PART ONE
THE PACK
9352 bf (before fayen)
South of the Caucus Mountains
They were waiting for Frata and Rich to pack their horses and camels.
“Come on, damn.” Said Chloepatra. She was an impatient person. Red Rich was slow and was the type to over kill or over plan things.
“Alright, alright… let me pack a second camel with more arrows…” Said Rich irritated.
“Dude, Rich, we’re just going over them hills to scope out the Hebrew tribe there… you’re acting like we’re going to battle them.” Chloepatra says.
“Alright, fine… better safe then sorry.” Rich mumbles.
Kayla the Merciless just looks at Frata the Barbarian, who just shrugged his shoulders. Frata had packed his horse with his two swords and a lot of water. It was a semi-desert you know… where the tribe was camped out for the moment.
Aryanopolis sort of fell to ruin a hundred years ago because of a freak drought, and all of the citizens migrated away going their separate ways. There were the three major groups that went to Europe, Russia, and India respectively.
The Longmen Clan thought the Europe and Russia bound fellows were crazy, since it was the ice ages so they followed the India bound people… but along the way the Longmen Tribe was rejected en mass because they had a weird religion where they were culling people left and right for their Dark Gods.
The Progenitor of the Tribe – Marc Anthony the Longshanks… said to the Aryans nations – “Fine, whatever, we’ll just go our own way and find our own place thru Arabia! Maybe to Egypt or something… I hear there is a nice river their.” Now we’re lost in this god forsaken desert.
The Longshanks has a hazy history. Legend has it that long ago his father was a son of Uther Pendragon. At his death bed Uther gave his kingdom to his eldest son Arthur, while Marc Anthony’s father and mum got Shropshire… a mere rural fief thingy at the border of the illiterate lands of the Welsh barbarians. Unhappy Old Longshanks set out to top his brother by taking the whole world. Thus they left Shrops and with a band of loyal Old Guards slaughtered foreign kingdoms and established a civilization called Aryanopolis far in the Afghan highlands; which Anthony Longshanks had inherited.
The Great Drought had destroyed the once great city-state of Aryanopolis. And the Clansmen wandered in the wilderness. What’s worse is the Longmen Clan is mostly composed of the once great army men of Aryanopolis and its secret agents… which meant the Tribe had a weird shortage of female folk to breed with… and women were needed… if the Clan is to survive the ice age.
“Wait for me guys… wait, you need me…”
The Critter ran with his skinny sword in hand… which most doubt he even knows how to use… and mounted one of Rich’s camels.
Critter was this weirdo. He’s one of those guys who hangs out with you and nobody in your cool group knows quite why, but we’re all to nice to tell him to go away and the only reason why you let him tag along was because of who he knows… yeah. That’s the Critter. The Critter was best friends with Longshanks himself.
We call him the Critter because he can make these raccoon and duck noises with his mouth when we go hunting… so it’s like he talks to animals. He wants us to call him by his proper Tribe name – “The Beast Master…” but we just call him Beasty Boy or Critter. He has this natural proclivity for making music with tree stumps and drawing these nice cave paintings… but hardly the killer type.
“Awe, no, not you Critter…” Chloepatra whines.
“Well, we do need somebody to translate Frata’s foreign speech anyways. Beasty Boy is one of very few people that understands besides me…” Kayla said.
“See…” Critter says, looking at Chloepatra. Chloepatra just rolls her eyes at him.
“Let’s go then.” Says Chloepatra.
And the pack set off to the land beyond the mountains to check out the local tribe there for intelligence.
Chloepatra rides a horse with the Merciless One… Kayla. Both in chinchilla fur ugg boots and stylish cavemen wardrobe. Chloepatra is decked out in gold and jade.
She and Red Richard the Sinistar aren’t natives of Aryanopolis. They came with the Mongol Hoard that nearly destroyed Aryanopolis, but she and Red Richard had defected from the Eastern Barbarians and fought under the banner of Longshanks in the midst of the great war. Red Rich was a uniform lieutenant of the Hoard. Thru her ruthless campaign, foreign yet effective tactics and Red Richard’s military wisdom they had chased the Mongols out, gaining them favor among the Clan.
It wasn’t Chloepatra’s tactical maneuvers that caught the attention of Longshanks and his Old Guards thoe. Chloepatra was literate and came with the brilliant wisdom of those Eastern peoples… something Marc Anthony saw a great value in. As such fresh insights would help the Clan. She quickly gained herself an audience and bond with the one they call El Darko Loco the Bruce… the Generalissimo and Vizier of the Longmen… even being spiritually adopted by Longshanks himself as his Dark Princess.
El Darko Loco the Bruce was a gentleman barbarian. Draped in black grizzly bear fur, a wolverine head dress and a penetrating stare. Soft spoken, and always thinking in the sinister. He was generalissimo of the Clan’s Phantom Hoard… himself a mysterious shadow or phantom of sorts… as all the ancients of the Clan were… are… his war campaigns earned him the name El Darko Loco… the Evil and Crazy One.
Thus, as satellites around Longshanks was the heart of the Clan that kept the wandering Tribe alive, which calls itself “The Pack”… the Vizier El Darko Loco the Bruce and his men… the Teacher Thoth-Aten-Ra who is the Light House of the Clan… Chloepatra the Princess of Darkness and her men… and the peculiar Kayla the Merciless and her faction.
Kayla the Merciless… much like Chloepatra was not a native of Aryanopolis. She and Frata the Barbarian with their people merged with the remnants of the Longmen during their wandering. An enigma who stubbornly does things on her own terms with an opaque stare not ever revealing what true intentions she may have. Like Chloepatra, the Merciless One somehow caught the eye of the shadowy Longshanks and was adopted as his dark daughter. With her title, she works for The Pack alone, as she wills… but sees no worth in the common Longmen that follow behind… whom she despises as the true cause of the ruin of Aryanopolis.
Only the Longshanks, with his ancient eyes and second sight, knows where the Merciless One’s loyalty lies, and understands what she does and for whom. She and her faction looks up to the old mad man of White Star Mountain for their spiritual guidance. She looks to a future in which Aryanopolis will one day rise again for the Pack to a greater glory… for Longshanks, so that, before he passes away of old age, that he might see what he once made blossom into a living seed of a future empire.
Amongst the Clan there is divisions and factions. Some of the Longmen wish for a new king. Some wish to usurp the throne and be king. Other believe El Darko Loco should lead the people. Chloepatra herself wishes to immortalize Longshanks as a the eternal figure head but desires an oligarchy of The Pack… but there broods among some of the Merciless One’s faction who wish to make the Dark Princess a Living Goddess for a future people. What thinks the Merciless One herself? “Give me gold… and I care not who is King.” She says.
As they rode off towards the hills, Kayla heard the gallop of a horse from behind and looked. She whispers in Chloepatra’s ear – “Your boy friend is coming.”
“Ukh…great… not my stalker.”
It was Zoophilip the Berserk One. A despised critic among the Longmen. The Berserk One is like an annoying fly that won’t go away. A major vocal critic who condemns and attacks the common citizens (in a trollish manner) of Aryanopolis for the degeneration and ruin of Aryanopolis… out of an uncommon passion for the once great kingdom perhaps… which gains him much hatred. Chloepatra and Kayla secretly values his criticism, as they believes the common Longmen are blinded by a false sense of greatness… even in times of obvious ruin of the old kingdom. He is annoying nonetheless. He has the superpower of totally destroying meeting forums with his sidekick Jimmy the Jumping Bean.
“Good morning Chloe… how are you today?” Says Zoophilip. Chloepatra just rolls her eyes, as she usually does. He laughs to himself, pleased inside that he successfully annoyed Chloepatra so quickly.
“Hey best mate!” Critter says excited, holding his hand up for a hi five from Zooboy. Zooboy has his moronic grin and hi fives his buddy Beasty Boy.
“Retars… I swear.” Chloepatra says quietly to Kayla the Merciless.
“Come Sta Fratello Frata?” He says to Frata the Barbarian.
“Se il mio cavallo fosse vicino a voi, farei passare la mia spada attraverso il vostro occhio.” Frata replies to Zooboy.
Zooboy snickers to himself… “Hey Critter, can you translate that for me?”
“He said – If my horse was any closer to you I’d shove my sword in your eye.” Critter translates.
ZIONIST FRONT
After much riding the small scouting party had entered a big crack in between the walls of a cliff… like a passage way, and stuff or something.
The girls and Red Rich were up in the front, while the other three were chattering way in the back about utter crap… as they have been for the past 3 hours non stop… oblivious to the Zoggish danger that lurked unseen.
“What’s this I see?” Rich said, riding up to scribbles on the passage wall… “Come here guys?”
Chloepatra and Kayla hops off their horse to look, carefully… so as not to get dirt on their chinchilla uggs which were hella expensive, even for caveman days.
“OMG! It’s in ancient Yiddish!” Said Chloe.
The three look at each other and said together at the same time – “The ZOG!”
“Can you read it Rich? You once lived near a tribe of Hebrews.” Asked Kayla.
“Yes.. of course… hold on… This… Here… Place… Belongs… To… A… Tribe… of… Armenians.”
Both Rich and Kayla snicker and begin to laugh with each other.
“What? I don’t get it.” Said Chloe. She didn’t have the same sense of humor Red Rich and the Merciless One had.
“Chloe… we’re scouting for womenfolk for our tribe and we stumbled upon Armenians… their women are hella hairy… they even have goatees them Armenian women.” Explains Kayla… as she usually does… which ruins the humor… but Kayla and Rich continue to laugh some more anyways.
“They should wear sheets over themselves, sense nobody’s invented the razor yet.’ Says Rich.
“Lmao… That’s a good one Rich.” Returns Kayla.
“Hey I shave… with obsidian blades.” Chloe interjects.
The other three had caught up and were still yapping loudly.
“Shoosh you ninnies!” Chloe says to the other three… “The ZOG is here!”
“What ZOG?” Asked Frata the Barbarian.
As soon as the Barbarian had said that some caveman has thrown a rock at Frata causing everyone to look into the general direction.
“Fucking shit!” Yells Frata. He dismounts his horse with his sword and runs towards the side of the passage as more rock come flying towards the group.
“Hide bitch!” Kayla said grabbing Chloe behind a camel, so as not to get their face hit.
There were a group of several Armenian cavemen on the cliff. Rich had already busted out his 45 caliber bow and arrows and had already killed one. Zooboy was slinging rocks with his sling shot. He was annoying and a critic… but he helped out.
Frata the Barbarian fearlessly scaled the cliff towards the Armenians risking life and limb… fearless, or just not aware of the perilous danger. Beasty Boy was hyperventilating behind Kayla, in a fetal position.
“Go fight god dammit!” says Chloe as she kicks Critter.
“I can’t… my sword is way over there on the camel.” He replies.
“They’re just rocks Critter.’ Kayla said.
“Then you go fight if they’re just rocks.” Protested Critter.
“Sh’yeah, and get hit in the face with one!” Says Kayla.
“Sh’yeah… exactly.” Responds Critter.
“Then start chanting and do some of your magic or something!” Yells Chloepatra.
“Agios O Nythra…” Chants Beasty Boy… in a surprisingly enchanting and melodic voice; yet still crouched behind Kayla.
Kayla looks at Chloe – “Wow… he can sing.”
As the boys were fighting the Armenian contingent… or what was left of them… something happened. As Beasty Boy had hit one of his high notes, the high pitch vibration must have dislodged many of the boulders above the ledge just above the enemy contingent still hurling rocks and crushes all of them to death. The boulders come tumbling down and the boys run out of the way.
“Run for your life motherfuckers!” Screams Zooboy.
Startled, Critter stops – “What… what did I do?”
“Fucking run bitches!” Kayla screams grabbing Chloe and Critter.
They all ran abandoning the horses and camels… and a plume of dust flew into the air everywhere in the passage as the big boulders hit the ground.
It was silent for a while, until the dust began to settle.
“Great… my hair.” Chloe said, breaking the silence.
“I know.” Said Critter in agreement, dusting his hair off.
“Never mind your hair… half the livestock is squashed! Are you guys ok?” Kayla inquired?
“Yeah,” yelled Rich, “But the camels are dead.”
“Somebody’s walking…” Interjected Zooboy.
“Meh… the Longmeister is gunna kill us for getting his camels smashed.” Chloe said worrisomely.
Kayla 352
