be the “macho” type of guy. He will most likely cover up his sexual discomfort and insecurities with a facade of intellectualism. He will not be very assertive. So when he talks or wants something such as hang out, most likely he will be the type to end such requests in a question and not in an assertive statement.

So I walk around and smile and say hi to all the employees I walk by for a “stick.” I’m not sure how to explain the feel of a “stick.” It’s like when you step on soft gum in the summer. You feel a soft stick on the bottom of your shoe. I’ll act like I’m shopping or looking for items and walk close each employee, so my “aura” is inside their sphere of comfort, which is when I say hi and smile. Then I slowly walk away. If the target guy or girl says hi back with a smile and eye contact, and adds a comment to keep me in his presence, that’s an initial sign of a stick. I’ll react to the comment in a friendly manner and slowly walk away to see if there is a stick. If the target person continues to try to add more comments or ask me questions to get to know me better, that’s a stick. You need that stick to develop the rapport. The best stick is a person who when seeing you smile and after you say hi doesn’t ask you if he can help you find something. If he says that, he’s only doing his job. It’s the guys or person who, after you say hi, will say things or make comments which has nothing to do with the work place or his job.

After walking around and saying his to many employees, I got a stick. He was a guy who seemed to fit my profile in general. I walked up close to him slowly as if to look at the produce next to him, and looked at him, smiled, and said hi, then stayed for a few seconds. The guy said back: “Hi… hey check this out.” He takes a tomato he was holding, places it on his right shoulder, and makes the tomato roll down his arm and flicks his hand so the tomato lands in a spot on the pile of tomatoes. I was actually impressed with his little trick. So I laughed, clapped and said: “Wow, that’s impressive! How many years of working here before you learned to do that?” He acts depressed, looks down, and said jokingly: “I lost count.” So I laugh at his sense of wit. He wasn’t skinny, but not chubby, looked White, has black partly unkempt hair, wore glasses, but didn’t look like a nerdy or geek type character. He looked like he’d be into the skater subculture, or perhaps more of the video gaming culture.

I was trying to find anything about him I can use to generate a common ground with. I had to use his appearance, so I said: “You look like you could be Russian?” The employee looked surprised, nodded, and said: “Wow, yeah! My father’s Russian. My mother’s Mexican.” I said: “Zdrasvootie ‘Comradski!’ I’m part Mexican too, part Asian. I have Chinese in me.” My new friend laughs and says “Zdrasvootie! That’s awesome! How did you guess?” I told him about my friend James, who is all Russian. My friend James makes home movies with his friends. One of his vampire movies made it to late night cable. He does drugs and is constantly paranoid that the Russian Mafia is after him, because he owes people money. So I’m familiar with the “Russian” look.

I asked him if he knows any Russian, and told him I only know how to say hello. He says that’s all he knows too, but that he was an exchange student once and spent some time in Leningrad. When I heard him use the name “Leningrad” I immediate dropped Communist memes into our conversation to see if it catches. He takes the memes and we end up talking about Communism. To help establish a feel of commonality and familiarity I reminded him that China is a Communist state, and I pretended to be very into Communism, as he was.

His name is Donovan. I gave him my second first name, which is Khmer. This was because you don’t want the person you’re collecting information on to know you have a presence in the store. Not many of my friends know, or bother to want to know my whole entire full name. He was the perfect type, just like my profile. I tried to throw at him a couple subtle flirtatious comments to see how he would react. He laughs nervously and diverts his eyes, than continues to talk intellectually things. He was also not very assertive. He would be the type to do favour for you and do as you ask. After getting to know each other, we traded numbers. I learned he smokes pot, so I said I’d be in town tomorrow and we can hang out when he’s off with his roommates, smoke out and chill. He really liked the idea, and I got my contact. I hung out with him and his friends the next day to solidify the friendship.

On the day I was to meet up with Vanessa for our coffee date, she called me and gave me directions to her place. I was to drive to her place and the call her so she can come get me and show me around her apartment. I told my partner I was in a relationship with that I was going to be out on family business stuff for a few hours. So I drove to her place, nervous inside, and excited.

I called her and she came out to get me. We embraced tightly not saying anything. I felt like squeezing her to death. She said softly in a very unbearable way: “God, I missed you so much.” The way she said it sent chills down my spine. I said back: “I missed you. I’m sorry I’ve been gone Vanessa.” She said: “It’s okay bitch.” So we held each other a while longer. Then we looked at each other to make sure we both looked the same as we did two years back. Happy, she said: “Come on bitch, I have to change out of my work clothes.” She grabs my hand and leads me slowly to her apartment and I explain my business in me coming back into her life. I said to her: “Listen Vanessa. There’s a reason why I’m back out of nowhere like this. A few nights ago I had a strange dream about you. And I woke up feeling like something bad has happened in your life. I had to come find you to see if you were okay. Are you okay?” She stopped walking and stood there with her mouth open surprised and said to me: “You had a dream and knew something bad happened?” She stood there quiet and surprised, then continued saying: “Listen… I’ll explain everything to you over coffee. It’s over. I’m fine now.” I nodded and said okay and pull her so we can start walking again.

It’s a nice apartment. Two floors. One bedroom and half a bathroom, laundry room and garage is down stairs. Upstairs are two bedrooms, a full bathroom, kitchen and living room. As I walk in, Vanessa yells out into the bedroom near the entrance: “Anthony! Come here, look whose here.” Anthony comes out of his room and says to me after he recognizes me: “Chloe! How the hell are you!” Anthony was a mutual friend our ours way back when we were teenagers. Apparently she kept in touch with him and they were roommates. He would be a geek in school. He is chubby, but it works for him. He is an introvert, so he doesn’t say much. He has a few pimples, and he’s a freefloater, meaning he just doesn’t have any subcultural interests of any type. He’s just alive. I tell him I’m doing fine, and Vanessa goes: “Anthony, can you show her around, I need to change.” So Anthony takes me upstairs and literally goes, as we stand by the stairs: “Here’s the living room, that right there is the kitchen. Bathroom over there. Across the bathroom is Vanessa’s room, and that’s the Empty Room.” I looked at him and asked: “Empty Room? What’s the empty room for?” He says: “Ah… maybe Vanessa should tell you. I don’t want to get in trouble for saying things I shouldn’t. She uses it as a smoke room though since she’s too lazy to go outside at night. Anyway, have a seat. I’m gunna go back downstairs and leave you two alone.”

We went to the coffee house which was a real house once, turned into a coffee shop. It had tables in the front yard. We buy our coffee and go to mix the stuff in. She looks at me mix my coffee curious and says: “What are you doing?” I like three table spoons of sugar, lots of milk, dashes of cinnamon and dashes of nutmeg. I said: “Try it. It tastes good. I tried to smoke nutmeg once cuz I had a friend who smokes a lot of it and he saw things.” I hand her the cinnamon and nutmeg as she asked me if I saw anything from smoking the nutmeg. She mixed in the stuff and I said I didn’t smoke enough to see shit. It just gave me a headache.

Outside we sit at a table and immediate begin to catch up. She asked me about my two years, so I explain to her in detail everything that happened in my life during those two years. I didn’t tell her about my two year relationship. Then it was her turn. Basically during the two years what happen was that first Vanessa moved out of her mother’s house because she wasn’t getting along with her stepfather. She moves to her grandparents house in Fullerton. Her gay uncle who is ten years older than her lives at this house too and the two of them become close friends and hang out. Vanessa eventually becomes infatuated with her uncles best friend M who is about 10 years older than her. M and Vanessa talk and they become close. One day Vanessa feels the need to get something off her chest. And so she goes to tell her gay uncle about her feelings she has for M, and wants to know how he feels if she and M got together.

The gay uncle – being the fag he is – gets bitchy and says he doesn’t want her to be romantically involved with his best friend M, because that’s his best friend, and because he knows how she really is. The two of them get into a bitch fight over M. The next day her uncle tells his parents – Vanessa’s grandparents – that she is gay and has promiscuous sex with other girls ten years older than her. Being devout Catholics, Vanessa’s grandparents kick her out of the house onto the street because she’s gay. With nowhere to go, she moves in with her cousin; who lives in the house I went to to find Vanessa. Things go well for a while. But her cousin and the cousin’s mother doesn’t get alone well. One day the cousin and the mother get into a bitch fight and Vanessa – standing in the hall way – hears her cousin say to the mother: “I hate you! You’re such a fucking bitch! You treat Vanessa better than you treat me. You know how fucked up that is?!” Not wanting to be a cause of problems between the cousin and the mother Vanessa moves out of that house.

With nowhere to go she ends up staying at a guy friends house named A. She thought A was safe. Safe in Lesbian talk means guys you feel will be your friend and won’t try to get into your panties. When she got to this part, Vanessa began to leave out a lot of detail. All she says is that one day when the two of them were drunk, she accidentally got pregnant by him. Not wanting to have his baby and not wanting to be a mother at that young age, she aborts it.

Later they move out with Anthony into their own place. Things were okay, until one evening A is drunk and goes into Vanessa’s room to demand what they were to each other. Vanessa says that she is a Lesbian and that there was nothing between them, it was an accident, and that they are only friends. A punches her and she find herself on the floor of her bedroom with A on top of her choking her. Anthony, hearing the commotion, came upstairs and seeing A choking Vanessa, pulls him off of her. The two boys fight. Anthony is big boned and is bigger than A. A gets his ass kicked and Anthony tells him not to ever come back. Vanessa and Anthony throw his belongings to the street. On the good side, Vanessa has been working at Albertsons for a while. She started as a bagger, but over the years worked her way up to higher ranks in the store. She said that as soon as she was kicked out of her grandparents house something inside of her clicked. She just knew that whatever happens she has to be mature enough to keep a job and work her ass off to climb rank in the store for her own good so she can survive on her own somehow. That brought the two of us up to date.

I felt very bad, and excused myself, telling her that I was very sorry that I wasn’t around to be of any help. I didn’t know. I felt horrible. I asked her if she wanted me to call my cousins up so they can lynch A. But she said that it would only make matters worse, because he hasn’t come around since that incident. So I dropped it. She was sitting there for a while and she asked me: “How did you know something bad happened in my life?” I said: “Cuz we’re connected bitch. I really don’t know how actually. Were you thinking about me any time during those tough times?” She answers: “Yeah, I was. Lots of times. When my grandparents kicked me out, I thought of you. Just wondering how you were doing. And then when I wanted to move out on my own, I thought of you because I originally wanted me you, and A to live together.” I said: “Maybe that’s why I got feelings something was wrong in your life?? It wouldn’t have been good if I was living with you and A. There’s no way I can fight a guy off you. I guess Anthony was Fated to be your other roommate for a reason?” She said: “Yeah, Fate. Do you believe in Fate?”

I tried to figure out the right thing to say to her to answer her question. I said: “No. I honestly don’t want to believe in Fate. But I don’t believe Fate cares how I or anybody believes one way or the other. If it’s real, it’s real. Like how gravity is real, whether we believe in it or not. I can always drop an object and know it will always fall somehow. Like how the force of Love is real. Doesn’t matter if we believe in it or not. We can’t see it, or prove it. But we feel it and are influenced by its force. If Fate is real, we can feel it move, see it’s influence in our lives, and predict future events with it. I remember during the year we last were friends before we separated that you told me you had gone to see a psychic with your mother and you came to tell me that the psychic said that one day soon you’d be pregnant? Remember how we both laughed and thought it was stupid because you’re gay?” Vanessa nodded and said: “I was thinking about that same psychic prediction when I was pregnant. It was fucking crazy.” So I asked her: “Do you believe in Fate?” She nods her head and says: “Yeah, definitely.”

We kept it at coffee and catching up that day. I drove her back to her place to drop her off. We share a cigarette outside by her door. I don’t smoke by myself. But like the old men in my family says: “Walk a crooked path, but not too crooked.” Afterward we gave each other a big and long hug. She kisses me on the cheek and says: “I love you bitch.” So I said: “I love you. It’s good to have you in my life again. I’m sorry I came a little too late for all the action. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I drove home that night with many mixed emotions and thoughts. Things had just become far more complicated than I had expected. I was involved in a two year relationship with someone I love, and I was officially sneaking around her back now. I wanted to be with Vanessa. Vanessa wants to be with some other girl named M. She didn’t want me the way I wanted her. I wished I could do something to make her want me like I want her. To make her forget about whoever M was. All this wishing reminded me of something that I did a long time ago.

During the last months of our school years I began to fear that I might not ever see Vanessa again. Because after high school, you grow up, and your life changes, and you might not see your old friend ever again. During my high school years I spent a big part of it into the goth subculture. And so I hung out sometimes with the weirdo crowd who were into the occult, Wicca, and Satanism, if I wasn’t hanging out with the taggers and Asian gang members. All of my friends at the time knew I was into Satanism. So, fearing I’d never see Vanessa again I decided to try and throw a magic spell on her.

Whenever I hung out with her at her house or at our friends houses, I’d often “help” her remove the loose hair she has on the back of her shirt, and I’d put the strand of hair in my pocket when she wasn’t looking. Or I’d ask to borrow her hair brush, and I’d be helpful and remove her hair from the brush first before I use it, and I’d slip her hair into my pocket.

This one time in her room, I had removed some hair from off her back and slipped it in my pocket, but she caught me doing it and said quickly: “Bitch, what are you doing with my hair?” I said, taken by surprise: “What!? Nothing. I’m gunna save it and throw it away later. Relax.” She said smiling: “No bitch, I don’t trust you. Give me back my hair!” So I laugh at how she was reacting and I said: “It’s just hair Vanessa, what could I possibly want with your hair?” She goes: “You’re gunna fucking do a love spell on me bitch. Give me back my hair!” So I gave her back her three strands of hair to make her feel better and I said: “You have to remember this: I would never throw a love spell on you. If I wanted you to fall in love with me, I’d want it to be real.” She laughs and says: “God, fucking bitch. I swear I’ll kick your ass if I find out you have a big wad of my hair at your house.” I ended that topic by saying: “Shit, I’d take you down in three moves Vanessa.”

But I did have a big wad of her hair, and other things I collected which belonged to her. I collected a key chain charm she threw away. It was one she got at Disney Land which was a little clear glass rectangle with bubbles inside it that made a heart. I also one day saw how the bottom parts of pants she had on were tattered and torn since it drags on the ground. So I told her to cut it cuz it looks ghetto. She does and throws the pieces of her pants in her trash. When she stepped out of her room for a bit, I went to collect it.

At home I made two three inch sized dolls. I stuffed one with her hair and the other with my hair. Inside each I placed a crystal for the doll’s heart. I had little pieces of parchment paper and on them I wrote her name across and my name vertically, so that our two names were together forming a cross pattern.

I placed the two pieces of parchment paper on a plate, plastic over the plate and then I place parts of a cooked chicken and other food I found in the fridge. Then I took the plate with some incense outside at night with a bottom of Hennessy I found in the house. I went across the street to this one empty house lot which had an old abandoned house in it. The house is half gone since it is old and burned down or something. The big lot had many big trees and tall grass and weeds grew everywhere high to your knees and over. I had placed my items between the wall of the old house and a tree which had its branches and leaves form a little canopy, so the area was like a “cave.” I lit three sticks of incense and called the feral spirits and guardian of the land eat and drink and said to them: “I’ve brought you all food and liquor to eat and drink. Please don’t give me any misfortune. I came to ask you all for a small favour. I have written my name and a name of a friend of mine on two pieces of paper beneath the food. I ask that you make it so that no matter what happens in our lives, Vanessa and I will always find each other and come back together.” I poured some of the liquor on the ground when I was done.

In the morning I went to fetch my two pieces of paper. That night I put the paper each into one doll. Inside each doll, I places a magnet. I placed the two dolls face to face, then I took black thread and slowly began to began to slowly wind the thread around the two dolls to bind them together. As I slowly did this, I just say over and over again: “No matter what happens in our lives, Vanessa and I will always find each other and come back together. Like two magnets pulled apart, drawn back together.” Then I placed the bound dolls in a silk pouch, and the pouch, and the pouch inside a little black box. Inside the pouch I place whatever little items I collected from Vanessa, plus paper clips, rubber bands, more magnets, a little bottle of super glue, bubble gum, and anything else that fits which has the theme of sticking things together. I keep the black box in a safe place. I wanted to do this spell – if it even works – because I know that if Time gave me a chance, I can make Vanessa fall in love with me on my own. But I just need it so that she never is far from me, no matter what happens in life. I can patiently wait, like a spider, for how ever long it takes, for Time to just give me that one chance with her.

I only hung out with Vanessa around twice a week. At the time I was living at my little mom’s house and only sleeping over at my partner’s place two or three times a week. So I didn’t need to make up excuses to be gone from my someone. I hung out with Vanessa on the days I slept at home. The more often Vanessa and I hung out, the more obvious she was all over M. M was all she talked about with me.

After hanging out with her for 3 months the sexual tension came back. I really like the feel of that moment when that tension arises because the flirtations generates more intense feelings. They make your heart throb and your blood warm. But nothing really physical or sexual comes of it yet because your not a couple. I love to draw out this period of tension as long as I can, just to enjoy it.

There was this one time when me and Vanessa were at her place in the evening. She was making us some pasta for dinner. We were just talking and drinking red wine while she was making the pasta. There was 80′s music in the background since she likes that stuff. So we were sitting next to each other side by side eating our plates of pasta talking and watch a movie. During the good parts of the movie we usually stop talking and watch. So I was watching a good part and eating, and I look at Vanessa and notice she’s looking at me funny, with a half smile, and a look in her eyes like she wanted something. So I said: “What?” She goes: “You eat sexy.” So I said: “Really? Eat like me so I can see.” So we both giggle and she tries to mimic how I eat. We laugh. Then she says in a bedroom voice: “How do I eat?” I said: “You’re hot when you eat.” She goes: “I am? Eat like me. I wanna see how hot I am.” So I mimic how she eats and she giggles loud. Then she goes: “What’s the difference between hot and sexy?”

So I explained to her: “Sexy is like when a girl is wearing an elegant evening dress that hugs her body. Her dark wavy hair is nicely brushed and flows down her bare back. And she has strappy stilettos on and a thin silver necklace. And you can’t take your eyes off of her. Watching her move and talk, and running your eyes up and down her curves makes you want to buy her wine and gently kiss her body softly and slowly inch by inch everywhere on her skin and down her spine. Hot is like when a girl is in tight low cut ripped faded blue jeans. She stands there with three of her fingers in each pocket cuz her pants are on so tight so her whole hand can’t fit. She’s got on a tank top and no bra. And heels and dark red toe nails and rubber band bracelets. And her hair is a little messy. You look at her heels and tank top and the way she chews her gum, and your blood gets hot. And you feel like getting her drunk and tearing off her clothes like a wild animal and smother your face deep in her ass like you don’t even care and clean it out for her.”

Vanessa laughs and her face is red from blushing, and she says in a bedroom voice, like she wants it: “You think I’m hot when I eat?” I said: “Yeah, really hot.” So she goes: “How does it make you feel?” I said: “Dirty. Like I want to stick my tongue down your throat, suck up your chewed food into my mouth, and swallow it.” So she giggles, looks slightly disgusted, but turned on, and has a red face from blushing. She takes a bite of pasta and tries to eat it hot and said: “You like that?” So I said: “Keep it up, you’re gunna get it.” So she gives a wicked giggle, like she’s really enjoying herself teasing me and she takes a big bite of pasta, get’s closer and eats with her mouth open facing me. So I said: “Vanessa, I swear to god: I’ma do it for real if you keep teasing.” She gives her wicked giggle again, stuffs her face with pasta and chews her food with her mouth open and sticks it in my face. So I just did it. I kissed her with her mouth full. We gave these muffled giggles; she didn’t push away. It was messy. I had all this slimy chewed pasta in my mouth. Surprisingly, she kissed me back and dumped the rest of her food in my mouth. I broke away to swallow the food and laughed to myself triumphantly. She had this look on her face of part disbelief and part being turned on. I ended it by changing the mood and tone by saying: “Eat your food bitch! It’s getting cold.”

A while later she had asked me one other night as we smoked a cigarette outside her place for my advice. She had told me that all of her friends had told her she and M should not get together. She said she trusted my advice. She had put me into a very difficult spot. I knew I wanted to be with her bad, and I wanted M gone out of the picture. I also was consciously aware that I was in a 2 year relationship. But I also knew that I really did care for Vanessa, and wanted her to be happy. And if she will be happier with M, then, I have no choice but to give her my honest advice as a friend who loves her enough to care about her. I told her that night to not listen to anybody around her. It’s her life and her heart, not theirs. I said that if she doesn’t try M out, she will always live with that regret. And that regret will eat away at her for a long time. The best thing to do is to just go for it. If the two of them are honestly attracted to each other. So she said that she’ll take my advice. But she wants me to met M in person so I can read her character. Vanessa knows I’m good at reading people character and person type. So she scheduled a time when the three of us with a couple other friends of hers can all hang out, so I can meet M. That night before I left me and Vanessa went thru letters M wrote to Vanessa so I can read her handwriting, and I gave Vanessa a general profile of M based on the way she wrote.

A week later I drove Vanessa to LA to hang out with M. We were to meet up at a place I think called the Abbey. The Abbey was part restaurant, part bar, part hang out spot, with an indoor area and an outdoor area. She bought the two of us drinks and we talked while we waited for the other to come. M came early and I was introduced to her. M is very attractive. She looks like she’d fit into the Indies Rock subculture. She is tall, light tan skinned, Mexican, long black hair, bangs. She had slender beautiful fingers. If your from Southeast Asian culture, a girl’s fingers is something you culturally check out which adds to the attractiveness of a girl. This is because of the apsara dancers and just the style of dance we have. Girls with soft delicate and flexible fingers are considered very “attractive.”

The attractiveness of curly flexible fingers is a psychological thing that is a combo of culture and multi-layered suggestive symbolism. If you ever look at the curly delicate fingers of a traditional Thai or Khmer dancer you see the fingers are so flexible that bend and curve like beautiful eyelashes. There is a hidden ancient symbolism in those curled fingers. The Cupid of Brahmanism is named Kama, whose name can be found in the Kama Sutra. The god Kama had 5 arrows, each tipped with a different Flower. If you have ever seen the soft petals of a flower, such as a Rose, you’ll see that they curl if the Rose has just Budded. So the curl of the dancers fingers symbolizes the curls of Kama’s Flowers. And beneath that hidden symbolism is a silent suggestive symbolism which is near esoterically universal. The Budding Rose, or a Flower suggestively symbolized the private parts of a girl, a girl who is in her Budding years of young womanhood. This theme runs along the same vein in the West. In the West why do we curl our eyelashes and make our lips redder than they are? And also why wear sweet smelling perfume? The curl of the eyelashes, red lipstick, and perfume corresponds to the Budding Rose, which subtly hints at something sexual. Even full lips which curls slightly are judged to “sexy.”

M had on her left upper arm a tattoo of a forest. She dresses not so feminine, but the way she carries herself, talks, and moves her face and lips were very feminine and sexy. She was soft spoken, an introvert. Her bangs hides her forehead. In our culture we divide a persons face into three parts to do a face reading. The top part is from the tip of the forehead to the brow. The middle part is from the brow to the bottom of the nose. The bottom part is from the bottom of the nose to the chin. M’s top part was wider than her bottom part. She was a thinker type person, and you can see it in her eyes. Whereas Vanessa’s bottom part is wider than her top part. I noticed almost immediately from seeing M and how she looks with her eyes, carries herself, and her aura, that M and I are the same people, meaning the same character type and persona type. Just that M is an older – more lifefully experienced – version of me. Later on when Vanessa and I left that night for home I told Vanessa and there is a lot about M that I share in common, and Vanessa also saw the many similarities.

If the top part of the face is wider/taller than the bottom part, such a person is the thinker type. One who is governed by thinking and reason. If the bottom part is bigger that the top part such a person is the feeling type of person. One who is governed by emotions and human instinct. The difference is that the thinker type must first Think before she can Feels. And the Feeler type must first Feel before she can Think. If you knew this difference you would be able to figure out how to make the thinker type fall in love with you. You “tickle” and stimulate their Thinking, and their emotions will follow. If she is the Feeler type, you stimulate her emotions. Take her to exciting places. Buy her gifts that make her Feel. Use words that stimulate emotions in writing and talking. Use pictures/analogies that stimulate feelings. And so on.

The difference between the two are important in ancient times in China. If you were emperor, you want to make soldiers out of the Feelers, and generals out of the Thinkers. But never ever promote a feeler type to the power of general. Because you can’t afford to have a general who is governed by emotions calling the shots. Why? Because when the heat picks up in the battlefield, such feeler types are prone to irrational behaviour, panic, extreme emotional instability. Just like under stress the Thinker type will be prone to irrational thinking, delusions, paranoia, over active imagination, and so on. As emperor Thinkers might make better ministers while Feelers may make better diplomats. Thinkers might not make the greatest of artists and and Feelers may not be all that great at being writers. Thinkers might make better party hardliners, while Feelers might make better public speakers. Which one is Hitler? If you look at a picture of him you’ll notice the bottom part of his face is wider than his forehead. He made one damn great public speaker, but was a victim of his own irrational passions and ambitions, which are the “fingerprints” of an untempered Feeler.

In my culture the old people say that the gods pairs you up with a person who Tempers you and brings balance to you; and you to the person. So if you are an introverted intellectual, your Khu will have the opposite characteristic and be an extroverted feeler. If you are weak or undisciplined with your finances, your Khu will have the quality of Nature to support and strengthen that weak spot of your nature. It can be small things. For example I was very undisciplined with keeping records of my spending; but my first fated partner had a bizarre natural habit of saving every receipt, pay check stub, and paperwork in shoe boxes for no apparent reason, and being with her for a long time [being influenced by her], I eventually picked up that habit also. My partner had the weak Nature of being undisciplined emotionally, while on the other hand emotionally I am stoic [~equanimity/Upekka in Buddhism] and I am a “hardliner” thinker. It’s hard to tell if I am happy, sad, or angry because – just like M – I usually show no expression. I think and analyze things before I feel. And so that Nature of mine, helps temper, support, and balance my partner’s undisciplined emotional Nature. So the key idea or the fundamental reason why Fate pairs two people up isn’t because of “True Love,” it is: Temperance. That we each are not born perfect and tempered, and so life pulls two people together who can each Temper the other, so that each person then becomes a fully functioning person in Life.

I also noticed that M has a peculiar habit. She puts her hands in her pockets when talking with people and Vanessa. It’s a very peculiar thing when M hides her hands in her pocket when talking one on one with Vanessa. People who put their hands in their pocket are the type to withhold something from you. They may be honest with you, but they may be selective with what they tell you. They are the type to hide things. The same with people who stand attentively to you speaking and they hold their hands behind their backs. Whereas if a person is listening to you speak and they are holding their hands together in front of, it means such types are people who are honest and “Up Front” with you. I’d be cautious with people who put their hands in their pockets in social settings, or hold their hands behind them, because it suggests such types can be deceptive people.

Me and M hit if off great from the get go. Only after a few exchanges and me and M were already talking about Buddhism and philosophy. She saw my Buddha necklace, and asked if I was Buddhist, then expressed that she was very interested in learning about it. We had a really nice conversation together, and unfortunately Vanessa didn’t fit into our conversation because she couldn’t follow us. M also smokes. After the others came to join us, M excused herself and said she’d step outside for a cigarette. Vanessa immediately spoke for me and said to M: “Chloe smokes. She’ll keep you company.” So Vanessa hands me a cigarette and I join M.

Outside while we smoke I am trying to feel around M for information. I bring up the odd story Vanessa told me about how they first met. I said to M as I smoked with her: “So Vanessa was telling me about how she first met you.” M immediate laughs because she know what I am going to say: “She says she was 9 years old?” When I talk to people, I pick up how they talk and talk like them also, and also try to become the personality type they are also. So I continued and said: “She said she was thinking about you even at that early age. What’s you perspective of everything?” M blushes, and says to me in her soft spoken sexy voice: “It’s not like I’m a child molester. Her uncle was my best friend. He had invited me to a party and she was. I mean she was cute, but I wasn’t thinking anything of her back then. That was it. I didn’t see her again until maybe 7 years later actually. And…” M blushes again and bites her nail in a really sexy way. I figured out her line of thinking and finished her sentence for her, in her own way of talking: “And… BAM… she was ‘grown up’.” I gestured big boobs. Vanessa is top heavy. M surprisingly is comfortable and laughs out loud, blushing and covering her mouth. Surprisingly she hands me a fist to give me “props.”

I picked up an insight from that private conversation. M admits and shows that she was initially physically attracted to Vanessa. That her interest in Vanessa in other words, began physically. Even if she and Vanessa will fall in love and be together, physical lust, or a relationship built on the seed of physical interest and physical attraction must end. Because emotions are bottomless and insatiable, while physical attraction will subside when that physical want has been satisfied. So therefore, if the two of them enters a relationship together, it may last a while, but as soon as M has been physically satiated, she will get bored or will lose interest because the interest itself began physically. This subtly implies something. It implies that if M genuinely loves Vanessa when they are involved, and if M has been satiated physically of Vanessa, M has a dilemma. She is now in a relationship with a person she emotionally loves, but is now physically unsatisfied with Vanessa. What would she do in such a case?

I drove me and Vanessa home that night and she asked me for what I read of M. I told her everything I got, except the private conversation I had with M while we were smoking. I told Vanessa after telling her M’s character type: “There is something not right. Something I don’t know. I can’t see something. Something either you haven’t told me, or you don’t know, or she is withholding it. Because when she is alone with you and talks with you she keeps her hands in her pocket? Is there something M feels uncomfortable speaking to you about which she does not give you much details on? Just start naming me stuff off the top of your head.”

She thinks a while and says: “Her ex-boyfriend. She told me she was in a relationship with a guy, and that they broke up, but they were still friends.” I took note of that and said: “Okay… So you’re saying M was into guys before you and her started talking?” Vanessa said: “Yeah. They were together for a long time. Like 3 years maybe or something.” I took note of that and said: “Okay… how many girlfriends has she had before you?” Vanessa shakes her head as she thought and said: “She’s experimented with other girls and goes to lesbian clubs, but I don’t think I remember her saying she ever had a real girlfriend relationship.” I took note and said: “Okay… how does she know her ex-boyfriend? How do they hang out? I mean, in what way do they know each other and interact now. Tell me what’s up with them two.” Vanessa says: “They’re in a band together. He’s the drummer, and she plays the bass guitar for the band.”

So I collected all that information and said to her: “So, tell me if I get this right: M is in a band. She was with the guy drummer for 3 years. She breaks up with him, but is still in a band with him, and is still his friend. She has never had a real lesbian relationship. She is 34 years old and is experimenting with her sexuality? Is that right?” She chuckles a bit to herself, and reluctantly says: “Yeah… what’s that mean?” I know she sees the red flags, but I said to her: “God Nessa… it means to just be careful, okay? Don’t listen to nobody. Not even me. Just listen to your own gut feelings. You can’t trust anybody. If your gut feeling says to start something with her, try her out, then go with it. Just be careful and be smart. I can’t say anything more because it’s all just speculating and guessing. It’s stupid to base choices we make in matters of life and love on speculations and guesses. M is a really cool person. She’s very beautiful, sexy, and very intelligent. I liked her a lot. I think, you need her. She is naturally lady like in demeanor, and your slightly barbaric. You’ll learn from her. She told me she really, really likes you a lot. You both had an interest in each other years back. Sometimes Fate bring two people together for a reason. I’d just let go in this case, and go with the flow of Fate. It brought you two together after all these years. She was willing to give up her best friendship with your uncle to be with you. That takes a lot of feelings Vanessa.”

As the months roll by I hang out with Vanessa regularly at least twice a week. She usually calls me at might a day before to call me over the next day. Usually when we hang out we just go to her place and hang out in the empty room. We share a bottle of wine and smoke. And talk a lot, and then spent a boring hour or two reading tarot cards. The strange thing is when we aren’t playing with the tarot cards, all she does is constantly talk about M. But when she reads the tarot cards, M vanishes and all Vanessa asks are questions about her “soul mate.” She usually asks the same soul mate question over and over again in as many different ways as the English language permits. It’s usually basically: ”Will I meet my soul mate?” Then she makes me ask a dozen questions about my soul mate. And neither of us knows how to read tarot cards either. All we do is read the little booklet the cards come with which has the brief interpretations. We’ll read the interpretations for each card, and the usual question we always ask each other is: “What do you think that means?”

Seeing how she seems deeply interested in soul mates one night we talked about the subject. She asked me if I believed in soul mates. So I answered her honestly: “Yes I do. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart Vanessa. I’m not the type of person to really want to have random girlfriends or boyfriends or whatever. I really do want to find that ‘special someone’ and just be with that one person for the rest of my life. You?”

She said she was exactly the same way as me. She just wants to find her one soul mate and be with that person forever. When I heard that, I decided to uncover for her something I had kept from her for many years. Something I deceptively hid from her. A long time ago, when she and I were still in high school I wanted to read her palm to see how many Khu lines she had. Plus at the time I wanted to just touch her. So I told her I knew how to read palms a little and to give me her hand. She has always liked that kind of stuff. I get behind her and press my body up to hers just to feel her close and look at her right hand. I tried to read her lines for her as best as I could. Then I made her hand a fist to look for her khu lines. Like me, Vanessa had only two very deep khu lines. But I lied to her and just said they meant how many kids she would have in life.

I told her that night what they actually meant. She said after she found out, looking at her two khu lines: “I have two soul mates?! Have I met them yet?” I said: “Not really soul mates. They are two people Fate has paired you up with. You are destined to be with two people at different times in your life for a very long time. Have you ever had a long term relationship before… like over 2 years?” She laughs at herself, her own inexperience, and said: “Nope. I was with one girl for 7 month. That’s my longest so far.” I said: “Then you haven’t met either of them yet.” She started to think hard, and after a while she said: “Let’s say M is one of these people I’m destined to be with for a long time, and she’s the first line. What does that mean?” I was happy. She caught the undeveloped hint I dropped and developed it on her own. So I said to her: “It means that even though you both may love each other deeply, that it is destined to end. It has to end before you are with your next one.

She looked back at her khu lines contemplating, then asked me who the second line was. I told her I don’t know. But I used the question she asked to graft another set of undeveloped hints for her to unravel. I sharply change the subject back to the psychic prediction she got about her becoming pregnant, and it came to pass. When we were secure on that subject, fresh off of her question of who the second line was, I said I had two psychic readings to share with her also about my soul mate. She attentively listened with interest.

One year before I met Vanessa I got two different psychic readings at different times. The first one was from a Filipina lady I knew named Joyce, but her friends called her Joey. I knew her because I had me an after school job at a Wiccan/Occult book store. Every weekend they had psychic readers come. Usually I was the one who took the money from their customers and gave the customers their “tickets” which was their receipt, with the number 30 or 40 on it written by me which just told the reader how long they paid for. The psychic and store owner split the profit 50-50. I clicked with Joey from the very beginning since we were both Asian. Over the months I became very close to her, and she ended up knowing all my private secrets, since we talked a lot when we had lunch together. Joey usually has the longest waiting list because according to all of her clients she was incredibly accurate and gave very detailed readings, as opposed the the very vague ones you would usually get.

I don’t really believe in psychics. But I heard hundreds of Joey’s clients all keep saying she is very detailed and accurate, and so I became curious. So one day I paid for a 30 minute reading. At the time I was becoming pensive about my life after high school. I was unsure what the years ahead will be like. So I just got a reading from Joey as a way to make me feel better and more sure of things. I told Joey at the reading table in the reading room that I am just concerned about three things really: 1) My soul mate, 2) what my life be like when I am in my early 20′s, and 3) what will I be as far as career and my life after 40. Joey knows my preferences, and so I began my reading by telling her the type of person I am. I just want to meet that someone I’m destined to meet and spend the rest of my life with them. I don’t care what gender or race, or how rich or poor. I asked her if I even had such a one person or if I’m just crazy and should just be with anybody.

Joey answers each question with a different deck of tarot cards and a different lay out pattern. Each time you have to shuffle the new deck for her. She lays my cards out for my first question. And says: “Yes. You have such a person. When the time is right, you will be with one person, and only one person for the rest of your life. You will grow old with this person.” So I asked her: “Is there any way you can tell me what this person looks like and when I will meet them?”

So I shuffle a new deck and she lays out a new set of cards, and then says, after a long period of looking at the cards: “It is a girl. She has dark red shoulder length hair, or auburn hair. Thin eyebrows. But her eyebrows are black, so I think she dies her hair. Her nose is slightly tilted up. Light complexion, lighter than me, and lighter than you. Very beautiful face. There is no blemish on her face. Big brown eyes… long eyelashes. Full lips… her top lip and her bottom lip are of equal size. When she smiles, she had dimples. She has a piercing on her lower lip. Three ear piercings… one on one ear, and two on the other. She has a scar on the bottom side of her left wrist. She bite she her nails, and often runs her fingers to remove hair from her eyes and face. You will know you have met her when you see a sign. The sign is a big tsunami will hit Asia and kill many people. When you see this sign you will know you have met her. She will know deep down inside who you are, but it will take time before she is ready with her life to start anything with you. Give her time, no matter what may seem to be happening. She is destined to be yours and you will spend the rest of your life together. But you two will only be a couple when the time is right for you two to come together.”

Satisfied, I asked my second question. I shuffle a new deck and she lays out a new pattern and looks at the cards and feels things for a while. Then says: “I don’t see you with many worries in your 20′s. Not much bills to pay. You have your family to help support you. You will work part time jobs for spending money. Nothing serious or special. You will have many free time during this moment in your life. God has given you this free time and you know this to be true. You will not waste this free time. I see you writing. I don’t know what you are writing, but you are writing. Day after day. Week after week. Year after year. I don’t know what it is about. Perhaps a book? But I don’t see books being published being sold in bookstores. Do not stop writing no matter what. During this moment of your life, God has given you this free time to gain a skill and knowledge which you will use later in life to build a career out of. Your future career will grow from what you learn from this writing and moment in time. This moment in time is a gift from God. You will know it is so when you are older. You have no financial problems during this time. Relax and enjoy this time. Because in your 30′s you will be a mother and will have no free time. You will have two children with your soul mate. You will have one and she will have one. I don’t know how you each will get pregnant, but I see each of you giving birth to one child each. You will have a girl and she a boy. These two children are all you will have. They were your own two children in your past life. In your past life, your soul mate was the husband who was killed, and left you and your children behind. This life is a gift from God. You have no other purpose in this life but to be with the one you lost and have a family you did not have in your past life.”

So I asked my last question, shuffled deck and she laid out a new patten, feels a while then says: “When your children are in their early teens you will have your career. You will be around age 40. I see you in airplanes traveling. Not on vacation, but on business. You travel on planes from country to country and state to state. I see you talking a lot before groups of people and audiences. I don’t know what you do, or what your career is, or what you are teaching. But you are teaching something to groups of people in audiences, and you are standing on a stage just talking. This career will grow out of the skills you have learned and the wisdom you have gains from your writings and you experiences in life. That is why I urge you to never stop writing, no matter what happens. All people are born to have problems in life, and you will have your share of hurt and pain, like everyone else. But don’t stop writing, and follow your inner voice. You feel that voice and know it never fails you. Don’t desire to live a life like everyone else lives theirs or how they tell you to live. Just follow your inner voice. God has already made a path for you to walk. That inner voice will guide you thru that path. You have your own destiny to fulfill, and your own purpose in life. You are not destined to be a millionaire, but I see you will be living a comfortable life with no financial worries. I see you having free time to be with your family, your children. Free time to travel the world. I see you and your soul mate taking your children on vacations.”

I asked tangent questions to clarify those three main questions, and she went into more details, but that was the gist of her reading. The second reading was brief and disappointing, but more revealing regarding a certain matter. I was walk home from school one day. I pass by a plaza where there is always a shop with a gypsy in it who reads cards and palms. The shop is in a small plaza with a good hamburger joint on it. I had gone to eat lunch there after school once and I stared out to the gypsy’s shop wondering if I should just get a reading. So after lunch I just went to get one since the reading was only $10. I went to sit at the table which was empty. The gypsy lady was out back for a while. But she eventually comes into the front room and just says to me: “Yes?” So I showed her my money and told her I wanted a reading. Only when she saw the money did she come to sit at the table with me. I wanted to say something rude about her in my head, but was too scared her super gypsy psychic hearing might hear what I said in my head, so I didn’t make any comments. She says: What do you want to know?”

So I said: “Um… just tell me about my soul mate. When will I meet this person?” My rude gypsy reader looks at me as if she was lazy and says to me; she referred to herself as “Mama;” so she goes: “You listen to Mama. Mama will tell you something. You’re too young to be asking about love and soul mates. Do what mama says: Stay in school. Stay away from boys. Get good grades. Graduate. Either go to college or get a good job. Buy a nice car. Work on yourself [she taps her head]. That’s what you should be concerned about now in life. After you have your life in order, then ask about love and soul mates. Come back to Mama in 10 years, okay?” She puts my $10 in her pocket and gets up to leave. So I said, feeling a little gypped: “But that wasn’t even a psychic reading? That was just granny advice? May I have my money back? At least tell me when I’ll meet my soul mate. Just one question at least? Or please give me my money back.” So she sits back down and asked me to give her my hands. I gave her my palms to read, and see is quiet for a moment and says: “You will meet your soul mate. But both of you are too young and not ready. That’s why Mama says for you to never mind about it and work on other things. You both must experience your own lives. Both must have your heart broken. You listen to Mama. Mama will tell you something. Only when you have your heart broken will you be able to appreciate the love another gives to you. You will both be too young. You will meet and something will happen. You both will not see each other for a long time. Both your hearts will be broken. Then you will meet again. That’s it. Finished. Go. Mama is busy.”

After I finished sharing my reading with Vanessa, her brain started to click and work. She sat there for a while and then said: “But that description sounds like me? I even dye my hair dark red and I have a burn scar on my wrist?” I added: “And I met you in 2004. That was the year that tsunami hit Indonesia and killed 100,000 people. I have not ever met anyone else that fits that description during any other tsunami?” She looked confused or something, and said after thinking a while: “But, what’s that means?”

I said back to her: “I don’t know what it means Vanessa. They’re just psychic reading I had. I wouldn’t trust them that much. I was just sharing. You and M… you’re in love with her and she really wants you. That’s all we both know. I want you to be happy. I care about you. You can’t stop talking about M. I honestly think you two make a good couple and you should seriously be with each other. You’ll be happy. I’ll always be around in the background, if you ever need me. We’re connected bitch, right? I’ll know when you need me, even if I’m gone for a long time. Just remember that no matter what happens or how much time has pasted, we’ll always find each other and come back together like we did. I’ll always love you like I do right now, like I did when we first met, no matter how much time passes between us. It’s you that may forget me.” She said she feels the same way and that I’ll always have a place in her life, that she will never forget me. So with that we changed the subject.

There was one evening when Vanessa and me were hanging out and she asked me for something which told a telling sign. That evening Vanessa had asked me if I can teach her how to do a love spell of some type. She wanted to throw one on M. I told her that I can teach her how to do a simple one that might work, but that if it did work, it wouldn’t be real love; and that it may only be temporary. She asked: “What’s temporary mean?” I said: “Temporary means only for a short time and it will fade away.” Surprisingly Vanessa shrugged her shoulders and said nonchalantly: “So. I’ve wanted her for like, over 9 years. I just want her.” I thought about the implications: that she didn’t seem to care about the love. So I taught her how to do one which was simple for her to follow. I told her to take a piece of paper and write out her whole name horizontally, and then M’s whole name vertically so that their two names forms a cross. On a Friday she must buy a soda and some candy. She is to bring the paper with their names on it, the soda, and candy to a place where lots of people walk by, such as the front of a supermarket. She has to place the paper on the ground, the candy on top of the paper. Then drink half of the soda, and place the half empty bottle on top of the paper. Then she is to call the spirits of the area and ask them to help her and M come together. M’s name has to be said in full. And she leave the stuff there for the guardian spirits. So the following Friday, she did do it.

Vanessa and I hung out together one on one like this many night, for around 6-7 month without my partner ever knowing. There were reason why I “got away” with sneaking around my someone back like this. The first reason is that me and Vanessa only hung out at night once or twice a week. I sleep most of the time at my little mom’s house, so my partner use to me not being with her every night. Second reason is that I have a culture of habit to always keep my phone off during the day, and at a set time in the evening I listen to my voice mail and call people back, to check my text messages. I call this time I check my phone and text and call people back my “office hours.” So my partner also is used to – conditioned/trained – since the start of our relationship to give me a hour in the evening for my office hour. All my family and friends know that I don’t answer the phone for anybody, even if its an emergency. I refuse to do it. I check the god damn phone at a set time, and I’ll call you back if I think it’s important at a set time.

Another reason is that I hide all my pictures in my phone or on my computer. The only pictures I have on my phone are pictures of my partner, and nature pictures I take like trees , ducks, lakes, flowers. Everything else, family photos, my pix, Everything, I pack into archives, encrypt it, and put them into True Crypt files. I do this because I don’t want anybody using any picture as a means to ask a question about my private life. I’m just the type of person who is private and will tell people things on a need to know basis. I don’t want anybody seeing a picture of a cousin of mine and asking me: “Hey, whose that?” Because it pisses me off. If I wanted your ass to know shit about that person, I’d bring them up. Don’t be asking shit about anything with me.

My computers and laptops are all empty. I just use that as “docking stations” for my two Flashdrives. I keep every computer program I have, every software, every picture, my diary, all that goes into one of my two Flashdrives. These flashdrives are on a strap together. In the day time that strap is always in my pocket, and at night I wear the strap to bed around my neck. It never leaves my person. Every folder and file in my flashdrive is password locked. I have a habit of keeping everything about me – even trivial shit – a private secret from everybody, family or friends. Most of my stuff goes into a 128 gig flashdrive. My second flashdrive is 64 gigs and it only has two things in it. I have in it a VirtualBox, and then a Virtual Machine of a 40 gig BackTrack 5 OS. BackTrack 5 is cool. It’s a Linux distro based on Ubuntu, but it comes with 300 hacker tools. Youtube has a lot of tutorials on it if you want to see what it looks like. I like it. I stash my text files, notes, and many of my photos in folders inside my BackTrack, which is password protected.

Even though I have a culture of habit to hide everything, I slip sometimes, out of laziness. I had taken a picture of Vanessa with my phone one day because I liked the way she looked that day. I usually transfer these pictures into my flashdrive, which is a cumbersome process because you have to dock your flashdrive, connect your phone to a cable, and move everything. If I don’t have a cable with me I usually email pix on my cell phone to myself, then I delete the pix in the cell. But on a certain day, after 7 months of sneaking around my partner’s back with Vanessa, I slipped. I was at her apartment staying over. She had taken a shower and left me in our room. So I slip into the kitchen when her roommate L called me out to help him out in the kitchen. I totally forgot I had one picture of Vanessa in my phone, and I carelessly left my phone on her bed since I was checking my voice mail. I left the phone on the bed because I thought I wasn’t going to take long with L. But he’s a fun gay guy, so I helped him cook us dinner and I was having fun with him in the kitchen so I forgot about my phone.

The three of us ate dinner, and then we hung out together. Then we all left to our rooms. Which was when I remembered I left the phone on the bed. I suddenly had the thought that K could have looked thru it when she got out of the shower. But she didn’t say anything during dinner. So I just quietly picked up my phone, turned it off, and placed it by the lamp, while she came to sit on the edge of the bed with a look like she wanted to talk. She just said: “Who’s Vanessa? I saw her name in your phone. Is she the girl in that picture?” I said: “Yes. You looked through my phone?” She goes: “You look through my phone all the time and I don’t care. I just thought I could do the same.” So I said: “That’s true. I don’t mind you looking through my phone.” She says: “So, who is she? I thought I knew all of your friends? How come I’ve never heard of her before?”

At this point I knew I was going to be in trouble. I just quickly said: “I’ve known her for a while… on and off. I lost touch with her for two years or so, and just got back in touch with her.” She goes: “Oh. When?” Since I knew I was going to be in trouble, I just decided to be honest. I said: “About 7 months ago.” She goes: “Seven fucking months? And you were never going to tell me?” At this point I was already guilty and busted. So I immediately go into “Public Relations Crisis Management Mode.”

In the business world, with large corporations that spend millions and millions on marketing and advertizing, the company’s Public Image is extremely important. Something disastrous that happens to a company which damages that Public Image in the public’s eye is called a “PR Crisis.” And example would be say at a theme park like Magic Mountain, somebody falls off the Batman ride and dies. This gets put on the news. The people at the theme park start texting each other about this death. Next thing you know everybody know about this. That’s a PR Crisis. When this happens there are special firms you go to that specialize in managing such PR Crises where they gradually help your corporation repair your Public Image. Because if you don’t fix the crisis you may in time lose your market.

When you are handling a PR Crisis there are three key points you have to follow. The first is: Do not get defensive! The second is: Let your public/market express their thoughts and feelings, and take note of their concerns and issues! The last one is: Fix your mistake without delay, and take care of each key concern and issue the market has. We all make mistakes. It’s human. It’s how we each handle and fix our wrongs and mistakes that shows competency and Organic Intelligence. There is a difference between “Theoretical Intelligence” and “Organic Intelligence;” just like there is a difference between Theoretical Physics and Applied Physics.

Theoretical Intelligence is the smartness you acquire from school, reading books, studying philosophy and religion, watching the Discovery Channel, and so on. Organic Intelligence is the smartness you acquire from Life, Experience, Trials, Errors, Failures, and Mistakes made. The difference is that if a dude has read a book and has learned that the universe is circa 8-10 billions years old: what practical thing can the dude do with that intelligence in Life; besides sound smart to dumb people? The difference is that if I get on a skateboard for the first few times and I fall, I gradually learn how not to stand the wrong way and I organically learn from trial, failure, and experience how to ride a skateboard. Organic vegetables are stuff that has no man made chemicals added to it. No pesticides, no growth hormones. Just good ole dirt, water, and sunlight. Organic Intelligence is the same way. Just good ole fashion Life, Experience, Trial, and Failures.

Before you know how to ride a bike, you must fall a few times. And so that line of reasoning is applicable in Business and Romance as well. For example, I would never trust a businessman who has never failed or made mistakes in business. Let’s say I were looking for a business partner and a potential business partner came to me. This guy has had 4 years of business college and is very intelligent with his theoretical knowledge on business. So as a wise businesswoman I says to him: “That’s all great. Do me a favour: line me up all of your failures and mistakes you’ve had thus far in the business world, and explain to me what you’ve learned from them.” If the guy can’t produce any failures or mistakes, it suggests to me that this guy has no practical know-how in the real world about business. So therefore, he may make a bad partner, because he may have no idea how to transform his Theoretical knowledge into Applicable action to actualize End Results.

All Knowledge but no Wisdom. Look up the word Wisdom. Wisdom is what you get when after you have Applied Knowledge in the real world. That what you know has been applied in the Realm of Experience, and you take the wisdom which you have gained to produce End Results. And so the same goes with Romance. If a person presents itself to be perfect to me, and this person has not ever failed or made a mistake in a relationship or with a lover, it implies to me that such person has not had any real meaningful relationships at all. If you’re a guy and you like being single and you sleep around, you have thus never failed or made mistakes in a relationship. So if I were looking for a good – experienced – boyfriend, and I asked you to line me up your past failures and mistakes regarding romance, and relationships, and you can’t show me shit, then I know you have no practical experience in the matter. Cuz how do you know how to ride a skateboard real good, without having a list of failures and mistakes to show for it? How do you know how to actualize a functioning and fulfilling relationship, if you have not ever failed, made errors, and mistakes?

And you take that same line of reasoning and check out this online occult world. Look for all of these self proclaimed leaders of Satanic organizations, or self proclaimed authorities of “Satanism,” or any memeplex. You pay attention to them and you see they have a lot of ideas, a lot of opinions, and many are certainly “intelligent” with a large knowledge base. But ask these same leaders and/or authorities of the Satanic Industry to list their failures and mistakes for you to see regarding their Satanism, or whatever. Never mind the end results, if they even have any. We just want to see the failures they have collected. They don’t have any. They shun failure. Failure and mistakes are negative things to them to be avoided. They make fun of you if you have failed, cuz every one of them wants to be a “winner.” I’ve only been doing this ONA thing for a short while, but I can point out for you my failures, errors, and mistakes: my Pathei-Mathos.

You can never Fail by reading a book and memorizing what knowledge the book had. And you don’t fail repeating what you got from such books to your fellow Mundanes. Even in Martial Arts this is true. You can’t learn martial arts and you can’t get to the next belt color without failure and mistakes; unless you’re saying that you are perfect and better than your teacher already. If you have the Organic Intelligence [experience] of using basic PR Crisis management principles with customers at family own business like I have, then that organic nature of what I have learned from trial and error can be applied in my relationships to produce some sort of results for me.

So with the theme park scenario, if a person fell of a ride and died, and a PR crisis ensues in public, the first thing you do is to not get defensive and to admit that something went wrong or that you made a mistake. So it would not be a good idea to go on the news as the spokes person for the theme park and say: “Well, now, lets keep things in perspective here. Only one dude died. The rest are still alive. You guys are making boulders out of pebbles.” Second is you let the people voice their concerns and issues. Third is you immediate fix the problems and take care of the key concerns. So if the people are concerned with the safety of the ride, even if the ride is safe and it was a freak accident, you have to fix the ride and let the public see and know you care about their concerns to fix it.

So in relationship terms, I fucked up and got caught sneaking around behind my partner’s back. This made her See me in a different way. She is my “market” to whom I sell myself, and her perception of me has changed into something negative/ugly. In this case, I now have a Public Relations Crisis on my hands, because my “public image” in her eyes has become fucked up. If I don’t fix my PR Crisis, I will lose my market, meaning here that I will lose her.

So the first thing I did was try to be honest and not be defensive. She knows I kept my friendship with Vanessa for 7 months behind her back, and she asked me if I was ever going to tell her. So I honestly said back: “I was afraid you’d misunderstand, so I kept it from you. I’m sorry.” She didn’t take that well and went off on me for a while. When you are doing this first step of managing your PR Crisis, you never what to use the word “BUT.” For example, it would not be beneficial for me to say to her: “Yes I did sneak around But nothing happened.” Because the word “BUT” in that heated context makes the other person feel as if there is “fine print” somewhere. “I snuck around But…” also makes you seem defensive and like you are dodging and evading her.

After she vented herself I went into step two. I said to her: “Baby, I’m sorry, it’s my own fault. I know I fucked up big time. I know I hurt you. Can you tell me what you’re thinking and how your feeling right now. Do you think I’m sleeping with her? Do you think I love her? Did I make you feel insecure? Do you no longer trust me anymore? How do you feel, what are you thinking? Tell me.” She goes off on me again, but she expresses what she is thinking and how she feels. I direct the conversation so that she tells me what exactly is concerning her. And I take mental note of all the key points she brings up. Her main issue was that she thinks I’m sleeping with Vanessa behind her back. Her second issue she expressed was that she feels as if she can’t trust me anymore. Her third issue she brings up is that she feels hurt. So with those three key issues I go to step three and deal with each issue one at a time, so each concern of hers that is troubling her is fixed.

So with step three in mind I said to her: “I made a mistake. I love you. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt or harm you. I’ll fix this up okay? I’m going to call Vanessa right now and have her schedule a double date so everyone knows what’s going on. Me and you with her and her girlfriend.” So in front of her I called Vanessa, briefly told her the situation I was in and asked her to do me a favour and set up a double date so the four of us can hang out.

In step three it would work against me if I were to say: “I made a mistake, tell me what you want me to do to make things better.” This makes it seem as if you are double stupid or are a child. Like you are stupid first for making a mistake, and stupid again because you have to ask her how to fix your own mistakes. It also doesn’t express a tone or attitude of confidence, because you are Asking her; which in turn makes you look and feel incompetent. It would also work against me if I said this: “Nothing happened, I’ll prove it to you.” When you use the word “prove” in this heated context, what you are emotionally saying to the other person is: “I am Right and you are Wrong, and I will PROVE to you that I am Right and you are Wrong.” So not only did you fuck up, but now you’ve just told her she is wrong, crazy, and stupid, and that you are right. Even if she is incorrect in speculating that I must have slept with Vanessa, I made the mistake, thus, I am the one in the Wrong, not her.

The reasoning why I scheduled a double date was that since she told me, I know that her main issue is that she thinks I slept with Vanessa. So I lay out all my possible options to remedy that concern and try to execute each option one at a time until that concern is destroyed. I figured that if my partner sees Vanessa with M, that my partner will know that I am not sleeping with her, since Vanessa has her interests in M. This is where the idea that you should never act or make a move blindly is applicable. You mess things up for your own self, if you don’t know what is in her mind that is bugging her or troubling her. You need to get her to lay out all of her thoughts, feelings, issues, and concerns for you to see. This way you can shoot them down one by one. So with all of her concerns laid our for me, I immediately – as soon as possible – begin to destroy each of her concerns and issues. Those issues are the Cause of potential Symptoms. If you cut out the Cause, you won’t get the symptoms.

On the first double date we went on with Vanessa and M, my someone got to see what was up with everything. For most of the time, Vanessa and M were making out everywhere. There was a time when they were making out at the table we were at in a restaurant, and I turned to my someone and gave her the “awe isn’t that precious” look since they were newly in love. My someone rolled her eyes and had the look of being annoyed. I was happy. Happy because my partner now sees that there is no Apparent way that there was anything between me and Vanessa. The fact is, there was nothing “between” Vanessa and me, but there was something “inside” me for her. On the way home my partner said to me: “My god, they seriously need to get a room or something.” So I said: “They just fell in love babe. We were like that too in the very beginning of our relationship.”

She doesn’t say anything for a while, as if she’s thinking. Then she goes: “I just can’t see why you couldn’t have just told me you were friends with her. It makes me feel like I’m not a part of your life when you don’t even care to tell me something as simple as that.” I said: “I honestly didn’t realize not telling you would make you feel that way. I didn’t intend to make you feel that way. You’re more than a part of my life: you are my life. It sounds stupid, but when you love another person deeply, you live for them. I love you more than anything. I’d never do anything to hurt you. I care too much about you. I’m sorry I was stupid and kept it from you. I was afraid you’d misunderstand. If you have any issues or concerns inside of you about me and Vanessa being friends and hanging out together, please just tell me. I’ll stop being her friend.” She squeezes my hand and says: “No… I’m not like that baby. She’s your friend. Just please tell me next time and don’t keep it from me, okay, please?” I kissed her shoulder since she was driving, and said: “I promise, I will.”

And with that, I fixed a large part of my PR Crisis. I stopped the worst from happening, my someone still loved me, and now, she is letting me be friends with Vanessa. So I was able to keep doing what I was doing with Vanessa out in the open. Except I was no longer able to do anything with Vanessa because now she and M had fallen in love.

One day, I took Vanessa out to the Valley to visit Wat Thai, which is a very large Thai Buddhist Temple I use to go to nearly every week with my family when I was small. Inside is a world renowned Green Statue of the Buddha. I had told Vanessa why the statue was famous and well known. This statue is known to answer your requests in exchange for chicken eggs. You basically pray to this Emerald Buddha and ask for something and tell the Emerald Buddha that in return you will bring him eggs. You say the amount of cartons of eggs you feel your wish is worth. Usually it’s the 24 carton eggs. And you bring the green Buddha your cartons after he has granted you your wish. Interestingly if you go to this temple on days the monks have not cleared the cartons of eggs, you will see hundreds of cartons in front of the Emerald Buddha. I asked Vanessa if she wanted to go and ask the Emerald Buddha for a wish, and she excitedly said she would. So I took her.

Over at Wat Thai we walked in after we took our shoes off and I asked Vanessa to just watch first how everybody pays their respects to the green Buddha. We prostrate before the statue in the traditional Southeast Asian Theravada way in our temples. You lite up three sticks of incense, sit with your legs folded mermaid style to one side, hold the incense in your hands claps with finger tips past your brow, then lower your clasped hands to the ground, followed by your head touching your hands. This is done three times, and you then say your prayers with your hands still clasped holding the incense, finger tips above the eyebrows. The the incense is placed outside. So me and Vanessa went to do it together, and we each prayed and made our wishes.

I brought her back in to get her fortune read since she likes that kind of stuff. At the side of the green Buddha is a tall bamboo cup thing, inside which are many flat sticks of bamboo. Each stick of bamboo has a number on it. You shake the bamboo cup gently until one stick falls out. Then you go to one of the shelves along the wall which has the number on your stick. Each shelf has papers on which is a fortune written in English, Thai, Khmer, and Chinese. Usually, if you ask the green Buddha for a wish, your fortune will always be relevant to what you asked for.

So Vanessa had this big grin on her face, since she really liked the experience. She was eager to tell me what she wished for, but I falsely told her not to, or it won’t come true, because I didn’t want her to ask me what I wished for. But I knew her wish had something to do with her and M. We put on our shoes and sat on the nearest bench to read our fortune papers. Vanessa had her mouth wide open and looked surprised. Her paper said that she was in the dark and had much suffering, but that someone from her past would return into her life who will come to bring her out of the dark and help her find her happiness again. Her fortune also said that a new relationship will begin for her. Unbeknownst to Vanessa, I asked the green Buddha to bring me back Vanessa when her time with M was completed, and that in exchange for this wish I will bring him 100 cartons of eggs each month for a full year. My fortune paper said roughly that my relationship is good, but that it will end in sorrow and suffering. I took my paper for my aunt-mom to read the Khmer verses which are more precise and accurate. My aunt-mom reads it and says that it’s saying that Destiny will take time before it brings me my khu.

One of the last things I remember that happened between me and Vanessa happened during the time when she and I were near the moment when we would part company again. It was a simple event during a simple day. Vanessa and I had gone to eat some sushi at a sushi bar by her place for lunch. She usually smokes a cigarette after meals, so after we had lunch we sat outside the sushi bar on the chairs provided to smoke a cigarette. We talked about nothing in general for a while, and then we just sat there quietly to enjoy the moment and the cigarette. I notice her staring into the horizon half dazed, as if her mind was far and not with me any longer. So I assumed she must be reminiscing about M again. I just sat their quietly minding my own business then. But in that distant state of mind of hers she blurts out half consciously either to herself or the both of us softly: “I want this. What we have here. I want to grow old with you. To sit like this as old ladies on two chairs in our front porch like this. I’d be happy.” I went with it and asked softly so as not to ‘wake’ her out of her state of mind: “Can you picture us together?” She says: “Yeah… I can… when I’m older.” And she goes silent for a few moments. I broke the brief silence and told her: “Remember the first time I met you, I told you I felt a weird feeling in me like I knew you from a past, and you said you felt the same weird feeling? That weird feeling had never left me.” She nods and says: “Yeah… me too. I still have that weird feeling,” and she snaps out of her trance and with a sharp change in tone said: “Come on bitch. Let’s go.”

A year passes by since I first reconnected with Vanessa. Early 2010. My last day in Vanessa’s life had come. Vanessa and M had become serious and had just moved out together. They had rented a cute little house in LA and had invited their friends for a house warming party/BBQ. Me and my partner were invited and asked to come early to help cook and prepare the stuff and just to hang out. I wasn’t sure what part of the LA we were in. We were given a tour of the little house and we drank some red wine and got the stuff ready. I had excused myself from the three so I could take a brief walk around the yard to look at the plants that grew around the house. I have a thing for plants, ever since I was 2 years old. As I checked out the plants I saw a Sign. The Sign was that my favourite plant in the whole plant kingdom was growing along the side fence of their new house. I thought it was just absolutely bizarre because it’s not a normal plant you see every where.

The plant is a vine. I only recently learned it’s name, but my affection for this plant goes way back to when I was in grade school. The plant is called “Moth Vine,” and is the secret inspiration for the “White Star” in “White Star Acception,” because its flowers are star shaped 5 petaled flowers. It’s called moth vine because moths pollinate it, which I actually didn’t know until recently. When I was in grade school my aunt-mom use to have me stay with her at her donut shop to help her out after school. Out side in the back fence of our store was a Moth Vine plant which was big and covered a large part of the fence. At first I didn’t pay any mind to it. But then during a season the plants pods bursts open and thousands of white puffs fill the air like nothing I have ever seen before. It looked like giant snow flakes to me. I thought it was very pretty. The puffs carry its seeds and they cover the parking lot like snow and get into all of the shops. So one of my chores was to broom the puffs and throw them away. I used to collect the seeds from the puffs I found, and I planted them in my own back yard so the plant can grow there and spread its puffs like a blizzard there too.

As I grew older, I became more attached to the vine. I gave it a name, and I “fed” it since I see my aunt-mom “feeding” the spirits in the parking lot. I would place donuts and fruits by it. And when the pods opened up I collected its seeds and promised my vine-friend that I’d plant its seeds wherever I go. I saved a dried up open pod from this original vine and I kept it in a safe place in my room. Today the original vine has died of old age. But I still have its dried pod shells now on my home Altar in my room with my Buddha statute. I also still carry it’s seeds and plant them around when I go hiking. Later my ideas of spreading “memes” was inspired by how this vine spreads its seeds in the wind. So for me, this vine has a personal and special meaning to me. It was a friend of mine. It was just a nice Sign to see this vine cover the side fence of Vanessa and M’s house. It put a smile on my face, and deep inside I understood what it meant, which comforted me, since the situation of Vanessa being with M made me feel unhappy or pensive at least. I didn’t not know how long they will together.

The house warming party was over. Me and K stayed late to help clean up, and then we left. Vanessa and M walked us to our car, and we gave each other hugs. M hugged me first and she goes to pull my partner aside to hug her and tell her how to find the freeway so me and Vanessa can have a moment. I held her for a long time, my last time. She said in my ear: “Thank you for coming. I love you.” I didn’t say anything for a while, I just wanted to be held by her for a while longer. My last words to her which I said was: “You’re welcome. I love you. I’m happy for you… I’ll see you again. Bye Vanessa.” That was it.

In the car we got lost and were just driving around the residential area. We didn’t know where we were since we weren’t familiar with the area. After a while my someone got us onto a street with a lake to my right. When I saw the lake, I immediately recognized it as a Sign, and knew exactly where I was, so I navigated my partner to the freeway from the lake. She had asked me how I know the area and I said that my family used to have picnics at that lake often.

The Sign the lake gave me was comforting and sent a chill down my spine, when I realized Vanessa had moves only blocks from the lake. The sign was long ago when I was young, 9 or 10 years old, I was at Chinatown with my little family shopping. I quickly broke away to wander nearby to a place where a Chinese guy was selling little plastic aquariums with tiny green water turtles in. Two in each container. I thought they were really cute so I bought a pair to keep as pets. It was April and we were buying some picnic food so we can have a picnic over at this lake. April 13^th is Buddhist New Year day for the Thai, Khmer, and Lao people.

I took my two little turtles to go ask my aunt-mom if I can keep them; after I had already bought them for $5. My aunt-mom had become very upset with me. She gave me a lecture saying: “Some animals we don’t keep as pets. Dogs and cats are fine. Those turtles don’t belong with people. It’s wrong to take these animals from their land, their people, from their families. It’s not right to separate them from their parents and children, to make them suffer in containers like that. Would you want to be taken away from your people and family? You can’t keep them. You have to let them go. We’ll let them go at the lake.” I tried to beg her to let me keep them, but she wouldn’t have it. So I was just sulking and crying that day thinking how much I hate Buddhism and what a stupid religion it is. You can’t keep anything as pets because it causes suffering and stuff.

At the lake my aunt-mom took me with my two little turtles and she said she was going to teach me to let go of them like my grandmother taught her when she was my age. She first explained to me briefly saying: “In our culture, the old people say that the gods pair each one of us with another person to be with in life. So like everyone, you come into this world destined to be with someone the gods have picked for you. When the time is right, you and your Khu will find each other.” She asked me two repeat a little prayer to the turtles before I let them in the lake. I repeated after her saying [in Khmer]: “I’m sorry my people captured you two and caused you two suffering. As I let the two of you go, I ask the gods and the spirits of this lake to watch over you so that you two will have peace and happiness as a pair; so may I also then one day find the one Fate paired me up with, and so may my Khu and I also have our peace and happiness.”

On the freeway homeward bound, I was silent. Pensive and biting my nails. It felt like the more distant our car moved away from Vanessa and M’s house, the more distant Wyrd’s ebbing tide pulled Vanessa and me apart. I may never see her again, ever. But, in my gut, I trusted in Fate, So I Let-Go of my hold on Vanessa.

My someone perhaps noticed I was pensive, so she asked: “What are you thinking about baby?” I lightly shook my head, then said: “That’s it I guess. I have no reason to be in Vanessa’s life anymore. I’ll change my number tomorrow. They’ll be fine together.” My partner with a confused look said: “What are you talking about? Baby I don’t care at all if you and her are friends. I don’t. You don’t want to be friends with her anymore?” I said: “It’s not like that. She’s just like us. When we were in the moment of our relationship when it first began we were so into each other, that all of our friends just faded into the background, and we hardly hung out with them or called them for a while. She’s that type of person too. I’m not stopping to be her friend. I’m just going to let her and M be peacefully together and let them lose themselves in their moment without me bugging. That’s all.”

I was thinking afterward in the car how stupid and foolish I was. How I disregarded a person here who was with me and who loved to try and be with a person who didn’t love me or want me. I felt awful inside for taking my partner for granted. So that night I promised myself that I would savour and enjoy every day I have with my partner. To appreciate her presence and love. Because I knew in the back of my mind that Fate has allotted to us a set Time, and that Time was short.

And for the next few years things between she and I were beautiful. But in her mind was the memory of me having kept a 7 month long friendship with Vanessa from her knowledge. In her mind she knows I got away with it for 7 months. And that wyrdful seed I had planted into her memory would one day wyrdfully – karmically – come back to haunt and hurt me. My own undoing, was seeded 3 years prior, by my own self.

Quietus

Breaking up from a five year “committed” relationship isn’t as easy as things were in high school. It’s not like you can just fight and take off. After five years me and my partner were financially entwined. We shared the same bank account for all 5 years. This was one of the first things we shared since we knew back then that it would just be easier on us if we shared our money and resources. Sharing a bank account was something she and I were always good at. We never had any issue at all with the money. We had respective jobs and we’d put our money into that account and just share it. It quickly built up trust between us and help quickly push our relationship into something serious and mature. We also had credit cards and their bills under both our names as well. I used some of my money to put as a down payment on her car. Everything we bought when we were together was bought using “our” joint money.

I knew from early on since before things escalated that I’d have to try very hard to not go crazy on her and to keep things relatively amicable if I was to work out our financial situation right so I can get a good deal or at least most of my money back. Sitting at the table with her to separate our financial life was very difficult emotionally. Neither of us could look the other in the eyes. I didn’t want to look at her face or use her name because it both hurts to think of her and it make me angry. I guess she could look me in the eye because she is guilty of being unfaithful. It was also hard for me and maybe for her because I knew then and there at that table that it was undeniable that we were over. That 5 years have come crashing down. I gave her my initial proposal which I called the “60/40 Proposal.” I had during the months before things exploded outlined different proposals for splitting our financial life up. Our biggest problem was that for 5 years neither of us cared whose money was in our joint account. It had always been “our” cash, and we never cared how much was mine or how much of it belong to her.

My 60/40 Proposal was based the two party’s [me and her] Means & Condition. Meaning that I live with my family and so I don’t pay rent. I also have not very many bills. I also don’t really have to worry about jobs because my family has a few businesses I can always work at, and also I own ~$10,000 of “shares” in a family business or 1/3 of that business, so I collect a little profit from that monthly. Also my car is paid off. The only bills I have are my phone bill and my car insurance. Whereas she lives on her own so she has rent to pay, she has car payments, more bills than I do, and she is not as secure as me with job and secure cash flow. It takes a lot of “bullet biting” and discipline of mind and heart to be fair and considerate with a person who stepped all over you and broke your heart into pieces, because you feel like killing her for doing this to you.

So I laid out for her my 60/40 deal. I said to her that if she agrees to split the money in our bank account 60/40 where she takes 60% and I take 40%, I’ll take the two credit cards we owe the most in and she takes the other two we owe the least in. All the other petty belongings is off the record, and she doesn’t have to pay me back on what I put into her car. I asked her if she had her own reasonable proposals. I told her I made that proposal based on both our means and conditions and I thought it was fair and just, despite what happened. She liked my proposal and said that she honestly appreciated it. And so we signed a contract I had written and agreed to the terms of the 60/40 proposal. And we walked away after going to the bank. It was the first time we walked away from each other in 5 years where we didn’t hug or kiss. We didn’t say good bye either. Just looked at each other for a while, fighting tears, and we just walked to our cars.

To finally end the relationship all the way I sent a quick email to Marcos informing him of what went down, and that I lost the game. I wasn’t able to make her stay with me. Wasn’t able to make her not go to him. He kept his word, and I thanked him for that. But I would remove myself from her life, and promised that I would not interfere in their lives, should they start seeing each other again. I asked him to just be her friend at least. I gave them my blessings and wished him and her to be happy and at peace with their friendship or relationship, and reminded him that I had no ill will or feelings against him. And that was it. It was all over. And then it all sank in.

When you’re in the heat of the moment you have all this adrenaline and anger and all that in your veins, so things don’t sink in. It’s like a death of an old person in your family. You’re in such a weird state of mind and shock when it happens it doesn’t sink in where you realize the person is gone. Only after a while does it sink in. When it does, it hits hard. The pain you feel inside when someone you have loved for 5 years was cheated on you, is the most horrendous and excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. And the worst part is that there is no pain killers you can take to relieve that pain. The terminating months of 2011 were the darkest months. But eventually I’d get over it. The feel you have inside after the many months of pain is quietude. Similar to when you cry hard for a long time and you exhaust yourself. Just after that exhaustion there is a feeling of something akin to tranquility and calmness. The feel after the heartache feels like just a quiet sorrow, and the mind becomes unclouded by the twists and turns of emotions where you begin to be able to analyze the five years for insights.

I spent the last half of 2012 calm, but sorrowful, reflecting back on my 5 year experience. I’m proud I was able to make one last that long. The vast majority of it was an beautiful experience. Now free from the torturous circumstances, I can even appreciate the bitter things that the relationship came with. Something about the fights we had, and even the betrayal I got made you feel more “alive.” Like the sweet taste wouldn’t be truly sweet without the bitterness. One thing I have learned from those 5 years is that we are human. It’s hard to put into words what that simple statement means. But I’ll take what things I have learned into the next relationship. I personally do believe that you can’t learn anything organically to be good at it without failure and mistakes made. The 5 years of being in a relationship with her were a successions of failures, errors, and foolish mistakes. From each failure and error, I learned something with which I was able to apply into that relationship to make it better and last longer. It was my first real adult relationship. It was a miracle it lasted that long. One thing I have learned from this experience is that it is not the mistakes we have made that is meaningful, but it is in how we each handle and fix our mistakes that shows a working organic intelligence.

There is a saying that goes: “When it rains, it pours.” In December of 2012 what was left of my sadness from my rough break up was gone and it was quickly replaced by another event which Life threw my way. My aunt-mom had become gravely ill all of sudden. I spent some time to help her out, and I stayed over at her house to help take care of her.

One night in December of 2012 I had a dream. In the dream my hair was very long, down to my calves. I got excited and I ran into my sister’s room and said to her: “Barb, look! My hair is long past my ass! I bet you if I wore a black dress I’d look like Morticia from the Addams Family!” She goes: “Yeah, you do. But that’s gunna take a lot of conditioner.” I woke up after that and retold the dream in my diary. I remember what it means. It meant that an old chapter of my life had come to a close, and a new act in my the pageantry of my Life was being prepared.

A month later, I had another dream. In this dream I parked my car in the evening at my little mom’s house to walk in. But in the front yard blocking the door was a giant anaconda the size of a car. This giant snake had a rattlesnake’s tail. It saw me and started to rattle its tail, and I backed up, but was too fascinated to run. It was the biggest snake I had ever seen. It’s head turned to look at me. I became afraid that it might chase me, so I was ready to run away, but I saw that it had eaten something big, so I knew that it wouldn’t be able to slither fast. So I stayed to look at it. The snake got bored of me and rested its head back on the ground.

At breakfast I told my aunt-mom and uncle-dad about this dream to let them interpret it for me. My aunt-mom says that when you dream about a snake it means somebody is thinking about you in a romantic way. Or that somebody is interested in you. My uncle-dad said in English that the size of the snake symbolizes the status and means of the person. If a small snake, it means the person who likes me may be poor, or may have a little reputation in their community, or may have a low rank at work. If the snake is large, it means the person who likes me may have money, or may be a well known person in their community, or may have a high position at their work place. I thought of Vanessa immediately. She has been working at her work place for over 6 years and has climbed the ranking system there. Last time I heard she was a manager of a section at her place.

Curious the next day I went to my grandmother house for her to do a traditional numerology thing for me to read my life. She and the aunts and uncles know who to do this. Traditionally, if you are interested in someone, your elders will add up your numbers and the numbers of the person you are interested in. From the numbers they can make a forecast of your life and relationship. How rich or poor you will be, the state of your health, and if you will last long together. In many cases, if the numbers don’t add up where they reveal that the couple is not compatible or that they will get into fights, or that the boy has bad financial habits, the marriage will be called off.

What I see them do is take the day of week you were born on, then the lunar month you were born on, then the animal year you were born in. Each day, lunar month and animal year gets a number I guess. Then they draw 12 dots in a row. Underneath I see two rows of numbers, and a final third row of numbers has only 9 numbers. The 12 rows are divided into three equal parts. The first part represents the years from birth to circa age 25. The second section represents age 25-50. The last section represents your old age. The elders can tell when in your life you will get very sick, when in your life you will meet your Khu, when you will have financial troubles and when you will be prosperous and so on. So I had my grandmother do a forecast of my life for me like this. I just secretly wanted to know about when I will meet my Khu. She adds up the numbers and I sit thru a boring read, and she says that when I am the age corresponding to the Western year 2014 it will be time for my Khu to come into my life, meaning that is the year I will be fated to meet the one I was paired up with.

With all that knowledge, I made a phone call to an old friend who worked in the same place Vanessa did. Over the years I had kept a friendship with my friend Donovan. Even though I am out of Vanessa’s life, and have not seen her or talked to her since 2010, I still have an informant who keeps me up to date on whatever he sees and hears. So, in reality, I never left her life. I ask my friend Donovan to do me a favour and somehow causally get information on Vanessa’s relationship status. If she is still with the same person [M], and tell me whats up when he gets the data. He said he’ll get the data when the opportunity arises.

While I waited pensively for my friend Donovan to pass me the data, I one night made a deal with Fate. I told Fate in my head that I will stop resisting and will learn to play the bass guitar if it gives me a Sign. Just so I’ll know that I’m not crazy or wasting my time. A week and a half later Donovan called me up. He had learned some interesting things. Vanessa is no longer with M. He doesn’t know the details of why they broke up, but he says she has been looking very sad lately. So as of 2013 she is single, and sad. I have my suspicions as to what may have happened, based on what the Gypsy said.

I was sitting in the parking lot carefully looking at her new truck, looking for clues earlier while I was waiting for Donovan to call me. I noticed that her truck has a V6 engine. This leads me to hypothesize that she spends a lot of money on gas, since she works in Fullerton and lived out in LA. I deduced that if she one day broke up with M, that she will return to Fullerton for two reasons: 1) to save gas money, and 2) Fullerton is her Homebase where her friends, and relatives are at. I told Donovan this information and asked him to try and find out what’s up with her living arrangements. Where is she living at, what city. A week or so later Donovan informs me that Vanessa is living back in Fullerton in a one bedroom apartment. Now she is only 15 minutes away from me.

I kept my end of the deal with Fate. It had given me the Sign I wanted. Her ~4 year relationship has ended. I figured that while I wait a year for Vanessa’s heart break to heal, I’ll learn to play the bass guitar. Like two magnets pulled apart… drawn back to each other.

Chloe 352

Order of Nine Angles

2.28.124 yf

CAN’T LET GO

Dark Olive

The distance of Nine years of Life traversed, the Time between us which has changed us both; and still, I can’t let you go. Even though three years have past by, there still exists a thin thread of Fate between you and I. Things were never right between us back then. That heartless Fate, which plays its games with us, drew us apart, to live our separate lives in the end.

 

Your infatuations back then… never was your mind on me, the way I wanted it to be. Except that one moment when you were with your first, and you accidentally called her my name. My five year long relationship… but never was my mind fully on her. It’s painful for me [and she], to be able to love someone for so long, so deeply, but yet deep inside I wanted you… for nine years Vanessa.

 

I once told you long ago that inside I felt a weird feeling of having known you from some past. That we were fated to know each other. And you said you felt the same feeling; that you wanted to grow old together. But like that Gypsy said, you had to go to experience life and have your heart broken, before you returned. And so the silent years between us… and the burden in me, of knowing the shape of things to come.

 

Knowing how things will become is lifeless. Going thru the ending moments of a five year relationship gone bad was painful. And now, your four years with her has ended in the same manner; just like the Gypsy said long ago. She said to me long ago: “Unless you have had your heart broken, you will never truly appreciate the love another has for you.” I know both of us have been beaten rough by Life, but from it we both are the more wiser.

 

I’ll give you one year to let you heal, as it took one year for my heart to mend and beat again. Then, I’ll place a long letter in your Dark Olive truck, like I placed a letter in your white Pontiac long ago. And as it was last time, we’ll talk over bottles of red wine. But this time around Vanessa, there will be no need for late night drunken tarot card readings about our soul mates. I’ll tell you who your soul mate is. I’ll walk the length of my desert for you, to drink from the well of Midian. And trust that Fate will take care of the rest of the details. Wyrdwilling, we’ll grow old and plant tomatoes together. Just to plant one tomato plant with you when we are both grey and old, would make this entire Life I will have lived, worth its brief moment.

~C

February 13, 2013,

One year Before…

THE DISCOVERY & KNOWING OF SATAN

The Discovery and Knowing of Satan

Satan, Acausal Entities, and The Order of Nine Angles

The Order of Nine Angles is an esoteric association of individuals, and the emphasis of this association is on: (1) practical experience and challenges (Occult, exoteric, and amoral) and (2) on the authority of individual judgement. Thus, for the ONA, what matters is the individual developing, from their own years-long (mostly decades-long) practical experience, a personal weltanschauung: that is, discovering their own individual answers to certain questions concerning themselves, life, existence, the Occult, and the nature of Reality.

Hence the ONA – by our Labyrinthos Mythologicus, our philosophy and praxis, our traditions – just suggests, incites, inspires, annoys, tests, challenges, provokes, intrigues, perplexes, and (in some individual cases and if asked for) may offer some practical personal guidance. We also place no restrictions – moral, legal, or otherwise – on the individual nor assign any moral value to the methods, the praxis, which we suggest might lead to knowledge, insight, discovery, self-development and thence to answers to questions concerning life, existence, the Occult, and the nature of Reality. In fact, we positively encourage amoral experiences, heresy, and the transgression of accepted norms.

Therefore in specific matters – such as the nature and reality of the being described by the exoteric name Satan, and the nature and reality of what we have termed acausal entities [the Dark Gods et al] – we expect individuals to arrive at their own conclusions, based on their own practical experience and learning, since we have no dogma about such matters, no orthodoxy, and certainly make no claims that we possess the truth or have all the answers, and certainly never claiming that we possess some sort of absolute authority: diabolical, supra-personal, revelatory, or whatever. Our authority, such as it is, is that deriving from and manifest in the accumulated individual pathei-mathos – the experience and the learning – of our members.

What we do claim is that our practical way works, in terms of encouraging and producing a certain type of individual, and in terms of assisting those individuals to develop a certain wisdom and insight, both Occult and otherwise.

Apprehensions of Satan and Acausal Entities

In respect of Satan and acausal entities, our tradition – our accumulated individual pathei-mathos – suggests that there are two possible modes of apprehension of such beings/entities, and that one of these apprehensions can only be known by individuals actually engaging in practical Occult activity of a certain type [i.e. following our Seven Fold Way from Initiate to Internal Adept]. Having then so discovered and so experienced this particular apprehension, they are then and only then (in our view) in a position to make an informed and personal judgement about which of the two suggested apprehensions, in their opinion, might be a valid apprehension of Reality.

These two modes of apprehension of such entities are:

(1) The first mode of apprehension is that Satan and such entities have their origin, their existence, their reality, in our human consciousness/unconscious/imagination so that, in effect, they are symbols/archetypes, with Satan [the Satan] being, for example, an archetype of heresy, rebellion, chaos, and adversarial conflict, and/or with ourselves as individuals being a satan and thus heretical, rebellious, adversarial, amoral. [1]

This mode of apprehension of such entities – while allowing for certain Occult mysteries and even (to some extent) for sorcery – is one dependant on Reality as conceived and as understood by Phainómenon; by what is apparent to us by means of our physical senses and what we deduce by causal means (by for example mathematics and experimental science) from such Phainómenon. In this Reality, sorcery is most often understood as an effect or effects of the human will, either individually (as in hermetic magick) or collectively (as in ceremonial magick).

In this particular apprehension, Satanism is conceived by the ONA as an Occult adversarial praxis, as an individual and group rebellion, as heresy, as one means of exeatic living, and as a causal form to Presence/Experience The Dark in this current still Nazarene-infested Aeon. Here, Satan can be discovered within us, and within others: and conceived as being part of our nature as human beings.

In this mode, Satan has no ultimate power or authority over us since such power and such authority as are deemed to be satanic are conceived as being within us or capable of being acquired by us by our development and liberation as individuals.

(2) The second mode of apprehension is that Satan and such entities are actual types of being (acausal life/energy) in a posited acausal continuum, which acausal continuum is quite distinct from the causal phenomenal realm described by such sciences as physics and astronomy, and which acausal beings are quite distinct from all the life-forms we know and have experienced by Phainómenon and understood by causal sciences such as biology. [2]

This mode of apprehension is thus one which posits/suggests a Reality of an acausal universe beyond/separate from the causal universe of Phainómenon (and of physical galaxies, stars, planets), and also of acausal beings living in this weird a-spatial, a-temporal, acausal universe, with the Cosmos being the totality of causal and acausal universes.

This apprehension is one where Satan is one entity of a particular acausal species, and which entity is said (by tradition) to have presenced/been manifest on Earth (by means of a nexion or nexions) in our historical past, with the being exoterically named Satan said to be, when manifest in the causal, a shapeshifter with the ability to assume human and other forms.

In this particular apprehension, Satanism is conceived by the ONA as the praxis and the way of life of those who are, or who seek to be, a friend both of the acausal shapeshifting entity known by the causal name ‘satan’ and a friend of other acausal beings similar to this Satan. Here, in this mode of apprehension, it is said that this entity Satan – and similar acausal entities – can be discovered/’contacted’/known by various esoteric rites and methods, and that one means of cultivating such a friendship is to follow our traditional Seven Fold Way as outlined in Naos, and in texts such as the original Black Book of Satan and The Grimoire of Baphomet. [3]

In this mode, Satan – and some other acausal entities – are understood as beings far more powerful than ourselves, and beings which we, as humans, cannot (even by Occult means) control.

Individual Judgement and the Appearance of Opposites

The ONA thus has two apprehensions of Satan and thus two types of satanism, with individuals free to choose and use and experience which of these satanisms they want or believe might be useful.

For such use and experience, of both, is according to our tradition the means whereby each individual can decide which – or neither, or both – of these satanisms their judgement informs them presents a better understanding of themselves, of Satan, and of Reality. Thus will they – or thus can they, possibly – become aware of the esoteric essence which has become hidden through causal abstractions and even by naming [4], and which awareness is of opposites-as-appearance not as Reality.

Hence one reason why the ONA – esoterically known and appreciated – is an association of sinister-numinous emanations, and why (of course) we continue to annoy, provoke, intrigue, and perplex many Occultists (especially many who describe themselves as Satanists) and why we continue to incite and inspire others by our tests, our challenges and our mysteriums.

Anton Long
2011 ev
Order of Nine Angles

Notes:

[1] Refer for instance to the ONA text The Geryne of Satan (pdf).

[2] A brief overview of the acausal is given in the ONA text The Ontology and Theology of Traditional Satanism.

[3] Controversially, we apprehend Baphomet as The Dark Goddess, the entity – the lady – to whom human sacrifices were and are made. She is the bride-and-mother of Satan.

[4] Which naming includes ‘satan’. On this problem of names obscuring, refer to the ONA text Denotatum – The Esoteric Problem With Names.

^^^

Credits

Words/Forms: This article had its genesis in some private correspondence (during October 2011 ev) with someone living in Africa who, having been acquainted with the ONA for over a decade, sought to elucidate certain esoteric matters relating to the ONA tradition, and one of whose questions related to Satan.

[Original Source]

WORDFULL INCONTINENCE

Wordfull Incontinence

Back to business. My holiday season was a stressful one this year. But in the end I unexpectedly learned something from the dhukka. The more time passes by, the more I feel that the Myattian & ONA concept of Pathei-Mathos is a “living” way to learn directly from Life. Thinking about these past few weeks and what I have learned, I now think I know how the ancients in the past learned and acquired their wisdom; even before writing was invented. I have a number of things rolling around my head at the moment.

-Balance-

On December 1^st of 2012 my aunt-mom called me up and asked me to sit-in for her at her shop she owns because she had a headache and wasn’t feeling well. My “aunt-mom” is my adopted mother who is the older sister of my biological mother. I call my “aunt-mom” “Big Mom” since she is the older sister, and my biological mom “Little Mom” since she is the younger sister. In my heart, I feel my Big Mom to be my mother since she raised me from birth to age 15. My biological mom feels to me more like an older sister or older cousin. And so when my Big Mom gets sick I worry more. So I went to sit-in for my Big Mom at her store thinking it was only for a day. It wasn’t.

A day after my big mom appeared to have the flu symptoms. So I told her to stay home and rest and I’d take care of the store. Her condition rapidly deteriorated. A week after the First, big mom was bedridden and couldn’t eat anything. She began having fevers on and off. I told my little mom that I’ll be staying at big mom’s house to watch her. My little mom informs the rest of the family that my big mom had the flu. At least we thought it was the flu since flu season is crazy this year. My grandmother who is 84 came to check up on big mom and ordered my “uncle-dad” [big mom's husband] to “coin” big mom.

Coining is an odd traditional practice the Chinese and Southeast Asians do. When you do is take Vick’s or Tiger Balm and use the balm to trace lines and patterns down the back of the body and on the front of the body. Then you take a Coin and scrape the coin along the balm lines until each line become red. I don’t know what medical thing it actually does; perhaps nothing. But in most families from Southeast Asia when you are sick or not feeling well, they “coin” you. The coining appeared to help big mom.

The third week of December big mom no longer had the flu and she was walking again, but weakly. She was eating again, but very little. But now she began to complain that the right side of her body felt numb. She and I check her blood pressure each morning and at the time it was very low. So I knew it wasn’t a stroke. But what was it?

A week later big mom is unable to walk anymore. She is very weak and suffering from extreme fatigue. She complains that when she tries to walk her right leg does not want to work and the nerves in her right leg fires off “electricity” and shocks her. She also constantly complained that her right hand felt “weird” as she said. She said her right hand felt as if it wasn’t her hand and that when she squeezed it hard or bit it, she was not able to feel any pain. She had fevers on and off, and her flu symptoms came back.

I became frighten about the numbness she was complaining about. I couldn’t figure it out. Under conditions like this I become manipulative and deceptive. Meaning that even though inside I was afraid, I did not show it, and I fed my big mom false information so that she would not become afraid also, which would only make her condition worse. So I told my big mom that she shouldn’t worry because the numbness were symptoms of her flu she was having.

When something like this happened where an aunt or uncle becomes very ill my family has an unwritten “rule” of doing whatever we need to do to not let grandma know anything, until the illness is over. This is because grandma is 80 something and we just can’t have her worrying badly at her age.

And so, since my aunt-mom became sick again with new odd symptoms I put my big mom on lock down and took control of her family and all information flow. I informed my uncle-dad and cousin-siblings to not say anything about big mom’s condition to any of the aunts and uncles or grandma will know and worry. Besides my uncle-dad, I did not let any of my cousin-siblings enter big mom’s room to visit too long, and if they ask big mom questions about her condition I spoke for big mom and asked them to leave. The thing with traditional Asian families is that the “chain of command” is age based. And so because I am the oldest of my cousin-siblings [big mom's natural children], they have to follow orders from me. I also monitored all phone calls big mom made and received when I was home from work, to monitor what type of information was leaving her bedroom, and where that information was going.

I waited a few days to see if the numbness would go away, but it didn’t. During those days I assured my big mom and uncle-day that it was nothing to worry about and that it was just a flu symptom. But my big mom was worrying a lot now about the numbness. To make her feel better I decided to take her to the family doctor and had uncle-dad come along; but I insisted that I do the speaking since I spoke the best English. This is a technique I use to get things my way. At the family doctor I said that big mom has a severe case of the flu for a few weeks. She gets fevers on and off, and she complains that her leg and hand are numb. I added that her blood pressure was low and that I think it’s not something to fear. So after checking her for a while, the family doctor gives us his diagnosis which was virtually what I had told my big mom before we went to see the family doctor. The doctor said that he’ll give her 4 shots and an i.v., to rehydrate her. He added that she has the flu. He said that he’d be scared for big mom with these symptoms [numbness] if her blood pressure was high, but that since it was not, it was nothing to worry about since it may be flu related.

The technique is to get an “authority” figure to state to my target audience what I want the audience to hear. I told my big mom that the numbness is flu related and not to worry, but she did not believe me and worried a lot about it. So I got a doctor to say virtually the same thing I did by feeding the doctor selective information. This worked and got my big mom and uncle-dad not to worry; which was the original objective. The family doctor by the way is young and inexperienced. He is a close friend of my little mom and has known me for many years. He takes care of my grandmother and others in our family. But with that familiarity comes Trust. So that trust coupled with his inexperience makes it so that he rarely questions information I give to him.

When January came her condition began to get much better. Big mom was gradually eating more and more. She was walking again, but slowly. Her flu symptoms were gone. But her leg and right hand were still numb. This was the clue I needed. Now I knew the numbness was not related to her flu. It was caused by something else. I went thru all the medication she was taking since I hypothesized that the numbness may be caused by one of those pills or some of those pills clashing with each other. I asked big mom to pick out just the medication she needed to keep her blood pressure down and to stop taking the rest. I explained to her my reasoning and she agreed to do as I asked.

A week later big mom reports to me that the numbness in her leg had gotten better, and that her right hand was also improving. But now we all noticed that big mom was very pale. I looked at her hands and feet and they were very white, as if no blood were in them. At first I assumed it may be related to the cold weather so I waited a while to see if her color would come back to her hands and feet.

When the paleness did not go away, I told my one of my cousin-brothers [only a few months younger than me] to take big mom to see the family doctor in the morning and inform him that big mom is pale and for him to figure out why her hands and feet were bleach white. I was working at big mom’s shop all day, 7 days a week, so I wasn’t able to take big mom myself. I told my cousin-brother to keep this just between us for now and for him not even to tell his dad, my uncle-dad. I also told him to give me the doctor’s information First and I’ll decide if others should know.

In the evening of that same day my cousin-brother and big mom stopped by the shop. I was expecting good news, like the family doctor saying not to worry. My cousin-brother Andy looked afraid when he walked into the shop. I asked him what the doctor said while I was guiding big mom to a chair so she can sit down. Andy informs me that the family doctor said that big mom has Anemia and that her red blood cell count is dangerously low. Her hemoglobin level was at 4 points, whereas a normal person should have 12 points. The doctor said that if her level drops by 2 more points her heart will fail. Andy said that the doctor had strongly urged for him to take big mom to USC Medical Center ASAP to get a blood transfusion and the doctor provided the information needed. Andy had just come to inform me of the diagnosis and to ask me if he could take his natural mother to USC that evening and to tell his dad. I told him to just rush her to USC right now and that I’ll explain things to his dad in a few minutes.

I called my uncle-dad a few hours later to tell him, then he left his work early to go to USC, while I kept the shop running. I waited a few hours to give Andy and big mom time to get to USC Medical Center and get a room and start the process. This way uncle-dad – when informed – has no choice in the matter and no room to interject opinions about anything. This sounds “bad” and unethical, but it happens often in my family. Once an uncle of mine who is married was in the emergency room for something severe. This uncle had severe pain in his abdomen and became unconscious. In the hospital the doctors wanted to operate on him, to cut him open and figure out what was wrong. My aunt-mother being the oldest of her siblings is the highest in command.

So at that time she fought with the doctors to have them release her brother so the family can care for him. She refused to have them cut him open when none of them knew exactly was wrong with him. The uncle’s wife begged my aunt-mom to not take her husband out of the hospital and to let the doctors check inside him. My aunt-mom yells at my uncle’s wife saying: “Keep in mind you are lower in rank to me. You’re just a wife. Somebody unrelated to him. I’m his sister. That’s my blood in his veins! He’s my brother! It’s in my mother’s hand and mine, if he lives or dies. Not yours! You have no say in the matter!” So my aunt-mom, little mom, and another aunt signed the paperwork after fighting with the doctors, and they released him. The uncle was nursed back to health in a few month and is very alive today. So in these circumstances Blood out ranks marriage in the family. My uncle-dad has no real say in the matter, because he is not related to my big mom. He only has jurisdiction over his natural children. My aunt-mother’s person by Blood is under our family’s jurisdiction.

My aunt-mom spent 3 days at USC. She was given 3 pints of blood to bring her level up to 8 points. The three days were stressful. The doctors there did help big mom by giving her the blood transfusion, but they did what doctors do and speculated where all that blood could have gone to. Over the three days Andy would call me often and feed me information the doctors were telling him. The doctors’ story and explanations changed daily. At first they said she may have internal bleeding. Then they said it could be her liver? Then they said she may have cancer. They wanted to look inside my big mom to see if they can find where all the blood went or what was causing all that loss of red blood. Andy was complaining on the phone with me that big mom was being stubborn and did not want the doctors sticking cameras up and down her orifices. So I told him to put big mom on the phone for me. When she was on the phone I explained to big mom to NOT allow anyone to cut her open or stick anything in her body. Just have them give the blood she needs and demand to come home. Nobody is looking for anything. I also told her not to listen to Andy or her husband if they both go along with the doctors and want them to look inside her body. It’s her body, not theirs I said.

On one of these days my big mom called me up and said that she was fighting with a female doctor who was insisting and demanding that she [big mom] sign some paperwork so they can look inside her body. Big mom informs me that she had told the female doctor that she had to first check with her daughter [me]. I was informed that the female doctor got angry and said to my aunt-mother: “Why do you need to check with your daughter?! She’s doesn’t know anything.” I got very angry and asked my anut-mom to put the bitch on the phone for me and I’ll deal with her. I spent some time screaming at the stupid bitch – using a large dose of profanity – and basically told her that nobody is sticking anything inside my mother. Just give her the fucking blood and leave her alone. So, finally, when it was safe, they released big mom after 3 days; and nobody stuck anything inside of her to check for shit.

These doctors have only seen my big mom or known her for a day or 3. My family has lived with my big mom for their whole lives. If anybody knows anything about big mom, it’s us. All it took was for me to call my little mom and after explaining to her what was going on with big mom, I asked her to call every elder in our family and every old kin who ever knew big mom and ask them if they recall big mom ever having a blood condition of any kind. All the elders said that they remember that she did. We learned that in big mom’s childhood there were two times when big mom was taken to the doctors for check ups. The first time was when she was around 9 and the second was when she was 17. Both times the doctor had told big mom’s parents to give her lots of red meat because she has low blood levels. So big mom has always had anemia since childhood.

A week after she got out of the medical center big mom is near normal. She looks vibrant and alive again. She doesn’t have fatigue anymore. The numbness is gone. She is active again.

It was after big mom had gotten out of USC a few days that we lifted the lock down. I told big mom that she can tell grandma what happened now. But not over the phone, as this would worry her to death since she can’t see how healthy big mom looks in person. So we went to grandma’s house in the evening to tell everyone how close big mom came to death.

Of course everybody was worried, but they were all delayed worries since it was all over. My little mom and the aunts and uncles talked amongst themselves and together agreed to pay for any bills big mom had from her ordeal, including paying for what medication she needed. They all told her not to worry about anything and to just get better.

My poor grandmother was crying, as any mother would, after learning her daughter was very sick and close to death. Me, big mom, and little mom reassured her that it was all over and big mom was well. The only thing my grandma said [softly to herself in Khmer] when she was crying was: “To be born human… one can never go beyond dhukka.”

Once the rest of the family knows everyone naturally starts calling around to inform others of what happened. Soon the distant kin and extended family became aware of my big mom’s two month ordeal. She was beginning to get calls from distant relatives asking about her well-being. By this time big mom was well enough to come to work at her store again, but she was on “light duty,” with me doing the work. She just wanted to try to start “rehabilitating” herself again at work. So big mom was getting all of these calls from relatives as far away as France, Australia, and Thailand. I monitor her phone conversations, she knows this and is cooperative. If I sit down next to her, she knows to put her phone on speaker so I can hear the other side of the conversation. If the conversation is of no concern I walk away. If the conversation deals with a topic of interest or deals with information on lock down, I take control of the conversation and feed big mom what she should say.

One evening just after dinner I heard my big mom’s phone ringing, so I walked to her room and stood by the door way to listen. She looked at me and put her phone on speaker, so I sat next to her on her bed to listen in on her conversation. It was just a Great Aunt I was familiar with. She is an auntie of my big mom and was just calling to see how big mom was doing and to ask what exactly happened to her. I found the conversation to be of no concern so I slowly walked out, but I stopped at the doorway because the Great Auntie had said something that caught my concern. I heard the Great Auntie ask big mom if she was well taken care of and had people around her to watch over her. My big mom replied in Khmer: “Yes ma’am, don’t worry about me auntie. I have all my children taking care of me and doing things for me. My daughter [me] is working at my store and letting me rest. My oldest son has been driving me around the place and running errands. And my siblings take care of my bills.”What caught my concern was the Great Auntie’s response, she said: “I envy you and your mother, and what your family has.”

It caught my concern because in the Great Auntie’s statement the word “envy” and its context implied that she did not have people around like my big mom and grandmother do. I turned around to sit back on big mom’s bed to listen. I whispered in big mom’s ear to have her ask the Great Auntie where her children are, and big mom asked. The Great Auntie answered: “I have daughters… they’re all grown and married with children. They’ve married American husbands and these husbands don’t share our culture. And so my daughters have place me in a nursing home by myself like their people do to their Elderly parents. It’s very sad and lonely here.” I knew the Great Auntie is a widow since her husband had passed away a while back. I felt very sad for the Great Auntie, and in that moment something inside me clicked. It was as if I had realized something from experience which I once only knew in theory. And it was a heavy realization. After their phone conversation big mom sat on her bed looking very sad with her head down. I asked her what was wrong. She cried a bit, and just said to me: “It’s not right. We don’t do that to our parents and grand parents in our culture. I can’t believe my auntie’s own daughters abandoned her and picked their husbands over their own widowed mother. They don’t know how to keep things balanced.”

I didn’t say anything. After a few moments of silence my aunt-mother continued saying: “Your mother and I want you to be happy in life. We don’t discriminate against race and want you to be free to pick who you want to marry and have children with when you are ready. But who you pick to be with will influence not just your life, but the life and living standards of your own mother. Just like this Great Aunt is now alone because of the choices her own daughters have made. And your choice in a mate will affect your own children. Because what they see their mother and father do, they will also do. And so if you marry an American who has the culture of throwing away their parents, so too will your own children do to you. You have no obligation to care for me when I am old. Your duty in our culture is to care for your real mother because she is the one who gave you life. You must learn to balance your own needs and desires with the needs and desires of those around you such as your mother.”

I nodded and told big mom that I understood and that I won’t forget my debts and duties. I said that inside over the past few years I have changed and have given this topic much thought. I said that I don’t want my future children cultureless like some White Americans. We had a long private conversation about this topic of love, marriage, duty, and balance.

A few days later I went to my little mom’s house to have a private and important talk with my little sister; she is in her early twenties. I was concerned because over the years I have seen her date White guys. Her relationships never last long though. She dumps them if they say anything negative about her or her family. My concern was that she would end up marrying a White guy and may live like them and forget our mother and culture.

To figure out her position I told her about the Great Auntie who called the other day. My little sister looked sad and then became upset saying that the Great Aunt’s grown daughters were “disgusting” for doing what they did to their mother like White Americans. I approved of her feelings and statement with a smile. I told her that it all depends on who she ends up marrying though. If her future husband is a typical White American, then he won’t want to live with her and our parents. She protested and said that she’s realized that White Americans don’t have a culture, and she added that she wants to marry a Mexican since Mexicans share the same culture of caring for their parents and grandparents like we do. So we had a long sister to sister talk about guys, children, our mother’s future, and balance. It turns out that I didn’t have to instruct my little sister about anything. She had already thought about this subject on her own. I was very proud of her. The only thing I had to teach her about was the concept of Balance.

When I say “Balance” here, I mean the same thing as Justice in a philosophical sense. Justice here would be the act of being Just and Fair. Balance would mean when you are able to consider your own Self needs/interests and the needs/interest of Other and meet those needs of each party involved [Self & Other].

In ancient time in China and more recently in institutions like Freemasonry, the concept of being “Balanced” or Justice in the sense we are using it here was/is symbolized by the set-Square of 90 degrees. To be “On The Square,” as they say. That angle is a “Right” angle, and so to be Just or Fair is to also be “Righteous.” When an angle is measured for its Rightness the angle is said to be “Tried.” If the angle has been “Tried” and proven to be a perfect 90 degrees the angle is said to be “True.” And so to be “True” to your friend means the same thing as to be Fair with him. That Right Angle is perfectly Balance. Neither leaning beyond or below the 90 degree mark. To be Balance, was put in words by Christ in a nice way when he said: “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”

The easiest way for me to explain what Balance means on a practical level is to use small businesses to illustrate. Say you own a shop in a shopping plaza. As a small business owner you have your own Self interest which is to make a profit/revenue. BUT, the landlord who owns the plaza being the Other, has his own interests: to make money too. And so now you must consider not only your own Self needs, but the needs of that landlord. You want revenue but the landlord wants his rent paid. So what do you do? What you do is Sacrifice a portion of your revenue and render unto the landlord what is his. You must be able to give up a part of your profit to meet the needs of the landlord. So long as you pay your rent, you can keep your shop and continue to make your profit. That’s Balance. What happens when that Balance is disrupted? What happens when the Harmony of need and interest is out of harmony? What happens is that if you become greedy and only think of your Self and stop paying rent, your ass will no longer have a shop to make your money. So you’ve fuck the System up because of your own inability to balance your needs with the Other vector of that Causal System.

We can use another Causal System to illustrate. As a Citizen of America or a democratic nation you have your civil needs or civil interests or Self Interests, which is your own private civil liberties. But you are a vector in a larger causal system with other vectors. The Other in this case is the Federal Government. That Government also has its needs and interests. One such Federal need is tax money, which it uses to pay for armies and police force to theoretically keep your ass safe so you can continue to have civil liberties. So in that causal system, is your civil liberty meaningful to you? If it is, then it becomes your duty to learn to not only consider your own Self needs, but also to consider the needs and interest of the Federal Government by paying your taxes. If you are unable to consider the needs of that Government, then you help fuck the system up. And vice versa: if that Government fails to have the ability to consider and understand your/our needs and interests and citizens then the system will also be fucked up.

Same thing with a big corporation. With a large corporation things get more complex because you have more than two vectors in the causal system. You have employees, management, the executive board, shareholders, and your market. All those vectors have their Self need/interest. And so as a big public corporation it becomes such that you must learn to empath and feel and consider the needs and interests of your employees, management, executives, shareholders, AND the needs and interests of your market. As a corporation your Self need or interest is to make a lot of money. But if you are unable to meet the needs and interests of all other parties involved, you fuck up the system and in turn disrupt your source of cash flow, which is your Self interest.

For example, if you disregard the interests of your market and make cheap shitty products to sell to them, you will gradually lose that market. If you don’t stay “cutting edge” with your products and can’t hang ten with your competition, you may lose your shareholders and investors. If you mistreat your employees, you may lose them or the union goes on strike. With a causal system involving many parties like this, Balance becomes an interconnected complex web. To illustrate, if your labour force goes on strike, you lose money. And if enough money is lost you freak the shareholders out. So it’s not enough that you yourself have the capacity to keep things balanced. You can be Balanced all you want, but if those Other units of your causal system don’t want to cooperate or can’t keep balanced, they fuck the system up for you.

This web of Balance can be seen better in context to every day life. Lets say you have a causal system composed you Your Self, your Family, Friends, and your Boyfriend. This is a relatively simple four vector system. But ALL four parties must be Just and Fair with all parties involved. Each of the four parties must consider and “Justify” the needs and interests of each other party. As a Self you can have a balanced relationship with your Family, Friends, and Boyfriend. But if your Boyfriend becomes unable or unwilling to allow you to give time and attention to your Friends, this fucks up the relationship between you and your Friends. If your Family doesn’t allow you to see your Boyfriend and meet his needs, they fuck that relationship up. If your Friends take up all of your time and energy, they may mess up your relationship with your Family and Boyfriend. If the other parties involved don’t have the capacity to allow you to meet the needs of those Others, you may have to pick and choose. Your Family or your Boyfriend? Your Boyfriend or your Friends? The whole system falls apart. It’s like the parts in your car has lost the ability to work as a system and now you must pick parts: your engine or your transmission? Your wheels or your gas tank? At this point, it don’t matter what car part you actually pick because: you won’t be going anywhere.

Be careful what you build your causal systems out of. The functionality of your relationships [causal systems] depends on the Ethos and Cultural habit of each person involved. If you use Mundanes with Mundane Ethos who have the cultural habit of thinking only of themselves and disregard the needs and interest of Others, whatever you have Built with them will fall apart. That’s a guarantee. And we wonder why American Culture is so fuck up these days. We don’t even have communities any more. Here in California we can be living next to a neighbour for 20 years and during that time we don’t even know their names, let alone consider their needs and interests. Same shit with Governments. If you take Average Public Joes and Janes who can only think of themselves and lack an ability to consider the needs and interests of Others, whatever Government they form or make up will be fucked up. It’s not the concept of Democracy which is fucked up, it’s the people who collectively make up such democracy that is fucked up. It may be fine for you yourself to only think of your self interests. But increase that Self to 300 million Selves who can and will only think of themselves, and you got one fucked up America.

We can use driving on public streets to show how this concept of Balance corresponds with the notion of Justice. When you are driving on the street you have the obvious self interest and need to go somewhere. But it turns out that you are not the only person on the street: there are Others on the same street with you. And interestingly, they too have their own self interest to go somewhere. So now we have a problem on our hands. The problem is with so many people involved and with everyone having the self interest and need to go somewhere, how do we make it so that it is Fair for everyone? What we must do is then create a “system of negotiation” where the needs of each person on the road is considered and is negotiated in such a way where that each individual eventually gets to gets to drive and indulge in their self interest of going somewhere. We see this “system of negotiation” in the form of stop signs, traffic lights, and in rules of driving like “right of way,” and shit. So this is where Justice comes in. We now have a system of negotiation in place. And if you as an individual can only think of your own self interest and you plow down the street disregarding traffic lights and other cars, the cops will bust you and give you a ticket. That’s Justice. You deserve it.

But that same Justice must be flexible to event and context. Let say you were a husband and your wife in in labour. You need to rush her ass to the hospital so she can have the baby. In this case, in that specific context and situation, the needs of your wife – that of her being in extreme labour pain – out weighs the simple needs of many others on the street who just want to get somewhere. So even if you plow down the street, and even if the cops pull you over to do their job, you may not be given a ticket because your actions and behaviour is “justified,” in said context and condition. Or a fire truck with sirens on can “justly” plow down the road, because a house and people burning just might be more important than the self interest of people who are driving to the local liquor store to buy beer and chips for the super bowl.

Another example of a system of negotiation would be Military Rations. You’re in the military in a war. You get hungry, and so you have the obvious self interest of eating. But it turns out that there are many more Other people in your platoon, and they also get hungry and also have their own self interest of eating. So we have a problem. Who gets to eat? Everyone does, with rations. What happens in this case if you were a soldier and you were only able to think of your own self interests, and in total disregard for the needs of your own fellow soldiers you eat more than what was rationed to you? You get busted. That’s military justice. A system of negotiation has been created to try and eventually meet everyone needs. So a “line” has been drawn and everyone agrees to observe that line. If you cross that line – regardless of who you are – you will be dealt with.

I’m your friend, and your my friend. I have needs/interests and you have needs/interests. So lets try to make this friendship work out by negotiating a system or way where that both our needs and interests are met somehow. That’s being “square” or fair in your dealing. Same thing on a national level. America as a “person” has its interests in the Middle East. It’s friend Israel also has its own self interests and needs in the area. So America and Israel must get together and say: “Look friends, we both have national interests in this area. Lets negotiate and work something out.” But you have the needs and interests of the Palestinian people to also consider, which apparently Israel has a hard time considering.

So we have that Web of Balance again. Which is difficult in this case. Because as an America, how do you meet the needs and interests of the State of Israel and the needs and interests of the Palestinian people? The Palestinians want their own home land, and the Israelis want all of the territory of Palestine. And on top of that America has its own third party interests met. If the Balance is lost and deteriorates, than the condition of the area gets very fucked up and lots of people die. So it’s much more than the simple idea of needs and interests being met. We’re working with causal systems of cause and effect. A significant imbalance can mean lots of people being slaughters, political and economic instability in the region which will eventually – causally – effect America and other nations. The choices we make in life wyrdfully will effect others. Extreme self interest where you are incapable of considering the interests of others wyrdfully causes problems.

This is one major reason why I really dislike the biological software we called “LaVeyan Satanism” or “Modern Satanism” in general. It’s worse than the psychological software of Secularism, because this Modern Satanism thing programs its adherents to be extremely Self centered to the point where they express hostile disdain to the mere talk and concept of altruism and compassion, and meeting the needs and interest of Others. It’s already a fucking given that each human, animal, and plant has by nature Self interest. The hard part is to recognize that we exist in a giant causal system with Other people and things, and those Others have their own Self Interests and Needs. And if those needs and interests are not met, where that your actions in life are “Unjust,” you fuck shit up. If you deforest the Amazon Jungle because you lack the ability to understand that jungle has its own interest and needs and a function in your causal system, then you mess up that system majorly. If you have the self interest of expanding your civil population by building a new city in the territory of animals and you disregard their needs and interests, then you may push those animals into extinction.

So once we gain a working understanding of what “Balance” tries to mean in this essay, we can briefly talk about “Natural Justice,” which should mean something similar to “Natural Balance.” In Nature, “Lady Justice” truly is blind. To illustrate, lets say we have a small ecosystem made up of Plants, Rabbits, and Hawks. Each of those species of organism in this ecosystem have their own self need and self interest. The Plants need to thrive to propagate and maintain the greenery of the ecosystem. But Rabbits eat the Plants. If the Rabbit population grows too large, the Plants will be all eaten up. And so the Hawks helps Balance this by preying on the Rabbits. But if to many Rabbits are the Hawk population may grow to large. And so Seasons such as Fall and Winter helps keep the carnivores in check. When winter comes many of the Plants die out and the Rabbit population drops, and the Hawk population drops. And so a natural “system of negotiation” can be seen where Mother Nature ‘gives’ each species the time to eventual thrive and dwindle, to live and die. Those that do end up dying or being eaten have done nothing “bad.” It’s just how Nature works.

The same system or order of Natural Justice can be seen between Nature and the Human species. As a human species we collectively have the self interest of thriving. But Nature can’t have us over populating the earth in total disregard for all of her other species who have their own needs and interests. So we have viruses, bacteria, germs, cancer, famine, tsunamis, monsoons, earthquakes, ice ages, floods, and so on that help keep our collective population in check and balanced. If 30,000 humans died due to a tsunami, it doesn’t mean they were punished by Nature. It just means that Nature in her act of keeping Her house a balanced system is Blind, and that such humans simply got the “short stick.”

Then there are the indirect acts of Nature which helps further Balance things such as War. It can be said that “War” is man-made. In the same sense that a tree devoured of its leaves by leaf cutter ants is “ant-made.” But it is in the Nature of the Leaf Cutter ant to collect leave, and the ant being a living expression of Nature, it becomes that the act of these ants cutting and “devouring” a tree up is an indirect act of Nature. War is an expression of our own human nature, just like Love is. And so because we humans are living causal forms of the Essence of Life/Nature, War is then an indirect act of Nature. And war kills. In fact it appears that the more humans there are in the world, the more wars there are also, and the more human lives die. And so, if you were to ask me if it is possible for the earth to be over populated with 100′s of billions of humans to where it threatens all life on earth, I’d say it’s not possible. I don’t think Nature is that stupid.

So, there are self sacrifices involved when you honour the duty of meeting the needs of Other. For two months I gave up my personal freedom and free time to help my big mom. In turn she was cooperative and sacrificed her own privacy and took orders from me. It’s a give and take thing. There is a time to give, and a time to take. Like a dance, a moment to lead, and a moment to be led.

And like we seen up there, the more parties you have in your causal system or relationships, the more complex the web of balance becomes. My little sister at her age has not learned to deal with such a complex web of balance yet. The main reason why she dumps most of her boyfriends is because after a few months they start to act up and get greedy with their self interest and get in between her and our family. And so because she values her family more, she dumps them like a bowel movement. In other words, that boyfriend did not fit and function well in her causal system, so she drops them and tris to replace them with on that Fits well. You’re literally Building a causal system of human relationships in life. Be careful what you build such systems with. The Ethos of each person involved makes or breaks that system.

It’s tragic when you can’t maintain balance and you pick a boyfriend over blood, or a lover over your own children. And the choices we do make in life do influence and effect the life and condition of those around you. If I marry an American who lacks the capacity to be just or to allow me to be fair with my family and mother, and I choose to be with him, in time my mother will be in a nursing home when she is old. When that happens the culture and our old ways deteriorates. So there is a living connexion between personal Ethos, Balance, and human Culture. Culture is the causal system or matrix which has insured or helped insure the success and survivability of our ancestors. It is from out of that cultural matrix that each of us were born. And so because such Culture is a complex symbiotic or causal system of exchange of need and interest, you end up with a web of Balance. In that Web of Balance you then have Duties. The duty you owe to yourself in seeking your Self need and interest, but also the Duty you owe to the Others in your system in meeting their needs and interests. Without that Balance – when things become unjustified due to faulty judgment – that culture, or society, or religious institution, or nation, or family, or community, deteriorates and fall apart.

There was a real practical need for “state religions” in ancient times. It’s because of these so called “state religions” that each generation is imbued with the proper Ethos so that each generation is able on an emotional, physical, and social level to help maintain the coherency of the people and culture. Today in modern secular countries the so called political party takes the place of olden day function of state religions. The best example would be old Germany’s National Socialist Party, which had great potential for its people and culture. The political parties of today pale in comparison to what National Socialism was in its days. It was beyond a mere political party, it was a worldview and became a way of life. It’s unfortunate that Capitalism – the interest in capital – destroyed the old ways and the balance old Traditional ways manifested. And so with the balance lost, we today can now see the Fruit Capitalism has born. That self interest in mere money, in total disregard for the need and interest of other people, animals, and plants, and the earth, has given us a fucked up world.

-Anton Longs-

How many Anton Longs are there? I don’t know. Could be one, could be the whole community of Shropshire. Who were behind the Old Guards? Who knows. Was Beesty Boy using the pen name Anton Long? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. My perspective?

I don’t care. All that I know is that since as long as my friends and I have been around ONA, the Anton Longs and OG’s and Beesty Boys, and Usual Suspects have been consistently kind to us and have consistently helped us and me in their own ways get this far. And to me and my friends, that’s really all that matters. It’s not who or how many are behind what pen names. It’s essentially what they have done for us. And in turn my friends and I have consistently tried in our own way to help ONA. So I think it’s a fair trade. They help me out, and I help them out and together the ONA develops and comes to life.

And I do appreciate what they have done for me. Which is why I try not to step on anyone’s toes. DM can say what he needs and wants to say in public. Anton Long – or the Anton Longs – will continue to have his or their place in ONA mythos. Beesty Boy stays put in the mythos of ONA too. The Old Guard – whoever or whatever they are or were – will always call the shots, if they decide to return from the dark. All I know is they helped me for three years, and so I return the favour in my own ways.

All the talk, debate, and speculation really doesn’t do much. Some people in and out of ONA like to make a big deal out of who is writing recent ONA MSS under the pen name “Anton Long.” My perspective?

As long as DM, the AL’s, the OG’s and CB knows that I myself have never usurped that pen name, I’m fine and don’t care. What I do care about is what has been written. As a student of ONA, I like what has been written, and so I’ll incorporate it into my ONA. Other ONA initiates may like what has been shared and written in those recent ONA MSS too. And so they will also gradually incorporate that stuff into their ONA. And then collectively over time, it becomes that the ONA as an institution and Tradition changes and moves, and stays relevant to ONA people. That’s all that matters to me. Not who or how many are behind the manuscripts. But if I like what has been said.

It doesn’t have to be AL’s writings. I like many things written by other ONA fixtures. I like all of Hagur’s work, and like many I have met in ONA, I have personally incorporated Hagur’s works into my personal ONA system. I like all of Beesty Boys contributions. And like most current ONA students I have met, I have incorporated and use Beesty’s stuff in my personal ONA system. I like many of DM’s stuff, and even though he is not publicly a part of ONA, I still incorporate many of his ideas into my personal ONA system. I like many things Buddha taught. Last time I checked Buddha was not even remotely involved with ONA. But I use and incorporate his ideas into my personal ONA system. I love many ideas Jesus taught. Jesus is perhaps the polar opposite of ONA. But yet I use and incorporate many ideas and concepts Jesus taught into my personal ONA system. I like Islam, and have used Islamic ideas and memes in my personal ONA.

So for me, it doesn’t matter who is writing what. The matter is if I like it and if I can use it to better myself in some way. Let there be 100 Anton Longs. As long as what they write is meaningful to ONA people in some way or form. So when we each incorporate different ideas and things into our own private ONA system, in turn over Time, the whole ONA as an institution and tradition changes and evolves to keep up with us. This way ONA stays relevant to us, and to each generation. It insures longevity for ONA, and insures evolution for ONA.

I wish there were 100 Mundane trolls who were intelligent enough to write similar quality essays that Anton Long wrote, who also wanted to troll ONA by dedicating 1-3 years of their lives to pretending to be AL and write for ONA. I’d not only encourage them, but support them. Cuz shit, the essence of what I have done so far is to try and stimulate or inspire others to duplicate Anton Long’s efforts.

A lot of the things I learn from people like DM, AL, and CB, don’t come from their writings and works. It comes from just observing how they actually work and looking for the end results of such work they have done.

One very real thing I learn from observing the wordless efforts of DM, AL, & CB is a concept I call “Resonance.” When our WSA was new in the ONA scene 4 years ago we spent some time trying to recruit people to join our WSA. In those old days we used what we thought was a clever method of finding new recruits. What we did was make profiles in forums and ask people about ONA or ask for their opinions about ONA. Usually a whole grip of people will come into such thread and spew forth their opinions. So what we did was pick out the ones that expressed an interest to also know about ONA. Then we’d private message them and via the PM system, we’d work one on one with our fish we caught to make them into WSA members.

A few months later we realized our clever method was not only primitive, but very inefficient. We put in so much work and effort just to get one or two people, and what people we did get to join our WSA were retarded. We were doing something wrong. So we brainstormed and one of us asked how does McDonald’s stay in one place and yet draw in customers, but we have to chase down our customers? Marketing and Advertising was an answer we looked into. But we looked at ONA and we asked, well, how did Anton Long get all of these people into ONA, if he’s not chasing people down to join it? What’s he doing? Our friend Sinistar gave us a big clue, he said: “If you built it, they will come.” And that was all I needed to go figure out what AL and DM and CB were doing right.

The first thing they do is “building.” Here “building” means that when you observe the activity of David Myatt over the 40 years, you’ll see that he’ll create something like a Numinous Way thing, and then he Builds it up by gradually creating a structured and coherent memeplex, worldview, and even lexicon. And so when you are curious about the Numinous Way, and you read the many writings, you eventually get a coherent body of ideas, theories, views, and so on, which together defines and outlines in detail the psychological boundary of The Numinous Way. On the other hand, our WSA back then has no body of coherent ideas at all.

Another secret to what DM, AL, & CB do is called “Consistency.” What this means is, if you look at DM or AL, you’ll see that he Consistently dedicated years and years to beefing up his creations but gradually adding more and more stuff to them over long periods of time. I consider this “secret ingredient” to be the most effective and fascinating.

We’ll use Beesty Boy as an example to show how effective and fascinating Consistency really is. CB came into the ONA and was Outer Rep a long time ago, circa 20 years. At that time frame, Beesty Boy did actively contribute writings, stories, artwork, musick, and chants to ONA. But you look carefully and you’ll notice that the contemporary generation around at this time who were around CB’s generation paid very little mind and interest in Beesty’s work. But there was a long-time consistency in his efforts. And so what we see is that as each new generation came to their minds, more and more people began to take notice of and interest in CB’s work. Here when I say a “generation” I want to mean the time span a 5-10 year old kid becomes a 25-30 year old adult, roughly ~20 years. So we look at the current ONA population today which is about 20 years later, and we see that a majority of current ONA initiates are heavily influenced and inspired by Beesty Boy’s stuff.

You see the same thing with the “Anton Long” stuff. Back in the 70′s when AL began to write ONA stuff, very little people of that era and generation cared to paid any mind to what AL had to say. But AL kept on trucking by, year after year, and in a generation or two, you see a sharp rise in the number of people who “Resonates” with AL’s stuff.

So that’s what I mean by “Resonance.” Resonance is when you take two bells of the same size and tone and you strike one, the other will resonate along. And from what I have seen in ONA, it appears as though this crucial resonance factor increased with the emergence of each new generation.

And so after me and my friends learned these unwritten things from DM, AL, & CB, we put them into practice ourselves. We did things like construct for WSA a coherent body of ideas, which became Opus Vrilis. We also made a blog to apply the Consistency thing where we just write year after year. And when we did write, we didn’t expect a flood of new recruits. We understood that we might not see any new members for another 10-20 years. But amazingly after only 2 consistent years of applying these two ideas, we began to get a lot of interest in membership in WSA. So much so that we had to close our open door membership policy a while back. So from direct application and direct experience, I learned that as a group, you don’t have to run around chasing new members.

Another thing I learned from AL & CB which is a part of the Resonance factor is something my WSA friends and I call “Glamour,” which means the same thing as what ONA terms “Mythos,” which means your Image.

I first came up with the essential idea of “Glamour” from watching a movie on television one night. The movie was called something like “Sex And The City.” It looked like it took place in the 80′s in San Francisco. There was a scene in there when this gay guy dresses in short shorts and a tight shirt and his straight female friend comment on his outfit and the gay guy says: “Thanks, well, you want to dress like what you want to come home with right?!” I thought that was brilliant and very true. You dress yourself up to look a certain way so that you can attract a certain type of person you want. That’s Glamour. In ONA terms, you dress ONA up in outfits [mythos/image] in order to attract to it a certain type of people who Resonates what that out fit.

Our WSA idea of Glamour back then was primitive. We had the basic idea, but we did not know how to “dress up” and glamourize our WSA, since it’s not a person. What we did know at the time was that you can “glamourize” yourself by creating and inventing personas to attract people to you. It wasn’t until we studied ONA and how AL and CB Glamourize ONA, that we learned how to create and work with mythos/image. But by then we had put our WSA on the back burner and were already dedicating all our efforts to ONA. So we took what we learned and we gradually helped build up its mythos.

So for example an ONA outfit would be National Socialism. That National Socialism helps give ONA’s mythos/image a certain Aura or feel. It’s that Aura that certain types of people will be drawn to. Does this mean ONA is a Nazi organization and that all ONA people are Nazi’s? No. I’m not White. I have Mexican friends into ONA, and Black friends into ONA. Do they care that ONA has a NS outfit? No.

Another outfit would be the idea of culling. I find it funny that you have supposed immoral or amoral Satanists online spend so much time talking about ONA and its stance on culling, but yet these same Satanic goons don’t ever spend the same amount of time and energy talking about China’s one child policy which was implemented in the 70′s and which so far has culled about 300 million fetuses and infants. That’s the entire population of America. Or what about the Native Americans? And Blacks? You first kidnap them from Africa, then enslave them, then let them free. But you keep them undereducated, don’t give them equal rights, stick them in ghettos, flood their ghettos with drugs, and fill prisons up with them. If that isn’t an act of a gradual culling of an entire race, I don’t know what is. But yet you have these dumb Mundanes spend time and energy talking shit about ONA and its stance on culling, when there is no proof that anyone in ONA has culled anyone. Death and killing is a part of nature. It is natural. It is human nature. But the IDEA of culling helps give ONA’s aura a certain feel, as does the Idea of Opfer. And it’s this feel that calls out those types who resonates with that feel. The type who may be open to the idea of culling, the type who may do a culling, the type who may encourage culling, the violent type, the criminal type, and so on.

Do ONA people cull? Who cares. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Not only does this culling idea draw into ONA certain types and quality of people, but more importantly it keeps out certain types and quality of people. If you look very closely at the online people who have an asscow over the idea of culling, you’ll see they are Mundanes with a Mundane Ethos. The last thing ONA needs are Mundanes with Mundane Ethos joining ONA. Why? Like I said up there somewhere: be careful what you use to build your shit with. If we use mundanes to build an ONA, ONA will get fucked up in a short while. National Socialism does the same thing. It keeps out Mundanes who have a cuntcramp over things like racism, jew hating, and things of that sort out of ONA.

So once you pick up the key ingredients of 1) Coherent memeplex, 2) Consistency, & 3) Image [mythos], you have the basic skills of developing ONA for the next generation. It takes time. That’s one thing I have learned. But if you have the patients and dedication, you’ll gradually see your work bare fruit as each year passes. Time is something to keep in mind if you are on the production side of ONA. You may today write essays, make musick, create new artwork or forms for ONA, and you may not see people take interest in your stuff. It takes time. Just like it did for AL & CB. Give it 10-20 years to mature. In a way it’s like a long term investment or life insurance. You put in your projects and contributions today and 10-20 years in the future you will get your end results. That’s actually what I am personally shooting for. What I write today is intended to bare results 10-20 years in the future. For me it will be worth it. It’s an unexpected surprise to see what stuff I have written bare little fruit now in only 4 years.

-Business-

Since I’ve been stuck at my big mom’s store 7 days a week, 12 hours a day for the past 2 months I’ve developed a routine. I eat a plain donut in the morning with hot tea, try to stay awake during the day, and wait for the clock to say 2 o’clock. Because when 2pm comes, it means 3 o’clock is coming soon, and when 3pm comes, it means 4 pm is coming soon, and when 4 pm comes, it means only 4 hours till closing! At 4pm it’s not as boring because interesting stuff is on TV. At 4 I watch Al Jazeera News, then at 4:30 I watch The Nightly Business Report [NBR], then at 5 I watch BBC World News America. I like Al Jazeera and BBC World News because everything seems really significant in a British accent. Even the most trivial of news bits in an English accent sounds super important and worrisomely fretful.

Usually the Nightly Business Report is really boring, but I just watch it because it’s in between the two programs I actually like. The past few weeks I was able to catch 3 very interesting episodes of NBR. The first was about Apple Inc and the late Steve Jobs, the second was about Al Qaeda and its effect on our economy, and the last interesting episode was about Innovation. All three episodes to me was relevant to ONA.

I had for a long while used Apple Inc to analogously compare with ONA. As I explained it to a few people 4 years ago, WSA is to iPod what ONA is to Apple Inc. iPod isn’t the only product Apple makes, and is not even a “traditional” Apple item [such as computers], but it helps capture new markets.

What I was worried about was that maybe ONA was too much like Apple Inc? Maybe ONA people were too dependent on “Anton Long” to create and produce for them their ONA? I saw signs of this dependency because it seems as if ONA people in general 3-4 years ago believed that only AL wrote valid ONA MSS, and I never saw anyone in ONA actively write ‘manuscripts’ for ONA. My worry was that if the dependency exists, then if the person or people behind AL passes away in future, then who will give ONA people their valid ONA MSS? Who will give ONA people their ONA? I feared that if the general ONA population had this mentality where they believe that only AL writes valid ONA MSS, then if the person(s) behind the pen name AL returns to the essence, then ONA will stagnate and die out with its maker.

Recently Steve Jobs of Apple past away. When I heard this on the news it caught my interest and I was excited. Not over the death of a man whose creative ideas has helped reshape and changed our society and the cellular phone industry, but excited to see how Apple Inc would do without him. And that one episode of NBR was just exactly about this very topic. It was an extremely insightful episode, after the long boring flashback of his life in the old days that is.

Basically the flashback is in the old days Mr. Jobs left Apple, Apple floundered and was barely surviving, he comes back to be CEO and gradually over the decades turned Apple into the world’s richest corporation with his creativity and innovative ideas. Then he dies. NBR picks up after that by stating that currently Apple has lost its number one position in the world to Exxon.

Then NBR shows you a long term graph of Apple’s corporate revenues, and stocks. The revenue graph looked like a cross section of the Grand Canyon. It starts off like a tall mountain, lowers into a plateau, the plateau slopes, and then the slope just drops. The shares and stocks also dropped.

The two talkers on NBR talks about the effect Jobs’ death may have had on Apple, because Apple appears to not be doing well without him. The main point the talkers brought us was that for so many years Steve Jobs was the single master mind behind Apples success because of his creativity and innovative ideas. His genius was in how he was able to come up with products or new twist to old products that the market would like, before the market knew they would like it. He was able to be a step ahead of not only competition, but also one step ahead of the market. And so after so many years of being dependent on him to create new products for Apple, when he died, Apple lost what it relied on to maintain its Cutting Edge nature.

This is something to think about for the next 5 decades for anyone in ONA. I know that “Anton Long” is a central character in the overall mythos of ONA, and that for 40 years he has been the creative and innovative master mind behind ONA and its gradual development, but are each of Us in ONA so lacking in that department where we are so uncreative and stupid that we depend on one single pen name to shower Us with our new ONA ideas and concepts? Should “we” – meaning the loosely knit group of autonomous individuals that we are – continue to believe that only this pen name produces valid ONA MSS where we refuse to accept anything written or produces by peers, by experienced Sinister Initiates, by fellows of the Sinister Way who have their own creativity and innovative ideas? Are “we” incapable of depending on our own selves and fellow ONA Initiates to further develop ONA and to take it into the future? How we answer these questions over the next few decades, will make or break the ONA.

As I see things, the potential threat is in “where” the ‘memeplex’ – complex of ideas – in ONA is attached. I’ll give an example of a very successful memeplex which has survived for 2000 years: Christianity. It’s corpus of ideas and system is not actually attached to a “real” living person. They are linked to a character in the mythos: Jesus. There may have been a real person Jesus was based on who has died, but the persona and character of Jesus is a built in part of the bible and mythos, which doesn’t die. It’s when the memeplex itself is attached to an actual person and not a character of the mythos that problems arise. Because when the person dies, he takes the memeplex with him. We’ve all heard the ‘cult of personality’ bit.

This works with secular organizations also. A group of people who are heavily dependent on a central person can be disrupted when that central person is taken out. You assassinate a general on the battlefield and his group of soldiers’ cohesion and coherency deteriorates. Because they are so use to taking orders that they can’t act on their own. They can’t maintain the coherency of their social order. If the head of a street gang is killed, usually the gang falls apart and breaks up. It’s lost is coherency.

Another NBR episode talked the war on terror and how Al Qaeda [not the war itself] influences our economy. NBR that evening interviews a retired general who wrote a book on the topic. This general answers his questions, and in one of the answers he used two words that caught my attention because they weren’t military words but business terms, which I was familiar with. The question NBR asked the general was something like: “Will we ever stop Al Qaeda?”

The general answers back roughly: “One thing America will have to learn in the days ahead is that it’s going to take more then military force to take out Al Qaeda, because Al Qaeda is more than a network of terrorists. Al Qaeda is also a BRAND and an IDEA. And so long as the Brand and Ideas are around, Al Qaeda will always attract to it new recruits. You just can’t use military force to kill a Brand and Idea.”

Then the guy talker on NBR responded: “True, but don’t you think that Al Qaeda has already hurt its Brand, ie: attacking other Muslims and so on?” And the General says: “Yes, their recent actions against their own Muslim people have indeed hurt their Brand. But the Idea of Al Qaeda is still a problem.”

So in ONA terms, the “Brand” of ONA is like the “label” on a jar. BMW is a brand and it has an icon [symbol] corresponding to that brand. When you see a big green giant with leaves for hair, you think of the canned green beans and so on, the green giant is the icon of a brand. The letters “ONA” is a symbol of the ONA brand. Anton Long is an icon of the ONA Brand. Beesty’s art work has become an iconic fixture of the ONA brand. The phrase “Sinister Way” is a “motto” of the ONA brand. But what is a “Brand?”

A Brand points the customer’s awareness to the product. With something like Al Qaeda which actually does not make products, the “product” is the IDEA. In ONA talk the word “idea” here means the same thing as Mythos, which means roughly the “image” or “aura” of an institution. The quality of a product is what attracts new customers. The Idea of Al Qaeda, that of being a network of holy warriors fighting an evil empire for religious freedom, is what attracts new customers to the cause. The Mythos of ONA – its Aura – is what attracts new initiates. Not the ideology. You think about it. Take a girl for example: you see a pretty girl and what happened? You want to get with her. But did that desire of getting with her arise before or after you got to know her? Before, you simply saw her image, and you liked what you see.

Same thing with religion. You like the image of or aura of Mormonism when a missionary knocks on your door and gives you the Idea of the LDS church, and you may decide to join it. Did you make that choice of joined that church before you studies its ideology or after? BEFORE. You’re a German and you dig the mythos or image of Hitler’s Party. You dig all the parades and night pageants, the wardrobe and pomp and speeches. So you like the party and identify yourself as a National Socialist. Did you become a Nazi before or after you studied the actual ideology of the Party? Fucking before. The Image is what sold you. The doctrine and ideology comes second. You see online ramblings about ONA, you like the what you see and identify yourself as an ONA person. Did you read all 5000 pages of ONA corpus by AL before you decided to be ONA? That’s a rhetorical question, because I know the answer. I know Image sells the Brand. Not the doctrine or ideology.

When you fully associate your Self Identity and Self Image with a Brand, you will agree with the doctrines or be flexible with the ideology if you don’t agree with everything. And we can use girls again to illustrate this. When you have gotten into a relationship with a girl and you have invested your emotions into her, and you find out that she has an extra toe and is $4000 in credit debt, do you give a fuck? No you don’t. It’s too late. You’ve already invested your emotions into her. In other words, you have a vested interest in the girl. You have no choice now but to accept the fine print, or the finer details of her character and person type. And if there are aspects of her that you don’t vibe with, you conveniently pay no mind to it.

You can be a Jehovah’s Witness and if you have Identified yourself with its Brand, and you have invested your emotions into it, and people point out to you that your teachings are false and crazy because you got all these unfulfilled end of the world dates; do you care? No, you explain it away. Because you have vested interest in it already.

Vested Interest here means say as a JW your whole family knows you are a Witness, your wife is a Witness, and your children are Witnesses. That’s vested interest. You can’t just stop being a Witness in this case because you’d lose everything. Your reputation, your wife, and your children. Vested Interest means when you are a Cardinal of the Catholic Church. You’ve put in a lot of time to get to that office, everyone you know is a church official, your family and many people look up to you. In that case, even if the Church is scandalized by rampant child molestation, you have no choice but to still be a Catholic and explain shit away.

The Idea or Mythos, or Image is what attracts you to a memeplex, organization, or person or product. Here’s a question for beer drinkers: ‘Brand name beer or generic beer?’ Why not drink generic label beer if it’s the same shit and is cheaper? Because the Brand name beer has an image associated with it. Bloods and Crips or a generic street gang? Nazi skinhead group or some generic group who is proud of being White? You pick the ones with the Image. The generic shit may be a brand, but it lacks a potent image. At least as a Crip you can say to people you’re a crip and people will know what “you are.” If you do a Hitler salute and wear a swastika people “know” “you,” and what you’re all about. You don’t get the same “knowing” from people if you go up to someone and say to them: “Guess what, I’m White, and I’m proud!” Cuz nobody will give a shit. Why don’t nobody give a shit? Because there is no mythos or Idea associated with just being a generic White guy who is proud. “What’s the big idea,” they used to ask. There is no big idea with being a generic gang member or a generic proud White guy. But there is a big Idea with being a Blood or a Nazi.

The “Big Idea” is: Collective Social Awareness. The more society or a social order is aware of an Image, the more valuable that Image is. The more value the Image has, the more influence the Image wields. It doesn’t matter if society reacts good or bad to Image. As long as the Image has “social capital” stuck to it. But it takes work to get general society to fill their mindspace up with an Image. The Image/Idea has to be interesting. The Hell’s Angels are in interesting bunch aren’t they? Controversy makes an Idea interesting, but so does appealing to the sentiments or needs of the Mass/Public. As long as there is something remarkable about the Mythos, there will always be something to remark about it. And it’s the remarking or talking and “passing-arounding” that builds up collective social awareness. Which in turn gives an Idea its potency. This reminds me of a scene from the movie Braveheart where all these people and kids are shown on camera saying things about William Wallace like: “William Wallace is 9 feet tall!” “He killed 50 men with his bare hands!” That’s mythos. That’s the Big Idea behind the Brand of William Wallace.

If you see girls walking around in tight jeans and the jeans are a new Brand, and those jeans makes their asses look nice, and everyone is talking [remarking], the Brand builds up an Idea/Image to it, which in turn influences the market. The Brand and Idea/Mythos of the new type of jeans has become “remarkable,” here meaning ‘something Worth talking about’ or ‘something Worth associating with.’ But what makes or gives “Worth?” Society in general, or the collective agreement or sentiments of a social order. What gives paper money its “worth?” It has no intrinsic value. The “worth/value” comes from everyone in general society just being collectively aware that such money exists and that other people are using it, so it must be useful. If everyone on campus is talking about the popular guy, then he must be Worth talking about. If everyone joins the Church of Satan, then, it must be Worth joining. The hard part is to keep that Idea moving. Mythos must circulate like money or it has no use. Once an idea or image stops circulating what happens? Less people in time are aware of it. Then what? Then less people give a shit. What’s that call? Irrelevancy.

A “memeplex,” here meaning simply a body of teachings etc, is not the “product” manufactured by a religion or ideological institution. The “product” is the Image, which is what you’re “selling.” The memeplex in the business world corresponds with what we might call “Corporate Regulations.” What this means is, before you have a brand and image [and items] to sell to a market, you first need an actual business and associates [partners, employees, etc]. So we can use Burger King as an example. As a company or business you need a building. Then you need management and employees. You then need to regulate or define the roll of management and your employees. The employees have to wear uniforms, tie their hair back, cook the patties at a certain temperature, they need friendly customer service. Then the business’s use of stuff needs to be regulated: the business needs to use a certain logo, certain patties and buns, certain mottos, certain mascots if any, and so on.

All those corporate regulations Defines what the corporation is, what its associates are, how they act and do things, and in turn all this helps maintain the established Brand and Image. And the corporate regulations also generates Coherency for the business, meaning it brings people together into a coherent ordering, gives everyone an identity in context to a system [the business], allocates labour and effort. In Nature the memeplex would go with the invisible rules that dictates that water should be composed of H2O and not C02. If you want to sell the Jesus Mythos as a Catholic, you have to be regulated: you need to be cool with Jesus and the Pope. If you want to be an associate of the Buddha Business, you have to be down with Buddha and follow the 8 fold regulations. If you want to be associated with the Church of Satan, you have to be down with the symbolic Satan and LaVey’s work. If you’re down with the philosophy or Marx, you’re a Marxist, or associate of the Marxist business, and so you can sell the Idea of Marxism. The Idea here is not the belief system of Marxism. It’s the Mythos of Marxist: A band of heroic proletarians fighting the evil oppressive bourgeoisie for freedom.

Country Music is a type or Brand of music. That Brand has a very robust Mythos/Image/Idea. When we think of Country music we think of a very coherent complex/structure of ideas like Cowboys, the countryside, certain foods, certain accents. This Idea/Mythos is attached to a living Culture. Many people of that Culture will Resonate with the Mythos/Image presenced by Country Music and its representatives [the musicians]. And so they will be inclined to listen to the music, adopt the culture, etc.

Hip Hop and also “Gangsta Rap” are Brands of music. These Brands each have an Idea/Image associated with them. Each Brand is attached to a culture or subculture. And so if you Resonate with Image presenced by Gansta Rap, you may listen to the music and begin to dress and talk like a “Gangsta,” meaning that the Mythos has influenced you, that you have adopted the culture or subculture. We hear all the time in many Gang Rap songs about how they are going to murder people etc. Do “rap gang members” actually murder people? Who cares. Most don’t, some might. Do they even really gangbang or are they even from the “hood?” Doesn’t really matter, cuz what the do, and say, and how they act adds to the mythos/image/idea of the genre. The talk, act, appearance are all causal. It has an End Purpose. The purpose which to “charge” the aura of the Mythos/Image.

The Order of Nine Angles is a Genre of the Left Hand Path. It is a Brand. It has an IDEA. Just like how Country Music and Hip Hop is not an organization you join, so too is ONA. Just like how Country Music and Gangsta Rap does not have a Leader or Authoritative Figurehead, so too does ONA not have a Leader. Just as a Fan of Country music and Hip Hop can associated with the Social Order of Country music and Hip Hop, so too can Fans of ONA Associate with the Social Order of ONA. Just as anybody can make and sing Country music and Rap, so too can anybody start producing and creating new ONA stuff for the ONA Market. Now, this doesn’t mean that the culture or subculture of Country music and Rap or ONA will like your stuff you produced. Just as there are many people who are very well versed and knowledgeable with Country music and Hip Hop culture, so too are some people very well versed in ONA subculture. Just as there are people who like Country music or Rap but don’t dress the part or claim the title or know much about the genre, so too with ONA. Just as there are “celebrity” names and faces – meaning well known, very familiar – in the Country and Hip Hop genres, so too will you find “celebrity” names/nyms in ONA. Just as you have dedicated and talented people who have an influence in the Genres of Country music and Hip Hop, so too does ONA have its dedicated and talented people who have an influence over its genre. This is the Essential meaning behind terms like “Open Source,” and “Peer Based,” when ONA uses such terms.

ONA doesn’t exist as an organization. As it has been said since 1970, ONA – the “memeplex” is an individualistic thing. It’s a One Person deal. You vibe with the social order, the genre, the memeplex, the Brand, the Mythos. So you then as an individual person Live the ONA Way, on your own, in your own way. You’re ONA is not my ONA. My ONA is not your ONA. What’s the word INDIVIDUAL in the English language mean? Just like I can say that a Honda is an individualistic thing or a One Person deal. Your Honda isn’t my Honda. My Honda isn’t your Honda. But get this crazy shit: both of our Hondas are called… Hondas. Why? Because that’s the fucking Brand name for god’s sake! Just like these three letters here: ONA, is the Brand name of a Genre of the Left Hand Path. Just like a “Mac” is a Brand name of a Genre of Computers. My sister’s Mac isn’t your Mac, and yours isn’t hers. She has butterfly stickers on hers, you may not. Why, because they are two different Macs of two different INDIVIDUAL people. And get this crazy shit: even though my sister’s Mac has butterfly stickers on it, and your don’t, her Mac is still a Mac, and yours is still also a Mac. My ONA has Buddha stickers on it, you’re might not. Your ONA might be mixed with military culture and survivalist training, mine may not. Both are still ONA. Why? Cuz ONA is the Brand name of a Genre of the Left Hand Path.

The other episode of NBR was a special on Innovation. They interviewed several people from giant corporations and big universities to talk about the importance of Innovation and America. One of the first guys interviewed is a top guy with IBM. He said something insightful like: “Without Innovation no company or society can survive.” Innovation is what helps gradually develop and evolve a company and society. It also helps you beat competitors. This same guy also said: “Although innovation is important, Continuity is a key ingredient to success.” And lastly he said: “When a business believes that it cannot lose it’s cutting edge, it will.”

Innovation here doesn’t mean your idea or invention is something new and unique in the universe, like nobody has ever seen the shit before. Innovation would be incremental evolution to an idea or product which makes it “better,” or more effective, efficient, competitive, and so on. For example the evolution of the computer since the 70′s is a gradual process of technological innovation. Meaning that the computer invention was already made, it’s just that over time this computer idea was tweaked and made more “better.” Nature already had the idea of a mammal, it’s just that over millions and millions of years natural selection did this biological innovation on that mammal idea and here we humans are today. There is a saying that goes: “There is nothing new under the sun.” Which is true, but the things under the sun can certainly be innovated in different ways, limited only by creativity. There is nothing “new” about carbon powder, it’s just black stuff you get after burning wood. But you can certainly innovate it into carbon fiber. Here’s a question: If Satanism is already made, can it be innovated over time?

Continuity is like how Apple does things. Even though it make new products decade after decade, there is still a recognizable identity [“face”] to Apple and its stuff. Microsoft’s Windows is a good example of Continuity. Even though you have different iterations of Windows, you still have familiar stuff to it like the layout. The icon buttons, the start button being at the lower left corner, click/hold to drag stuff, and so on. The only Windows to break this continuity is Windows 8, which I tried and I thought it sucked ass, so I went back to Windows 7. ONA has continuity: the sinister chants of the 80′s is the same today, so is the seven fold way, so is the list of dark gods, so is pen name Anton Long, etc. Buddhism has continuity: the icon of Buddha, the fixation on the color orange, the 4 noble truths, and so on. But over the 2500 years, it has been innovated, where each sect innovated its mythos and belief-set. Theravada and Mahayana are two products of thousands of years of tweaking of an ancient set of stuff. Continuity breeds comfort and familiarity which helps maintain your marketshare. If the Church of Satan disrupted its continuity tomorrow and said that it now believes Satan is a real being or that LaVey will be deleted from its history, how would that influence its market?

Innovation helps keep a company on the cutting edge. I think from observation, this would be one of ONA and AL and CB’s strong points. ONA has consistently innovated its stuff and it seems to not be afraid to do so. The CoS is a little different. They are more “dogmatic”with their stuff, meaning to them the Satanic Bible is it and that’s final. This causes a problem in the long run. Because the stuff in the Satanic Bible can be kick ass to the generation and worldviews of the 70′s, but the emerged generation of the 21^st century have their own worldviews, tastes, and likes, and if the stuff does not keep with the change in generation, it risks becoming irrelevant to a future generation/market. But this doesn’t mean that every thing must change, because continuity is key.

Concluding Remarks

In Theravada we have a dhamma called Vibhajjavada. It literally means the Oral Teaching [Vada] of Inspection/Analysis [Vibhajja]. It’s a tool you use in Theravada to glean/extract Insights from Life, your Experiences, the World and Self. In common English we can get at the same idea by using the word “Comb” as in to “Comb” an archeological site for artifacts. You comb your own experiences carefully for Insights. When you have accumulated many insights in this way, you have what is called Sambuddhi meaning Self [Sam] Understanding/Enlightenment [Buddhi]. And so the Buddha is called in the Tipitaka and Three Jewels chant the Samma-Sambuddhassa. The One Who Is [-assa] Totally [Samma] Self [Sam] Taught/Learned [Buddhi]. Meaning that everything he understands of the world and self is self taught. He did not get shit from books [Vedas], from priests [Brahmins], from religion [Brahmanism], and so on.

Briefly, if I have my history right, Theravada is the only surviving branch of an older school of protobuddhists once called the Vibhajjavadin. These Vibhajjavadins in turn are a branch of the older Shramanic Tradition. The Shramanas were a loose group of ascetics who basically rejected the Vedas and Brahminical culture. They instead believed that if one is to understand the genuine Nature of the World and Self, then one must directly expose oneself to Life, the World and Self, and not read books, and go to priests. They believed that it is from experiencing the Adversities/Struggles [Shram] of Life, that one gains illumination and understanding of Life. The Vibhajjavadins believed that it is from directly experiencing and analyzing Life, Nature, Reality, that you gain an understanding of Life, Nature, and Reality.

So you would sit by a river and watch it flow. Then analyze it for Insights; like the Buddha did. An example is that one day Buddha saw a farmer plowing his field. The plow broke the ground and an earth worm was exposed. A bird saw the earth worm and carried it off to feed it’s babies. And from this Buddha gleaned the Insight of Dependent Co-Arising. Basically meaning that everything is interconnected and interdependent with other things. The Sun is dependent on energy. Plants are dependent and connected to the sun. Animals are dependent and connected to plants. And so on.

I’ll quickly demonstrate how to “analyze” or “comb” something for Insights. We’ll take the story of Moses. Baby Moses was born of a Hebrew woman, but he was Destined or Fated to be a Prince of Egypt. How did Baby Moses meet that Destiny of his? His mother set him inside a reed basket and cosigned him to the Flow of the Nile. The Nile’s Flow is what eventually brought baby Moses to his Wyrdful end wasn’t it? The Nile back then wasn’t just some river. In that part of Africa all Life and all Empires and all People in the area depended on the Nile. The Nile symbolizes the “river” of Life. It is the Flow of Life’s Current that brought Moses to his Fated end.

But Moses had a second destiny, which was to become some prophet. So we can say that he was “Fated” to be a prophet. Before that Fate was able to manifest, Moses experienced something negative in Egypt which eventually caused him to go into exile. He wanders the desert by his own will, and finds the Midianites, where he marries and spends 40 years or so. This was when he was called up to that one mountain and the rest is “history.”

So we can refine our insights we got from that Moses story like this: Wyrd is a Natural Flowing of the Current of Life. Sometimes it will carry you to your Destiny by it’s own effortless flowing. But other times, you must put in the effort/will to wander – input action – to take you closer to your Fated end. In the same way that Moses had to wander to find the Midianites before he found the nearby mountain and met up with his Destiny. And so in Life, when we can sense or Empath what our individual Wyrd is, we must “work” in a Partnership with Life by allowing it’s Natural flow to carry us closer to our Fated end, but also to put in what ever action or effort we can input into life which will take us each closer in some way to our Wyrd. Sometimes in Life we may experiences failure or what seems to be a negative experience. But keep walking towards your Destiny, always striving.

So you learn to take that same method of analyzing Life, your Experiences in Life, for such Insights. The end result ends up not only sounding good, but is actually enlightening. And that understanding of bits and pieces of World and Self came to you by your own efforts and not from some book or religion or priesthood. So I have a natural – second nature – habit of analyzing my own experiences in life, such as the ordeal my big mom went through for insights.

I bring this up because of the way some people ask certain types of questions sometimes. For example, it can be asked: What does my big mom’s ordeal have anything to do with Buddhism? The answer is: it doesn’t. Now if you were to ask that question in “reverse” like this: What can Buddhism do with my big mom’s ordeal. Once that question is asked, you are then able to consciously Comb that ordeal with what you have learned from Buddhism to gain new insights. And that is Vibhajjavada.

So, then, the question can then be asked: What does Business have anything to do with ONA? Nothing. But if we ask: What can ONA do with Business. That’s when you are able to Comb what you get from Business ideas for Insights that may help you see ONA differently.

When we ask these types of questions the wrong way, such as what does such and such have to do with ONA, Satanism, Islam, etc, its like using a telescope the wrong way. This would be like trying to place objects on the lens of the telescope and so, if things don’t fit, you throw them out. A telescope is used to See something that is already there so you can gain some new Insights. Same things with a microscope. You don’t stuff microbe onto the tiny magnifying lens. You use that lens to See what already is there for new Insights.

The same with ideological Lenses then. To illustrate. We can ask: What does Love have to do with Satanism? We can hypothetically answer as materialist-reductionist satanists: ‘Love doesn’t exist. It’s just a chemical reaction.’ So if we look closely at what we have done, we realize that we have taken a living phenomenon of World and Self, and we have tried to fit it into our Ideological Box. And when it did not fit, we throw out Love, and give ourselves a justification of why it didn’t fit: because it’s just a chemical reaction. We do the same with the living phenomenon of sex, which is present in the World and is a part of our Self Nature. But we as Christians reject that living phenomenon because it doesn’t fit into our ideological box: What does sex have to do with Christianity? Nothing, it’s sinful. So we look closely and we realize that all we are looking at are our own fallible ideological boxes and our own justifications as to why Living Phenomena of World and Self don’t fit into our fallible ideological boxes. Therefore, we aren’t even Observing Reality itself.

We have to approach Life, Experience, the Nature of World and the Nature of Self the other way. Not to try to measure life up to our boxes, but to use our Philosophical Views and ONA or Buddhism or Islam, or Christianity, or whatever as a Comb, to comb natural phenomena, Life and Experience for Insights.

Asking things like: What does Life have to do with ONA, will yield no productive results. Asking what ONA can do with your Life, or if what you have learned from ONA can be used to extract insights from Life is the more productive question. It’s a better way to use the ONA or Islamic or whatever lens. You don’t try to measure Life to your Lens. You use your lens as a tool to help you See what is already there in a different way. You don’t measure Life up to what “currently” is Science. We use what is currently Science to glean Insights from Life. And if in future Science evolves, we use the evolved version to glean from Life and Nature etc new Insights.

There exists between each autonomous ONA person and the Institution of ONA Balance, which must be met. Just as each of “us” as ONA initiates have our own needs and interests, so does the ONA as an institutional thing/person/mythos. If we can only regard our own self need and interest and disregard the need and interest of the ONA, we upset that Balance. But it’s hard to regard the needs and interests of ONA as an “institution” or social order if you don’t have empathy or if you don’t understand ONA fully. We’ve seen people come and go in ONA who have a pussyfit about some aspect of ONA and they want to change the entire ONA to make their own single Self feel better, also in total disregard for other ONA people. That’s what I mean by a upsetting the balance. And this behaviour in such people shows and reveals such people’s character and type of Ethos. Mundanes will always be Mundanes because of their character and Ethos, regardless of what label they use. They can call themselves ONA, but their behaviour, Ethos, culture of conduct, mentality, tells Us otherwise.

ONA is the Brand name of a Genre of the phenomenon of Western [Occult] Tradition, not an organization. You don’t join a Brand. You associate with one. That’s why as an Initiate of ONA, you are called an Associate. Look the word up for its meanings. Associate has the meaning of a Business Partner. As Business Partners “we” are peers: co-developers of the Idea of the Order of Nine Angles. The ONA Brand may have once been invented by an individual, but this individual has made the Brand Open Source. And so ONA belong to each Associate. ONA is an Individualistic thing. A one person deal. Just like skateboarding is something you do on your own. You buy the skateboard, you practice riding it, you assume the identity, you make up your own tricks eventually, and later you teach a new skater what you have learned. So it is the same with ONA.

When you have individual skaters innovating and developing their own tricks and teaching others, or even innovating their boards and wheels, what happens is that “collectively” the the memeplex/subculture of Skateboarding gradually evolves. That’s the meaning of peer based development. So also is it with ONA. When each individual ONA Associate or Nexion follow their own dharma, and do their own private projects, innovate ONA memes etc, write their essays, draw their sinister tarot cards, make their sinister music, on a “collective” level, ONA gradually evolves.

Chloe 352

Order of Nine Angles

2.7.124 yf

EVERYBODY’S TALKING BOUT US

2013 begins. Since I’ve been around the cyber-block, I seen nothing but Mundane Satanist Bitches talking bout US: ONA. You Bitches talk bout US 5 years straight in your fucking forums. You dumbfucks keep talking cuz your jaw jabbering keeps US in business.

-ONA-

“THE SINISTER WAY”

[Click Picture For Link]

Now available on Amazon is “The Sinister Way,” edited by Chretien Sauvage. The book is 112 pages long and is at $15.99 in cost. The first half of the book deals with pathworking and sinister esoterism. The last half contains the entire Sinister Tarot by Christos Beest in color. The book is available: HERE.