WHITE STAR

Scalops Creek

November; Winter.

Me and Chloe never told anybody at school anything… we acted like friends… and I guess back then we were more friends than anything. There were those deep moments when we were more, but these moments came and went.

We spent the summer with Helter and some of the old sisters and brothers doing our ABC’s at school and around town. Doing your ABC’s at that ages is easy.

The blood opfering was easy. Me and Chloe practiced punching Helter and shit. He told us to draw blood, by going for the lips or nose before anything, but that he wanted to see the opfer go down. My sister was in college by then… which was literally across the street. They said to do it after school and they’ll be watching.

I had never faught anyone. Chloe has… she had gotten brass knuckles for us from her gangbanging friends.

“Just do it… don’t think about it… and take the consequences. Everyone will see it at school. We’ll get Saturday school for a month… that’s all.” Said Chloe.

Chloe had gotten a friend of hers named Danny as a third leg. Danny was in the same tagger crew as Chloe was, and their crew had some beef for some guy named Eddy. The three of us were going to lynch Eddy after school.

Me and Chloe had our hair tied up that day, and I wore Doc Martin boots. I made sure to take off my earrings just in case.

Chloe started the confrontation that day after school as the three of us were walking along the side walk home. After an exchange of words, Danny just punches Eddy and Chloe immediately jumps in with her brass knuckles… then I had no choice but to go with the flow… I tried to get his nose, but I got his ear. It was easier when he curled on the cement because I could kick him silly with my Docs.

We walked casually home… and I noticed I had blood stains on my white laces.

The B’s were harder to do.

We were taken to Vegas for the weekend by my sister and our friends. They said they wanted a hundred dollars when the weekend was over. We had a full two days to beg people for money.

We weren’t really sure what to say to people Saturday morning… but we had visited Hollywood often where we saw squaters sit on the side walk just asking random people for money. So we decided to do the same… just sit on the strip out side Circus Circus.

We figured this would be easy… a dollar from a hundred people… winning the casinos? That would only take till lunch time.

“Scuse me, can we have a dollar…” That was our line for the first hour. Of all the hundreds of people that walked by, we only made about 15 dollars.

“Fuck… this is gunna take forever Kayla.”

“How much do we have right now… Chloe we made 15 dollars in an hour… that’s better than a real job that pays minimum wage!”

That day, we ended up walking around to people and lying to them but not making much… we did better than staying in one place. That night at our hotel, we had the idea of working the people at night… and crying… telling them we needed money to buy a bus ticket to get back home because we ran away with our boyfriend, and we changed our minds because he left us stranded here… and we had to split up to cover more turf.

The crying game at night works really well. Especially when we hit up people that looked like they won the casinos. Instead of giving us just a dollar, some of the men gave us big bills. At the end of the weekend we ended up with about $230.

Burglary was a lot harder to do… but Chloe had friends.

His name was Vu. This upper middle class Vietnamese racer. Chloe just asked him one day – “Can we rob your house?” After some talking, we negotiated that we would split the money with him, if he let us take shit from his parents. He agreed.

Vu invited us to his house that week so we can see what the inside looked like. Then he lead us into his parents bedroom. Asians don’t trust banks, so the leave a lot of money at home… plus they have a hella lot of jewelry.

He lifted up the mattress and whispered – “There, that’s like a few thousand right there…”

“Oh, shit… Nah, we just need a hundred dollars, that’s all.” Whispered Chloe.

“What?! Are you crazy? You gunna rob my house for a hundred dollars? Nah girl, you taking the whole thing… and the gold over there… I need new tires… don’t just take shit from here either, take shit from every where… my sister’s computer… take my phone… I’ma leave it in my room for you… make it look real.” Whispers Vu.

Glove… hair in a bun… casual wear… and a lot of fear of being caught. He had left the side door of the garage unlocked the day we were supposed to do it. We were cheating with a fake robbery. It worked in the end well. We only kept 3 hundred and gave Vu the rest… which was a lot.

Bluffery in high school is easy… especially when you have a papa with a back yard full of herb. The Sinister Dad likes to dry out his bud whole, then he’d stuff them as is inside empty toilet paper and hand towel rolls, and wrap the rolls with news paper like a candy wrapper. We fill a back pack with a few rolls papa had given us. We sold it cheap, with the rapper to our many friends for about $20 a roll.

The C’s

Putting together a group activity that made money for the Family was hard to figure out. It’s more impressive if you come up with an original idea.

I was spending the night at Chloe’s place… in bed with her, exchanging ideas back an forth about a good idea…

“What does your mom do?” I asked, running my fingers thru her hair.

“She’s a nurse… she’s been doing it forever. Takes care of old people up the ways a bit.”

“In the hills… you wanna be a nurse too like her?” I asked her?

“Yeah… rich old people… I’ll go to school for it, as a fall back option you know, but I’d like to try other things, like own my own business… you?”

“Me too… I’d like my own business… something that pays the bills and gives me the free time so I can enjoy my life you know? I pity my dad, he’s rich with a big business, but he’s a slave to it and never has time for us or himself.”

“I know, my dad is the same way… what does your do?” She asked me, as she softly traces my lips with her finger.

“Him and his partners make polyurethane wood like the Japanese… they take the chemicals that makes upholstery and mix it with fly ash, fiberglass, then pass it thru a long belt where it’s pressed to look like planks of wood… for docking and fencing.”

She didn’t say anything. I doubt she was even listening… just staring at me. I buried my face in her hair to smell it…

“What kind of business do you want?” I asked her.

“I don’t even know… a charity maybe. I did some research and the law says you only have to legally give 10% percent to the actual cause… they don’t care what you do with the rest… you?”

I giggled a bit at her clever idea… “Mine’s simple… I’ll just go hit up the hills and ask them for donations… like old clothes you know… then either sell those clothes at a cosign shop in LA or rent my own cosign shop…”

Before I could finish, Chloe stopped me. Her mouth and eyes had opened wide, like she had just gotten an idea, and she put her finger on my lips.

“My mom… old rich people Kayla…”

“Ok…”

“Does you dad buy stocks and bonds?” She asked…

“Yeah… why… I’m not getting it…”

“Mine too!… we can volunteer at the wealthy convalescent homes… makes friends with the old men… figure out their social security number and get credit cards… they’ll be dead anyways…”

I got it… “And buy government bonds… stash that shit for later till it matures!”

Chloe gave a big grin… there were sparks in her eyes. Genius.

November Night.

We had to camp out by ourselves the night before our initiation night, when we would be formally inducted into the Nexus. All this time we were just pledges, but we earned our stripes.

Papa said that there is a nexion around White Star Hill, thru which the Dark Ones pass. He said that a long time ago way before us humans were here they once roamed the earth, but that they were forced out of the causal universe, and yearn to return to experience the fruits of the flesh again.

Papa said we had to spend the night up White Star and preform a special rite to call them into our bodies… so that our bodies were temples to Them and it’s pleasures were offering to tease Them back to the Earth. He gave us a silver pen, and other stuff and told us to draw all 21 sigils of the Dark Gods down our spine before we performed the necessary Rite of the Nine Angles… and to focus on the bliss of the sex and think of Them.The guys camped out a distance from us just in case… and they gave us a whistle to blow if we any outsiders came up our hill.

Sleeping at night in Black Star Canyon is chilling. This place was once some sort of burial ground of Indians, and there was long ago a massacre here. Chloe and I have been around these parts at night to often and have seen things with our own eyes to think all these talks about ghosts and other such things were stories the locals spread to keep outsiders out. Yeah… some of them… even we helped start. Like the one time when Skelter had us bury a human skull he had bought from Hollywood by the hiking trail, in such a way that it would be found. People are stupid. The rumors will start, and the locals will pick up the inside hint and make it real to outsiders.

Everyone came to the Black Cabin the next night. We all knew each other, so it wasn’t a big deal. Papa and mama would stay behind which we thought was strange?

My sister came from behind me and gave me a hug, kissing my head and she whispers to me in my ear – “Remember what I say… we all went thru what you will go thru tonite. It’s no big deal do you understand?”

I looked at her curiously, “Yeah… what’ sup? You’ll be there to right?”

“No… I’m gunna stay behind with mama and papa, to make a late dinner for everyone.” She said.

“Why? It’s my initiation ceremony? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing sweety… I’ve just seen it plenty of times,” She leans up close to my ear, “They’re gunna haze you after the ceremony… the hazing is part of the ritual. They’re gunna blind fold you and Chloe and make you pick. The Centimeter or the Decimaul. No girl picks the Centimeter… just remember that.”

“What’s the Centimeter?”

“When they pick 10 people (3+5+2=10) to beat the shit out of you. Each hits you in the head 3 times, the body 5 times, and kicks you in the stomach 2 times… only the guys go thru that.”

I looked at Cindy, knowing inside what the Decimaul was.

“Mercie… I’ve been thru it, Nessa has, we all have. This is our thing. Our Way. You have to learn to share everything with everyone… even yourself. We all know each other, it’s no big deal… it’s just sex… Hannah and Nessa both have little viles of coke… they’ll touch it on you so you’ll know.”

“What are they gunna do with the coke?” I asked my sister.

“Just put some on your clit… it makes it more better… for the Dark Gods… so they can feel it thru you…” She winks… as if it was fine to be a whore or something.

I just looked at her horrified.

“Mercie… please, just get over it… I would never bring you into harm’s way. Everyone has sex. If you’re gunna talk the talk… walk the walk and be sinister. You’re in Dark Star Canyon… you can’t back out of this now and run away… it’s too late for you… you belong to the Darkness here… the Guardian will come after you if you walk out… you know I’m not shitting you Mercie… you’ve seen them.”

We hiked up White Star… Chloe was squeezing my hand. Nessa had told her about the Decimaul Hazing… the coke and shit. Papa had given us a cup of red wine and a joint to smoke just before the ceremony to ease things.

I was staring at a black bag two squirming snakes inside. We knew enough about the ceremony back then to know we were going to seal our oaths to the Nexus by drinking it’s blood.

Chloe looked at one of the other sisters and then at me… as if she were telepathically talking to me. I knew what she was thinking. Ten people would have to take turns sexing us in… and there were only 5 guys in the group, the other 7 were girls… I knew things won’t be quite the same, after tonight.

In a grove of acorn trees, decorated with oranges, they places red nooses around our necks and the ceremony began. Under Joey I can make out what looked like two large beach towels on either side of it’s trunk, and dangling from one of Joey’s branches I could make out a noose… The Elders of the Nexus says that the Acorn Tree (Oak) is a symbol of the Dark Goddess Baphomet holding a severed head, because the acorns look like heads being held by the hair… and the Oak leaves are Baphomet’s hands because they look like hands.

The blood of the snake was dripped into a cup filled with some vodka. Helter and Skelter placed in each cup some bullets, razor blades, and nails. I drank it carefully… being careful not to swallow any of the metal stuff. It left a horrible taste in your mouth… and Skelter fed me a piece of orange… and someone blindfolded us from behind.

Someone grabbed us by the arms and lead us into the direction of that tree I had seen earlier. Then Skelter spoke…

“The ceremony will be sealed in the traditional manner. You two have two choices to seal this rite – the Centimeter… where 10 among us Blood Opfer you, each with three blows to the head, 5 to the body, and two kicks in the stomach adding up to 100 blows in total. Or you may choose the Decimaul in which 10 among us Sex Opfer you to Baphomet and the Dark Ones. You have 5 seconds to make your decision. If you choose to be Centimetered in, remain standing… if you choose to be Decimauled in, remove your robe now.”

Everyone began to count…”One…two…” I felt like fainting, or my knees were giving in. I didn’t wait till three… I started taking off my robe on two. When the robe was off, the counting stopped and I felt a familiar touch, or smelt a familiar perfume guide me down from behind… It was Nessa… she whispered in my ear – “Don’t worry… just get it over with.” As she lay me down on one of the towels. The others had begun to slowly vibrate- “Nythra Kthunae Atazoth…” over and over slowly.

Nessa placed a large crystal in my hands and placed my arms stretch towards the tree trunk which the crystal was touching, and she spread my legs, touching the little dram of coke on my inner thigh. I felt her part my lips a bit and she spat and touch my clit with her thumb…

I dug my nails into the crystal, and curled my toes tight because it stung, like how it feels when you stick your wet tongue on a 9 volt battery… a cool, electric tingy shock… and she slowly rubbed the coke in with circular motions. I was biting down on my lip because the tingy shock had turned into a hot pins and needles feeling that started swirling in my clit and up into my body. I felt two hands grab each of my ankles, bringing my knees to my chest.

She then then lightly traced her fingers up and down my lips… then did the same with her tongue… and the tingling burn turned into a strong itchy feeling. A physical itch, like you wanted to scratch the itch away bad, but also a sexual… horny-in-a-bad-way itch inside… the way Nessa was using her tongue, just to wet my lips, but staying away from the epicenter of the itch made it worse.

After everyone had vibrated the chant seven times they vibrated the 21 names of the Dark Ones slowly… while Nessa’s tongue began to scratch the burning itch. On the other side of the tree trunk I could her the familiar whimpers and moans that Chloe made when she was really horny and was getting it good. I said to myself – “I can’t believe that bitch got into it already and giving positive feedback like that!?” So I let me self go too… and slowly let the Darkness take or experience what fleshy pleasure it wants from me. One by one… they would come… there was a silence in the thick of it… a silence in the atmosphere… the only chanting and vibrating was the panting and vibrating moans coming from me and Chloe… and now others around us as I detected… joined in the primal symphony… and cigarette smoke filled the chilly November night like incense.

Scalops Creek.

Seven years passes by so fast. Those crazy wild years fades into maturity… all those experiences becomes something like an umbilical cord which reconnects you back with that wild… primal… pulsating life force beneath nature. It is something which you can never put into words, no matter how hard you try to get others to “know” and feel what was/is felt inside. A liberating “knowing” and feeling that you and the cosmos are one continuous flow.

I still often come to the Black Cabin to visit mama and papa with Chloe. We take Beaver out for walks along the creek. I like to bring one of my old lap tops with me and sit in a clearing by a quite pond among tall birch trees, and large oak trees here and write; as Chloe and her little cousin Shugz throws balls in the pond for Beaver to fetch. It feels like a different world here in Dark Canyon… the tranquility… the birds chirping… the giggling and laughter… far away from the busy jungle of the city.

I’ll look at little Shugz and see Chloe and myself in her… as we once were… so long ago… and know inside that the Dark has found a new body to live thru.

Like papa once said – “You don’t choose to dance with the Dark… the Dark chooses to dance inside you” And in a place like Dark Canyon, where the Darkness is alive… it dances inside many. You can’t convert or recruit someone to the Dark Tradition and force them to live like we do. The Dark chooses you, and changes you as it wills.

Like a cancer that trickles thru a tear in the causal fabric of a quite valley, slowly infecting those that come close to it… spreading a sinister presence into the cities beyond its rolly hills. The silent tranquility of Dark Canyon often reminds me in my own mind of what Shropshire must be like for Anton Long long ago… in those rolly hills. What Darkness must have crept inside him and other in the area… what rites were performed in its secret hills and vallies.

As I write things for our ONA clique far over here by this pond… as I attempt to put into written words what we are… I often think about what must have gone on in Anton Long’s mind as he one day tried to do the same… to write onto paper the life and Dark he lived and was.

These writings of this Nexus was not meant to be read and believed… no more than the Deofels were ever meant to be read and believed you see. It was meant to capture the imaginations of some out there who resonate with the Dark, and have them LIVE and express that Dark Tradition in their own way and in there own lives. Like someone who hears the distant beating of drums and music, lets go and dances to the rhythm, possessed by the melody. To read and believe, is far different than to feel and live.

If you were to read those ONA manuscripts and these 352 writings, and think by just changing your mind and upholding these beliefs in an intellectual way… you have done nothing but read and believe and are genuinely nowhere near the Darkness that is unfolding. You have merely made an intellectual religion out of a Way of Being… a Feeling… a Living… a Becoming.

Truly, as someone once said – “The words often times serves to obscure the essence.”

I don’t know what will ever become of these writings of ours… if our Dark tradition will ever spread thru them beyond the Dark Precinct of White Star Hill and it’s Black Canyon. If it should not spread, and call forth others that resonate with the Dark, then it will always remain alive within those it lives in and thru. There are no worries, because the Dark has a way of brooding, in it’s undisturbed hills.

Black Star Canyon

May, 120yf

WSA