The Other LBC
Since Sinistar is talking about his Great City of New York, and the Boyz over at ONA 352 is sharing a few things about Shit Hole Pima County – Hood! – We thought we’d join in and talk about the Most Beautiful County in the world – Awesome Orange County! Just to show the diversity of what is the White Star Acception 352.
Shout outs to Anaheim, the city Gwen Stephani hails from! Word to Yorba Linda! – President Nixons home town. Laguna Hillz in the house – where The OC is shot! Disney Land! Fullerton Toker Town, que onda compas?!
It’s always 70- 80 degrees here year round. It’s always beach weather. Our beaches used to be a surfers Mecca, but now kite surfing is the sport! I tried to kite surf. I was still practicing on the sand and nearly killed myself. I thought I’d put that idea on hold for a while. All our girls here make your prettiest girls look retarded. Partly due to good weather, good genes, and a booming plastic surgery industry! We all got tans, great hair, and a closet full of beach gear – thongs, g-string bikinis… and trust funds! Hellz yah! Us, worried about the economy… psshyah right… when dad is bankrupt.
It’s not our fault some of us are rich. It because of something us OC womenfolk call “Planned Parenting,” when you prettify yourself and marry a rich guy. Thanks mom! Us spoiled? Yeah. Stuck up? Double yeah. Elitist? Tripple yeah. Don’t talk to us unless you’re also from Orange County. We can tell, because we got our own OC accent and dialect… and stuff or something. If your sentences don’t at least have 2 “likes” and an “or something” in it, you’re not truly OC. “Hella” is actually a northern California import, but we use it anyways; as long as it’s not LA. “Cool” isn’t acceptable in OC, it’s “Chill.” And “so” is un-OC as well – as in “that’s SOOO not cool,” this is LA. It’s “way,” like – “that’s wayyy unchill, or something.”
New York might be the economic capital of the world, and LA might be the world’s entertainment epic center; but OC sets the trends, style, and “Culture Americana,” ferreals. What we wear, and do; how we talk and what we drive, bleeds into copy cat LA, and the rest of the world follows.
Fuck Route 66. It’s all about Pacific Coast Highway! You can shop till your car and dad’s platinum credit cards are near empty going down PCH! The beach to your left… and the beauties of industrial consumerism to your right.
Everything from Ferraris and Lambos, to Gucci, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, and a nose job can be found on PCH. Well, scratch Gucci, that shit is way un-OC. Gucci is more LA, the rich Jews in Beverly Hills. Gucci is for old Jewish LA women, like White Diamond is… or whatever Elizabeth Taylor calls her perfume line. True Religion is like acceptable casual OC gearage! Armani is for those Arab people in LA. Nobody who is truly OC wears Armani, or your weird or something.
Your cars matter in OC. Even if you can’t afford a rich car, try to buy one that is classy in an OC way. Anything below a Lexus is trash. Just do yourself a favor and throw your car away for scrap metal if you’re driving trash and be a passenger in your rich friend’s car instead. And forget about the racer cars. Keep that shit in the Asian side of OC like Westminster.
Manicure and pedicures in Orange County is your third essential in life. It goes like this in OC – 1. Air; 2. Water; 3. Manicure AND Pedicure; then 4. Food; and so forth. Even the boys have to get their manicures and pedicures; because who is going to date you if your feet look like cracked tree roots at the beach in flip-flops? Think about it.
You need to be the right weight to be genuinely OC. That’s why we have a gym on every corner of the street. It’s like the bible belt, except with gyms. The OC is the Gym Belt. Or you can call it the Vomitorium of the world; because if you’re too lazy or poor to work out and get skinny, Bulimia is your only other option. Every true OC girl is also bulimic… it’s just necessary like that. If you’re not bulimic, you’re ugly. LA girls are anorexic – there’s a difference, trust me. One is cool, the other one is a disorder or something. Most people from LA are disordered anyways.
One thing I love about OC is the traffic lights. All of our left turns are protected with a green arrow. That’s because our civil engineers are smart. I hate driving in LA! It’s like their civil engineers were on crack-cocaine when they designed their streets. No green arrows anywhere! You have to wait for the light to go red to turn left. It’s hella stupid.
Pizzas, hambergers, and stuff is wayyy un-OC. It’s just fat and cheap. We’re mostly Pseudo-Vegans. That means we eat the green stuff, but lean meat too. Half of us are actual vegans. That’s why our rabbit population is in dangered. If your salad isn’t $11 or more, your cheap; and leave out the croutons. Croutons in your hella expensive salad is tacky and wayyy LA. It’s like driving an expensive Beamer with cheap hubcaps. Croutons are a cheap source of unwanted carbs. I don’t even think those people in LA eat croutons anymore. Only the people in the other America eats croutons with their salad. The other America meaning the middle part of America, where the illiterate hillbillies are – Kentucky, Alaska, Canada, Texas – you know, where country music is still fashionable – where they still live in villages, chew tobacco, walk bow legged, have farms, yoddel, drive their farm tractors on the street, and still say “yeehaw!” Eating poor food in OC is detrimental to your social life. Your coffee needs to come from Starbucks, and your retarded if it costs under $5 or if you have to walk in to the establishment to buy it. Do what we do and use the drive thru.
Girls from OC don’t shave, it’s tacky. We wax… everything. Those LA girls shave or something. No girl in OC uses maxipads. We all use tampons. Your retarded if you use those granny pads. And please use the pearl brand, or the most expensive brand you can find. Not from WalMart either. There’s no such thing as an “expensive thing” from WalMart – it’s fake expensive; not to mention ghetto. Outsiders who don’t know the mysteries and exoterica of OC will ask us – “What’s the difference between fake expensive and real expensive anyways?” It’s a mystical secret that only we OC people are privy too. Sorry.
If you’re a gay girl, then you’re already half OC. OC is the best place to live for such predispositions. The night life here for lesbian activity is great and unending. Beside, most of the girls here will make out with you after a beer. There are lesbians in LA, but they are ghetto, and most are cheap bull dykes. I shudder at the thought.
Religion here is also important. It doesn’t matter what your religion is in OC. Just make sure your church is hella expensive looking. Or make sure the cult you belong to isn’t tacky and cheap. Religions like the Church of Latter Day Saints, and Scientology is acceptable in OC. Or cult fads like the Kabbalah a la Madonna is cool. This is because either their churches and people are rich, or becasue famous people are into it. Who cares what they teach, it’s just an accesory. That’s why if your going to be a Satanist, don’t be the cheap kind. Pick a Satanism that is stuck up, elitist, exclusive, and far too complicated even for you to understand – like the ONA – because if you don’t understand it as a smart OC person, than the average person can’t mentally afford it – get it? The ONA is totally OC. It fits in with our wardrobe, classy cars, fashion, $5 coffee, $11 salad, our manicures and pedicures, and wax jobs; and the mentally poor can’t afford it. You don’t have to know how your Mercedes works to drive it, or where salad comes from to eat it. Who cares where the ONA came from, or how its gears and sprockets work, just use it.
The Lights are always On in OC; meaning there are no Black Out Spots for underground criminal activity. You have to migrate to LA or one of those other counties to find that. The only crime here is jay walking, and California stopping, maybe tagging in the low income part of OC. That’s it thoe.
All in all, Orange County is the best place to live in the world! It really is hands down. It might not have a Black Out Spot like shit hole Pima County, or real bagels and pizzas like New York; but its home sweet home, and the people here are high end people of value and worth. Not so much monitary-wise; but more so in the value and worth of friendship. Because when you make a friend from OC, you have a true blue friend for life.
Kayla
352:O9A
WSA
